Dinner was over, the school quieting down for the night. The sun was down, though the dim glow of it still obscured the stars at the horizon. The Astronomy Tower was quiet, free of students, as usual. Few students sought him out for tutoring. He tried not to take that personally, though he was glad for the few that did seek him out.

Save the one in front of him, of course. Tapendra sat on the floor of the tower with one of the fifth years girls, looking over her star charts. They were spread out before them, and the constellations weren't consistent. In his hand was a quill with red ink, and these discrepancies were thoroughly marked.

It was monotonous, but he welcomed it. Ignan's distance and the entirety of the 25th was weighing on his mind heavily. Dolly's letters hadn't helped, exactly. He did want to see her, to apologize for his feelings and behavior, but he wasn't sure he really wanted to get into anything emotional now. At the same time, an emotional outpouring might help both of them, if her letters were any indication.

Not to mention getting into anything else. That, he didn't really want to consider.

There was a half-finished beer on his desk, hidden behind a stack of paper, and thankfully the Ravenclaw he was talking to hadn't seen it.

The clock struck 9pm and he looked up, smiling quickly at the  girl. "You'd better go to bed, it'll be curfew in a few minutes," he told her, and she nodded and started gathering her papers. He stood, floating the quill and ink back to their drawer with his wand. "Come and get me tomorrow if you're still stuck," he added, as she half-bowed and bustled out of the room, her papers threatening to fall.

He walked to his desk, sitting at it and setting his feet on it as he leaned back in his leather chair, beer cradled to his chest. He was dressed all in black, mostly via the method of dressing called 'pick what's on top.' Outside the windows, the simple black and blue image of the Pleiades filled the room with their dim blue light, and he found himself drifting off, looking at the twinkling stars and taking occasional shallow sips of his beer.

He wasn't sure how much time passed as he sat there looking out at the shifting blue image outside the windows, when he heard the door open quietly. He sat up, adjusting the collar of his sweater. "Dolly?" he called, voice quieter than he'd intended in the shadowy darkness of the tower.

In the weeks that had passed since her accident, since the Ides of March, Dolly had existed in a strange state of non-being. She was not herself, at least not the self that she had formerly been. Even when she had allowed herself the night out for Dazmond's birthday the world seemed to collapse in upon itself. She was confused and unsure of where, exactly, life was trying to direct her. She couldn't go back - not to the point in her life before it was all a game nor to the game itself. This did not bode well for book sales, her agent kept trying to hammer that home... Dolly couldn't be bothered to give a flying frack. Her universe and relationships were in a complicated web of shambles and she just wanted... well what did she want? What exactly was she hoping to achieve with this visit to Tappy; to ask his forgiveness? To assure him that she was not falling into bed with Dominik? What exactly did they owe one another? Had whatever happened between them just been a one off (well, several off) between old friends? Was he keeping himself away from her because of something she'd said in St. Mungos?

They were questions she poured over as she dressed with conservative care. She did not want to complicate his life. She didn't want to be another wound on his too tender heart. She had been too much and not enough for him all at the same time. It seemed she was always too much or just not enough in all her relationships lately. She couldn't keep Dazmond safe, even if the witch claimed to be feeling fine. She couldn't right the mistakes she'd made with Landis; or run from the ones she continued to make with Dominik. For someone who wrote about base human interactions for a living she was really quite bad at them lately. There was a constant struggle within her non-being; the desire to hide in her safe penthouse and watch the world pass by without having to interact with it; and the need to be close to the people she had only just begun to realize she deeply loved. It was not an emotion she was comfortable with; the irony of which did not escape her.

She arrived at the castle without spectacle, and much the way she had as a teenager she quietly strode the corridors to the Astronomy tower. The last thing on her mind was drawing attention to herself; having to explain why she was there. She knew that on the whole it would be better for Tappy if no one knew she was there. She was aware that many of his associates (namely Storm whom the Astronomy Professor seemed most eager to please) did not approve of his associating with her. If Dolly had ever had a self esteem problem in her life it might have bothered her. She could give a flying fiddlers fart was that old crone thought of her; she just didn't want to make things strained between the two men. It was never wise to come between friends, it wasn't the kind of war anyone really won. She stood outside the tower proper's entrance for a few moments. She had never considered the fact she might not be ready for whatever waited on the other side of this conversation.

The idea bombarded her then though, the rejection that could be written all of his face. In sent a cold chill of panic down her spine. Her heart rate picked up and she felt her chest almost collapse in on itself. For the briefest moment she considered walking straight back from whence she came and not confronting this all consuming  irrepressible fear before shaking her head, taking several deep breaths and forcing herself to open the door. The blue hued room seemed calm enough. He was not waiting on just the other side of the door to send her away at least. She heard the faintness of his voice and a small smile tugged on her lips as she stepped fully inside and closed the door behind her. "Yeah, just me. Don't worry it's not Gigi sneaking up to get in your stash of weird muggle fetish posters," her voice was a little teasing as she stepped forward, the hem of her ever stylish trench coat bouncing against the slender line of her calves. "I'm sorry if you've been waiting long, sneaking through this castle is much harder than I remember it being," she kept herself in check, the picture of propriety rather than her exuberantly physical norm.

He swung his legs off the desk, standing up and putting the beer down. "She'd have failed anyway. I left those posters at home," he said with a soft laugh, padding barefoot across the tower. The student's desks had been stacked neatly in the far Western corner, so the only thing taking up space on the large circular space that formed the main floor was the globe, which sat on its stand as a plain white cloth ball.

"I haven't been waiting all that long, no," he said, and stopped an arm's length short of her, awkwardly. What did one say, exactly, in this situation? He smiled again as he tried to figure out what to do, how he felt. She seemed withdrawn, which wasn't helping. If she'd been clearly mad at him, that would have helped.  Or happy, or...

"It's good to see you," he told her, truthfully, and reached out, large hand cupping her shoulder for a moment before he let it fall to his side.

"I'm sorry," he added, quickly. "About March, and Tabitha, and Dom and how I was acting." His voice was hurried, the unfocused nature of his gaze as he looked at the floor hinting at the long mental list he was going down. "And for not writing. It's been...complex. Since March." He smiled again, though it was a slightly sad one, as he considered how much of an understatement that was. "Everything's kind of been happening at once."

Dolly tried to read him, but it seemed they were both wearing masks tonight - trying to know what the other needed from them. It was a complicated dance that Dolly thought she had bested years ago when she stopped trying to give people what they needed from her - it was supposed to be easier that way. If no one had any expectation of a claim to you then no one could get hurt and there was no guilt. If only people played by those rules, if only she played by those rules... if only she had the foresight not to play at anything at all with the Professor.

It wasn't that their interlude was regrettable in the physical sense. It was that men like Tapendra Trishna were the sort that fell in love, he placed a value on her that no one else ever had - a genuine one. Dom imagined her value, Kurby negated her value, Oliver exploited her value, Alistair denounced her value you; only Eli had ever seen her wholly, completely, the value of her most broken humanity. She did not want Tappy to be another Eli. She couldn't live with herself if she hurt one more person the way Dom had hurt her. Her adoration, the giving of the physical was selfish.

Shaking her head she caught his hand as he dropped it toward his side, her fingers were cool to the touch as she stepped closer, "Don't..." she paused her hushed voice as she laced her fingers with his, resting the back of his hand against the spot just over her heart. She could feel her pulse thundering in her ears forcing her to swallow hard before she continued, "Dom can be, and in fact often is the albatross 'round my neck," the movement of her head as it shook caused the loose dark curls to bounce around her pale features. She had to be careful how exactly she said the next part, "I don't remember much; but if I said something that made you feel..." again she had to stop, her blue eyes helpless as she tried to form a coherent sentence.

"If I sent you away, if I did something to hurt you, made you feel like you didn't matter..." she bit down on her lip hard as her eyes pricked with tears. Salazar's knickers! She was such a weepy woman lately. Everything made her cry, it was as if her emotions were dialed up to ten any time she didn't have a fair amount of rum in her system. She took a deep breath and squeezed his fingers, all the whiling biting the inside of her cheek as if it would keep her from blubbering like an idiot when she wasn't even sure what was wrong between them. "Whatever it was, I can promise you it was a result of potions and pain. I had all but put him to the curb by the first of March. He..." she trailed off and shook her head, "It doesn't matter about him, I didn't come to talk about Dominik and I - I came to see you, to be...with you for a little while".

Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear she took a deep breath and continued faintly, "I just missed you".

He looked at his hand as she held it, not really able to meet her gaze - but his fingers curled around hers all the same. "You didn't," he said, finally, with a sigh. "I did, but..."

He trailed into silence when she looked ready to cry, temporarily nonplussed. He'd never really seen her cry; she might have when Judy died, but he'd been anywhere but on Earth after that happened. Oh, his body had been laying on his friend's couch, but his mind was elsewhere, looking for any place it could be where that had never happened. It hadn't worked.

"Dolly," he said, quietly, and pulled her against him in a hug, arms around her shoulders. "I missed you, too. I'm sorry. I should have been trying to be supportive..." His chin was on her head, his face out of her sight for a moment. "A lot's happened...and even on the 13th, I'm sorry, I was..." Seeking support? Somewhat. He knew that tiny buried selfishness glad in his brain had been annoyed she'd been hurt when he needed someone to talk to that wasn't Ignan and wasn't the others and she hadn't been able to. He'd suppressed it thoroughly, but...it had been a stupid selfish thing to think in the first place, and then when Dom had turned up...

"How have you been?" He asked, instead. He privately doubted Dom was truly at the curb. He'd known Dolly for years, and the Dom Situation was a long lasting battle with no real winner. But getting into that debate wasn't something he wanted to do and apparently neither did she.

There were like a pair of awkward fifteen year-olds, stumbling through the stilted conversation. Actually, at fifteen Dolly had been much better at this game. She would have smiled coyly and fluttered her eyelashes to make him forget he was upset with her in the first place... well actually when she was really really fifteen she wouldn't have given Trishna a second look because Judy would have snatched the hair from her head by the roots. That was the reason they hadn't ended up in this position before now. Well, Judy and Dom; love made you blind and also relatively stupid. It wasn't that Dolly hadn't always known that; she just never realized the rules applied to her too. She had never seen her relationship with Dominik in that light because she had kept so much of it away from prying eyes. If no one saw and no one knew then it was like it didn't really exist; except for the brief moments he came to her.

Resting her head against Tappy's chest, her arms tucked against his torso as he instigated an elevation in physical contact between them for perhaps the first time ever. She was leaving him to lead, knowing without meaning to she would get caught up in the psychoseuxal dance steps of familiar history to do more than let him hold her for the moment. Old habits died hard, it would be easier to sleep with him than talk to him - but she didn't want to. She wanted there to be something solid between them, something bankable. There was so much she wanted to tell him and yet couldn't. She was starting to hate the secrets she kept - that she had to keep for the well being of others. Letting out a long breath she let the silence sort of hang between them, her fingers twisting the material of his sweater before she finally pulled back just enough to look at him and said simply, "Lost".

There was a sad sort of laugh that died in her throat as she flicked away what she would call an eyelash but was unmistakably a tear. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She didn't even really want this to be about her. Resting her hand against his chest she let out a long sigh and shook her head, "I always knew I was crazy; I never thought I was dumb," there was a twitch to her lips, the ghost of a smile as she focused intently on the whiskers of his chin, "I have been though; brazenly stupid in some instances - I was so busy boasting about how I had it all figured out I didn't realized how much I still needed to learn". Finally she lifted her eyes to his face again, smoothly sliding her hands to rest on his shoulders, head tilting to one side, "What about you Professor? Have you gone and found that proper girlfriend yet"?

One of his hands came up and candled the back of her head, though he made no move beyond that. "Dominik?" He asked, simply, his tone indicating her answer could be as simple as yes or no. He glanced at the nearby alcove, with its gently burning fire and couches, and let her go, frowning as she asked him what he'd been up to.

"Not anything like that, no," he said with a slightly sad smile. "Skeletons are tumbling out of my closet, as it turns out." He walked to the alcove and sat on one of the couches, after a moment rotating and laying lengthwise along it, his long legs still having to hang over the end so that his head lay on the second cushion, leaving the third open.

"My mother turned up," he said, knowing she didn't know the full story of that. He smirked oddly, looking up at the alcove's slanted ceiling. "She disappeared when I was 17, and now she's back." An odd sort of laugh found its way out of his throat; bitter laughter, really. "Turns out she's been killing people this whole time. Isn't that funny?"

Though she only shook her head no in answer to his question, Dolly felt an acute sense of emptiness as he let her go. It hurt the deepest reaches of her chest to watch him walk even that short distance away. She stood motionless, listening with the whole of herself to all the tiny inflections is voice and body gave off. Even after losing Judy he had not sounded so bitter. She had never heard that sort of choking venom drip from his lips before. Slowly she traced his steps with her own, deft fingers doing away with the buttons of her coat, letting it slide from her shoulders, she stepped into the alcove. It was warm and cozy, but his words made her blood chill as it traveled through her veins.

The idea of someone's parent being a murderer was not strange to Dolly. Given the world she had grown up in it was far more common than anyone would have liked to admit so many years later. Hadn't she gotten terribly drunk with a man on the run for kidnapping and a litany of other crimes Dolly couldn't even pretend to fathom or follow? It was not the idea that his mother was capable of taking another life that nagged at Dolly - it was the idea that his mother found it possible to leave him. It wasn't that her parents were particularly wonderful people. They had kept her in jewels and gowns - but Dolly was the first to admit Dinora Wiedman had been more of a mother to her than any woman with the last name of St. James.

Tappy was just...well, better than her. The thought struck her as she draped her coat over the arm of the couch, looking down at him with the firelight catching the flaming flecks of his hair. He was better than she was - he deserved better than her, and apparently he deserved better than his mother as well. Leaning over she pressed her lips to his forehead before carefully seating herself, the pendant at her neck catching the firelight. There were so many things she wanted to say but the mistress of words could find none as she stroked her fingers down his fuzzy jaw, "Do you want to tell me?" her voice was soft and expression genuine as she cocked a quizzical eyebrow, "I promise to listen as long as you need me; no healers to interrupt or grumpy idiots to get in a pissing contest over me for".

He closed his eyes as she stroked his beard, making a soft 'mm' sound as she did. He smiled faintly.

"I'd appreciate that," he said, opening his eyes halfway. "I can't talk to anyone about this, it seems. They all seem to be wrapped up in it somehow." He wiggled his shoulders. "I don't know. The pissing contest could have been fun. Falling asleep in the meeting after the hospital would have made more sense with a black eye."

He let his breath out. "Mum left when I was 17, as I said. Left Georgiana behind. She hadn't met her before." He opened his eyes fully, looking up at her with a tilt of his head. "She was pureblood, you know, Mum was. One of those princess types. Grew up super rich, coddled, arranged marriage and all that. It didn't end well." He seemed amused by this. "Killed her whole family, in the end. She's a horrible person, really. Shallow, purist, vain, sadistic and cruel..." He trailed off. "And I miss her."

He laughed again. "And yet I hate the fact she's back. I miss her but having her in my life again seems like such a horrible idea. She'd hate...well, she does hate, everything I've become." He reached up, covering her fingers with his own. "The Aurors let us see her on the 25th and we...talked. She wants me to clean up her loose ends, you know? Take out the one...the ones that got her caught."

Dolly took on her new role as quiet support, gaze fixed on the Professor as he spoke. The ugly truth in life was not something Dolly had ever shied away from. There were certain realities that came with being a Pureblood in the time of a blood purity war; there was the reality of knowing what Dominik was capable of. She had had to accept the inner darkest most thing about him in order to love him. It was not something she shared with people - Tappy certainly didn't need to hear about it. She let her detractors paint her as the Ice Queen Harlot - it was easier than trying to explain how one rectified their love of a monster with the very nature of their soul.

"Even a bad mother is still your mother," her voice was faint when she finally spoke. She didn't think it was strange at all that he could detest her and love her at the same time, "D'you know, the opposite of love isn't hate? It's indifference. None of what she's done, good or bad would matter at all if you didn't love her". She doubted her waxing philosophically would help him at all; but she wanted him to know she understood. There was something about mothers - you couldn't ever really escape them. She wondered (vaguely) how much Judy had been like Azorma; and couldn't help but pick up on the bitterness in his voice when he described her life that was not so far removed from Dolly's own upbringing.

Dolly's eyes locked on his as he stumbled over his last sentence, crimson lips drawing together. For a moment she let the statement hang in the air. Realistically she knew she couldn't stop him, she had no say in his life - she was not his wife or even a proper companion...but without a single thought toward that her voice sounded a resolute, "You absolutely will not". Without waiting for a rebuttal she squeezed his fingers and shook her head, "First of all, I refuse to believe it's in you to do that - not for anything less than to save your sister or your daughter. Second of all - you owe that woman, mother or not, absolutely nothing. You are not going to throw your life away. I won't let you".

She let out a slow shaky breath before pressing on, "Call me a selfish bitch all you like; but I have lost far too many friends to the shady shit of life. There is simply no more room on the list for your name".

"I know," he said. "And she's not all bad, she really isn't. He - things - life drove her kind of crazy. She wasn't able to take it, and she went bonkers." He considered Dolly's face and spoke his next words carefully. "She liked men like - well, men like Dom, you know? The dark brooding dangerous type. And she wanted things they couldn't give her and she did that over and over again."

He sat up slightly, looking at her seriously as she told him firmly she didn't want him doing that sort of thing. He was propped up on his elbows, and one eyebrow quirked.

"You don't think I could?" He asked, seriously. "I wish it was that simple, just saying no," He said. "I'm not going to kill for my mother. Unless I - unless I have to. But..."

He sat up fully suddenly, assuming the lotus position with practiced ease. He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands cupped together and pressed against his lips, his posture radiating worry.

"I have enemies, Dolly," he said finally. "Not the kind you'd expect, you know, the 'letters to the editor, this crazy asshole things muggles are worth anything' type. Powerful ones. And with my mother back..." He was struggling for words. "The Aurors are after me, Dolly. They want my help and I can't give it. The only reason I'm still alive is I'm good at staying quiet." He rubbed his face, sighing into the cover of his palms. "And the aurors who are asking for my help could easily be working for him and if they are the moment I try to help you'll be readin' an article about how I oh-so-mysteriously vanished."

"Do you want me to believe you're capable of cold blooded murder on someone's command - even if the command comes from your mother?" Dolly looked at him, eyebrows drawn together as she shook her head, "And while it is of little relivence to this discussion; Dom has not always been...the way he is. The boy I fell in love with when I was no bigger than a minute was charming, and sweet, and funny. Dominik was not born a monster anymore than your mother was. The path he was forced down created the beast he is now," she felt very shaky even saying that out loud. It was unfair really; her trying to save him from becoming like Dominik while defending Dominik.

No, that wasn't exactly right; she didn't defend the choice that he had made all those years ago. There was a part of her that still dreamed some nights that they had managed to escape; to live a quiet life - rich in happiness even if they were dirt poor. They were not frequent dreams anymore but they existed. There was a desperate part of her that wanted to make Tappy understand it was not the brooding or the violence that kept her bound to Dominik... it was something so innocent and pure in him that she knew was still there even if she was the only one who ever saw it. She knew in the long run none of it mattered and it certainly wouldn't improve the situation Trishna was in.

Raking her fingers through her hair she shook her head, the fact of his physically pulling away again cut another one of her heartstrings. She wanted to help him - she could see how desperately he needed her help; though at this point she thought maybe he just needed help so desperately that he'd just given up and was telling her...so what? So he could leave the girls with her? Winding her finger around the chain at her neck she chewed the inside of her cheek, "For every enemy you have there is an old connection I know how to drum up - but you have to tell me who they are; who this shadowman is that has you so shook up".

"That's not what I-" he started weakly, but he fell silent as she explained and when she was done, he nodded mutely. "I know," he said, quietly. He smiled slightly. "I'm sorry. It's hard not to be a bit antagonistic towards the guy, given what - the things that seem to happen to you because of  or around him." He rubbed the bridge of his nose again. "It's just frustrating to watch you struggle and then have to go through it all again."

He looked away again, falling silent, his mouth working for a moment before he set his jaw and set his lips into a line. "I need your solemn promise you won't speak of this to anyone, Dolly. Anyone at all." He looked back to her sharply. "I don't want you to get in trouble. There's enough people who're... who could get hurt just because they know me."

Reaching over, he took her hand, mostly for comfort. Feeling the warmth of her skin helped him focus. "Have you ever met Vedir Prideaux?"

Dolly just sort of looked at him helplessly. Even if she was completely confused by Dom's recent actions...even if she was more confused by the need to be close to the Professor; none of it changed that for the vast majority of her life she'd loved Dominik. She couldn't make Tappy understand that any better than to draw the parrelles between his marriage to Judy (only the last time they'd talked about her... well Dolly wasn't sure that he had ever loved Judy in the way Dolly loved Dom). Leaning over she pressed a kiss against his temple and gave a small sigh, "I know, and I respect that you don't like him. I don't like him a lot of the time truth be told - but he is a part of my life that mak- made up who I am, the good and the bad".

She left it at that because there were more important things to talk about. If Tappy was in real trouble she wasn't above reaching into her not so pristine past to help him. She might have quit living her life in the shadow land but one owl to Dazmond and - Vedir? Her mind flashed to the aging playboy, she knew him well enough for drinks and the occasional noncommittal tussle if she were in the mood... but that did not seem to be the right sort of answer to give Tappy. Actually, from the tone in his voice if he knew how well she knew Vedir it could turn into a national incident. Swallowing she tried to rectify the implication of the business mogul and Hogwarts Governor being involved with the Professor's mother.

And then her stomach turned over in a double knot and she wanted to throw up more than a little, realizing just how many times she had apparently cooed and fluttered at Trishna's mother's former lover. What had formerly seemed harmless now made Dolly feel decidedly unclean and even further beneath Tappy than she already considered herself. She tried to keep her expression neutral as she chewed her bottom lip leaving the tender flesh mottled and raw, "We're acquainted...yes," she swallowed hard hoping he wouldn't draw the general direct inferance that usually came with Dolly being acquainted with someone.

Her reactions got her a quirked eyebrow, as did her hesitant answer. Much to his quiet annoyance, he was still sober enough to draw the logical conclusion. Damn.

Tapendra sighed. It wasn't nice to assume Dolly had slept with him,but he knew Vedir too; knew his habits, his attitudes and his...tastes. It wasn't exactly surprising if she had, really. Ugh, that meant he'd...with the same...at least Vedir likely wouldn't infect Dolly with anything.

"He's Georgiana's father," he said, simply. "My mother thought being with him would make everything okay. We..." he ran a hand through his hair, and sighed.

"Dolly, please, really don't tell anyone this," he said. "He's...he got my mother on purpose. He was out to betray her from the start, to give her back everything she wanted and then rip it all away again. His original plan was...he wanted - I trusted him." He said trying to figure out how to say all this without saying it, not really wanting to have to tell someone all of this again. "I haven't ever had a father, Dolly, and with my mother's attitudes I always...I wanted one, and he played on that, and then..."

He reached suddenly, and pulled her against him, his head finding the crook of her shoulder. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder, eyes squeezed shut. "His type of affection wasn't what I...expected, or wanted, and when I said no he wasn't...very happy about that." He was shaking, but he sucked in his breath, seeming to calm himself. When he spoke again, his voice was level.

"I'm sorry. That probably doesn't make a lick of sense, does it? I'm getting hysterical again."