Outside Kale Ferris' Flat
around 12:45 AM

There are a set of philosophical problems in the muggle universe known as Zeno's paradoxes; in it's most simple terms (which is the only way Ruby could have ever understood what her cousin Lupe was talking about) argues that we must traverse infinity to walk through a simple doorway. It was not until the eldest Flickwick girl found herself staring at a familiar front door, with her hand raised to knock that the idea really made any sense in her head. It was late, she was tired, and all she had to do was knock on the door to find a little refuge - but some part of her knew that it wasn't actually that simple at all.

First she had to knock on the door, then she had to wait for the occupant within to answer, then she would have to explain what she was doing standing there well after midnight when she was supposed to be across the ocean hiding from her problems in America. She would also then have to explain why she needed to stay there rather than at #12 St. Mary's Place with her Nana and little sister and further explain why she needed a few days to gather her wits to even think about facing the wrath of one Sophie Hannalore Flickwick. She would have to explain and she wasn't completely sure she could make it make sense to him when it didn't really make sense in her own mind.

How had she ended up here? Well two trains, then a Dragodirigible, and finally a cab had brought her to the doorstep but it was more the metaphyiscal reasoning behind why this place, why this person, why right now that had her twisted up in knots. If she wasn't ready to be home, which she obviously wasn't or she'd have just gone to her own damn house, why had she left New York? She had loved it, less than a month prior she had had ever intention of staying well past the summer. She had, for all intents and purposes, been settled on assimilating into the Muggle world... and then a few nights ago something had just felt wrong.

Well, more wrong than it had when she left in June. Sophie's letters weren't helpful, and Nana was doing the best she could but with their father off on tour Ruby got the distinct impression her little sister was up to absolutely no good. She didn't know what she was supposed to do about it, it wasn't as though she'd ever been able to reign Soph in before... but being on the other side of the planet felt distinctly, powerfully, inherently wrong. So plans were made, tickets bought, tearful goodbyes said... and somewhere between the getting on the train and getting off the Dragodirigible she had lost her nerve and conviction.

What right did she actually have to come back and try to tell Sophie what to do? Who was she to try and fix anyone else when she had done such a horrible job holding herself together? Ending up at Kale's door was a knee jerk reaction to the guilt that had settled into her stomach once her Ruby-must-save-the-day urges had been quashed by the reasoning her little sister probably hated and in reality had ever right to. This further begged the question of "why Kale?" - and the answer was not one she could easily find. He and Kia were like family in lots of ways but in this situation that would work distinctly to her disadvantage.

He would want her to go home-home. He wouldn't want to hide her, he probably wouldn't even understand why Ruby felt like she needed to hide for a little while. He would also, depending on what shift he had worked that day, not be exactly ecstatic to have someone pounding on his door 'round one in the morning. She could have gone anywhere...but she'd come here. Now she was standing there questioning her own motives as the strap of her bag dug into the tired muscle of her shoulder, hair travel tousled and her feet dying in boots she couldn't fathom having picked a worse day to wear. Taking a deep breath she rested her forehead against the door with a small thud and finally knocked, though her brain was still traversing the infinite questions of "why".

Pap...pap...pap...pap

Kale's fists, covered only by a thin layer of linen bandages, smacked rhythmically against his punching bag. Aside from the patter of the punches, the only other sound in the practically bare room was the creaking of the chain that secured the bag to the ceiling and a few grunts forced out of him by the exertion. Sleep had been eluding him for a couple of days now and punching seemed to be the best cure. Sex would have been more exhausting, or at least more enjoyable, but since Kale begin working at the Hospital he hadn't had much time to go out and date. The last couple of nights he would punch and kick for hours, until he was exhausted enough to fall into his bed and sleep until morning.

He was so intent on his midnight ritual that he almost missed the knocking, mistaking it for the sound of his punching. It wasn't until he stopped for a moment to wipe the sweat from his eyes that he heard it. "What the hell... who is visiting at this time of night?" He muttered to himself, catching the punching bag in mid swing before he went towards the door. He didn't bother to put on a shirt considering, if it should be a robber who mistook his house for an easy mark, they would take one look at him and know better. A glance through the peephole told him otherwise when it revealed a head full of dark waves that looked awfully familiar. Why she would be there at that time of night instead of being in America worried him and he quickly opened the door, leaning against the frame so that he could tower over her with a playful smirk "Well well... Miss Ruby Flickwick... To what do I owe this pleasure?"

He winked playfully before looking her over. She looked good, though that skirt and shoes combination could make most girls look good. Which is what worried him the most. He didn't want to even consider what could have happened to her in that get up, in this neighborhood, had another guy seen her and thought she looked good. Shaking his head, he moved out of her way and ushered her into his apartment "Come in... You look like you could freeze any minute..."

She blinked as the door opened, he was half naked. Of course, because that was the kind of day she was having, sighing she rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and shook her head, "Do you always open the door half naked at one in the morning, or did you just have a feeling it was me"? So, maybe saying Kale was like family was stretched into really broad terms as to what constituted family. Playful banter that could be perceived as flirting was allowed... but he'd threatened to beat more than one guy to a bloody pulp for making her cry. He was protective and worried, he cared - it was just different than the way he cared about Sophie. Ruby reasoned that was because up until March she'd done a fair job taking care of herself and everyone else while Soph was small and seemed to need constant looking after.

"Oh, you know. Word of your dry spell reached New York and I thought I'd pop by and offer my condolences," she had no way of knowing how acutely right she was about his lack of lady friends. Making the joke just seemed better than saying 'I'm scared shitless to go home, so I thought I might hide out here', anything sounded better than admitting that to him at this point. It wasn't that she thought she still had to pretend to have her life together, she knew by now it was glaringly obvious she'd gone off the rails when she ditched out on all her carefully laid plans to go to New York. It was just really hard for her to admit she was scared to go home, scared to face the music and the memories #12 was sure to be full of. She thought he might understand, but there was the chance he wouldn't.

Stepping into the loft she looked around, it wasn't much different than the first time she'd seen it. Actually, as she considered the minimal furniture, lack of pictures or throw pillows, and  overall Spartan influence of the flat; her boot heels echoed against the concrete floors she couldn't help but wondered if it felt as lonely to him as it seemed to her. "It's London in the middle of August, might not be New York but I think my legs can take it," the comment rolled easily off her tongue as she turned in a slow circle, sweeping the rest of the room with her eyes before turning back to him, with a maybe-too-cheerful-grin, "Besides, I could lose another three inches of skirt easy before I'm half as naked as you apparently like to be when taking Lady callers at one in the morning".

Jokes had definitely become her armor against truth since June. It kept people from getting too close to the truth of anything she said. It was an arguably flawed life survival mechanism but if she just kept making them maybe he'd get tired and tell her to go to bed without making her explain anything. Of course he was standing there looking at her with that face, the one that said 'I am both worried and mildly intrigued by this mention of shorter short skirts', and she knew she'd have to tell him so she might as well just tell him up front. "No one knows I'm home...and I was kind of hoping you'd help me keep that way for a few days until, you know, I can figure out how to tell Soph," the sentence ended on a high note, like she was almost asking a question, her big brown eyes round with not-so-subtle pleading for him to not press too hard about any of it.

"Oh, you know. Word of your dry spell reached New York and I thought I'd pop by and offer my condolences,"

Kale chuckled and rolled his eyes. There was no way she knew that he had been celibate against his will, so he just chalked her perceptiveness up to mere luck. Though it didn't explain why she had taken a rather daunting trip across the ocean just to see him. Unless, of course, that wasn't why she was there. Kale knew her well enough to be suspicious of her intentions. Gently shutting the door behind her, Kale didn't take his eyes off of her until he reached the small fridge, when he only looked away long enough to retrieve a couple bottles of water.

"It's London in the middle of August, might not be New York but I think my legs can take it, Besides, I could lose another three inches of skirt easy before I'm half as naked as you apparently like to be when taking Lady callers at one in the morning".

Teasing was nothing new. Ever since they met each other as children, Ruby and Kale used good-natured ribbing as a way to show affection. She would tease him about girls and he would threaten to beat up her boyfriends, just like siblings, though there was a flirtatious undertone that formed when they both entered puberty. Tonight, however, he sensed there was something deeper to the joking. Something darker. He decided to approach it lightly.

"Is that so? Because last time I checked I am in my own home where nudity is completely acceptable and I am a male, which means I can go topless without causing wrecks or getting arrested..." He smirked, offering her the other bottle of water. Leaning against the wall, he took a long drink of water, eying her over the bottle. He knew that if he stared at her long enough, she would tell him what was on her mind. He wasn't wrong.

"No one knows I'm home...and I was kind of hoping you'd help me keep that way for a few days until, you know, I can figure out how to tell Soph,"

"Mm..." was all he offered for a moment, sure that Ruby knew well his opinions on hiding things from family. However, the pleading in her eyes didn't escape him either. Sipping at his water, Kale walked over to the couch and flopped down. "Come here..." He finally said, patting the seat next to him "Take your shoes off and I will give you one of my famous foot rubs. You sound like you need it." Kale's hands were magic and he knew it. He didn't have to ask her to elaborate on anything, he just needed to rub those tootsies for a few minutes and she would tell him everything he wanted to hear.

Ruby took the bottle of water graciously, without one comment about needing something stronger. Jokes about drinking were not something Kale would shrug off. She knew he'd dealt with his own demons but he'd want to keep her from heading down that sort of path. It would be easy, considering the way her father and brother had dealt with the situation they were all currently in. For awhile she had even tiptoed down that path herself, but going to New York had mostly put a stop to that. Sure she and Lupe would go out clubbing but the intent behind those nights was different than sneaking drinks in Hufflepuff's common room and getting caught by Dion Fayette. Ruby had at least become self aware enough to know the difference, and the ways in which she tried to hide from her problems.

"First of all," she looked at him over the bottle's top, single finger held up, "it is not my fault that we live in such a prehistoric patriarchal society that breasts have become inherently sexual  and therefor taboo". She paused long enough to take a healthy drink before continuing on in hopes of keeping him distracted, "secondly I would argue that you walking down the street without a shirt on could, in fact, cause a wreck - which would, in turn, get you arrested". She stuck her tongue out at him as if that would render all his arguments invalid, it was the way most of their childhood arguments had been ended. Actually it was how most of their arguments until he graduated from Hogwarts had been ended... or he'd throw her over his shoulder and threaten to dump her in the lake, whichever.

She eyed him suspiciously as he didn't press for answers. It was very much unlike him, at least when he was trying to get her to tell him something. Of course that had been when they were younger so maybe he had outgrown it. She pondered the likelihood of that as she finally dropped her bags near the couch. Or, more likely she mused to herself as she sat next to him, he's just gotten sneakier. Ruby wasn't one for gossip but it wasn't exactly a secret that Kale had a way with lady-creatures. The edge of if we just... had been between them for a few years now but they never had, for whatever reason. It used to be because Ruby had some notion of romance and being special to someone and just one someone.

Now... Well, now she didn't really know other than he hadn't been available to her when she lost the aforementioned notion. The world wasn't so easily divided anymore, into the things good girls did and the things they didn't. She'd done a lot of things in the last five months she never would have pictured herself doing before, from riding a mechanical bull  on Margarita night to showing up at Kale's doorstep at a time most often reserved for booty calls. Gingerly sitting next to him, she didn't hurry to oblige his foot request. She'd been hurrying all day and what she really needed was to slow down and gather her wits or she'd end up spilling all the secrets better locked away. "Since when did your footrubs become famous"? She grinned at him, slowly tugging off her boots, and resting her back against the opposite arm of the couch, "I thought I did a fair job propagating the myth you had cooties before I ducked out of the country".

"First of all, Miss Flickwick, you should learn that sticking your tongue out doesn't win arguments in the real world..." He shook his head with a smirk, as if her nativity to the workings of the adult world was as cute as a burping puppy. "... Besides, there are better things you can do with a tongue." He added, reaching out to grab her tongue like he had when they were younger. Apparently she learned from those days because all he managed to get was slobbery fingers.

Chuckling, he leaned back and shook his head "Besides, you are preaching to the choir. I have absolutely no argument against making it legal... nay... required for women to walk around topless." He gave her a wide-eyed look of honesty, his hand against his left breast as though he were pledging his support.

She finally sat down and reluctantly undid those heeled torture devices, putting her feet in his lap and laying back, tossing a few insults his way while she got comfortable. He feigned shock "Is that why I have been having such a hard time with women lately? And here I thought they were just overwhelmed by my masculine finesse and debonair style." He winked, taking one of her feet in his large, capable hands.

Rubbing a hand on each side of the foot vigorously to warm it up, he added "Good thing I work in a hospital where I have plenty of cootie shots to give out. I shall make sure to stock up." Smirking evilly, he dug his thumbs into her tender instep.

Ruby made a face as he tried to grab her tongue and swatted at his hand, "And you still think its acceptable to go around sticking those hands all up in people's mouths. I have no idea where those fingers have been - and something tells me it's much better that way," she pretended to wipe her tongue off with the sleeve of her jean jacket, making exaggerated gagging noises in the process. She almost couldn't believe he'd done it, but then it was Kale. Just because he hadn't tried to grab her tongue in the last two years didn't mean that it hadn't been a fairly common occurrence in their childhood, the little weirdo.

Resting her arm on the back of the couch, tired head propped against her hand she could only roll her eyes, "How is it possible with a badass sister like yours you get away with objectifying women and their bodies like that? Kia really should have kicked you up the arse more when we were growing up," she closed her eyes and locked her knees to keep from inadvertently kicking him as his fingers worked their way up and down her foot. She was, without a doubt, the most ticklish of the Flickwick. It was a well kept secret because tickle torture inevitably made her cry Uncle. She didn't like giving up - in some ways she could be just as stubborn as her little sister.

Biting her bottom lip as his tumb pressed into her instep, Ruby took a sharp breath then exhaled slowly, "I think your ego might overwhelm them before your winning personality even makes it into the room. I mean I've managed to resist your charms for almost nineteen years now. While I would like to take credit for any lady troubles you've been having... unless the Ministry has developed a shot to shrink your big head I think it's all on you and this whole, " she gestured widely with her hand, encompassing all of his perceived personality package,"thing you're working here. Maybe you boffed the wrong girl without calling back and now you've been blacklisted".

Her smirk was a little smug as she lazily shrugged out of her jacket and used it as a sort of pillow behind her head. She hadn't realized how much she had missed exchanging barbs with him. It was funny how when something bad happened and everything seemed so impossibly broken... the little things stayed the same. It was almost too easy to slip back into childhood playfulness with him, deceivingly easy. It made her wonder who he was to other people, if they saw the things she did or if they were, in that moment, just acting out the left over figments of who they had been to one another. She hoped not, but if the summer had shown her anything it was her own inability to see people as they were.

"It is a thing that happens you know, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that," despite her best efforts to the contrary she did feel the muscles in her body slowly relaxing. Her guard slipping just a little as she sort of melted into the sofa. It felt lazy, and good, and safe. She didn't want to think about her sister or her Nan or how in the morning she'd have to start figuring everything out again. For that moment it was enough to just be with someone who knew her better than most people and hadn't thrown her out on her ass for all the ways she failed at being the person she had meant to be, had spent the vast majority of her life trying to be.

"I think your ego might overwhelm them before your winning personality even makes it into the room. I mean I've managed to resist your charms for almost nineteen years now. While I would like to take credit for any lady troubles you've been having... unless the Ministry has developed a shot to shrink your big head I think it's all on you and this whole...thing you're working here. Maybe you boffed the wrong girl without calling back and now you've been blacklisted".

Kale paused long enough to place a hand to his chest, his mouth agape, as he feigned shock at her comment. "Now see here, miss..." he said, his voice quavering with hurt feelings, "The only reason you have managed to resist my charms for all these years is because I have yet to unleash the beast that is Kale Ferris..." Leaning back, he flexed dramatically "... Trust me when I say that if I were to unleash said beast, you would be so completely overwhelmed with lust that you would forget your own name... So... you have been warned."

Laughing at his own dorkiness, he returned to her feet as he added in a much less dramatic tone "As for the other comment, I couldn't have been blacklisted. There is an unwritten contract that everyone woman I bring home enters into, that states that I will not call them back at any time and that they will not take any action to harm my reputation because of it. Perhaps I need to start making them sign an actual paper contract, eh?" He smirked, pushing his thumbs into a particularly tender spot that he knew would make her cringe.

"It is a thing that happens you know, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that,"

'Well, yes... but there is a strict no scorn policy in the aforementioned contract. I just simply haven't had the time to canoodle with the ladies. Except for you, of course." He said, his smirk softening to a smile as she begun to relax. His grip on her feet followed suit, massaging much more gently as his fingers traced the curves of her dainty feet. While she was relaxed, he was tempted to ask about the situation at home, but he kept holding back. He remembered how angry he had been after his mothers death and how hard he had tried to hide it. His jokes and his laughter were all fragile masks that would shatter if anyone pushed him too hard, resulting in rage. He had eventually learned to control this anger through meditation and martial arts, but he knew that not everyone dealt with these things the same. She would talk when she was ready and he would listen.

"Feeling any better?" he said, switching to the other foot.

"I've seen the beast in action, and you don't scare me. At all," it surprised her a little how easy it was to just slip back into the roles they had played their whole lives. She had felt that something inside her had been irrevocably broken, that she would never be the person she had been because the person she had been had been more an amalgamation of ideas rather than a flesh and blood girl. Yet there she was, sitting on a couch with one of the people she had been most sure might never forgive her for all the ways in which she couldn't keep being who other people needed her to be...acting like she always had with him. It was, at best, confusing...and at worst heart-hurting, but she couldn't let herself think about it too hard.

"Does that really work? The unspoken agreement that one night is enough? It seems like a shoddy deal if you ask me," she sipped her water and considered the last three months. She had drifted away from the idea of belonging solely to one someone else... but the people she had found time to kiss while on her adventure were people she saw on a regular basis. They weren't relationships by any stretch of the imagination but she hadn't ever been able to bring herself to cross the bridge into one night stand land. It seemed like one of those places that look amazing in the brochure but then you get there and the view just wasn't what you'd pictured at all. "Or maybe the lady-birds get one night with the beast and decide he's highly  overrated," her smile was lazily good-natured as she rubbed a kink in her neck.

Despite her better judgment those so-called magic fingers were working on her. She wasn't ready to talk about it, but she couldn't really lie anymore either. It all felt so jumbled up inside her, she thought it might be like a champagne cork when she finally let it all go. The kind of champagne cork that took out someone's eye as it sailed across the room. She focused her eyes on her toes rather than his face, lips pursed to one side as she considered the bright electric blue nail-polish still there from the last pedicure Lupe had given her.  Rubbing her own shoulder she took a deep breath and shrugged, "Feeling better is such a loaded term. Better than what? Better than when I was standing out in your hallway with a dent in my shoulder from luggage? Sure. Much actually".

"Or maybe the lady-birds get one night with the beast and decide he's highly  overrated,"

"Oh, you think so? That's funny, I didn't know you were the expert on one night stands with me..." His lip curled crookedly, signalling it was a joke, much in the same way her smile indicated her comment was meant more to tease than to hurt. "... Or one night stands at all... Aren't you still a virgin? Seems like something that should be remedied before making such assumptions..." He sneered and regretted it instantly. There had always been a palpable sexual tension ever since the both of them hit puberty (Him being male meant they roughly did so at the same time), but Kale had never acted on it, for many reasons.

One, she was like a sister to him. A hot, not blood-related, sister... sure... but still a sister. The whole idea felt like a taboo. Two, he didn't believe in commitment, not at this point in his life at least, and she wasn't the type of easy floozy he normally bedded. Finally, he genuinely cared about her. He didn't want to break her heart and he knew that if anything were to happen between them, that is exactly what would happen. If another guy broke her heart, he could beat him within an inch of his life, but what if he was the guy? Well... okay... Kia would beat him nearly to death, but that wasn't the point. He didn't want to be that guy. Ever.

"Feeling better is such a loaded term. Better than what? Better than when I was standing out in your hallway with a dent in my shoulder from luggage? Sure. Much actually".

So he was grateful when she changed the subject, talking about her shoulder and how she felt 'better'. She was lying, but he expected she would for a while until he wore down enough of her defenses. That was the point of her coming here and verbally sparring with him, wasn't it? "You know what I meant." He said flatly, giving her 'the look' before patting her foot "Well, anyways, I am glad you are at least more comfortable. Are you thirsty? I have some water or apple juice... or I could make you some tea..." Normally, in the past, he would have offered her something a bit 'harder', but he had been clean for 2 years now and she wasn't some whore he needed to 'loosen up'. He just hoped she was fine with his lack of refreshment choices, considering he lived a somewhat spartan lifestyle and hadn't been given enough warning to prepare.

"Actually," she paused looking at him with her lips drawn together for just a moment before she continued, "I'm not". She couldn't quite bring herself to look at him when she said it. It wasn't a lie, she had done a lot of things in New York besides sight seeing. She knew he wouldn't be happy about it though, she still wasn't totally sure how she felt about it. Mac was a nice enough guy, and from all the first time stories she had heard... comparatively speaking she could have done worse. It wasn't a one night stand but it wasn't a relationship either. It had all gotten kind of complicated. It was one of those things that just happened and then you had to figure out how you felt about the fact it happened. She still hadn't decided.

It wasn't as though she'd been drunk and he'd taken advantage of her or anything. It had been something she thought she wanted, well was sure she wanted - at the time. It was the moral implications that came later that were the problem really. Like how could she ever tell Sophie what not to do now? She had spent so much of her life trying to be the ideal role model and then tossed all out the window in one summer. It was both liberating and terrifying. Kale's response to the situation (which she expected to be along the lines of wanting to strangle the guy) was one she couldn't ever quite understand. The double standard of what was good for the gander not being good for the goose. She knew that part of it was born of his desire to protect her - but protecting her from life wasn't exactly realistic.

She returned his "look" and then rolled her eyes. She knew what he wanted her to tell him... she just didn't have the words to explain any of it. For someone with a fairly high IQ and large vocabulary this seemed to happen to her frequently as of late. She couldn't explain to people why she couldn't bring herself to work at the Ministry, couldn't explain why living in London, or the idea of going home to #12 made it hard to breathe, couldn't form the words to convey how sorry she was for not being the person people expected or needed her to be. She just didn't have them. It was all gummed up inside of her. "I'm fine, really," it was lame, she knew it was lame, and it wasn't totally fair to do to him she just needed a little more time to sort it all out, to find the right words.

"I know I should have owled..." she trailed off, finally looking at him again. Her smile was weak as she shook her head, "I just... somewhere over the ocean I lost my nerve you know? I was so sure coming home now was right, that Sophie needed me - but maybe I was just being selfish, again," she raked her fingers through her hair as she adjusted on the couch, tucking her legs beneath her slender frame. Selfish was a word she used to describe a lot of her actions lately. She felt like a fairly wretched human being really. Good people didn't just drop their lives and run off to America and equally they didn't drop that life and think they could just come home willy nilly. They also didn't show up on old family friend's doorsteps at one in the morning looking for a place to hide, still "tea would be nice".

"Actually, I'm not".

It didn't dawn on him that she was referring to her virginity, which was probably for the best, at least for the guy involved. Kale didn't care how nice a guy he was or how much she was sure she was in love at the time, you didn't screw his friends, literally or otherwise. Kale may have slept around a lot, but he was always safe and he never went after inexperienced girls. He may be a manwhore, but at least he was a ethical manwhore. He didn't trust other guys to be the same.

Luckily for Ruby, Kale assumed she was talking about knowing his romantic life and simply chuckled from within the fridge, where he was searching for something tasty he could serve up. As usual, there wasn't much in there. Grabbing the half empty bottle of milk, which was close to the expiration date to warrant a sly sniff. He made a slight face, though it wasn't because of the milk. It smelt okay... it was Ruby's 'I'm fine' comment that caused him to wince. He knew she was lying, but he knew that pushing her to talk before she was ready would be a deal breaker. So he simply started to prepare the water, waiting for her to speak.

"I know I should have owled...I just... somewhere over the ocean I lost my nerve you know? I was so sure coming home now was right, that Sophie needed me - but maybe I was just being selfish, again. Tea would be nice".

"Working on it..." He said as he retrieved a bag of tea leaves from the cupboard and poured them liberally into the boiling water. Silence loomed between them for a moment, broken up only by the bubble of the seeping tea and the cabinet doors banging as he searched for sugar and biscuits. As he piled what he found onto a small tray, he finally spoke "I don't think you are selfish, but then, I dunno... I mean I guess it depends on how you feel about it." He nibbled on the corner of a biscuit to make sure it wasn't stale. He then shrugged and popped the entire thing into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "What is more important to you? Making her feel better... or feeling needed?"

Picking up the tray, he took it over to the living room and sat down next to her. "Either way, you are only human. You just went through a terrible loss. No one expects, or should expect, you to be selfless right now. I certainly don't."

She shifted on the couch to watch him, hugging one knee to her chest, chin forming a small dent in the taunt skin. She bit her lip, considering carefully what to say, dark hair forming a sort of fringe over her face as she sighed, "Time was, those weren't two different things. She's just so angry Kale... at all of us, and I get it. I mean I really do, I walked out on her, Da walked out on her, Mum's..." she couldn't bring herself to say it. All these months later and it still wasn't totally real. It was real in the sense that she knew she would never see her mother again, never smell her spicy-mum smell, never hear her singing in the kitchen as she made breakfast.

It was easier to pretend in America, she could close her eyes and picture her mother doing all of those things, being all of those things. Once she walked back into that house it would be all the way real, real in a way she couldn't ignore anymore. For all her bravado Ruby was only ok so long as she kept moving, kept her mind moving.  "Mum would have been selfless," her voice was softer and she looked away focusing on the floor in front of her. "She always did the right thing, the right thing for everyone. and I felt... I tried so hard to be like her. I couldn't though. Sophie looked at me with those eyes, those big broken heart'd eyes wanting to know why and I couldn't tell her".

She had to stop to breathe, exhaling slowly before she finally said, "I couldn't even look at her. I felt like I was coming out of my skin. They all needed so much and I just ran. I ran as far and fast as I could as soon as I could". Fingers of one hand knotted in her hair she took a deep breath, again letting it out slowly trying in vain to keep it from cracking, "You know I still haven't opened my NEWTS' scores yet? I just didn't give a flying fuck," her laugh was hollow as she finally looked up at him again. She didn't know what she wanted him to say, what could he say? There was no denying that she had done a stupid thing that had put her entire future in jeopardy, even cost herself friends.

"I hate you for making me talk about this, stupid lip loosening foot rubs," she didn't even try to sound like she meant it. It was a lame joke but she felt if she kept talking about her mother she might just throw up all over his shiny floor. So she went back to what had brought her here in the first place, "What if she never forgives me Kale? When Da announced that stupid tour I should have put my foot down, I should have talked to Emmy about staying... I just felt like I had so little room to tell anyone anything. I wanted out just as badly, and none of us thought about her". It was hard not to sound self loathing, she couldn't quite forgive herself for all the ways she felt she let Sophie (and herself) down.

Kale sat in silence, sipping his tea as she ranted. It was good to see her releasing all that build up pain. When he had looked into those deep, dark eyes earlier, it had been brimming at the top, just begging to spill over. And spill it did. It hurt him to hear her be so hard on herself and as she bemoaned her 'failure' at taking over her mothers position like it was actually her job, he wondered if Kia had gone through the same thing. She had always been so stoic and cool about the whole thing that he had assumed she was strong, but he always pictured Ruby being strong as well. Had Kia gone to a friends house in the middle of the night to sob her eyes out about how he possibly hated her? It was a painful idea to consider.

Kale didn't say anything for a few minutes after she finished speaking. Instead, he let the silence hang between them as he finished his tea with a brow furrowed in thought. A soft clink of china echoed in the silence as he put his cup down and reached out towards her. Without a word, he slid an arm around her shoulders and the other under her legs, hoisting her so she was virtually in his lap. Then he wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her close in an embrace that clearly said that she was going to be embraced whether she liked it or not. He pressed a brief kiss against the crown of her head before resting his cheek in the sweet scent of her hair.

"Listen to me, Ruby..." He finally spoke, his booming baritone breaking the peaceful silence "... Sophie doesn't hate you. It just seems like that because she is a teenager who has just endured something traumatic. She hates everyone right now and she will... It's natural to. The thing you have to remember is that you are not your mother... and you can't be expected to become her when you haven't been through all the experiences she has. No one, including yourself, should put that stress on you...." One arm loosened enough to reach down and a broad, warm hand cupped her cheek, tilting up so his dark blue-grey eyes could stare into hers. "... If your mother was any more selfless than you, it was not because she was perfect and you are a failure... it is because she had at least two decades more life experience than you have... I am almost positive that, had she been in the same situation at seventeen, that she would have screwed up a few things too. It's only human."

He felt a lump rise to his throat and fought against it, not willing to let himself seem too vulnerable. He had adored Ramona, as most people had, and having lost two mothers in a row now was... well it was disheartening. Luckily for him, he had already gone through his 'do something stupid to feel better' stage and had a career to throw his angst into, but Ruby didn't, and her insistence that she needed to throw her life away for others happiness made him very upset because she deserved better than that. Now if he could only make her see this fact. "One thing you have to understand..." He spoke up again, his voice strained against the lump, "Is that everyone grieves differently. Some people do stupid things, like your brother and myself have done... some bottle up like Kia... some throw themselves into their work like your father... Whatever it is that they do, you can't hold yourself responsible for their happiness. You can't make them grieve differently or they will never get over it."

 His hand slid from her cheek to her hair, petting it slowly as he finished "... What I am trying to say here is that you deserve to grieve your own way without being expected to shut yourself down for everyone else. Your sister, even though she is just a teenager, will understand it... even though it may take a while, she will eventually realize that you didn't abandon her."

For the first time in a very long time Ruby felt physically small, having Kale scoop her up as though she weighed nothing. She was used to being the rock, to being the one that spoke softly and calmly, to offering the shoulder to lean on. It was hard for her to be on the other side, to be the one falling apart. It felt weak, it felt selfish - more so when she heard his voice strain. It was hardest with friends in some ways because they needed someone too, Ramona had played mother to many. She was the kind of person that everyone else orbited, drawing in lost and wounded souls in need of kindness. She never turned anyone away. She wasn't perfect, she made mistakes, but she carried the weight of her sorrows and the hopes of so many others as though it were nothing.

Her whole life Ruby had tried to mold herself in that image, in that light, and now it was gone and the eighteen year old had no idea what to do with herself. He was giving her permission to grieve in whatever way she needed to... and maybe that was what she had been looking for all along, only she didn't know how to ask. She didn't know how to not be the one who did everything until she'd just stopped. There had been so much to plan and Duncan in no condition to plan it, Sophie had been a zombie and left in the capable hands of Nan...and everything else fell on Ruby because she was the one who always took care of everything when Ramona's hands were too full. She realized with a painful rush that her mother didn't have hands anymore.

"I got so scared of what it all meant Kale. I could see the future, the life I would live if I stayed," she bit her bottom lip, brown eyes locked on his as she let out a long breath. "I was sitting at her desk, trying to pick a prayer for the service card...and I could hear Sophie crying in her room. I knew I had to get up, and I had to take care of her, and I just couldn't. It was like I could see the next twenty years laid out before me; taking care of Da because he's a drunk, bailing Johnny out of Merlin knows what, Emmy never coming home because we're all mad as hatters," she shook her head and took another deep breath, "And I knew...I would hate them. I would love them but I would hate them too because I already did," it was the first time she had ever admitted it out loud.

She had thought admitting it, saying it out loud, might make her feel lighter - make her able to make peace with it. Mostly it made her worried that Kale would think she was an awful person. She had been so angry with her father, felt so betrayed by his inability to cope. It was no secret that Ramona was the strong willed one, that Duncan often took a back seat to make her happy. Perhaps if Ruby had ever been so deeply in love with another person she might have understood it all better, but as it stood she just couldn't let go of the fact it seemed to forget there was at least one Flickwick still young and vulnerable enough to have needed him... and a part of her was angry that he just assumed she, herself, wouldn't need him. He was selfish, but then so was she.

Wrapping an arm around Kale's neck and buried her face in the crook of his shoulder letting out a long breath, "It's shit timing, but I've really missed your stupid arse," she tried to make her voice light, but it was laden with meaning she wished weren't there. She had missed him along time before she left for America, she had missed him being a part of her daily life. She missed meals, and laughing, and studying, and joking with him. In all her life there was probably no one who understood her so well or infuriated her so much, save her own mother. She pulled herself back to look at him, bottom lip caught between her teeth, "Thank you for being home...and also for being alone. This whole thing could have been way more awkward".