Observing from behind Professor Donovan, Ambrose winced. Juni and Connor as a team together were usually trouble, and Ravenclaw really couldn’t be doing with losing more points. Kelvin looked concerned as it was, as a fellow prefect. Poor Llewyln.

The commotion with the pair of underpants meant that nobody was getting much revision in at the moment. Ambrose had chapter five open, and had been laboriously reading through the text again in the hope it would sink in and work this time, but now all he could wonder about was why someone had obtained a pair of underpants and how long they were all going to be in detention with Professor Donovan for it. He glanced at his cousin at a neighbouring desk, Zeta's hand was animated, sketching out a suitable caricature of the key figures in the scene.

“Could be worse,” Ambrose muttered, a bit too loudly, “could be the Professor’s. I’m sure Todd would be all over those.”

It was official.  Fifth years were the worst.

Snapped out of his daze – an unending hell of why why w h y – by Juni’s dismissal, Rick glared, though he latched onto the new burst of irritation with something close to relief; irritation was familiar, even comforting territory, and as such, his ten-foot weapon of choice when it came to dealing with teenagers. Instead of feeling awkward or helpless, he handed the little shits’ asses to them, paid them back in detentions, homework and censure, free of guilt. It was the least he could do.

And if some of them had just come out of a traumatic experience that not all of them survived? Well, Rick wasn’t about to enable them out of pity. If they wanted sympathy, there was a counselor they could see. She was Head of Hufflepuff and her office was on the ground floor.

Of course, there was always that unfortunate chance of desensitization. And that less likely, but no less impossible chance that it wasn’t even about him anymore. Example A sat in front of him now, in the form of one Juni Zamperia touching the face of a classmate without a care in the world. Had it been under different circumstances Rick might have found himself grudgingly amused, even admiring, of the girl’s guts. But as it was, it was not, and as such the werewolf’s facial expression was… indescribable.

Forget not getting drunk while in the castle. As soon as class was over, he was locking himself inside his office and cranking out the emergency stuff he kept in his desk.


     “Could be the professor’s. I’m sure Todd would be all over those.”


Thank you, Ambrose.

With a point of his finger, Rick levitated the silky pair, as one might a dead rat—and flicked it into Connor’s mouth. “Detention for both of you,” he ground out, glaring at Juni amidst muffled sounds of choking. “And as for you–” Pale green eyes snapped towards Hattie, far from amused. “I suggest you get back in your seat. Unless you’d like to join them?” Brows lifted, expectant.

Connor tugged at the boxers, to no effect. Without looking, Rick shot it at Bastian’s head – spit-soaked and all, much to the boy’s consternation – and snapped the book shut. “The next person I catch not revising spends the rest of class practicing their Bubblehead charm in the tank,” he announced, handing it back to Llywelyn.

Llywelyn takes the textbook from Professor Donovan with a nervous glance. He sets it down on the desk in front of him with a thump. He braced himself for a quick look at his surroundings. Everyone in the classroom was either staring at the little party around his desk or was a part of it.

Then his head went back down just waiting for everything to go back to normal tedium. This was enough excitement for one day. He was exhausted from just being in the centre of this fiasco. Retreating to the Ravenclaw tower, having a nice cup of tea and his homework to work on. That sounded lovely. No attention, no slytherin boxers, just peace and quiet. Maybe he'd seek out another little adventure some other time. Connor and Juni seem to have a taste for it. He could tag along one time.  He shrugged to himself.

“Detention for both of you,” the professor grumbled, and Ambrose’s heart sank a little.  Juni in detention again.  That meant even less time they could spend together when they weren’t trying to get to grips with their revision.

“The next person I catch not revising spends the rest of class practicing their Bubblehead charm in the tank.” Ambrose glanced across at Casey O’Doherty in the hope he was doing something that qualified for that result.  Then, he realised that the Slytherin swot was pretty good at the bubblehead charm what with all the allergies he had.

“Connor, is there a section in this book dedicated to underwear magic?” Ambrose asked boldly, frustrated enough with trying to study that he couldn’t help but be swept along by his classmates, “If anyone knows it’d be you, I figure.”

Bastian, mercifully, took pity on her and seemed to let it drop. Esther would never admit it, but the fact that she recognized the pair at all was all Connor’s fault and that, that was the most she wanted to dwell on about it. They were supposed to be reviewing, for Merlin’s sake!

But it seemed that if her classmates had received the memo, then they were steadfastly ignoring it. Esther caught the look on Rick’s face and winced. The Professor’s nostrils flared, not unlike an angry bull.

Still gagged, Connor couldn’t reply, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try. He brightened, briefly ceasing his struggle. “Wheff-”


   “That wasn’t a joke.”

Rick stared at Ambrose. Surprise gave way to fury and disappointment; perhaps another time he might have been more amused, maybe even impressed (the hardworking Gryffindor had a tendency to get lost beneath the antics of his rowdier classmates), but since returning to Hogwarts such humor was nowhere to be found. He was still raw from Leon’s attack, and every visit – every time he saw Leon’s injuries, his face – made it worse. If the students had thought him grumpy before, it was nothing compared to now.

Rick’s expression went blank. Then, it creased into a smile. He huffed out a small, soft, dimpling laugh. “Twenty points from Gryffindor,” he said. “And detention—with me.”

He began making his way back to the front. “Books away,” he told the class cheerfully. “And clear your desks to the side. I’m going to put you in pairs, and then I want one of you to pick a side of the room-” Briefly he turned around and pointed between the aforementioned walls. “The other will line up with the rest of you in the middle.”

Reaching his desk, he resumed his usual perch and picked up the roster. “Pairs are as follows: Esther and Ayla. Zeta and Llywelyn. Alistair and Kelvin. Connor and Bastian. Hyacinth and Fred…”

Some students groaned; others exchanged looks, wondering what he was up to. Rick ignored them all. As desks and chairs scraped and screeched across the floors, he went on in that placid drawl, not even bothering to look up and make sure everyone did as they were told; he knew they were.

Then, finally: “Juni and Ambrose.”

He looked up then, just in time to watch the last of them pick a side, and a new smile appeared. This one, however, suggested that he had found inner peace—that, or something bad was about to happen to all of them.

Still smiling, Rick set the clipboard aside and stood.

“We’re going to practice a minor form of the Baubillious Charm.” He made his way to the closet and pulled out a basket of apples. Setting it on the nearest desk, he picked one out and began tossing it between his hands. “But to do so, I’m going to ask each pair a question, and the first one to answer it correctly gets one shot at their partner’s apple.” He stopped tossing it and, ever so helpfully, held it up for all to see. “Which everyone will balance on their head before their partner takes aim.”

He took in their expressions and smiled even more brightly. “You have five seconds to answer. If you can’t answer within the time frame or get it wrong, then your partner gets a shot.

“Now, who wants to remind the rest of us what Baubillious is?”

So much for revision. Ayla was actually hoping that they'd be able to finish the class without any more interruptions. It was just too much to ask that they'd get some much needed studying done. She wasn't one for traditional forms of studying, she learned better actually working out the charms than reading them from a book. On any other day she would have delighted in doing some actual wand work in class but there was something so unsettling about Professor Donovan ' s smile. Merlin, why did everyone think he was so gorgeous? He was clearly psychotic.

She situated herself in the middle of the room with the other students, across from Esther. She barely had time to react to being paired up with the Slytherin when their sadistic captor's plan was revealed. Her green gold eyes grew so big she was sure they would fall out of her head.  For the very first time in her five years at Hogwarts she was actually glad she was partnered with Morrell. The two girls were at the top of the class which significantly lowered their chances of actually hurting each other. Unless Esther decided to miss on purpose. She shuddered a little at the thought.

Ayla raised her hand at the question posed, " The Baubillious Charm is captured lightening. It allows the caster to shoot a directed bolt of lightening at their target." She chewed her lip not wanting to add the obvious bit about electrocuting whatever the target happened to be.

“Twenty points from Gryffindor and detention—with me.”

Ambrose’s shoulders fell and he curled in his seat with a quiet groan. At least he might keep Juni company. Seeing as they couldn’t settle with their revision, and Ambrose was feeling fidgety as it was now the commotion had passed, the Professor gave them new directions. Meeting up with Juni in the middle of the room after dragging their desks aside, Ambrose paused beside her as Professor Donovan continued his explanations.

“… I’m going to ask each pair a question, and the first one to answer it correctly gets one shot at their partner’s apple….”
“That’ll be you shooting at me then,” he uttered to his girlfriend, “which is a small mercy, given I’m more likely to cast something wrong at you.” He backed away to the edge of the classroom as Ayla gave a description.

Rick’s smile, unfortunately, only grew even more awful. “Not captured,” he corrected (albeit not unkindly). “Generated.” But, semantics. Mentally he made a note to give five points to Hufflepuff. Magnanimously he continued, “you’re not wrong, though.”

He looked around the room, still smiling. “The incantation is baubillious minima. Anything else…” A soft huff of laughter. “Is likely to hurt.” A lot.

There was, maybe, a very brief daydream of a room full of sorry looking kids, singed and unhappy. But only for like, a second.

Honest.

“One of you come up and get an apple,” he told them, giving the basket beside him a slight jerk of his head. When people were slow to comply, brows twitched upward, expectant. “Go on.” What were they waiting for—a written invitation?

Biting a chunk off the fruit in his hand, Rick watched them comply, smirking as he chewed. As the last of them returned to their places, he surveyed the room. Oh, what he would give for a camera right now… He approached the first pair,* lazily thumbing off a stray bit of juice from his lip.

“Someone’s just shoved you off the Astronomy tower. What’s the spell you don’t use if you want to live?”

Alistair wasn't sure what he did to deserve this.

Kelvin. He was paired with Kelvin. And he ahd been nothing but absolutely pleasant to Professor Donovan, even when he was being a total dillweed.

Well. At least now he had a chance to shoot lightning at Kelvin without getting into any trouble. Truth be told, Kelvin had never done anything offensive to Alistiar. The poor Ravenclaw really had no reason to be hated-- he was kind, gentle, sharp.... An unarguably good person. It wasn't logic or common sense that drove Alistair's hate, it was the fact that Kelvin inexplicably grated against him. He was too good. Too sensible. Too (rightfully) judgey of the life choices of the other fifth years.

He grabbed an apple, resisting the urge to pelt it at Kelvin's head, but also resisting the urge to eat it. He went back to his spot next to his partner and waited for the questions to start. Luckily for him, they were first.

"What's the spell you don't use if you want to live?"

Well... IF you were being pushed off the astronomy tower, anything that wouldn't cushion the fall or make you float would kill you. He gave Rick a challenging stare. "You point your wand at your pelvis." He said seriously, lowering his voice to a stage-whisper, "Engorgio. Then, splat, you're dead."

Dan tried to sneak into the classroom amidst the confusion, he was late as per usual, though maybe just maybe he could sneak in successfully this time. His plan was completely ruined by the fact everyone was getting paired up to do spells... bugger...

"Sorry I'm late sir, had a bit of a uh...." He completely blanked on an excuse and went bright red scratching the back of his head.

The smirk disappeared. The look Rick gave Alistair was unimpressed and unloving. That had not been the answer he’d been hoping for.

Sadly, Alistair wasn’t wrong.

“Fire away,” he said pointedly.

He stayed only long enough to observe and jot something down (+3 to Slytherin), refusing to linger, and moved on to the next pair–

Only to pause as the classroom’s ancient, heavy door creaked open. Rick gave the newcomer a moment to realize that yeah, no, there was no way of sneaking in now, before turning around, a big, fake smile plastered on his face. It widened when the excuses started, and only widened further when they died almost as quickly as they’d begun. Oh Daniel. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. The year was almost over and he still hadn’t learned.

Gryffindor was going to be in the same pit as Ravenclaw, at this rate.

“I’m sure,” said that big, fake grin. “Ten points from Gryffindor. Take a seat, Daniel. You can practice later tonight, in detention.” With me went unsaid, but heavily implied.

Rick turned away then, dismissive. To the next pair he went, “Name ten charms that can be destructive when used improperly.”

Well bugger, Dan thought sitting down at one of the desks and taking out his notebook. He knew he was going to get in trouble but the Professor looked really pissed off.  Detention was probably going to be horrible and he had a feeling he was going to get more than one night if he was sarcastic in any way.

There was nothing to be done about it now so he leant back in his chair and watched his classmates practice. He gave Ambrose a cheeky smile when he saw he was paired with Juni, quickly wiping that off his face before Professor Donovan saw it. 

There wasn’t much time to wallow in the dreadful irony of being paired up with Ayla before someone else proved to be far more unfortunate than she.

The soft tone revealed itself to be one Daniel Duffy. Ten points deducted and detention? Esther winced.

Yet even then, there was hardly any time to dwell; their surly professor moved on, already turning that hawkish gaze on the next pair of unfortunates. Though they weren’t her and Ayla, the prefect found herself stiffening regardless, lest he found them unprepared.

Unfortunately, it was Bastian and Connor, and the pair exchanged a panicked look.  “Um,” went the latter.  “Diffindo, er…”

Esther had never been particularly religious. Most religions were a nice story, but had too many holes in them for her to simply believe. Nevertheless, she found herself shutting her eyes and shooting whatever higher power was listening a quick but fervent prayer that they might all emerge from this relatively unscathed.

Then she opened her eyes—just in time to see Rick break out into a truly heinous grin.