"From a classmate who's father got blasted by the Daily Prophet for being realistic!"  Sasha quickly countered.  He didn't have a clue whether the Daily Prophet had exaggerated the story but it didn't take too much of a stretch to assume they had. 

"And, I can't ... I can't believe you'd still defend them!  What's it going to take?  If one of those dirty critters had killed someone, you'd probably still think it was the victim!"  For the moment entirely unaware he'd used Kronos' own words, he shook his head.  And, she wondered why he could imagine she'd hide such a thing?  She asked about Foley's wellbeing before his own, after all - clearly, 'werewolf rights' took precedence over human safety. 

His scowl deepened as he shook his head.  He forced himself to think before responding, though.  In that moment of thought, he found himself unsure of what to say.  There was no way she could understand this and she seemed determined to take it personally in lieu of understanding.  That pause had, apparently, come across as an interpretation. 

Fauna moved closer towards the door, putting some space between them. She turned, eyes widening at the words 'dirty critters', unable to believe what she was hearing.

"I'm not defending them, Sasha!" Her voice rose and she put her hands on her hips, shaking her head at him. "I'm not defending them, but I do care about Ollie! I'm not going to suddenly stop caring about her because of what happened to you last night!"

That was what was upsetting him, she'd learned earlier. She'd asked about Ollie first, had put his attacker's well-being over his own. Fauna was feeling too defensive and outraged to apologize for it or take it back, however.

"You wanna know why?" She glared at him, continuing on anyway. "It's 'cause she doesn't give up on me when I'm going through some changes!  She doesn't... resent me when I try to be there for her. And she definitely doesn't stab me in the back, and then wonder why I'm not fussing over her wounds!"

Fauna gestured angrily at him, then grimaced, glancing at the slightly ajar door in case her raised voice had drawn the Healers.

"I'm not defending them, but I do care about Ollie! I'm not going to suddenly stop caring about her because of what happened to you last night!"

"Then, why are you here?"  Sasha demanded of Fauna, lifting his hands quickly in desperate, hurt gesture of frustration and confusion.  If it was Foley she was so concerned about, Fauna was bound to notice by now that: "She's not in this room."  The gesture had been a mistake though.  Sasha clenched his eyes shut as streaks of pain radiated from his gut.  He took several slow, long, shaky breaths as he waited for the pain to die down.  "Why'd you bother stopping?"

He could feel the tears welling up behind his closed eyelids and he shook his head, wishing - even praying a healer would happen by and shuffle her from the room.  He didn't want to be hearing this!  He couldn't be hearing this!  He didn't have any idea what he was supposed to be doing!  Everything he tried seemed to go wrong.  He was so confused.   

"I didn't ... I didn't stab you in the back."  Sasha shook his head, his voice defeated.  "I just ... I thought I was doing the right thing - to avoid people getting ... getting - I never wanted you to get hurt.  It's my fault Ava's dead - I should have done more!  She told me she was fine and that I should trust her word and I did!  I tried to not make that same mistake, again - to let you tell me you were fine and to leave you alone and ... I did what I wished I'd done then: told the people who were supposed to know ... but you still got ... and that's..."  His voice broke again, as he shook his head, his vision blurring once more.  He couldn't not acknowledge guilt anymore but acknowledging guilt meant accepting fault.  Again.

Shakily, he shrugged his shoulders, looking down at his blanket once more.  "That's my fault, too.  You're ... you're right to hate me but I didn't ... I didn't do it to be malicious.  I didn't intend to stab you in the back.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  I don't know.  Maybe they were right to kick me out." 

Fauna's mouth thinned when he said he hadn't stabbed her in the back. Her head pounded, and she glanced from the empty chair to the door, feeling like she didn't want to stand for too long, especially not to hear what he was saying now.

Like in the letters, it was back to Ava. The last time he'd written, he'd said that he couldn't risk someone else getting killed, and she'd accepted it enough to stop writing and arguing with him. That had been before the attacks.

Fauna let out a breath and put her head in her hand when he blamed himself for everything; both Ava's death and the werewolf attack at the Ministry. She didn't know the details of Ava's murder and didn't know if he was actually to blame or not. She just knew he'd been there.

"I'm not Ava," she told him, voice thick with emotion. Despite her best defense mechanisms, it was hard to watch him fight back tears and hear his voice breaking. Even harder to be reminded of her peer's death.

"What did you think I was going to do to you if you'd talked to me first? Hex you? Bite you?" Fauna shook her head helplessly, ignoring the bit about being sent away from school, because she didn't know what to say about that either.

Trying to understand his reasoning, his thought process, wasn't helping. It just made her more frustrated. She didn't want him to take all the blame, and felt like Ava, the Ministry, his reasons, had nothing to do with her, with this problem between Sasha and her. But perhaps he wasn't capable of separating it right now, and could only deny all culpability or let it rest on his shoulders.

"But, it wasn't just her!  Anna, too.  And, Edith.  And Greyfriar." 

He still felt, despite what anyone might say, responsible in some way for all of those attacks.  He'd been part of the reason Greyfriar had been in the woods that night and he'd done nothing.  It'd been his fault that a wizard had even thought to come to his family's house that night and, again, he'd been too scared to do anything until the man had broken down his door. 

He wanted to be snapping at her again.  It was easier that way.  It gave him something to focus his own emotions on.  It'd been so much easier before when he'd kept everything at a distance.  Being angry at Fauna had been an easy buffer to his own guilt and regret from Greyfriar's attack and subsequent rejection of him.  It was easier when there was someone else to blame - it made it easier to convince himself he was okay.

He didn't know what there was to blame.  He didn't know who to trust anymore but everyone - everyone had their opinions and everyone expected him to accept their answers were unquestionably right.  Dreogan that he shouldn't trust Kronos.  Kronos thought he was the only one who could be trusted.  His parents thought he shouldn't have trusted anyone and Ava had tried to convince him he couldn't trust her.  And Fauna thought he should just be able to trust her without question?

"No!"  Sasha said, quickly, shaking his head.  He knew Fauna wouldn't have hexed him.  Though, a lot of kids did so there was probably some tendency on his part to avoid conflict for that reason.  But, he certainly hadn't thought 'Gee!  Better not ask Fauna!  She might hex me!'  "I - I don't know.  Argue.  Refuse to answer.  But ... I didn't ... I didn't have an opportunity!  I got sent away before I could!  I couldn't ask - and I didn't know.  And, ... Fergie and everyone was there and I wasn't ... if I'd been wrong and something happened again and I did nothing ... I couldn't deal with that!"

He'd been here before.  He'd given this explanation before.  If it hadn't made a difference before, he didn't think it would now.  "And, Scheiße!  They'd hid Foley there and she ... she had me pinned to the ground."  He was shaking slightly.  "I ... I could feel her breath on my face.  I wasn't there to ask you.  All ... all I wanted was for someone who knew what they were doing to make sure they ... everyone was safe.  I tried to do what I thought I was supposed to and I still-"  His voice broke, again, and he shook his head. 

Fauna didn't understand. It was becoming more and more apparent as he listed names (one she recognized, most she didn't) that this wasn't really about her. Whatever he'd done, he'd done because of all the tragedy and everybody else pulling at him in his life, and she'd just gotten caught up in it.

Which still hurt, in a way. But for the first time, she was starting to believe he hadn't done this because of a complete lack of concern for her. Other things had simply outweighed any impact she still had on him.

Fauna stared at him, expression caught between frustration and pity. Part of her wanted to keep arguing with him, to tell him that he'd had plenty of time to approach her or send an owl if he'd had time to talk to Baxter and send his suspicions to the Ministry.

But the words got stuck in her throat as he continued on, describing the attack, explaining that he'd just wanted everyone to be safe.

"I don't know what to tell you," she finally said, looking exhausted. "I don't understand half of what you're saying, and... I get the feeling that it doesn't matter if I understand. Maybe I don't need to," she threw her hands up, then winced.

"I mean... I just wanted to know that you cared about me," Fauna glanced down. "That maybe you'd... trust me enough to talk to me next time. But you can't promise me that," she assumed, shaking her head. "And I don't... know what to say about all this other... stuff."

His shoulders hitched up in the slightest of shrugs as he continued to stare, blurredly, down at his own hands.  He wasn't even sure he knew what he wanted to tell her.  He didn't want to outright apologize for what he'd done - he'd tried that back at Greyfriar's and it hadn't gone well with either Greyfriar or Fauna. 

With a half-laugh, half-choked sob, he shook his head.  "I don't really, either," he admitted.  He knew what he was saying was what he was feeling - and it was true - but ... right now.  He didn't know.  It was all just so confusing.  But, the bottom line was simple to understand.  For him, at least.  "I didn't want you to get hurt." 

"I do care.  But-"  He shook his head.  "You were really here to make sure the werewolf was alright.  She's who you care about, after all, isn't it?"  That had been who she'd asked about, after all.  And, she'd said it herself in so many words.  He'd been an afterthought and she'd given her reasons for such.  And, the reasons were legitimate. 

And, still, there it was.  He'd been right.  She was still expecting him to trust her, too.  Without question.  She was yet one more person adding themselves to that confused mixed voice.  And, unlike in Dreogan's or Fergie's or Kronos' case, he didn't have a clue what her motives were. 

"Why?"  He asked, finally looking up at her, suspiciously.  "You hate me - and you're right to hate me.  Why do you care if I trust you?  I'm obviously not going to do this, again.  What do you want from me?" 

Hearing him say out loud that he cared, that he hadn't wanted her to get hurt, without so many extra 'buts' attached, should have given her some peace of mind. Perhaps it was too little, too late. Or she was too tired now to see anything positive. The suspicious look he gave her stung.

"Why do you-- I don't hate you!" She shook her head, exasperated. Fauna couldn't reassure him that she cared about him as much as she did about Ollie, because it just wasn't true. But she didn't like seeing him get hurt, either.

"Something like this," she lifted up her hand to gesture, then let it drop when a wave of pain hit. Fauna sucked in a breath and went on, "The attacks. I can't, you know, ignore that. I saw you, and I needed to talk to you, to sort things. The rest of it... what you said, might not have anything to do with me, but this did."

She paused, looking suddenly irritated. "And how do you know something like this isn't going to happen again? Are you saying you really wouldn't do the same thing if something similar happens?"

"You still have every right to," he admitted, quietly, shaking his head.  She would be entirely in the right to hate him.  "It's my fault you were attacked," he reminded her.  After all, wasn't that what she was trying to get him to say that outloud this whole time?  "I'd make it right if I could, but I can't."

He still didn't know what it was she wanted out of him.  She'd apparently stopped because she needed to sort things out - to satiate her curiosity.  He still didn't see what his injuries had to do with her but maybe this was some sort of 'you see it, you own it' type thing. 

Then, apparently, he'd said something else wrong.  He flinched when she got irritated, again, closing his eyes as she demanded more explanations.  He shook his head, entirely unsure how to answer.  "I don't- I don't know!  What ... what do you want me to say?" he asked, desperately, shaking his head.  He didn't know how to even start answering that question and he had no idea what kind of answer she was even looking for.  He felt miserable - the guilt had constricted his gut into a tight, painful knot. 

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do - I don't know what's the right ... Everything's so damned out of control and I don't know how to get it back!  I keep trying harder to get, you know, things back in order and everyone around me just gets hurt!  I don't know what I'm supposed to do and everyone keeps telling me what they think is the solution and they all think I should trust them and not everyone else and ... I don't know." 

He was a wreck and he probably looked worse.  And ... all in front of Fauna of all people.  Sasha shoved his blankets back and bit his lip against the pain as he pushed himself to his feet.  "You must think I'm pathetic - this is ... this is so humiliating," he muttered, reaching for a robe to slip over the hospital gown. 

Fauna fell silent at his outburst, eyes widening. She'd wanted him to tell her the truth, or try to.  He seemed too confused and conflicted to offer any answers, however, and they'd gotten past the point where rehashing this would help them. Fauna glanced away. She should probably go.

Sasha said something about this being humiliating, and Fauna kept her eyes averted, letting him find a robe in peace. She didn't know how to feel, what to think. Her emotions flattened out. He'd babbled about not knowing who to trust, and Fauna wasn't sure how to relate to such extreme distress about that.

"There are people that... you can trust, without, well, questioning it," she offered quietly, looking at him.  "People like... Akiva. Dreogan. Fergie. The Aurors. They want to protect you."

Were they really telling him that many conflicting things?

"I mean, that's simple, isn't it?" Fauna gave him a searching look, confusion flickering over her face at his behavior.

It was no mistake that she left out her own name.  Sasha had been pushing her away for a long time, and she was beginning to think he should be. His experiences were difficult for her to understand, they kept butting heads, and she wasn't so sure she was capable of doing good in this situation.

Somehow, through the course of this conversation, Fauna had managed to touch on most of Sasha's insecurities and she didn't seem to be showing any sign of relenting.  He still didn't know what she wanted him to say or do or what was necessary to get her to back off.  He'd apologized and, understandably, that wasn't enough.  He'd tried to explain and that wasn't enough. 

He'd always struggled with accepting emotional vulnerability.  He was getting better with it around certain people - maybe it wasn't a coincidence that those people were the very three Fauna had listed off.  But - here, in present company, it was humiliating.  Overwhelmingly so.  He needed to be able to catch his breath - to clear his mind.  Then, everything could be alright.  And, if she wouldn't leave, he'd have to.

"No.  It isn't."  He knew that she couldn't understand why it wasn't that simple - especially since he couldn't offer a full explanation.  And, unfortunately, there wasn't anyone he could trust enough to tell the whole truth to. He'd just have to figure it out on his own.  He'd have to follow his own gut instinct and hope, in the end, he could at least trust that.

Tugging his robe tighter around him, he ducked his head and started around Fauna for the door, desperately needing some time alone to clear his head.

Fauna finally realized that Sasha was putting on a robe to leave the room, to get away from her. She sighed, too tired to feel hurt, to talk anymore. All he'd offered in response was that it wasn't simple. How could she argue with that?

"Sasha," she stepped in front of him awkwardly, holding her hands up in a placating gesture. "I'll go."

With that, she walked slowly out of the room, almost stumbling into the potions cart and the Healer just outside, who frowned at her and started shooing her back to bed.