SHOPKEEPER SHOCKER!
HALF-GOBLIN ATTEMPTS TO RIG TETRAWIZARD TOURNAMENT
by Cooper Smigglewitz
31 August 2009
In a shocking discovery last Friday night, a well-known shopkeeper was discovered to be an undercover infiltrator from the Goblin clan Gibidlishnargen. One 'Darian Morgan', here on out referred to by his actual name of 'Gronruck Redroots', was photographed by our very own Quibbler staff members convening with his clan in traditional goblin garb.
Born a half-goblin, Gronruck quickly stood out amongst his goblin brethren. It was apparent from a young age that the heir to the goblin seat of power was a half-blood that would never truly fit into the goblin life, due to strong prejudices against anyone not purely of their race. Gronruck was pale-skinned, possessed odd hair wave patterns, and it quickly became clear that he would tower in height over his kin. Reluctantly, his goblin father decided it would be for the best if he were raised by his witch mother, and he was smuggled into their household shortly thereafter. Although his nose was surgically shortened by some of St. Mungo’s top professional healers (let it be noted that Gronruck is the 'heir' to the 'Morgan' family, known wealthy donors to St. Mungo's, no doubt why records of this revealing removal have been kept from the public), however, it is believed that the pointed ears he kept, trusting his long hair to hide them and keep suspicions away.
While Gronruck adapted very well to life as wizard, it was inevitable that he would, eventually, succumb to the greed of his species. Here at the Quibbler, we believe his initial fortune came from blackmailing his goblin father, who works as part of the crew that mint the Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts used in the Wizarding world. But it doesn't end there—in his insatiable grasping for more and more, we at the Quibbler have learned he plans to do the unthinkable: rig the most respected championship in the Wizarding World, the TetraWizard Tournament.
With Headmistress Analiza Snark having most unfortunately been devoured by an Acromantula (see our last issue), and no interim Headmaster or Headmistress named at the time, Gronruck turned to another Hogwarts staff member. Quibbler investigators were able to
attack the owl delivering legally intercept a brief scrap of correspondence that seems to suggest Gronruck is blackmailing Astronomy professor, Tapendra Trishna (see
HOOFPRINTS AT HOGWARTS: PROFESSOR RAISES ILLEGITMATE WINGED CENTAUR CHILD, page 6)
[1], no doubt intending to clinch his support in sabotage and assisting whichever champion Gronruck intends to back.
[2]He was then spotted attempting to charm the Headmaster of Durmstrang, Oberon Issyberg (see
DURMSTRANG IS SCARY, MAN page 3), and soon after was seen shamelessly bribing Headmistress of Beauxbatons, Victor Biscuit (see
BEAUTY OR BLOODLUST: FRANCE'S VAMPIRE HEADMISTRESS, page 4), no doubt with illegally obtained Goblin coins smuggled in boxes of feathers and fabric.
[3][4] and we suspect, based on a
highly suspicious meeting our staff
spied noted from a discreet distance with Hogwarts student Olivia-Anne Weedwhacker, current student at Hogwarts and goddaughter of renowned novelist and socialite, Dolly St. James (see
TURTLEDOVES FOR DOLLY? NOVELIST MARRIES WEREWOLF IN SECRET CEREMONY, page 6), that Gronruck has no doubt conned the beloved socialite into his schemes as well, intending to make Olivia-Anne the champion of the Tetrawizard Tournament for the sake of his own nefarious profits.
[5]It is, here at the Quibbler, our sincere hope that the Ministry and administrators of the tournament will take note of this disturbing revelation. Our hopes that Gronruck’s remaining ties to his wizard family would be strong enough to prevent his turn to traitor appear to be wasted. Keep your eyes and ears open, reader.
--COOPER SMIGGLEWITZ
WANTED ONE PHOTO OF GRONRUCK REDROOTS' GOBLIN EARS: WILL PAY TEN GALLEONS!
[Aug 31] Shopkeeper Shocker! Half-Goblin Attempts to Rig Tetrawizard Tournament