There were images of toddler-sized toys and clothes and books without an owner, and a huge, bearded man who wore a sneer, and the lifeless face of Gawain Robards, and the smiling photo of his son Charlie that he had kept on his desk--

Aberdeen woke into the early-morning dark, and immediately wished she hadn't, because she remembered instantly what day it was. Both she and Luke had forgotten their wedding anniversary the previous week, but there was no forgetting this. Even if they had forgotten Robin. She sat up, forehead cradled in her hands, and wondered if she could justify brewing up a Draught for Dreamless Sleep. She had been trying to cut down, lessen her dependence on it, and on the whole the nightmares weren't as bad as they had once been, but she sorely missed the nights of uninterrupted sleep, and the mornings of waking up without traces of bad dreams still haunting her.

Her movements must have woken Luke, because he rolled over and mumbled, 'You awake, dear?'

'Mm,' she grunted, massaging her temples as though that would make the thoughts go away. 'Wish I wasn't. Murphy. Wish I could sleep through all of today.'

'Today...' Luke sounded a lot more awake now. 'Oh. Oh... today... it's...'

'I just... I honestly thought we'd have him home by today.' Not feeling remotely tired anymore, Aberdeen sat up and swung her feet out of bed. She picked up her wand from its cradle attached to her side of the bed frame (the bedside cabinet was too far away for her liking, and she didn't consider under the pillow safe), and twirled it idly in her fingers. She always felt safer holding it. 'I thought about getting him a present, y'know? To have something ready for him when he came home. But I...'

'You didn't want to tempt fate. It's understandable.' Luke was very obviously trying to be the comfort to his wife that he usually was, but that ability was admittedly hampered somewhat by how close he was to tears.

'I would have asked Akiva to make brownies. As a birthday treat.' The dull frustration was still there in the back of her mind. Frustration at not knowing whether the knowledge that Akiva's brownies were Robin's favourite was something they remembered about him... or had simply relearned. Aberdeen has hoped she would be able to tell the difference, but the fading Memory Charm made everything blur together. Whenever she thought she truly remembered something about Robin, she couldn't always be sure it wasn't just wishful thinking.

Resigned to being awake for now, Aberdeen pushed herself out of bed and set about getting dressed, still holding onto her wand all the while. Luke wasn't following suit just yet, but he was sitting up now. 'She can still make them, you know. When we do get him back. Heck, she probably will, I don't think we'd even need to ask her. You know Akiva.' He tried to offer Aberdeen a smile, but her back was turned as she pulled her robes on.

'We'll give him a whole belated birthday. Presents, cards, cake, the works. We'll invite our families. And Akiva and Dreogan, of course. And Adon, and Ahmed, Gabie... They'll all be dying to see him, I know it. Not all at once, of course, we don't want to crowd him. And he-- he's a shy boy, so we'd need to be careful not to overwhelm him...' The tentative tone in Luke's voice at the last was indicative of his own uncertainty about what he knew about Robin, whether it was first-hand or third-hand. 'How's that sound, Deen?'

Aberdeen didn't answer for a moment. She stood facing the wardrobe door, fully dressed now, though with her hair still unkempt, wand clutched in her left hand as though ready for a duel. Then, 'Do you suppose he knows what today is?' she asked quietly.

'Who, Robin?'

'No. Him.'

Luke caught the tone of disgust that clarified about whom she was talking. 'I... I don't know. I suppose it depends on whether it was in the notes Jonas...' Luke trailed off uncomfortably. He liked Jonas Trevelyan. He didn't like thinking about the part, however unwitting, the man had played in Robin's disappearance. 'He gave you a copy of them, didn't he? Did it say--'

'I... don't remember.' It was clear from the vexed tone in her voice that she was in no mood to look over the files again to find out. She'd lost track of how many times she'd sifted over them in the past, as if hoping for a lead to come leaping out at her. She'd given up looking for answers in that brown envelope a while ago. It somehow hurt too much.

Aberdeen holsterred her wand, and found herself moving woodenly towards the door, the need to move away from everything overpowering her. She heard Luke calling after her, but had already left the room. On her way to the stairs, she passed Robin's room. She hesitated, and didn't know whether or not to hate herself for the reflex. It did, however, give Luke a chance to catch up to her. He slowed his pace when he reached her, and finished pulling on his dressing gown. 'Deenie,' he said gently, but he couldn't hide the note in his voice that said he was just as lost as she was.

'Even if it's not today, that... that...' Aberdeen barely knew how to refer to Tawse. Not by name, if she could help it, it disgusted her too much. Not as a man, because he seemed barely human to her now. And just calling him a criminal somehow seemed insufficient. 'That purist is going to have a birthday celebration for Robin, for our Robin. Maybe more than one. And they will be what he thinks a celebration should be. Filled with his lowlife cohorts. And that's how Robin is going to grow up. Surrounded by... by thieves and bigots, and... thinking it's normal to call people like us subhuman and...'

She was suddenly aware of Luke's arms around her, holding her tight as if hoping to squeeze out all the bad thoughts that were clamouring for her attention. She could feel him stifling sobs. She realised her own eyes were damp. 'Dammit,' she murmured miserably. She didn't let herself think it, for so much of the time. Classic cynic though she was, she almost never let herself dwell upon the possibility of not getting Robin back. Or not getting him back until it was too late. Especially since beginning occlumency training with Delilah Foley, Aberdeen had recognised the abject terror of what could happen to that sweet little boy as a severe weak point in her mind's armour. If she wanted to have a chance against mental attack, against mind control, memory spells, and legillimency, she had to ignore her maternal instincts. She had to deal with the situation logically, and as emotionlessly as possible.

It helped to always have something to focus on, something to drive her forward. But today she found she didn't want devote her attention to investigating Tawse, O Morain, Macduff, or any other potential links to her son. She didn't want to try, only to fail. She just wanted to sleep, to know nothing. She almost craved the empty bliss of the Imperius Curse, and that, more than anything else, made her feel physically sick. She sank to the floor, and Luke went down with her, still holding her close.

'It's a bad day,' Luke whispered. Aberdeen knew he was keeping his voice quiet only to disguise the fact that he was crying. 'It's okay to have bad days, Aberdeen. But we'll even them out, okay? We're going to get him back. You've... you've got good people helping you. Adon and Jonas and Ahmed and Tulojow... And we'll have good days again. And when we get him back, that'll be the best day of all. And there'll be so many more good days after that. For all of us. Robin isn't going to grow up like... like that. You won't let that happen to our little boy, I know you won't. I know you, Aberdeen.'

And that was what finally made the tears spill over, and for a while after they just sat there, crumpled into each other, wracked with sobs. Because Aberdeen knew that it was true, that Luke knew her, because he knew her better than anyone in the world. And he still loved her. And sometimes, for the life of her, Aberdeen couldn't figure out why.