Six in the evening

Raine Almasy descended the stairwell towards the first floor with lethargy and a kind of slow, leisurely grace. Her last lesson of the day had been over three hours ago and she was only now returning from the library, weighed down by a satchel of heavy tomes. Stories, some of them, but mostly texts for lessons. OWLs were ominously close- she faced their impending difficulty with deliberate determination.

The Gryffindor was feeling a little ill today. Not ideal conditions under which to be facing a Professor for her career goals discussion- but this meeting happened to be cutting into precious revision time and the sooner it ended, the better. Storm was not an indifferent educator and he would, undoubtedly, press her with questions likely to turn her away from the Aurors. After all why wouldn't he? A weak trainee would only cause more ruin. But it didn't matter what he asked, she would have to be intent. Raine found herself at the classroom door, where she stopped short and gingerly felt her own forehead. Warm. Hardly feverish.

She rapped the door loudly and pushed it open without heistation, her countenance stoic. Raine had rather little energy to force smiles or courtesies this evening- not that she felt either would be necessary with the Professor.

The knock at his door brought him out of his thoughts over a lengthy essay one of the seventh years had submitted. At last the student in question was using their brain and disagreeing with the popular viewpoint, taking their own thoughtful slant on things. Ignan only hoped the wizarding exam board would appreciate the thought that had gone into constructing the argument rather than mark it down purely because it did not parrot the widely taught view.

"Enter!" He called to the classroom door at the other end of the room, lifting his head from his hand where he'd propped it up, his elbow on the desktop. His quill continued to make the note it had been about to write, in his right hand as Raine entered the room.

"Ah Alamasy, is it that time already?" Professor Storm asked rhetorically, glancing up once before making this remark, but otherwise staring down at the essay. He'd have to come back to it.

"Do sit down." A chair which had been back towards the bookcase slid forwards to where it had been the previous evening, at the right end of his desk, so they would address each other over the corner of his desk. Its feet skittered across the floorboards of the raised part at the front of the classroom - a little higher to give a better vantage over the students.

Setting the essays aside, he pulled his mark book towards him and flicked over to the fifth years before retrieving Raine's notes from the other professors. He'd read them earlier but flicked his eyes over them to refresh his memory before turning his attention on the student who had found the seat and settled.

"Alamasy. What professions have you considered so far?" Professor Storm enquired directly, setting down his quill and studying her expression.

"Do sit down."

Raine waited a moment, eying the chair as it slid towards the Professor's desk at the other end of the room, before shuffling walking forward and placing herself down. She set her satchel on the floor with a muted thud before turning her attention to Storm. The white-haired wizard was setting aside a stack of parchments. Essays, she noted, wondering trivially if they had left him in a good or bad mood. It seemed unlikely that anything left him in a good mood, really.

The Gryffindor stared blankly at the Professor's hands as he flipped through the pages of a book, pulling out some sheets on which she spotted her own name. Just being in this classroom had her feeling alert and defensive; it was a place frequently associated with duels or dark magic. Her hands rested stiffly at her sides, gripping the edge of the seat like a child.

"Alamasy. What professions have you considered so far?" Storm's voice interrupted her thoughts and she quickly looked up at him, realizing she had been staring at his hands the entire time. Raine registered the question with a blink; her stomach felt strange. Excitement maybe. She schooled her expression, remaining inexpressive.

"Auror. I have only ever considered the auror profession," the witch replied in a clear and even voice. Her usual murmur had been forced aside- there was no hesitancy where goals were concerned.

"It is my only career choice at this moment, sir," Raine continued with what she hoped sounded like decisiveness and not a narrow focus: "Any other professions I consider would have to be in the same line of work."

Her abruptness surprised him a little, and he folded his arms, tilting his head ever so slightly.

"Only ever considered one profession? Now that is most certainly a lie Alamasy - fleetingly we all may consider our lives to take diverse paths." His eyes narrowed in consideration. "As much as having sure goals is admirable, it is counter productive not to notice the other opportunities and give yourself a chance to investigate, Alamasy."

He had heard, understood things that had happened before he had arrived to teach the girl, but subsequently he had no comparison to the Raine before him and the one who had been taught by Mainwaring.

"Why an auror, Alamasy?" He asked, deciding rather than to lecture her further for a moment, he'd let her state her reasons and pick them to pieces at his leisure.

"As much as having sure goals is admirable, it is counter productive not to notice the other opportunities and give yourself a chance to investigate, Alamasy."

Raine's gaze wavered for a moment but she she only nodded at this comment. Surely, as a child, she speculated. Teacher, researcher, Quidditch player, musician. There were numerous, hollow ambitions. Nothing meant as much as protecting Sanya- nothing would ever mean as much again but this was all that still had meaning.  "Why an auror, Almasy?" Professor Storm asked after a short pause and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her eyes drifted away from him, towards the tall windows. The evening sky was gloomy, grey. It looked windy and she wished she was outside, suddenly.

"There are people I want to protect," The Gryffindor said out loud and then gripped the sides of her seat harder: "They require protection from the dark things in this world." Her words felt immature and clumsy; Raine halted abruptly, ordering her thoughts into words that didn't have to involve her sister. This was not going to be a pity session. She cleared her throat and made herself look back at the Defences professor.

"I choose to be an auror because I know that I can and will defend the wizarding community from itself. There are evils that I will not be able to prevent- but I... I would not be able to  live with who I am. Not if I do anything less."

This time she spoke slowly and surely. Right, she thought to herself, that sounded better... it sounded true. Raine's gaze fell awkwardly to the desk and she added in a harder voice: "I need to do this."

"There are people I want to protect, they require protection from the dark things in this world." Ignan raised an eyebrow critically, but Raine cleared her throat and looked up.

"I choose to be an auror because I know that I can and will defend the wizarding community from itself. There are evils that I will not be able to prevent- but I... I would not be able to  live with who I am. Not if I do anything less."

Her gaze fell again,
"I need to do this."

"You can never protect anyone absolutely, Alamasy, not yourself, nor a dependent. You may mean to, and wish to, but it is not possible to protect entirely." The Professor explained frankly to the fifth year. "Becoming an auror does not give you the option to protect those you choose to. It may equip you with further skills than a conventional NEWT education, with the embellishments I or any other Professor may add, but it is not a locked box to store others in, nor a crutch for your insecurities."

Professor Storm's tact, as it could, seemed to have got lost in the post again. He folded his arms and looked directly at Alamasy.
"The best protection you can offer another, is to educate them in protecting themselves." The Professor clarified, fixing Raine with a level stare, awaiting her next move.

"You can never protect anyone absolutely, Alamasy, not yourself, nor a dependent. You may mean to, and wish to, but it is not possible to protect entirely."

Raine raised her gaze back to the Professor now, eyes blank- an absorbing look. He was right, of course. She couldn't protect any one the way she wanted to. Couldn't keep them tied up, safe from the world but not really there. Sanya was safer six feet under than she ever was alive.

"Becoming an auror does not give you the option to protect those you choose to. It may equip you with further skills than a conventional NEWT education, with the embellishments I or any other Professor may add, but it is not a locked box to store others in, nor a crutch for your insecurities."

At this, the Gryffindor suppressed a squirm and grit her teeth a little- because the shoe felt like it fit but she didn't want it to: "I know," she murmured in a low voice. This wasn't an insecurity... at least she didn't think it was. No, it certainly wasn't. She wasn't afraid of losing everyone, she was afraid of failing the only one she had ever lost. The Defences professor was looking directly at her and realizing how tense she was, Raine relaxed her shoulders a little bit, staring back at him vacantly. "The best protection you can offer another, is to educate them in protecting themselves."

A quick, cynical smile flashed across her countenance; it was an unconscious reaction-  teaching? That was a laugh. She could barely string together a conversation with another person lately, much less... educate them in something. With that thought in mind, she lifted her chin slightly:

"I can't teach. My sister could but I can't. I can't entertain or heal or write or nurture or lead-" Raine broke off mid sentence and then resumed, "Well I can't do anything that she could." The witch paused and hated herself a little for bringing Sanya up, though she could not yet mention the name. Her smile disappeared and she sighed. It was silly but she felt old, sometimes. Old and tired.
"Perhaps one day I will learn to do some of those things. For the time being, I have to be selfish and do this in the one way that I know I can." Raine considered Storm with a serious expression. Her brow was wrinkled gravely but her eyes betrayed a look of concern: "As an auror, I can't directly protect people and that is infuriating. But indirectly, the wizarding world would be safer. And I'll have some peace of mind."

"I can't teach. My sister could but I can't. I can't entertain or heal or write or nurture or lead-" She stopped and then started again, "Well I can't do anything that she could."

Her Professor watched her intently, allowing her the time to express her thoughts, as he felt they were a little muddled at that moment, and her mention of her late sister, whom the Professor had never met, had surprised him.
 
"Perhaps one day I will learn to do some of those things. For the time being, I have to be selfish and do this in the one way that I know I can." The student regarded him soberly, "As an auror, I can't directly protect people and that is infuriating. But indirectly, the wizarding world would be safer. And I'll have some peace of mind."

The Defence Professor gave a single nod.
"There, we have our answer." He told Raine softly, "not for others, but for you. Control, worth, purpose." Leaning forward slightly he closed the gap between them, though their faces were still a few feet away.
"You have time, Alamasy, to cement your reasons for choosing, or to change your mind. I think they will be most valuable to you."

His gaze dropped a moment and then resumed. "Also, Alamasy, what your late sister could do is of no concern to me. She is not a yard stick to measure your own abilities by." Lifting his familiar mark book, he found the fifth years and ran his finger along the list of marks by her name for the past year.
"How do you perceive your academic success this year, Alamasy?"

"Also, Alamasy, what your late sister could do is of no concern to me. She is not a yard stick to measure your own abilities by."

Raine winced at this comment but quickly neutralized her countenance. Right now, it felt like she could never stop measuring herself against Sanya. Never stop wondering if she was as smart, diligent, graceful or even as cheerful. It was difficult not to, when she faced her in the mirror every morning. "Yes sir," was all the Gryffindor said in reply. Her head was gradually pondering Storm's earlier remarks.

He was examining a thin book and she found herself looking down at his hands again, a single pale finger trailing along the sheet: "How do you perceive your academic success this year, Alamasy?"

The shift from ambition to grades - a more concrete focus - relieved Raine. Her answer would not particularly please the professor but this was at least a question she had anticipated. "Mediocre, when compared to my previous years. I have been attempting to reapply myself in these last two months." It was honest, at any rate. Her eyes left Storm's grade book and she glanced back up at him with a frank, wry expression. The dark circles under her eyes were hardly noticeable but Raine felt more than she perceived them, these indicators of late nights' reading. "With the OWLs coming up, I do not have time to lose."

"Mediocre, when compared to my previous years. I have been attempting to reapply myself in these last two months." Raine replied, meeting his gaze whereas it had previously lain with the markbook in his hands.

"With the OWLs coming up, I do not have time to lose."

"Indeed, Alamasy. Your lack of application has been noted, and for whatever reason you have chosen to cast it aside, I am glad. It has shown in my marking, though, I am never one to accept anything a student presents as their best effort."

The Professor put a hand thoughtfully to his chin, leafing back to the previous term and noting her lowest achievements both with him and with the previous Professor.

"Best be sure your renewed vigour is not too late. What are you doing to make up for time?" And then after a pause, he added, "What do you consider your weakest areas - across subjects - which you need to achieve your chosen career?"

"Best be sure your renewed vigour is not too late. What are you doing to make up for time?"

Raine took a moment to consider this question- and then another few moments  when the professor also asked: "What do you consider your weakest areas - across subjects - which you need to achieve your chosen career?"

Truthfully, a part of her wanted this meeting to be over so she could return to her revision but there was no point in rushing words. Articulation was of significance now: as her Defences teacher, Storm was a valuable source of information in the pursuit of her one ambition. A rather unpleasant source, she felt, but valuable nonetheless. It would not do if he thought she was a bumbling Gryffindor who possessed more foolishness than actual courage.

"Much of my efforts are presently going into intense revision. My social life..." Raine cleared her throat and a mordant smile pulled at her lips, "My social life has been very dormant recently and I suppose this has been a blessing in disguise. There has been plenty of time for me to practice my charms and to read. My only worry is that I rarely duel or practice with classmates but... ah, I am taking lengths to remedy that." Her answer ended rather awkwardly and she bit her lower lip in thought. No more defensive retorts or sullen glares at the other students- she was trying, if that meant anything.

Raine stopped herself from dropping her gaze down to the mark book again and continued looking her professor in the face as she spoke, "My weaknesses lay with Potions and, possibly, Charms." The witch breathed out heatedly just then. She felt a kind of impatience with herself- she was not near failing in either but her performance was unsatisfying. And she knew why but she wasn't going to be explicit about that with Storm:  "My usual practice partner for those subjects isn't around to help anymore so I have been adjusting for most of the year."

A brief image of Sanya and herself, sitting across from each other over a black cauldron, flashed into Raine's head. The dungeons felt warmer, back then. Her expression softened and she very gently pushed the image away, "I can assure you that it's not as difficult now, sir.

"Much of my efforts are presently going into intense revision. My social life... My social life has been very dormant recently and I suppose this has been a blessing in disguise. There has been plenty of time for me to practice my charms and to read. My only worry is that I rarely duel or practice with classmates but... ah, I am taking lengths to remedy that."

Ignan, surprised at himself, felt sympathy towards Raine. This had been a very difficult year for her, and from what he had seen, she had handled things well.  He hadn't known Sanya, but he had been recounted the story by other members of staff more familiar with the circumstances of her demise. To lose a twin sister was deeply confusing undoubtedly. Subsequently his gaze fractionally softened as she explained.

"My weaknesses lay with Potions and, possibly, Charms. My usual practice partner for those subjects isn't around to help anymore so I have been adjusting for most of the year. I can assure you that it's not as difficult now, sir."

"Of course." He spoke matter-of-factly, his tone indicating he did not want to appear comforting, but well understood.
"Professor Vaillancourt is most accommodating with her time for those who wish to improve. Professor Kirchelehner too. Even if you feel too shy to engage their time directly, the loan of the classroom as a place to practise on an evening would quite possibly be accepted. I am quite accepting to students practising in the space, though generally only in my presence, while I mark."

Though invariably if they did, he'd be distracted and feel drawn to correct their footwork or grip, the whole posture or something else that the student generally lacked attention to detail for. That was reasonable - given he wanted them all through their exams with the highest possible grades, for his pride, and also their benefit.

"What of the duelling club, do you actively engage there?" He added, reaching for a quill to note to Georg and Juliette that they might pay Raine a little closer attention to ascertain whether she was a little behind in skills or merely lacking confidence.

"Professor Vaillancourt is most accommodating with her time for those who wish to improve. Professor Kirchelehner too. Even if you feel too shy to engage their time directly, the loan of the classroom as a place to practise on an evening would quite possibly be accepted. I am quite accepting to students practising in the space, though generally only in my presence, while I mark."

Raine nodded her head mechanically at this, though her heart leapt a little bit with something like elation. He was putting forward advice! Not telling her to aim much lower, not pushing her into some other ambition. It was a relief. And she wasn't going to take the professor's counsel lightly because, to be honest, she couldn't afford to. The Gryffindor tactfully suppressed a smile that she didn't quite expect and looked down at her polished black shoes, feeling pleased. It felt as though the cogs in her chest were shedding cobwebs. Then, bringing her back from this brief introspective, Professor Storm asked a question and Raine quickly looked back up, snapping to attention: "What of the duelling club, do you actively engage there?"

Mention of the club drew another glad expression, even if only because this was the one extracurricular activity that prodded Raine out of her sulking comfort zone. She leaned forward unconsciously, hands crossed on her lap, not really looking at Storm, who had his quill out. Her blue eyes wavered over his shoulder at the blackboard.

"I did. I mean, I do. It is the only place I can really be uninhibited. You truly feel like you are doing something when you're in a duel." She paused abruptly, realizing that this wasn't really an answer of any sort, and glanced at the professor's face guiltily: "Ah, my participation has been limited but consistent. It isn't something I would give up attending, even if I am not engaging in many duels."

"Good." Professor Storm replied, though slightly distracted by writing, "Active participation however, is to be encouraged. Your classmates who also apply to the Ministry will be similarly engaged, and you do not want them to shine any more than you in the application of course."

Finishing the note to his colleagues on the parchment, Ignan looked up at Raine again with his generally critical eye - though in truth he was encouraged by the Gryffindor's wish to take on the challenge of becoming an auror and interested in her reasons.

"My advice otherwise is to be fit, healthy, and focus on what you need to improve for your exams, Alamasy. Is there anything else you wish to discuss in relation to your career choice?"

"My advice otherwise is to be fit, healthy, and focus on what you need to improve for your exams, Alamasy. Is there anything else you wish to discuss in relation to your career choice?"

Raine shook her head at this. The session had been less painful than she expected... there was, of course, a sense of pressure building up at the back of her mind as Storm's words and his implied expectations led her to consider the workload ahead. There would be no shortcuts, only diligence. She cleared her throat and stood up, legs feeling sturdier now than they had this morning: "Thank you for your time professor."

The afternoon was growing into the evening now and Raine was starting to feel a little hungry. Truthfully, she had not realized how draining it could be to sit down and study all day. It took a toll on her head but her limbs were still active, sprightly. Sleep would not come easy. She bowed her head very slightly at the professor and then picked up her satchel from where she had left it on the floor, leaning against the chair. "I appreciate your advice. Good evening, sir." Raine swung the bag across her shoulder and felt the full weight of the books on her frame. No... not a light road to the exams.