She couldn't identify the reason, but Jacoba felt more out of place moving through the castle halls than she had out in the quidditch pitch.  Maybe, inside the school it was more formal.  More obviously wizard-y than the sports field had been.  It could have also been that finding her way to the sports field on her own yesterday had been much easier - she'd just followed the crowd across the open grounds.  Now, she was following steps behind a woman she'd never met, through long, dark, and all together confusing corridors. 

Jacoba felt wholly out of place, following the woman in her black sweatshirt and blue jeans.  The maze of a castle wasn't helping.  If this Maiko hadn't met her at the gates, Jacoba was certain she'd never have found her way.  How any of the students managed was beyond her.  But, after what seemed like the thirtieth turn around some anonymous dark corner, they reached the woman's office and Jacoba followed her inside. 

Later the previous evening, Jacoba had received an owl from Maiko, requesting they meet before Jacoba returned to London.  The exact purpose of this meeting was still a mystery but, from what Jacoba had gathered from the letter, this woman was the school's new designated counselor.  Given that information alone, Jacoba could make some pretty educated guesses - it was just a matter of finding out which of those guesses were the right ones.  From what Jacoba knew of counselors (which was a fair bit; she'd spent her share of time amongst those in the mental health profession), the woman opposite her would probably accept any of those guesses as valid answers. 

"I didn't know wizards employed psychologists," Jacoba admitted.  "It seems very science-y. They don't seem to like that."  They.  As if she wasn't actually ranked amongst them.  If there'd been any doubts before, getting through the Ministry scanner-wizard types the day before had been all the proof she needed.  "Probably doesn't make your job easy.  If it's any consolation, I already know how this works.  Unless this is really different than the muggle version, you can skip any general how-to explanations."

She had so many questions to ask, and she was so curious about Jacoba. Hell, she was curious about the relationship between Jacoba and Sasha, especially after all of the trauma the family had been through. Or, well, what was left of the family. She wondered if Jacoba was going to be nearly as fascinating as her brother, though Mai felt a little guilty thinking such a thing. All people were interesting in their own way, though Sasha seemed to be more problematic than most.  When the two women finally entered her office, Maiko closed the door behind them.  On her desk was a plate with chocolate dipped cookies on it.

She motioned towards the cookies, inviting Jacoba to eat as many as she would like. The counselor then took a seat on one of the rather cushy chairs in the room. “Thank you so much for meeting with me.” Mai began, with nothing but genuine gratitude in her tone. Mai couldn’t help but smile when Jacoba mentioned the conflict between science and wizardry. 

“Most of them do not like science. There may be an odd witch or wizard around who may support science, but not many do.” Maiko admitted. “It’s not very different than the muggle version. I did my psychology studies in the muggle community while training to be, and working as a ‘ealer. Needless to say, that was too much work. Taking care of the mind is just as important as taking care of the body—and there are just some things that I feel like magic cannot fix.”  She brought her hand up to her chin and scratched her face thoughtfully.

“I’m glad you know a bit about psychology, or at least about what I do.” She didn’t want to have to explain everything, though if some misconceptions came about, Maiko would gently correct Jacoba.  Many misconceptions happened in both worlds, so it was not like it was something she wasn’t used to.  “You speak as if you’re nonmagical.” She said simply, “Which culture do you relate to more?” She felt like being direct and to the point. Maiko had a feeling that it probably was not necessary to tip toe around subjects the way she had to with others.

Jacoba didn't need to be asked twice.  She reached for one of the chocolate-dipped cookies as soon as they were offered.  Then, given this interaction bore all the markings of a lengthy conversation, Jacoba settled back comfortably in her chair.  "I'm easy to bribe," Jacoba offered with a sly smirk, hoisting the cookie slightly before taking a bite. 

"I can't blame them," Jacoba admitted between bites, her own accent considerably stronger than her brother's.  "I hated science class growing up.  Never could wrap my head around it.  But, then, I don't have a head for numbers.  I stuck to the humanities when I was in school - languages, history, that sort of thing."  One might say she'd never really given science or math much of a fair shot.  She hadn't enjoyed it as a younger child and, then, by the time she got back into school she'd already started focusing on languages.  "My brother's definitely the geek." 

Jacoba cleared her throat slightly and nodded.  Yes, she did know a fair bit about what psychologists did though she was rarely one to admit why so readily.  Presumably, this meeting had more to do with her brother than herself - he, after all, was the one under her care.  Therefore, it was a bit novel to be in front of a therapist who did not already have her thorough medical history ahead of time. 

She sounded like a nonmagical?  Which culture did she relate to more?  Those were pretty loaded questions and Jacoba couldn't help but let out a deep breath as she glanced down at the half-eaten cookie.  "That's a tough question," Jacoba admitted.  "You're right, though.  I'm nonmagical.  Muggle.  Or, sort of.  I've never held a wand before or anything.  At least not one that wasn't made out of polystyrene.  I didn't know about any of the magical world ... or even that magic existed until a year ago." 

"The end of last summer, my brother- I'm assuming you know who he is?  That's why I'm here?"  She watched the woman for any sign of recognition before moving on.  "Well, he sent me an owl.  Telling me he was a wizard and was going to a school for wizards.  I was working for Amnesty International in Amsterdam at the time - but, I assumed ... I don't know.  I thought he'd got caught up with some Dungeons and Dragons cult or something so I came back to check on him.  And, then I stayed.  As best I could - for whatever good it'd do him." 

Maiko listened to Jacoba as she spoke, nodding her head at the appropriate time. Her body language was open and relaxed, and she took in all the information, and did not interrupt the other female at all. She paid close attention, and waited until Jacoba was finished with her train of thought before she even spoke again. It was the sort of thing that seasoned counselors did with ease.

“That must be a lot to take in, only learning about magic a year ago.” She commented, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly. Mai wondered why Jacoba had only learned a year ago, since Sasha was now in his six years. That was over five years of Sasha’s life that Jacoba had been unaware of. Obviously, his sister must not have lived with the family that Sasha stayed with, otherwise she probably would have known.  “You seem to be well-adjusted than others would be in your position.”

Mai nodded as Jacoba spoke about Sasha, and could not help but allow her face to burst into a grin at the mention of Dungeons and Dragons. She also appreciated that Jacoba had been working for Amnesty International—it was a good cause, though she imagined it could be taxing at times. “For some reason, I can imagine Sasha getting involved in Dungeons and Dragons.” She made no effort to hide the fact that the idea clearly amused her.

“What do you know about Sasha’s current situation?” Maiko did not want to give away anything that was unnecessary, for confidentiality’s sake. She did not believe Sasha was going to be a danger to himself, or to others, and therefore telling someone would break confidentiality if they did not know about his situation previously. “Please, don’t clean it up or cut anything out. I’m genuinely interested, and I need to know what you know in order to discuss this with you in an effective way.”

"Wow.  I suppose, in hind sight," Jacoba admitted.  What a weird, strange thought.  That she ... Jacoba was being considered well-adjusted.  And, by a counselor of all people.  She sat silently in a moment of surprised confusion before shaking her head with a laugh.  "I will take that as a hard earned compliment.  I'll admit, it's being tested right now, though."  Ironically enough, the whole wizarding world had been easier to accept when she'd been, in a particular auror's words, The Tourist.  When she'd been left to forge her own place in it.  "I had a lot of help, though.  I had a lot of helping hands and I'm pretty experienced with finding my way.  I've been on my own since I was thirteen.  I learned to adapt pretty early." 

The younger woman nodded.  She could always picture Sasha getting into D&D as well but that was just one amongst many details she didn't know for sure.  "I remember him being a big Tolkien fan.  I remember vague comments about Ren Faires and Knight Tournaments, like the one down in Kaltenberger.  I couldn't tell you if he ever actually got into any of it.  I know it wouldn't have been allowed - whether he got into it away at school, I don't know." 

Jacoba took her time finishing the cookie, buying a few minutes to consider the question.  What did she know about her brother's situation?  Jacoba knew it wasn't very customary for therapists to ask others about their clients - from personal experience, Jacoba knew it was conveying the past as much as the content that helped people push forward.  But, she knew her brother well enough to know why Maiko had asked to meet with her.  "Let me guess.  Asking him hasn't gotten you very far, has it?"

"I know a fair bit," she admitted.  "I ... have personal experience with the house he grew up in and I have a pretty good sense of what that meant with all of this."  She looked up and around at room as if it symbolized the magical world as a whole.  "I know a lot about what happened last year - I'm not sure how helpful I was.  I'm sure, as you probably know, he's not very open.  My parents - my father, especially, had very high expectations.  Especially of my brother.  My father was the type you could show a list of grades to - of all scores of 100% except for one lonely 80%.  He'd look at it and ask you what went wrong." 

Jacoba shrugged and reached out and took another cookie.  "My brother and I responded to it differently.  Early on, I decided I didn't want his approval.  The more he disapproved, the better.  My brother did the opposite.  He tried so hard to please him.  It was like watching ... you know that movie.  If you watch movies.  But, that movie Ice Age?  They have this squirrel that spends all his time trying to get that bloody acorn?  It goes on for movie after movie.  It's so pathetic it's amusing.  That always reminded me of him." 

Maiko responded with a nod, confirming that she had yet to get very far with Sasha. Part of it, she suspected, was the nature of her job. As a psychologist and a counselor, there was a stigma attached to people who sought out her help. Some viewed them as being weak, and some viewed it as admirable. She felt like perhaps, Sasha was raised to believe that reaching out for help was a sign of weakness. Though, not many people were comfortable with the idea of being psychoanalyzed in general. (That was far from what her job was, unless it was asked of her to do so.)

Sasha’s sister was turning out to be quite an interesting person, though from the sounds of it, the Schlagenweit children did not have exactly what would be called easy childhoods. Jacoba dealt with the home life differently than Sasha did, and to her that showed a lot about his personality. As she looked at Jacoba, she got the feeling that she must have been more than just a muggle. There was a chance, perhaps, that she had some magical blood—that would be the only reason Mai could imagine her being on campus in the first place. However, it was not the time to talk about it, and if Jacoba felt like talking about it for some reason, she would.

Mai also found it quite curious that although Jacoba knew plenty about Sasha’s past, she did not know much about Sasha’s current situation. She was not going to bring it up, for it was not very professional. She also was not concerned about Sasha being a danger to himself or others, though she was concerned about his mental health.

“Was your father abusive?” Maiko asked directly, “Was ‘e physically abusive to his children, or other family members?”

M: for discussion of sensitive topics including, primarily, history of parental discipline

Jacoba was expecting any number of follow up questions and she'd been expecting that particular question at some point.  But ... not quite so early in the conversation.  Surprised, a crumble of cookie caught in her throat and she coughed twice to clear it.  Just to be safe, she set the half-eaten cookie on the woman's desk before attempting to answer.

Jacoba shifted uncomfortably in her chair, her posture losing some of its casual demeanor.

"I ... I don't know," Jacoba admitted, truthfully.  The line between abuse and discipline was murky grey, at best.  The extremes were, of course, easy to identify but, while her father had always been a bit heavy-handed, he in no way represented the extreme.  "My father was never the type to get physical for no reason.  Nor was he the type who got drunk and aggressive.  He wasn't ... like that, no."

"But, ... he definitely belonged to the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' school of thought.  He tended to be the type that thought biblical teachings should be taken literally.  And, he had a temper.  And, like I said, he had high expectations.  It was all about family image and reputation.  Anything that threatened that ... he left little room for ambiguity.  To be honest, I don't know for sure how he has been with my brother.  We were so rarely at home at the same time.  We both started boarding school when we were six.  But, my father was certainly rough with me.  And, I was already the lost cause and the disposable one.  I was a girl.  My brother was the heir.  The stakes were higher with him." 

Jacoba sighed retrieved the cookie once more.  "I don't have a clue how things were  for my brother after I was kicked out.  But, I've always suspected learning my brother wasn't his really his son didn't make my father more tolerant.  And, all of this?"  She looked around the room, again.  "Again, I don't know for sure; he's never given me a straight answer when I've asked."

Her expression hardened, and she gave Jacoba a nod, indicating that she was getting a vague understanding and acknowledgement of the sort of harsh and demanding  environment that Sasha must have been raised in. She had learned quite a bit about Sasha over the past couple weeks, though she felt like she needed a better understanding of him. Unfortunately, it appeared that Jacoba did not know as much about her brother as Maiko had hoped.

One phrase stuck out-- Sasha was not his father’s son?

“That must have been tough for im.” She said softly, shaking her head. “Thank you for sharing this information with me. It ‘as been ‘elpful.” She paused, “Do you ‘ave any concerns about ‘im at all? Or any concerns in general that you would like to address?” She figured she might as well ask, as long as Jacoba was there.

"I don't know."  Jacoba admitted, quietly.  "But, I assume it was tough.  Neither my father nor brother knew they weren't related until I told them.  My brother had been eight.  My mother didn't even know I knew about the affair.  But, I did.  I accidentally told both of them one night during a fight with my father.  I don't even remember what we were fighting about.  My father kicked me out that night and wouldn't let me near my brother or Anna.  I didn't see my brother again until a year ago, here in the wizarding world.  What happened between then and now - I don't really know." 

Did it really sound as bad as it sounded in her head?  What did she know?  Sasha was the last family member she had and she'd returned to London for him.  But, even she could hear how little information she was providing.  She'd been back almost a year and she didn't really know much about her brother. 

"I know I haven't been around much.  I probably could be a better sister but ... everything going on right now just feels so far out of my league.  To be honest, I've spent most of my life trying to figure out how to get by on my own.  I don't have the slightest idea what to do - or how to help him.  And, if there's one thing my father taught him well, it's that asking for help or admitting you can't do it is a sign of weakness.  I can't tell you the number of times I've heard him tell my brother 'Being satisfied with anything but being the best or being the first is admitting your weak and inferior'." 

Jacoba nodded her head.  "I definitely ... of course I have concerns.  I know he's holding back.  He was, obviously, pretty shaken up when they pulled him from our parents' house.  He was took shaken to talk then.  I haven't heard him talk at all about it since then.  He walks away when I try to bring it up, but ... I know I'm not the one to have that conversation with him.  I haven't really dealt with it myself."

“That sounds really tough.” She commented, “And all you can really do, is let him know that you are there.” Maiko said, “Just be there for him, if or when the time comes that he decides that he needs to talk to you.” Mai leaned back in her chair casually, and crossed one leg over the other, kicking off her shoes. Mai had a feeling that she and Jacoba would be in here awhile, whether it was to talk about issues, or to talk about casual, fun topics—it didn’t much matter. She didn’t want to wears shoes if that were the case. She much rather preferred her feet to be free—years of ballet had taught her to appreciate that kind of freedom.

Maiko opened her drawer and pulled out a small colored baggie full of little handmade truffles rolled in some sort of cocoa powder. “Would you like some?” She offered, putting them onto the plate along with the cookies. She had quite the sweet tooth, and she loved to cook amd make delicious treats in her spare time.

“How are you feeling about the situation regarding your parents?” She asked kindly. She knew all too well the pain that came with losing your family, but since Jacoba had apparently been kicked out, the dynamics would have been different and confusing.

Jacoba nodded.  If that was what she was doing then, perhaps, she was doing all she needed to.  But, she'd been here a year.  Perhaps it was a rare touch of pessimism showing through but Jacoba couldn't help but feel like things were getting worse, not better.  "I hope your right. I don't know.  That kid can be so stubbornly stoic sometimes.  And, I'm sure my leaving didn't help much, either.  But, you also can't really drag a mule if he's not willing to come along." 

Cookies to truffles.  Why weren't more students lined up outside this office.  If her boarding school had had a counselor who offered cookies and truffles this freely, Jacoba would have been making up reasons to find her way to the office.  She plucked a pair of them from the bag and took her time enjoying one while considering Maiko's question. 

Jacoba had been, perhaps, as bad as her brother when it came to keeping her feelings on the matter holed up.  Though, unlike her brother, it hadn't been intentional.  There was a limit to the number of people she could talk to.  Most witches and wizards would probably not get it; there was too much about the muggle world most of them didn't get.  Jacoba had tried to confide in Erwin, her closest friend, but there was only so much she could tell the muggle. 

"I don't know," Jacoba admitted.  "I haven't let myself think about it much."  Jacoba scowled slightly and looked down at her hands folded in her lap.  When she spoke, her voice was detached and disconnected, like she was reading some newspaper article aloud. 

"When I do, there's this uncomfortable mix of emotions that I'm not exactly proud of.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm sad for my sister but I never really knew her very well.  She's almost eight years younger than me.  She was barely five when my parents kicked me out.  I'm angry, too.  Part of me always hoped that, someday, I'd be able to reconcile with my mother and sister.  That they'd be proud of me.  My father ... I know I should feel sad about him, too, but I don't.  I know that's wrong, but...mostly I feel relieved."

Mai was happy that Jacoba was so open to accept the treats. Some of the students that came in seemed to be so hesitant to try anything that she made, as if she somehow laced it with veritaserum. Mai didn’t approve of such practices when it came to counseling—it was counseling after all, not an interrogation. Forcing someone to say what was on their mind was not beneficial, and would only damage trust. To her, her job wasn’t about forcing information out, but learning how people thought and felt about themselves during their everyday, natural lives. 

Soon, Jacoba started talking, and Mai quickly realized that the two siblings differed in many ways, and the general attitude towards counselors was just one of them. While Sasha put up resistance, Jacoba seemed to be totally open and willing to express her feelings and thoughts about her general situation. Sasha appeared to perceive the need for counselors as weak, while Jacoba acknowledged that they were often quite beneficial.

“Your feelings are completely valid.” Maiko responded tenderly, “Your feelings are your own, and it’s really a grey area. No one can dictate ‘ow you feel, or ‘ow you should feel.” After all, if Jacocba had a gentle, loving father, she probably would have missed him. It was difficult to miss somebody if you only had negative experiences with them. “Do you feel like your mother and sister would be proud of who you are now?” She inquired, lacing her fingers together.

"It's not that I'm glad he's dead or anything," Jacoba insisted.  Yes, she'd heard the assurance that her feelings were her own and she knew there was truth to that.  But, still ... she didn't want to leave the wrong impression.  "No one deserves what happened to him...to them.  It just wasn't the same tragedy for me that it was for my brother.  Hearing of it was more like hearing of a bombing in some distant city.  Or, like hearing my great-great grandfather was murdered."

Jacoba shook her head.  She knew what Maiko was probably looking for when she asked if Jacoba thought her mother was proud of the woman she'd become.  Some sort of self-affirmation that would help offer some sense of closure to a story that had had an all too premature and abrupt ending.  But, Jacoba knew her mother.  She knew what their differences had been.  She doubted they would have changed much.  As tempting as having the mental image of her mother proud from here until whenever might be, Jacoba knew it'd be a lie. 

"My mother was a society wife.  I work in a record shop - I live in a record shop.  I'm not married - I've never dated someone close to my age.  I dropped out of University, I was too interested in our family history.  I'm not blond, I'm not elegant ... no.  My mother's list of complaints are quite extensive and, I'm sure, haven't changed much.  I never expected my mother to be proud of me.  I was always just hoping for tolerantly acceptance.  I don't know my sister well enough to be able to answer as far as she's concerned.  But, she mostly knew of me through what my parents said, so..."  Jacoba shrugged dismissively. 

Jacoba shook her head.  "I stopped by my parent's house last fall.  When my brother went missing?  Isaac- Professor Frasier stopped by to make sure Sasha had gotten home alright after being suspended.  I hadn't heard he wasn't at school.  So, Isaac and I went to my parents house, just to make sure he wasn't there.  Saw my father for the first time in seven years.  My mother caught a glimpse of me on the door stoop and walked away.  Nothing had changed."

Not being sad about a death and being happy about it were two completely separate, different things, and Jacoba seemed to understand it. Maiko understood; if her parents had treated her poorly growing up, she would not have been as sad when they died. It didn’t mean she would have been happy, just that there wasn’t much to mourn. It would be difficult to be born from a family that didn’t even want you, that did not like who you grew up to become.

She nodded her head—“It doesn’t look like you could have done anything in that situation, without compromising who you are as a person.” Jacoba’s family did not accept her for who she was; it looked like they were the sort who would only accept her if she fit into their cookie cutter mold of what a perfect daughter should be. Children rarely turned out exactly the same way their parents dreamed of, and it was wrong to push a child away because they did not meet your standards.

“Is what your family thought of you important to you?” Mai inquired. She thought that Jacoba was interesting—living in a record shop? That sounded awesome. And Mai personally did not see anything wrong with trying to figure out family history. Then again, she wasn’t part of the Schlagenweit family, and had not been raised to think in such strict, constraining ways.

Jacoba grinned sadly and shook her head.  "I could have compromised who I was," Jacoba shrugged, reaching for another of the truffles.  "And, I'm not sure how much it would have accomplished.  Like I said, my brother tried to take that route - tried to mold himself into what they wanted.  And, it has left him almost pathologically terrified of disappointing people.  It's why he just can't accept any performance or grade that's less than perfect." 

Maiko's last question was a difficult one and Jacoba drew her fingers through her hair as she gave it some thought.  She'd be lying if she said she was entirely indifferent to her parents' perceptions of her.  They were still her parents and what child didn't long for parental approval, even if such a thing was unattainable. 

"Yes?" Jacoba offered, obviously a bit unsure of her answer.  "I mean, I know it would have meant a lot if they ever were proud of me so, I suppose it's important on some level.  But, family's an interesting thing.  Family isn't always about genetics.  I've gotten good at, well, collecting surrogate family?  I have my brother, now.  And, I have a good friend in Amsterdam - he's probably the closest thing I have to family.  Yes - I suppose I'm not indifferent to what my family thinks- thought, but there are plenty of people who's opinions matter more.  So, that helps drown their opinions out."