Midday

A slight chance of rain throughout the day for Edinburgh, so Dingleheimer had arrived extra early to have time to extend the awnings above the cart. Where the nooks widened towards the end of Candlestick Row, a fore Melrose Cemetery, market vendors of every stripe had wares to hawk. The scents of freshly cut flowers, unusual magical botanicals, and hearty baked treats filled the air. Dinghee was set up between the park gate and a rug vendor, because there was always someone selling carpets as Dinghee had discovered. Whether the carpets had anything to do with Ministry bans or change of policy was beyond Dinghee, who only knew of politics as far as reforms towards elves.

"Wide reaching vintages for sale. Dinghee recommends best wine for your dinner!"

Sometime before the journey to self-employment, Dinghee had learned a lesson from his former master that it was less about What you sold and more How you sold it. Although the colorful cart had a variety of exquisite wines to purchase, the two being sampled to taste today were Elderberry & Turnip. The bottles filled the rows, along with beeswax, fruit chutneys and other small things from the winery gardens.

Said elf was smartly pressed into his best clothes, brown tweed suit with orange bowtie. A gleaming polished ice bucket adorned his head. He stood on a barrel to get closer to eye level with passing wix. The same barrel he used to pack everything from the cart before he went out to attract patrons the winery so dearly needed.

Above his head, floating wine glasses gently chimed together like tinkling bells. Dingleheimer cupped his hands around his mouth, after a big intake of breath through his oddly cubic nose. "Buy two bottles the third is free! From equal or lower shelf price!"

James had not intended to come to Scottland.  Typically, he preferred to stay in Wales or if he felt adventurous maybe head down to England.  However, he needed a meeting with his agent after a rather surprising conversation with his quidditch captain.  He knew he needed every edge he could get.  While James would  prefer to eat veal Prince Orloff rather than his typically disgusting nutrient potions,  beggars could not be choosers. 

James needed every edge in competitive play, so he was hoping to find something unique.  He only saw other things that he would typically expect to find.  Too many varieties of Haggis, too many bagpipes, and way too many people having a strange accent.  Still, a market like this was likely to have something.  James had already gotten a few botanical reagents from a shop a few stalls over when he did a double take.  Being a pure-blooded wizard, James had seen a lot of things.  Though probably not the strangest,  an elf in a tweed outfit wearing a pot on top of his head certainly made James question if he had too much fire-whiskey the night prior.  James excelled in quidditch diplomacy and pureblood diplomacy, so James did not really care if he offended the thing.

"I'll try some of that wine," James said as he grabbed a sample.  He then immediately tasted turnips.  This is why elves should not be free.  I mean he could have  a master but if he is dressed like that I doubt it .  Still, James had tasted enough disgusting things in his quest to optimize nutrition, that he only made a small grimace rather than spit out the concoction.

"So elf, what varieties of wine do you have? And are there any magical properties I should be aware of?" James asked.  It was unlikely given the taste of the stuff, but it would not be the first time he unintentionally discovered magical reactions while making potions.  Of course, usually people offered samples that tasted good too, so James would probably have to buy more than he needed.

Dingleheimer did not try to anticipate how others would view his status as a freed elf. The mark of a good elf was doing chores efficiently, usually without being seen, although at plenty of times in his enslavement he'd been thrust into embarrassing limelight from one of the O'Dohertys. It had thickened his skin, somewhat, for the new responsibilities of being spokes-elf.

"Sir should try the Elderflower, it has a more fragrant bouquet," Dinghee dipped his head respectfully, gesturing to a sample of the second wine. Turnip was an acquired taste, he could tell by the grimace, although their non-wix clients liked it the most.

"Dingleheimer has many wines for sale, sir, even more than what's in the cart." A dozen or so varieties were selected for market days from the winery cellar. He sized up the customer, looked athletic and capable of holding his liquor. "What is your name sir? Dingleheimer can suggest the best wine for your meal or occasion. If you'd like further recommendations we have a catalog."

He stood straighter, fixing his bow-tie in place. "Some have mild healing properties, or a floating feeling of elation, but most are made without inherent magic. Unless you like the whines that insult your guests." A telltale tagline "It's made of real gripes!" was visible on the Noscato racked next to the MerNo.

Some have mild healing properties, or a floating feeling of elation, but most are made without inherent magic. Unless you like the whines that insult your guests.

As he listened, James noticed that the elf refrerred to something called a Dinglheimer.  James assumed that would be a store or the elf's owner, but James did not really care.  Until the elf introduced himself, James thought his name should remain Elf. 

"To answer your question, my name is James.  Anyways, I am here looking for rather unique  ingredients for my nutrient potions.  I can definitely tell that turnip wine may have some potential, so I'll take two bottles of that.  While I've tried black and blue elderberry wine, if you have a different varietal I will take a couple of bottles of those as well.  I'll also take a bottle of that elation-feeling wine.  I'm less concerned with taste than I am the uniqueness," James explained, his pure-blooded upbringing making it really hard to insult anyone serving wine.  If the elf served beer or whiskey though, the insults would have probably been flying by this point.

"While I have experimented with most of the standard whines, if you have a new varietal I might purchase a bottle of it as well.  My experience though is that their insults are kind of lacking," James commented.  Though James had been hopeful of the whines initially, they only insulted what was infront of them, making it hard for them to steal material from use in quidditch matches.

Elf syntax was quite strange and often a difficult habit to break. Dinghee was quite surprised when meeting Tipper more frequently that the Hogwarts Caretaker took pains to refer to himself in first person. His own parents, Dollop and Dimple, never used their individual names in front of humans unless they were together. So if customer James was not used to elves usually speaking in the third person, Dinghee was equally unaware customer James hadn't noticed the implied introduction during Dinghee's calls to attract customers.

"Sir James has good taste," Dingleheimer hopped off the barrel to reach some paper sacks. His selections began lining up on the empty counter space. "Nutri-ent potions, are you an athlete sir?"

He set aside the bags for the sale. At the request for an elation wine he charmed a different bottle from the back of the cart as he climbed back onto the barrel. "Dingleheimer would recommend the 1912 Rio-ha[1] Grenache," he held an exquisite looking bottle. "From Spain, blended with berries and spices and a flavor of dirigible plum. You will float off the edge of your seat."

"If you buy a sixth bottle, after every two your third bottle is free, from the lowest shelf price. Of which the insulting whines are."

1.

Rioja

"To answer your question, yes I play quidditch professionally," James offered.  Still, the dirigible plum was a curious choice.  Though James thought it might be a bit much to buy a century old wine just to experiment in nutrient potions.  The elf then proceeded to suggest a century old-wind to be used in a nutrient potion.  James admired the sales tactic, but the elf did not have a pretty enough face for James to fall for it.  If a witch was in front of him, he might have bought it.

"I mean, I am not saying no to the Rioja, but a century old wine in a nutrient potion  seems like a bit of a waste to me.  Maybe I'll drink something like that after I retire, but for right now it seems inadvisable at best.  On a semi-related note though, do you have any other wines made with dirigible plums? Unless the insulting whines are new varietals, as stated before I am not interested in them" James asked, trying to see more unique (but not stupidly  overpriced) wines.  His inner potioneer was beginning to see potential that would unfortunately need to be tested.  He had the distinct feeling he needed to make some an ingredient run in the near future.

“Quidditch, sir? Dingleheimer shall tell the others at the winery. Both Throp and Bunghole are fans of quidditch. We elves have a slight wager on the big exit-bition matches.” Not of money, things inherently important to elves: chores! The winner of the wager got to polish the fermenting vats, which was becoming a coveted duty.

“Why would sir wish to use a century old wine for a potion anyways?” The confusion had come full circle. Dinghee was not familiar with the diets of professional athletes. The diet of his former master, Casey O’Doherty, was very fickle. During a brief stint on the Slytherin House team it was a question of what Casey could keep down, rather than what was needed to bulk up for practices.

He returned the exquisite bottle to the back of the cart. “There are others with dirigible plums but,” Dinghee was slow to catch onto customer John’s motives. “Dingleheimer must ask, sir. Would not taking a floaty wine in quidditch be cheatsy?”

Customer John must have quite the horrid guests at his parties if he’d staled on insults from other whines. But there may be yet another option. “There is the Viog-sneers Cabaret,” Dinghee said, having to remember the ‘g’ was silent like with regular Viognier grapes. “After supper dessert whine, because it insults the drinker to the tune of risky songs.” He’d forgotten how the accent mark worked in risqué, however.

After the comment about using century old wines in potions, James figured there was a disconnect in communications somewhere. Still, a supplier with unique ingriedients was a supplier with unique ingriedients.  James decided to try to (hopefully clarify) the misunderstanding.

"Perhaps I was unclear before.  I do not intend to drink the wine as-is or even cook with it.  Put simply, I am using the wine as a potions ingredient.  Magic is weird.  Sometimes stirring something clockwise rather than clockwise makes changes the effect of the potion drastically.  I'm sure an academic could probably give you a more...expansive answer, but I have long since learned not to assume that any given wine acts the same way, even though most varietals act similarly enough.  That is why I am asking you for more unique varietals and wines.  You are selling raddish wine, I assume you have others that are more estoretic than the typical red, whites, and roses," James commented.

The elf then commented on cheating.  James was not above cheating, if he thought he would not get caught.  Still, it might be worth looking into what was explicitly banned later.  He really just wanted to play quidditch for as long as he could.  He knew he was probably nearing the end of his career one way or the other, and then he would have to *shudder* actually keep one woman for more than a night.  James dreaded many things, but commitment was probably chief amongst them. 

"If I intended to drink it straight before a match, I honestly do not know if it would be cheating or not.  While there are certain concoctions that are banned before matches such as luck enhancing potions, I have never heard of alcohol being banned because usually it decreases performance.  That said, I never intended to drink the wine straight anyways, just using it as a potions ingredient," James reiterated.

"So you have some wines made with dirigible plums.  I have not had the Viog-sneers Cabaret, so I will take a bottle of that as well.   Thus far my cart consists of two bottles of radish wine, two  of those wines made with dirigible plums.  Again, are there unique varietals or fruits you are using to make wines?  I am not so concerned about the price, more about the...uniqueness of the wine," James hoped he got through to the elf. 

“In a potion, Sir James?” Dinghee almost wished Tannin was present. The older elf not only knew more about the art of wine, he’d even been an apothecary assistant so knew more about the art of potions that most elves. Dinghee had a front row, if incredibly scattered view of Hogwarts education when Master Casey had summoned him to school. How best to use wine in a potion was a curious notion.

“Dingleheimer might suggest a non-alcoholic wine would meld best but this is a first hearing, of wines in potions.” Customer James had a habit of talking down to others, Dinghee assumed given how this transaction was going, but as an elf he was used to it. An unfortunate tendency from most humans whether an elf was freed or enslaved. Short of those that turned their wares to Craeky Hob, he’d heard tales of some elves that had bore no masters.

Although Dinghee had more gumption than many assumed, as helpful as he tried to be to others. “Turnip, sir, not radish, that root is much sharper in taste,” he corrected, as the bottles of Jame’s order rearranged as the Vigo-sneers Cabret was added and others removed. “No elderflower or berry wines then, two with dirigible plum.”

As more recent vintages for the latter came into view for consideration, Dinghee held out a small book with fancy font on the cover and glossy pages inside. “At Hob’s Fíon Milis Earraigh the winery only has one vine. Our house made wines are meads and berry wines, but also beetroot, celery and nettle. There no shipping fees from anything ordered from the catalog.”

As the elf commented on using wines in potions, James shrugged.  James thought the answer obvious, but doubted the elf had much if any of a background in potions, so he provided one anyways. 

"Many ingredients both mundane and magical have use in potions.  While most expert potioneers can predict how a various potion will react and perform, testing and verification is the backbone of most academic disciplines.   Also, non-alcoholic in wine is something of a misnomer.  They usually have an alcohol level two orders of magnitude lower, but potions are extremely sensitive to boiling point so you kind of have to adjust cauldron heat accordingly.  I've had a number of grape and fruit-based non-alcoholic wines, but usually the excess heat required bungles some other ingredients, so you need to be careful testing it," James commented.

The elf then described some wines from his catalog, and James made an amendment to his purchase.

"Excellent then.  I've had beet root and beet-leaf wine before - beets were commonly used as sweetener before the new world was discovered.  But I'll definitely take two bottles of the celery and nettle wine.  With that though, I believe our business is concluded," James asked, reaching for his wallet charmed pocket, beginning to gather the appropriate amount of galleons, knuts, and sickles. 

Customer James proved to not only be an athlete but a potential professor as well. Or, more likely, the type of person that always spoke of the ‘correct’ way of things regardless of their field or that of the other speaker. Potion use, yes, that was different enough from cooking with wine that Dinghee thought about asking Tannin about it. Telling the resident sommelier elf, of an elf run winery, who was selling wines out of a cart how non-alcoholic wines was a bit of a misnomer was a new level of patronizing for an elf roughly five years freed. No, the other word, condescending?

Dinghee would be cringing if he had the muscles for it, so instead he nodded dutifully. “Dingleheimer shall warn Tannin, sir, but we elves at Hob Mil partake in wines and produce, not potions as you know them.” Actually, Dinghee might have to go out for more cleaning supplies. “Our elf friendly wines are very low in alcohol, compared to the full bodied wines which would be far too potent.”

The last additions to Customer James’ order were added to the bag as money was counted. “You can also owl a future order, Sir James, and your delivery will come right quick. You have a pleasant day!” Some string knotted the bag closed.