Winifred Leigh Oliver was a genius. No matter what professors and other students thought, she knew this to be true. She had decided it just two days ago when the brilliant poem had come to her, and then the idea to put it into a howler to send off to Billy on the first of April. It was mean, perhaps, but he deserved it. Billy was regularly rude and mean to her- it was just payback. Or something. (One of her less than Hufflepuffy traits coming through, for certain.)

So she got up extra early the morning of April First. Winifred carefully picked out her uniform, brushed her hair out, and then skipped through the corridors down to the great hall. She settled into her usual seat at the Hufflepuff table, fluffed out her skirt, and waited.

Breakfast was served, and then- the mail came. She watched excitedly for the bright read envelope in the sea of feathers. And she saw it- a little owl swooping down at the Slytherin table, dropping the howler directly in front of the evil Bilius Clogg-Spleen. Winnie leaned forward, anxious for him to open the letter. Hopefully he would just ignore it so that it would burst into flame and screech even louder than a normal howler would do. She waited- and the time was antagonizing. Why wasn't he opening that stupid howler?

She got up on the bench, sitting on her knees, watching curiously as the envelope began to shudder. "Here it comes," she said to the person next to her, bouncing a little.

And then, Winifred's voice rang out from the howler, loud enough for nearly the entire hall to hear. It was a beautiful, sing songy voice (in her opinion anyway) reciting the most poetic poem ever written.

    Bilius Clogg-Spleen- you are not good for my heart,
    Every time I look at you, I want to fart.
    And the more I fart, the worse I feel.
    So keep your fat ugly goblin nose in the dungeons at every meal.

She cackled loudly when it finished, and topped over backward, thwacking her head hard against the stone floor. But Winnie didn't notice the pain, and instead just clutched her belly, guffawing like an idiot. "It's true!" she squealed out from her spot on the ground. "So true!"

He couldn't believe it. His morning had been...well, as normal as it got. Billy often hid a little bit on Fool's Day, being a popular target - but the red envelope had made his stomach sink the moment it landed in his porridge. He shoved it aside, sticking it under the table and hoping against hope he could wolf his food down and run out of the hall with it before it burst -

No such luck, of course. The envelope ripped itself apart and burst open, the paper folded into a mouth - and Oliver's voice boomed from the letter, reciting a poem he almost didn't hear from the pounding in his ears. In the moment of silence that followed, he heard her voice - laughing.

Laughing!

Bilius shook with humiliation, with barely controlled rage. He was seeing red, his teeth gritted, his large hands balled so tightly into fists his palm bled. Damn getting expelled - she was dead! That dumb stupid fat idiotic gossipy mudblood twat was dead!

The snickering started along the hall, and he stared gawkishly at the other Slytherins - then stood quickly, still shaking. From a distance he might have appeared to be crying, but his flush and quaking shoulders had little to do with sadness and everything to do with a fury that made him want to scream, to burst at the seams like the howler had, and rip Oliver in half.

He gave Winnie a searing look - probably the darkest look he'd ever given her - and gripped his wand. He wanted to hex her - so badly - but the teachers were watching...

He stormed from the hall instead, the gears in his head turning. There had to be some way to get back at her, some way to make her suffer. Some way she's remember and everyone would find hilarious, that she'd never live down...

Bilius smiled - a slow, horrible grin.