“Ah, right, that means you’ll be done with that timeturner this afternoon, perhaps.” Francis had said as Theta had appeared out of thin air midway through her lunch hour from the workshop. “Best not run into yourself, head home.” He’d not mentioned a word to her past self, who had returned from lunch fifteen minutes after her future self was already on the way home.



Mid-late Thursday afternoon

So after what had been for her, a long eight-hour day at work, Theta returned home to The Radford Estate during the weekday afternoon as if she had only fulfilled a six-hour day and some shopping. To all intents and purposes she expected the place to be quiet, as she was sure both Fauna and Penny were still hard at work. Maybe she’d be nice to Penny’s dog Pez and take him for an extra walk or let him out in the back garden. The dog always needed to pee.

Theta slipped off her shoes as she stepped in, and set down her handbag, wondering if the dog was asleep as it normally came over to greet the first person in at least.
“Pez?” She called out, expecting a battering of golden paws on the floor from somewhere in the house. Instead there was a faint whine. Theta’s stomach sank as that didn’t necessarily mean a good thing.

“Oh Merlin, where are you?” Hands free, but now practically barefoot, Theta navigated the house, ears pricked for the noise. Someone was sobbing too. Theta was suddenly filled with a feeling of deja-vu as she identified the source behind the toilet door. Pez was nudging and scrabbling at the door.

“Penny?” Theta called out. “Penny it’s Theta, are you ok? Will you come out, I’m home…” She tried her most sympathetic, and motherly tones. It had often worked on her two younger sisters, Zeta and Eta, when they had fallen out with their parents. “Pez, don’t scratch the door, lovely - oh - ew.”

Penny’s beloved dog had one small drawback. He had a precondition that meant his bladder was often rather weak. Given enough access to the garden this was normally not too much of a problem, but Theta’s feet were now wet, and Penny wasn’t Moaning Myrtle.

“Penny, please come out, you’re worrying Pez, he’s…. Penny he’s peed all over the floor out here, can you come out… please?” Theta padded backwards on the floor, leaving wet footprints.

It was positively peculiar! Unpleasantly painful! Perplexingly puzzling! Penny Pickler’s only true love hadn’t even looked her in the eye when he’d given her the news. Unpleasant Edward Pratt had overpowered her training course, he’d pooh poohed her approach and laughed at her Programme of Platitudes, and was he being punished? Positively not! The complaint was going no further and Penelope would have to just put up with it!

"Right, yes.” Cepheus Gamp had started, decidedly uncomfortable and not touching his Gorgeous Goji Berry Biscuit. “I did follow it up again for you with Carstairs, but, like I mentioned, he's had a word with Pratt and there's nothing more to say. Look, I'm sorry, but it's not like he's kicked a house elf. Not everyone's going to enjoy your .... delightful... sessions, Pen..."

Penny hadn’t said a word as she left the wizard’s office, heartbroken and dismayed.

Of course, the beast handlers had gladly gobbled up the Goji berry vegan biscuits that Penny had brought into work that day. They always ate her biscuits but even that, today, hadn’t been enough to sate her upset and Cepheus’ lack of thought and care. He could have fought for her like a true lover would!

But Cepheus wasn’t her lover. He was her professionally prudent and perfect principal. He was her boss and it darn well broke her heart.

This was why she was sat on the toilet with the bathroom door locked. This was why her mascara had dramatically run down her face from teary eyes while Pez scratched the door. She couldn’t face Pez. She couldn’t face the world.

“Penny?” Theta was at the door, presumably perturbed. Penny didn’t make a move to open the door and instead gingerly blew her nose into the piece of toilet tissue she’d ripped from the roll.

“Pretend I’m not present, Pepper!” The girl finally called back when Theta didn’t give up. “Pleeeease!” Then another wail came and more toilet tissue.

Fauna sang softly as she flooed home from the Ministry, crafting poignant lines off the top of her head, such as, "I'm coming home at a reasonable houuuur!" and "I didn't embarrass myself... much... in the past half hour!"

It had been a slow afternoon, and the Head Auror had already embarrassed Fauna a few days ago. Not his fault, she had to admit. She should have been prepared for an impromptu duel instead of worrying over how the new trainees were doing and what they thought of her.

Her song died on her lips as she stepped out of the fireplace and into the silent house.

"Pez?" Fauna called, expecting the dog to come bounding up to greet her. Or more likely, trudge forward with his head hanging, tail between his legs, and a pathetic look in his eyes that meant:

I peed in your favorite cupcake slippers, do you still love me?

At the sound of Theta's patient and pleading tones and Penny's wail, Fauna hurried further inside, glancing belatedly at the foyer where she noticed Theta's shoulder bag and shoes.

Fauna paused, brow furrowing, just before the hallway leading to the loo.

The peppy, perky Penny had stayed up late last night to make vegan berry biscuits. She'd bustled around the kitchen with all the energy of a gold-crazed niffler. What had gone wrong today?

She felt a stab of sympathy for her friend. Penny tried so hard to make her coworkers, and one in particular, love her.

Without thinking about it, Fauna started to sing another song.

"You told me, babe, I only think of you. And I said, all I got, is a bunch of sad stories."

Pez poked his head out of the hallway, his gaze as sad as the song.

"And I told them all before the night was through, and we cried," Fauna gave the dog's ears a scratch. Pez's tail began to twitch in a half-hearted wag.

Fauna caught Theta's eye, "Oh, but we're here now."

Theta, saint of the Radford estate, had heard this song many times before. She heard it while Fauna was in the shower. She heard it while Fauna was making breakfast in the morning. And she definitely heard it when Fauna and Penny would sing it at each other from across the house. It was possible, quite possible, that deep within her heart, Theta knew the lyrics or at least the gist of them.

"And I'm trying hard to make you loooove me," her voice, tentative and soft, grew a little stronger. Fauna scourgified a few of the wet footprints on the floor as she moved closer to the loo.

"But I don't wanna try too hard! And I'm trying to take it liiightly."

Fauna leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door.

"But we're here now," she finished the verse softly, resting her hand against the door.

Fauna looked at Theta. She drew in a breath, hesitating before the chorus.[1]

1.	Four Walls lyrics by Broods

“Pretend I’m not present, Pepper! Pleeeease!”

It was hard to ignore a wailing, crying and sniffling housemate whose canine companion was soaking the floor. But downstairs there was the sound of the floo, and Theta’s heart lightened in her chest.

“I can’t ignore you, Penny. You’re upset and I want to help.” Theta tried, being reasonable about it all. But here was Fauna’s footsteps. She was singing a song which was altogether familiar to Theta, but she didn’t really know the words of the verses. It was one often sung back and forth between rooms with the girls.

With them both home, Pez seemed to brighten a bit that the cavalry was here. Fauna’s wand took care of some of the puddles, and Theta drew her own wand to take care of the rest, letting the auror take charge of singing Penny out of the loo.

“But we’re here now,” Blake sang as Pepper looked up, floor now clean but her feet still requiring a wash. Theta blinked twice in quick succession and realised Fauna meant she should join in with the chorus. Oh gosh, how did it go?

“Those four-” Theta managed, looking back to Fauna for confirmation and nodded, “-walls now are the only place that I can breathe out. And those four walls now are home. And those four walls now are the only place that I can feel. And those four walls now are home.” She tilted her head to try and hear if Penny was still crying, or listening. Maybe she’d join in. Theta crossed her fingers and crouched down to hazard a peek through the keyhole.

The singing! Why was Fauna singing at a petrifyingly pessimistic time like this!? In accompaniment to the melodic sounds from the other side of the bathroom door, Pez whined and Penny wailed again, shoving her nose into a tissue and blowing hard. This was why Cepheus didn’t like her. He was a refined, intelligent and beautiful gentleman and she was Penelope Pickler with a snotty nose, red eyes and a dog who had poor bladder control. She was a cataclysmic catastrophe and he was a God. A gorgeous God.

Now it was both Pepper and Fauna singing with Pez whining. They cared about the cataclysmic catastrophe, didn’t they? Surely! Or maybe they just cared about Pez’s pee on the parquet?

“And those four walls now are the only place that I c-c-an feeeeeeel. Aaaaand those four walls now are h-h-hoooome.” Penny started to sing amongst sobs, sniffs and nose blows. It was with the emotion of the song that Penny rose from the toilet seat, pulled off another ream of tissue for her nose and unlocked the bathroom door.

“He…he…de pardoned Pratt!” The girl wailed to her friends before her gazillionth nose blow. “He didn’t even look at me to tell me. Why didn’t he look at meeeeee?”

To Fauna's delighted surprise, Theta joined in, and the two witches serenaded Penny from the hallway. And it worked! Penny sobbed and sniffled her way through the chorus, and the magical power of music caused her to unlock the bathroom door.

He? Oh. He.

Some people prayed to Merlin, Godric, or Salazar, but Penny Pickler had one god, and that god's name started with 'C' and (never) ended in perpetual pining.

Fauna exchanged a worried look with Theta. If they didn't calm Penny down, she'd be spouting waterworks the entire night. Fauna had to work tomorrow. Happy Friday? She shoved aside the selfish thought and focused on her tearful friend.

"He pardoned Pratt?" Fauna repeated, choosing to ignore the statement that Cephus had not even looked at her.

"Was this from when Pratt made fun of your sessions?" She gave Penny a hug around the shoulders and glanced at Theta to see if she had a better idea.

Finally, the bathroom door opened. Penny had puffy eyes and a runny nose, and it looked like she’d really been crying hard in there. Theta’s expression softened.

“He… he… de pardoned Pratt! He didn’t even look at me to tell me. Why didn’t he look at meeee?” Theta was a bit confused and exchanged a worried look with Fauna. Then the lightbulb began to switch on.

“He pardoned Pratt? Was this from when Pratt made fun of your sessions?” Fauna asked Penny, and Theta realised that Penny was sobbing over her manager, Cepheus Gamp. Nice chap, but not sob-worthy.

“I’m sure he didn’t entirely,” Theta tried to reason, but it didn’t sound genuine, even to herself. “He upheld your complaint with Carstairs didn’t he? If he wanted to pardon Pratt he’d have just told you to ignore him. He’s just a silly man, Pratt. By name, by nature, yes? Don’t let him upset you again, Penny.” She glanced down at the dog. “Look, Pez hates to see you upset. He just wants to give you a kiss and a pet."

Theta softened her tone.

"Why don’t we make some tea and plan something nice for dinner?”


End