Zeta Pepper
Hufflepuff House
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Theta Pepper
Radford Estate
London

ζ

I have an epic hangover of epic proportions.

I don’t even have age to blame for it, like Ambrose did at the wedding. I mean, I’m old enough to already know better, but when the wider Ministry crowd says ‘drinks?’ on a muggy Friday, you don’t say ‘no’ do you? Take this as a cautionary tale for when you’re I don’t know, illustrating for The Prophet or painting the winner’s car for a race in America with Dad or launching your own book of cartoons the moment you step out of Hogwarts.

I’m not even sure who instigated, but a one point it felt like we were half the pub as we worked our way down Diagon. Then after more drinks than was definitely wise it was like just me and Bobbie and all wizards. Like new cousins Balfour and Johann, Cepheus Gamp, that pale Slytherin guy Virgil and others I can’t remember. Apparently I remember more than Pinn does, either way. She doesn’t remember how we got home.[1]

How did we get home? Turns out this really nice beast guy apparated us home and cooked breakfast. I was SO EMBARRASSED. I could not dare to ask where he’d slept the night, 𝛇, because I was so done I woke up in my clothes and makeup. I found one of my shoes in the fridge. Well, that’s where Fournier says he found it. MORTIFIED.

For the best maybe, because Pez pissed on my other shoe in the hallway. I’m not sure I can repair them and wear them again. The SHOES OF SHAME, sister, shoes of shame. Apparently Fournier’s like bessies with Balfour so this is so going to get round the family. Mum’s going to give me one of those lectures about the dangers of Muggle alcohol over dinner. I’ll have to ‘fess up to Dad in advance so he can get his laughing over and done with.

“Hey Dad, I got drunk in front of my senior colleagues, a drop dead gorgeous dragon tamer took me home, I put one shoe in the fridge, the dog peed on the other and I almost certainly embarrassed myself.”

I had to let you hear first hand, dearest sister. Don’t breathe a word to Eta, she’ll try to calculate our romantic compatibility and tell me the best day to get married to the guy. I don’t even know what Grace and Fauna saw of it all.

How has your first month of NEWTs been? You’ve survived! Tell me exploits of a Hufflepuff. I hope you are studying hard, but you and I know this is unlikely. Then again, I thought last night was unlikely for this well-behaved Ravenclaw.

Must send this before Pez pisses on it.

Love,

ϑ x

1.	30th September, 2011 first post of this

2 Oct 2011

ϑ!!!!!

RIP I loved you dearly. Fillicide! Look it up. Sorry, boo. Nice knowing you. Can I have your stuff? Don't worry, Eta won't hear it from me. I'm keeping an eye on her.

That is insane and I'm so jealous. School has been dull dull dull so far. Other than all that rubbish about poor Feliks (poor Feliks!!!), everyone's been heads down doing homework. You'd love it! <3 <3 The Hogwarts Howler is starting up again, though! I'm really excited. And it's Hogsmeade weekend so I'm raiding the second hand shop again today. I need a pair of gold trousers badly. I don't think I can live unless my bum is shiny. If I can't find any, I'm going to enchant some. Midas britches.

Oh you'll like this - new Creatures prof is totally a fox. He's from France. Want me to set you up since you're bolloxed things up with Beast Boy? What else... Prof Storm is still a creepy git! It's like he's lurking around every corner waiting to jump out and disapprove. Aaaand, Headmaster's a werewolf now. You probably remember him better than I do. Honestly, it's kind of adorable in a sad puppy kind of way. He's really nice. Like, suspiciously nice.

Oh, and and and saw Ambrose in Hogsmeade yesterday! Do you see him around the Ministry? He seemed happy.

Better get back. Got roped into Defense homework with Osha. Would hate to get DISAPPROVED by Storm.

<3 ζ

P.S. Did you say hi to Balfour and Johann for me? They're kind of adorable. What is Balfour like drunk? I hear he hexed a guy?? I can't wait to get out of school now.

P.P.S. Send me a picture!

On a separate sheet were some drawings...

Zeta Pepper
Hufflepuff House
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Theta Pepper
Radford Estate
London

ζ

I have not been murdered by our parents. Despite your hurry to suggest fillicide, you remain first in line to inherit my clock collection[1].

Totally said hello to the big gay giants for you. There was no Eta to throw[2] at them, so I had to use another sister to make conversation. They are adorable. They dance together and get everyone dancing. I can’t wait until they get married, assuming we get invited of course. Balfour is a super friendly drunk and so, so Scottish. His accent is all the stronger.

We totally did not talk about hexing Sandy Misslethorpe. Do you not remember he came to Francis and Gabrielle’s wedding? He wasn’t that remarkable. Uncle Francis says he doesn’t even do much at the newspaper so it was a bit strong for Balfour to go in and hex him. He should have hexed Lil Snigger who wrote the article about Feliks. I hope he is ok. Is he nice? Does he look like Balfour? It’s kind of crazy to imagine them as … dads?

Ambrose is doing so well in his apprenticeship. We managed to celebrate our birthdays[3] and he told me about all these creatures he’s met in just a few months. It’s totally his dream and he is so grown up. He misses you though. I shall encourage him to try and write you letters, but you know it’s hard work for him. You stay in school and get your NEWTs while you figure out what you want to do. You know mum will be on your case if you come home.

I hope you managed to get your DADA homework done, otherwise can I have all your stuff when you inexplicably vanish without trace after missing Storm’s deadline? I am sorry to hear Hogwarts is dull. You know it is only what you make of it. You must, must get back into the Howler. I do miss writing for it. If you are published, you must send me a copy too. We shall frame it.

Tell me more about this fox of a Creatures professor. Your drawing has me convinced! Has he a name? I wonder if anyone at work knows him. Maybe Francis will because he’s a governor. I’ll ask him when you have a name! Please send Professor Greyfriar my love (if appropriate, and please don’t blow him a kiss). He is the absolutely loveliest. We were so sad when he was forced to leave and we got Snark. I remember him fondly and saw him a few times in London, but didn’t get to say hello. Bit awkward.

If you’re coming home at Christmas, you can come out with me, Fauna, Grace and Penny one night and stay. I can’t guarantee a repeat of the shoes incident, but maybe a genuine hangover without Mum and Dad witnessing. You’ll be almost seventeen, and not everywhere has an age line charm on the door in Diagon after all.

Almost forgot - be careful with those gold charms. You could end up with solid gold trousers for a bit, or even worse a solid gold pair of legs. (It does wear off though, laws of transfiguration!) If you still need them by Christmas then ask mum. She has that internet thing at work[4]. It’s like mail order by owl the muggle way.

Love,

ϑ x

Enclosed ‘picture’ - Theta’s forgotten a drawing

1.	Theta collects clocks, which drove her family mad at times, also seen here
2.	ref
3.	They share one
4.	Their muggle mother is an accountant

7 October 2011

The letter begins with an intricately illuminated theta taking more than it's share of the page, including some sparkly green ink. An arrow wiggles all the way up from the bottom of the page connecting a footnote.

    ♛
~ ☾ ϑ ☽ ~
⚜ ⚜ ⚜ ⚜

[1]

Heeeeeeeeeey, so hypothetically - as in, not real - would mom care if I got a tattoo? Don't actually ask her, but you think she'd a) go dead in the eyes, b) shout and sulk, c) make me remove it, d) be cool with it? Totally hypothetical. I suppose I could ask Eta to divine something... Winifred Oliver's also been telling fortunes, but they've mostly all been death.

So, the Creatures professor is called Sylvain Onuris and I found out he's old. 32. He doesn't look that old, I swear. Everyone says he's really nice, though. I don't take Creatures, but Ayla says he's really nice to the animals and doesn't hex the children. I'm going to find a way to casually drop your picture at dinner or something, then then casually mention your best qualities and not mention Pee Shoe of Shame. I think this is going to work. I'll let you know.

I think Feliks is going to be fine. He looks more like a borzoi than Balfourocious. Not in a bad way! But like, that long face with sad eyes and curly hair? Plus he's Russian. We talked a bit the other day and he always seems a little nervous to me, but not sure if it's the article or what. I think I'd be nervous, too, if I got plucked up out of my home, plopped in with two brand new parents, and whisked off to a castle because it turns out Magic Is Real. Remember how mom would talk about how it felt to have all those muggle myths turn out to be true? But honestly, I think he's going to be okay. He has the whole family now.

ζ

I forgot! YES! You have to let me come out with you and your friends. I miss Fauna Blake so much! Does she still have fringe? Please tell me there's an auror running around London with big fringe.

Also, I should just say that honestly, I don't want to leave Hogwarts early. I have no idea what I want to do. I'd miss everyone too much, and it's honestly so beautiful up here. It's boring, but Hufflepuff work hard blah blah, but it's true. I know I can do it. You'll all be pleased to know I got good marks on Storm's last essay. He almost didn't frown when he handed it back.

Okay, for real, bye.

ζ

1.	Done in Charms class!

15 October 2011

This letter lacks the typical Zeta treatment: the envelope is undecorated and the salutation and closing are simply written.

ϑ

We have a problem. I think. At breakfast today, Feliks got something really weird in the post. Like, disturbing weird. It was a ball of Tenacious Twine and an old book about werewolves. There was no return address or letter inside. It was basically a werewolf hunting kit. What the hell is that?

Feliks and another first year (Nichola Bagnold?) said they were going to take it to Storm, but yeah, this is fishy. I mean, who does that? What the heck should I do? You can't just do that.

ζ

Zeta Pepper
Hufflepuff House
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Theta Pepper
Radford Estate
London

ζ

Had dinner with mum the other day. She quizzed me about whether I had heard from you, and I am pleased to say I managed to bluff her. I did an award-winning performance to explain you were studying so hard I hardly heard from you, and that I had sent you plenty of book recommendations for your NEWTs. She was suitably impressed you were settling down academically. I’m not sure how long the illusion will last, possibly until she speaks to dad, you know how you’re his favourite rebel. Anyway, she’s fine, telling me all about some silly clients she is doing the accounts for, and how Sandra in her office is driving her up the wall talking about her menopause. Dad or I would sort her something to slip in Sandra’s tea, only you know. Muggles.

As for a tattoo, it would really depend on where it was. You know mum’s not overly keen on tattoos (insert rant about how they make you look unemployable in the Muggle world) but knows it is more of a thing in magical culture. If it was on your face then you might get disowned or dragged to an apothecary to sort, but if it was somewhere hidden then you might live to see another day. Are they doing tattoos in Hogsmeade these days, or is this a Christmas exploit?

Talking of Christmas exploits, then yes. Christmas drinks shall be ON. But for safety, we shall arrange for you to stay with me and the girls for at least two days to get over the impending hangover. Trust me, using a time turner to cheat a hangover only makes it worse. You can totally check out Fauna’s fringe in person.

32! Well. Just a cool 11 year gap then, sis. I suppose it could be like height difference? Doesn’t matter when you’re horizontal. Your last sounded like a plan, but failing that you must invite him for tea in Hogsmeade with us both.

As you can tell from the date I’ve not had much luck finishing this letter. I just got your owl so I am hurrying to finish this now.

I looked up ’tenacious twine’ in the Ministry library. It’s made of silver but despite this is very durable due to its other materials. Apparently occamy skin and unicorn bone. It must be very difficult to make. PLEASE make sure Feliks does not try it on himself or anyone, as it looks like it could really hurt someone. If you struggle against it, it will struggle back twice the amount.

Better to be safe than sorry. If they haven’t taken it to Storm already, then they should post it directly to Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures as they will know what to do with it, and well, Balfour is there, obviously. Can I show your letter to them?

Love,

ϑ x

Zeta Pepper
Hufflepuff House
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Theta Pepper
Radford Estate
London

ϑ

I keep meaning to find Feliks at meals but the wee nipper is wily. I need to find out if he actually went to Storm. I'm loathe to rat him out to Balifornia. I just found out he said the mb word in History class a month ago so now I'm worried he's going to fall in with the wrong crowd. Maybe I'm being paranoid but he just kind of got dumped into things.

Right, I've convinced myself. You can share my letter, but I'm not snitching - I'm concerned.  I don't want him to get in trouble, but I don't want him to get himself in trouble either.

Thanks, by the way, for updates on mum! I never know how to talk to her lately. Better not build me up too much because she's going to see my marks eventually unless you and Uncle Francis can just skip that part for me... But Christmas plans sound great. There's nothing fun to do in Hogsmeade except the charity shop, so inking will need to wait until Londontown. Start thinking about what you're going to get. I heard they can do tattoos that move.

Hows the Department of Mysteries? Mysterious as promised? Unspeakably so? Departmentalize anything lately? Have you all figured out hiccups yet?

ζ