It was a splendid spring night.  That, alone, had been reason enough to agree to meet Tappy in Hogsmeade.  Dilly was tucked in bed and Sasha seemed a reasonable enough fellow that she felt comfortable leaving the young girl under his watch.  Her limp was, at times, bothersome but her knee was usually appreciably looser by the end of a long stroll.  She followed the path in the darkness; the full moon was less than a week away and the waxing moon offered plenty of light.  She had her wand at close hand should the need to defend herself arise but, for now, the forest remained peaceful. 

Most of Hogsmeade was darkened for the night by the time the former Auror reached the head of the main street.  But, amidst the sleepy town, light and sound still spilled out into the darkness from the Three Broomsticks.  Tappy had reached the small pub first and Tulojow offered the young man a warm smile as she hung her coat[1] up by the door. 

"It's a beautiful night out there."  Tulojow greeted the younger man as she slowly took her seat, her knee cracking audibly as it bent.  "The moon was just rising over the lake when I started out.  Splendid." 

Tulojow looked up as the bartender brought by a round of drinks.  She slid the glass of blackberry wine to the side, content to turn her attention first to the double shot of whiskey.  "I've always wondered who lurks around Hogsmeade at this time of night."  Tulojow glanced around the pub room as she tugged her hair free from its loose bun, letting it fall freely to the bench. 

1.

Outfit

Tapendra sat at the far corner of the pub, his back to the wall. This had once been habit, and was now recently required. It might be semi-pointless with all that wizards could do, but it made him feel better, and with what he'd wanted to talk to Tulojow about he was already several miles from his comfort zone and accelerating.

He smiled at her all the same, his own clothing rather conspicuous[1]. Not because it was in itself odd in anyway; in fact it was rather bland. But, by his standards, it was all black and much more wizarding than normal for him. Part of him wondered if his increasing tendency towards all black was a bad sign, or just a sign he needed to not have his laundry organized by color.

In front of him on the table sat a book and odd little golden globe, just a bit larger than an apple. He'd evidently been working on it, as he had his wand out. On top of all of that sat a pile of letters, half-written and some already in very muggle envelopes. He packed most of this away as she sat, keeping the ball out.

"Usually, no one very interesting," Tapendra said cheerfully, taking the wine instead of the whiskey, mostly out of curiosity. "We're usually the oddest ones here." But then Ignan singing would be odd to the Hogwarts residents most of all, he supposed, so his view was rather biased. "Sorry to call you this far out," he added, having winced at the crack from her knee. "Seemed a bit more interesting than the Hospital Hut."

1.

Outfit

"I see," Tulojow said with a grin as the man across from her gathered up his papers.  "Sounds like I'm missing out on some excitement then.  I've heard rumors about you lot."  She splashed a little whiskey into a glass and got herself settled comfortably. 

She sipped her drink and smiled, self-contentedly. 

"Oh no, no need to apologize," she insisted, waving it off.  "Indeed, it is more interesting and a nice change of pace.  The change of scenery is definitely welcome. I honestly enjoyed the walk.  I don't give myself enough opportunities to get out." 

"Are you looking forward to the end of the year?" she asked, taking another casual sip.

"Only if you like bawdy songs," he said, smiling sheepishly. "Ignan knows some...interesting ones. They get quite detailed. I think he makes them up as he goes along, to tell you the truth." That did not stop Tapendra from singing along, but that didn't bear mention now.

He tried the wine, falling silent as he savored the taste with the air of a child trying the contents of the medicine cabinet. After a few moments thought, he swallowed and smiled at the bottle. It wasn't that bad, actually. The sweetness certainly won it points.

"The end of the year? Somewhat. I'm looking forward to going home," he admitted. "I'm missing all my muggle conveniences quite a bit, I've got to admit. Instant communication, entertainment, music..." He sighed. "No one can bug their relations like a muggle! But at the same time, if too many students fail their OWLs...I won't be coming back."

He shrugged. "I won't bore you with that, though. I, um, needed your advice, actually." He sighed, and tried to smile off his discomfort. "Surprising, I know. Maybe it'd be better to say I needed your opinion..."

Raking his fingers through his bangs, he drank more of the wine, perhaps to strengthen his resolve. "I'm not sure how to handle Schlagenweit. He's, ah...I talked to you two months ago about my issues with..." He trailed off, and gave up. "He's dating another boy. I'm worried. I just don't know how to talk to him about it - he too sensitive to what adults think of him."

Tulojow chuckled, trying to picture the scene.  From what she'd seen of the group in question, she was sure they kept Three Broomsticks lively.  Oh, to be young again.  She could remember those days fondly. 

"Yes," she agreed.  Not that she'd every relied too heavily on what were considered muggle conveniences.  "Though, even when I'm in the muggle world, I'm usually living pretty rustic.  But, getting home does sound nice.  A couple weeks of ranch life sounds heavenly right about now."  Tulojow glanced up across the table and gave Tappy a sympathetic smile.  "I'm sure they'll do fine.  Given you've only had a half of the year to prepare them, I think you're doing as well as can be expected.  And, you've got a number of promising students in the bunch, don't you?" 

Tulojow nodded, confirming she'd be happy to offer her opinion.  When he first started to speak, surprise and confusion flittered across her face.  Tappy, like Dreogan, seemed to have taken an interest in the young man which Tulojow was in complete support of.  The lad certainly needed it and he still tended to regard her with a certain level of suspicion. 

But, given what she knew of the young man, Tappy's words surprised her.  "Granted, he has had some bad luck lately but he doesn't seem that difficult to handle.  I always figured he could benefit from a little more of a rebellious streak."  But, when the man across from her elaborated, it all became clear. 

"Ahh.  Yes.  I know. He has been dating Ferguson since January from what I gather.  They definitely seemed quite friendly that day with all those stupid wanted posters.  I'm glad.  Ferguson's an exceptional young man and they are a bit sickening together."  She suspected something was going on between them since they'd showed up that day, Ferguson all bloodied.  She had, in fact, spoken casually about them on purpose.  Largely to see and gauge his reaction. 

"The easiest solution is, obviously, to tell him you aren't comfortable talking about it." 

Tapendra pressed his lips into a line. As much as he might try and tempter his reaction, to tell himself it was okay, he couldn't help the lurch when it came to it. It worried him intensely, made him feel...well, odd. He looked away across the bar in an obvious attempt to hide his discomfort.

"Amherst does seem...reliable," he said finally, sighing. The boy had been very helpful the night of Ava's murder; even with the news he'd been calm, quiet and had kept Sasha company as well as kept him sane.

"It's not quite that easy," he said, drinking deeply again. "It worries me. And, well...I'm not sure who else he has to go to with that kind of problem. If he's worried and needs help, I don't want him to have to figure things out on his own, and, well..." His final worry almost sounded silly, in his mind, especially as he said it. "With everything that's happened, a breakup isn't exactly...going to help him, so..."

'Reliable' was a slight understatement, but yes.  Ferguson Amherst had proven himself reliable through the course of everything in the last six months.  And, from what Tulojow had gathered, he'd often played an active roll in helping Sasha through ... everything.  Which would have been a daunting task for anyone, even when all other factors were working in their favor.  The young Slytherin had fully impressed and endeared himself to Tulojow. 

But, it was clear Tappy's assessment was tempered by his own uncertainty and nothing pertaining to the relationship itself.  Tulojow closed her eyes as she sipped at her drink, allowing herself a moment to consider Tappy's comments and what the best approach to this might be. 

The first step seemed to be to get a clear picture of what the immediate concern was and what the young man across from her was feeling needed to be accomplished. 

"You're concerned about the young man?"  She asked though that much seemed obvious by now.  "There are certainly people he could go to, if he chose.  Given how much he tries to avoid me, I doubt he'd come to me.  But, as I understand, Dreogan Eleor has taken an interest in him, as well.  I believe you're familiar with Dreogan?"  Identifying people the young man could go to was the easy part.  With what little she knew, Sasha being comfortable enough to approach someone was going to be the bigger challenge. 

"Are you feeling like this is something you're feeling like you or someone needs to approach him about? Or, are you wanting to be prepared if he approaches you?" 

"Well, yes. Who wouldn't be?" Tapendra said, waving a hand. "After what he's been through." He considered, for a moment, if he should elaborate, but...He looked at her kind and elderly face and decided it was important to if he wanted real, effective advice.

"And, well, there's some parallels. I just feel like - out of all the teachers that're at Hogwarts, I'm the one he'd be best off listening to." He realized how that sounded, and quickly stuttered to add, "Not that the others are wrong - well, about most things, there are some who'd...but he wants to keep a foot in both worlds, and the sciences, and..." he trailed off. "We're similar, Tulojow. Especially to how I was at his age. So..."

She had to ask the difficult question, of course. He rubbed the back of his head. "It's...kind of. He's getting to be that age, where he'll want to know about...and...part of me wants to talk to him about it, try to..." Find out what drove him to other men? It was such a vague feeling. "It's the second, really," he said.

Tulojow shifted her position on the pub bench so she was sitting lengthwise in the seat, her back against the wall and her feet stretched out on the seat.  She cradled her drink in her hand, her gaze resting, though not directly focusing, on the glowing amber color of the whiskey. 

"Certainly," she agreed, with a nod of her head.  "He seems to have had a rough year and I think most of us are concerned.  But, it sounds like you're wanting to take an active role?  From what I've gathered, he seems to be managing as well as one could expect but I know he doesn't share the full story with me.  I'm glad he's being more open with you."  For that reason, alone, Tappy was probably right - he probably was the best choice for the Ravenclaw to talk to. 

"Parallels?"  Tulojow asked, glancing curiously across the table.  So, Tappy was identifying with the young man - seeing elements of himself in the boy.  "In what way?  He definitely seems fairly bright, much like you."  And, yes, they did seem to share similar interests.  "But, is this just in terms of academics?" 

Tulojow arched an eyebrow when his response changed midway through the answer.  His answer seemed neither confident or decisive.  At first, he sounded drawn to the first option but he, somehow, convinced himself the second was the correct course of action.  "As adults, we sometimes seem to function under the misperception that we're expected to know all the answers.  I think we convince the kids who look up to us of that, too.  But, that's not the case.  We don't have to have all the answers every time we talk to kids and especially teenagers.  Sometimes, when they see that we're confused and unsure as well, it just helps them validate their own uncertainty."

"It's, well," He couldn't really describe it. "I can see myself in him?" He tried that, and it worked, more or less. "The good and the bad bits. He's got more good than I do, but, at that age..." It was hard to think thoughts he didn't like - to say nothing of saying them.

He rubbed the back of his neck, gulping more of his drink. Liquid confidence, right?

"He's got enough chaos to cope with without the adults around him crumbling into uncertainty," he said, with a tinge of bitterness. "I know we don't need to have all the answers, but - it's not something I want to admit to. We're supposed to be older and wiser, but I don't feel that way. At all, really." He smiled slightly sadly.

Then he sucked his breath in and figured he could tell her the basics, at least, but..."No one else is to know this, okay?" He said, quietly, knowing she wasn't likely to tell but still awkward.

"When I was his age, I was more...open. About everything, really, but with relationships. If you get my drift, and I...got taken advantage of, I guess. I got savvy before it went too far, but I... every time I think about that kind of thing...I can't separate my issues from the others and my worries from what his should be." The words came out in a rush, as if he'd placed them on the table all at once and then whisked them away.

Tulojow nodded her head.  "I can see that."  She could vey much see where Tappy would see himself in the lad.  There were plenty of similarities - both physical (height) and intellectual (pro-muggleness).  She could see it, but she was curious: "have you told him that?" 

The healer took a sip of her whiskey as the professor gulped at his own.  She nodded her head, slowly.  She wasn't entirely sure she agreed; she suspected such conversations would prove plenty effective even if the man fumbled and didn't come across as completely sure of himself.  But, it wasn't about how she'd approach it; if not being sure of his own words made him more uncertain then, well, it'd make things harder for Tappy. 

"Well, you're hardly old," Tulojow said, shaking her head and grinning slightly between sips.  "Certainly not old enough to be wise.  So, I wouldn't worry about that as much.  But, yes - you have to be comfortable enough, at least, to be able to broach the subject.  Which, I'm guessing, is the root issue. 

Tulojow nodded, agreeing to remain confidential without a second thought.  Before Tappy began to speak, she slipped her thin, white wand from her pocket and cast a quick muffling charm around their corner booth. 

Their previous conversation had left Tulojow suspicious that something had happened though, of course, the details had remained elusive.  Now, in combination with the previous comments, quite a bit was making sense.  "By that kind of thing you mean sex, yes?  Between men."  She paused a moment, watching Tappy carefully.  She'd been blunt on purpose; his reaction to the question alone would be illuminating.  "And, talking about - or thinking about sex between a man and a women - or even two women doesn't evoke the same discomfort?"

"And, what should his worries be?"

"Not in so many words, no," Tapendra admitted.

He was in the process of drinking again as she responded, the whiskey helping him keep calm somewhat - up until she was blunt. Involuntarily, he jerked in surprise, and snorted some of the whiskey out his nose.

The pain of that was nicely distracting from the luminescent blush. He mopped at his nose with his handkerchief, groaning at the burning sensation that filled his mouth and nose. His reaction likely said everything, however, even if he didn't say anything to affirm her question at first.

He finally nodded, though, while he used his wand to wet corners of his handkerchief and wipe his nose out in an effort to stop the pain. His eyes were tearing up.

"Well...no." He finally spoke, his voice slightly nasal as he kept attempting to soothe his nose. "If I can be equally blunt - from a male perspective, lesbians are, well, attractive. But I don't have anything against them, no. But I've also never really met any, so..."The words 'Most of my experiences involve watching them naked' were not ever going to leave his lips. Not around Tulojow, anyhow, and certainly not after only 2 drinks.

"Coping with his parent's death," Tapendra added. "Teenage issues. School-work. Worrying about the Tournament, when they finally get told about that. That kind of thing."

Tulojow silently applauded her own wisdom in opting for a muffling charm on their table.  Even if the topic of their conversation hadn't piqued the interest of eavesdroppers, the abrupt spewing of whiskey from the younger man's nose was almost guaranteed to have done so. 

With a casual non-chalance that suggested Tulojow hadn't been entirely surprised by the reaction, the witch wiped up a few splattered droplets of whiskey with her napkin as Tapendra collected himself, offering a sympathetic and apologetic half-grin all the while.  The intensity and obviously subconscious nature of the response spoke volumes and revealed the gut instincts that had precipitated this conversation had been correct.  Tapendra wasn't prepared to talk to the young Ravenclaw about this. 

"Well...no  If I can be equally blunt - from a male perspective, lesbians are, well, attractive. But I don't have anything against them, no. But I've also never really met any, so..."

"Well yes.  That's pretty typical.  And not untrue." Tulojow said, letting the last bit of the comment slide by without response. 

Tulojow nodded as Tapendra listed off the various worries the young man should be focusing on.  The man was right; worrying how a professor was going to respond to the nature of his relationships wasn't something that needed to be added to the list.  And, given what she'd seen of the Ravenclaw (of what the Ravenclaw had allowed her to see), how the professor responded would probably impact the boy more than it should. 

"Well,-" Tulojow said, slowly, setting her glass down on the table.  "It seems to me there are a couple of choices.  We could recruit someone to talk to him about such matters before he has a chance to ask you, thereby avoiding the situation entirely.  Or, we could work on getting you to where you'd be more comfortable talking about such matters with him or anyone else.  I suppose it depends on how much you're wanting to push your comfort zone." 

Tapendra continued to carefully soothe his burning nose, which burned like he'd snorted fire even after a minute of soothing. He wondered if it'd start bleeding.

"Well yes.  That's pretty typical.  And not untrue."

He glanced up, wondering what she meant by that - and having a guess - but not saying a thing. He really didn't want to have guess wrong with that sort of subject. Embarrassing.

Her next question posed more of a problem, however. He paused, going still and looking down at the table.

"Well," he said after sitting still for a few long moments. "I, ah-" He wasn't sure. His comfort zone was a carefully guarded fortress with several extremely bad holes in its defenses. In theory, having a larger one would be - could be ice, but at the same time -

"If you're saying ' should we send him to a Therapist of some sort," he said, "Then I whole heartily agree. I just need to find one that doesn't just hand him potions and tell him to cheer up and that he can talk to about wizard stuff." Wizard stuff. He had such a way with words.

"As for my comfort zone, I - I'd prefer he could talk to someone he knows, but, well..." He trailed off, and finally smirked, his humor aimed entirely at himself. "I don't know if I'm - I'd be good for me, wouldn't it?"

Tulojow waited, patiently, giving Tapendra all the time he needed to sift through his thoughts.  And tend to his aching nose.  She knew there were several layers to the question to work through: how the answer impacted him; how the answer impacted the boy.  Walls that took years to build couldn't always be torn down in a day. 

But, she hoped he'd come to the decision to tear those walls down.  She knew she couldn't push him towards that decision, even if she believed it would prove to be the right one in the end.  As painful and terrifying as the process might be, hiding from one's past only gave those memories more power.  And, made them more oppressive until they could exert their control over you and the choices you made. 

"Aye.  A therapist with those qualities would probably be a good idea.  Especially if we could find one he was comfortable opening up to."  From what she'd gathered, that could very well be just as difficult.  "For better or worse, talking about relationships is difficult enough with people we're familiar with.  Some people find talking to strangers easier.  Some don't.  Given his reluctance to tell me much of anything, I fear the later is more likely with him."

Tulojow returned the smirk sympathetically, even as the younger man's unfinished sentences piqued her curiosity.  "Yes.  I think it'd be good for you.  I think it'll help considerably, in the long run.  After all, I suspect he'd still eventually pick up on your discomfort even if it's not who broaches the topic with him.  Unless, of course, you return to a strictly professor-student type relationship."