It had been a month since Ignan had been semi-levitated to this very hut, bleeding from the stump his left arm. He had been splinched, leaving his hand with Noriko, no less. The swift thoughts and actions of his two colleagues, Tapendra and Landis had got him to Tulojow. There had been a particular reason he had asked along two members of the staff he could trust.

Tulojow had excelled herself, though nothing less than was expected by Hogwarts and its many children. Ignan had never even intended to have to visit the healer in such circumstances. He disliked hospitals, healers, and needing their attention intensely. Nothing against the people involved as individuals, he just had a strange and rather uncomfortable animosity about being looked at as an individual in such a personal way.

However, it was clear one needed to maintain allies in the Hogwarts castle of late, and Tulojow had patched up Georg not long ago, and numerous students who had come to grief from his lessons. Given recent unfortunate realisations between Ignan and his good friend Tapendra, he wasn't sure he could trust the relationship between them not to be vastly changed. He felt incredibly guilty for getting to know the young man, given what horrific coincidence the man's daughter had drawn to Ignan's attention - that his boggart form was that of her grandmother, Tapendra's mother, and the woman Ignan Storm had loved over all others, and betrayed.

Rapping politely on Tulojow's door, he stepped inside not long after her bidding, and even managed a respectful half smile expression on his face before greeting her (which for any student would signal to be very careful at such an alien expression).

"Good evening Tulojow, don't worry, everything is fine." He gestured with a raised palm in a stop-like gesture. "This is rather more a social visit, if such is convenient?" Ignan asked softly, listening for the sounds of others in the hut.

"Forgive my very tardy offering of thanks for your swift, expert and most effective work last month." Ignan gestured with his completely restored left hand, save for a bit of a scar which didn't bother him at all, and outstretched a brown paper package with the other.

Having heard that Tulojow was also a woman of travels and adventures, he had thought she might appreciate a recently published journal of the travels of a wizard in the 1800s with a particular interest in Nepal. Johann had been kind enough to pick up the order from Diagon Alley for him, and then tell Ignan the book had been interesting reading. Thankfully his younger cousin had been very careful with the book and the spine remained uncracked, pages pristine to such extent, Ignan was now suspicious if Johann had been fibbing.

"It was recommended, the diary was recently discovered by the family, and published for the wider audience. I hope you haven't already got it in your collection?" Ignan explained and looked momentarily worried at the prospect that Tulojow already had the work.

It was, again, one of those quiet afternoons.  The Hospital Hut tended to have a rhythm.  The pattern wasn't fool proof but weekends and Mondays were usually the busiest times - weekends because, Tulojow suspected, the students had more free time to get into mischief and Mondays because students tended to be a little rustier coming off the weekends.  With the promise of a weekend coming, most students tried to avoid finding themselves in the Hospital Hut during their free time so Thursdays and Fridays tended to be the slowest part of the week. 

In fact, so far on this Thursday, the Hospital Hut had remained empty.  Dilly had dashed off early to explore and that had left Tulojow to tend to her usual chores of baking, cleaning and making sure the cabin was ready for whatever the school might toss at her at a moment's notice.  With no distractions, the chores had been done by lunch and the afternoon had been leisurely and peaceful. 

Tulojow was settled in comfortably on a chair, wrapped in a woven blanket, working on a response from a letter from home as a[1] record played quietly on the record player in the corner.  She'd received a letter from her brother, Albert, earlier in the week.  At the beginning of March, his oldest grandson had welcomed their first born, a baby boy - Richard, or Ricki as they were calling him - into the family.  They were planning a family reunion in early May.  A foolish and slightly manipulative concept, seeing as how Tulojow and Albert's youngest granddaughter, Jeannie, were the only members of the family that didn't reside on the reservation.  As Jeannie was simply at school at the University of North Dakota in Grand Forks, these family reunions were really only organized to guilt Tulojow into a trip home. 

A knock drew Tulojow's attention away from the letter and she looked towards the door.  She took the fully-two-handed gesture as an invitation to remain seated and smiled at Ignan.  "Glad to see that," she offered, offering the fully intact professor a thumbs up.  "I'll assume that it's back up to full working order on account that I didn't see you stop by with any concerns.  Since, of course, I know you would without hesitation."  She offered him a casual wink to help convey she was, mostly, just giving him a hard time. 

"Of course, it's convenient.  Today's been about as dead as a day can be around here.  Though, if that's booze, better make sure there's no higher authorities around," she offered, nodding her chin towards the outstretched paper bag as she reached for it. 

But, the surprise on her face was genuine as she took the bag.  "Thanks really wasn't necessary," she insisted, gesturing to one of the other chairs in invitation.  "This is, perhaps, generally where those in my line of work offer a dismissive 'just doing my job' but I appreciate the gratitude.  Thank you."

She pulled the (rather non-alcoholic) book from the bag and raised her eyebrows as she inspected the covers.  "Damien Westcook?" she said, the interest obvious in the book.  "And, no - I definitely don't have a copy already and actually hadn't heard any writings of his had been found.  This must be quite new."  She glanced up, curiously, at Ignan before returning her attention to the book.  "The higher elevations of the Himalayans are one of my favorite spots as well.  I spend - spent the majority of my time in the Tibetan region but records of his visits are still listed in some of the monasteries up there as well.  But, I'm suspicious you knew that?" she added, glancing up curiously at Ignan. 

1.

Song

Ignan took the invitation to sit down and lowered himself into one of the chairs after removing his cloak and hanging it up by the door. He was still wearing his usual shirt and waistcoat combination beneath, which he wore for teaching. Jackets were far too restricting on the shoulders for teaching practical application.

"Good, I'm glad." Ignan replied in response to Tulojow not having a copy of the book. "Yes, Nepal was one of the counties Georg and I spent time in when we were younger men. I admire Westcook for his dedication to the task, we moved on so regularly, I feel we have only seen the broad brushstrokes of countries and cultures over that decade." He rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and clasped his hands together thoughtfully.

"Perhaps I can procure something a little more potent if you ever get to escape this place. I wasn't sure you would share the alcoholic tastes of the likes of Georg, Tapendra and I, and there's always the nagging feeling one might disapprove. I suppose, as a Professor I have become used to hearing of you as a parental figure to students in the way they look after themselves and recover from sickness, and assume it extends to us."

A smile tugged at the corners of Ignan's mouth unusually.

"Thank you for patching up Georg following the werewolf encounter. It is my fault he was attacked - I was too hasty in leaving his side to find where Chancelier had got herself caught. Age doesn't necessarily make you wiser in such situations, I made a rudimentary error. Will he recover well? We may be old friends, but there are things one doesn't impart due to pride."

He looked to Tulojow hopefully. There was also the matter that as well as imparting some of the history between himself and Azorma to Tapendra, he had rather imparted more detail about the long term history to Georg, and that still hung a little heavily between them.

"I generally only passed through Nepal.  But, I tried to spend as much time in Tibet as I could," Tulojow offered, giving the back of the book a thorough read over before turning her attention back to her guest.  "Or, as much as I could get away with."  She set the book on the coffee table next to her.  "A casual stop off definitely doesn't do that region justice," Tulojow agreed, shaking her head.  "That could be said for most places, though - especially in those places where the original culture still holds true." 

That had, first and foremost, been Tulojow's passion: traveling and living amongst the indigenous cultures.  Her position with the Ministry had, really, just been the convenient vehicle with which to pursue those interests.  For the most part, it had been a mutual benefit between her and the Ministry.  The line between magical and muggle was much less defined in those cultures. 

Even back home, true witches and wizards were few and far between.  But, the legends of the old, magical and mythical creatures were alive and well within her culture.  They held a strong, spiritual connection to their lands and their creatures.  They knew best when someone with unwelcome influence was messing around in their homelands.  Her position offered her the luxury of traveling and living amongst these cultures - she offered medical assistance where there often wasn't any and, in exchange, could be aware of any magical tampering at its source.  Perhaps even stop the illegal trade circuits before they reached the UK. 

"Do I come across as a tea toddler?"  Tulojow asked with a laugh.  She shook her head.  "I suppose I should find out more about your 'alcoholic tastes' before I go looking for an answer to that question."  His next little bit was certainly true.  Tulojow did try to see herself as a good example for the kids.  But, the students (and professors) were not fully sheltered fools.  Setting an unrealistic example did now good - it just set people up to fail when they were faced with situations that didn't exist in that unrealistic ideal.  "The students need to learn to take care of themselves in the real world.  Hiding it from them won't do that." 

That was just one of the many differences in the way Tulojow and Analiza approached the students.  The staff meeting had gone a long way to illuminating many of them. 

"It wasn't your fault," Tulojow insisted firmly, shaking her head.  "You made the best judgement call you could make based on what you knew.  Unless there's something I don't know, it's not your fault the werewolf was there and didn't have a proper dose of wolfsbane."  That, Tulojow knew, didn't make the reality of the injuries easier but he certainly didn't need to be carrying around the weight of culpability.  "He'll be fine, though.  He'll have some new scars but that will be the worst of it." 

"Tea toddler?" Ignan echoed, "No, not particularly. One doesn't like to assume. I very much agree with you on the real world point, even if their parents do not. The howler count continues to rise."

At Tulojow's assurance that Georg would be fine, Ignan's heart did feel a little lighter, he had been worrying particularly about his friend, feeling guilty again. Making mistakes led to him brooding over those decisions for days, weeks, as if punishing himself for them - in the same way he relived the pensieve memory of what happened to Azorma in Italy. He deserved to carry the guilt.

He looked at Tulojow for a pause between them both, thinking to ask her something and then averted his gaze, deciding better of asking her outright if Tapendra was quite alright. He'd seen his young friend heading in the direction of the hut the other evening, though he knew he couldn't jump to conclusions. He just hoped if Tapendra had been preoccupied with thought of his mother and Ignan, that he hadn't conveyed Ignan's identity to Tulojow.

"Sorry," Ignan apologised for the moment of odd expression on his behalf. "I was just thinking how incredibly restful it is out here. I didn't notice last time I was here for more than a minute or two - too busy making an escape. The castle is forever moving, restless." He stared off away from Tulojow a moment and cleared his mind.

"I don't think it helps that the staff are a little more unsure of their posts since Analiza returned. I had half a mind she was going to sack the lot of us - considering the instability of employment here lately, it wouldn't be beyond consideration." He raised a hand and rubbed at his forehead absentmindedly.

"The parents and governors don't always approve of how I teach, and while I see their point - I also quote similar to you - if I am not meant to teach them how to deal with fears and foes, what point is there in the lesson?"

In the back of his mind, he knew this unusual turn of discussion was purely spurred on by being caught visibly considering a far more difficult question to pose to Tulojow, and swiftly scrabbling for another subject that was of concern between the staff at present. Not his most convincing conversation.

"I suspect my tenure will not be renewed despite any pleasing examination results."

Tulojow grinned, a twinkle of mischief in her eye.  Despite the feeling that it was entirely asinine for such a proposition to even get the privilege of being considered mischievous.  "This seems like as good a time as any to offer you a glass of wine.  Let the howlers come and feel good that you're giving the parents something to do while their kids are gone." 

If Snark happened to catch them, Tulojow would just offer her a glass, too.  It'd probably only help.

Ignan grew quiet and Tulojow watched him curiously as he seemed to struggle with a thought.  She shook her head, ever so slightly as he apologized.  She doubted the relative peacefulness of the cabin was what had been on the professor's mind but she gave no indication of that insight. 

"I couldn't have stayed in the castle," Tulojow admitted as she gazed around the room.  "The western world seems to be so ... clinical ... in its approach to healing.  I admit, I was surprised that that seemed to be an approach the wizarding world shared when I first entered it.  When I transferred from gamekeeper to Healer over the summer, I knew I couldn't be stuck in the old hospital wing. Not to mention, I couldn't have handled the stairs daily." 

She nodded her chin at her knee.  Simply, Tulojow couldn't have lived in the castle.  It was cold and damp and far too ... much of a castle for her tastes.  She couldn't have stayed trapped in that one wing and she couldn't see herself tending to students in rows of sterile, white-linen beds.  "I spent most of the summer doing some magical renovations to the gamekeeper's cabin.  It suits me well enough."  And, she wouldn't complain about being out from under Snark's watch, as well.

"I admit, I'm very surprised she hasn't sacked me, yet."  Tulojow shook her head.  Snark chose to lead by intimidation and control.  Both were traits common among those insecure and uncertain about their own status.  The more insecure they got, the more ruthless they also got in their leadership.  "I figure it's only a matter of time.  Given there's only one staff member who was here before I started, the statistics are a bit intimidating.  She's been stacking the staff since she arrived.  I admit, at first, I always assumed you were amongst her hand picked replacements." 

Tulojow shifted in her chair, finding a more comfortable position that also allowed her to look at Ignan more directly.  "People are always reluctant to believe and accept things aren't as they seem - especially if that means changing the way they view the world.  If they agree and accept that the way you teach is necessary, it means truly accepting there's a threat out there that their kids need to be prepared for.  They'd much rather you teach them theory because, well, that means all they need to know is theory.  We know that's not the case." 

She shook her head.  "It's a tough situation.  Do you teach what you believe the students really need to know to be safe and risk loosing your ability to teach them anything or do you do what they want you to do, knowing their knowledge will be incomplete but you'll still be able to offer it?  I know what the answer would be for me, but it depends on your overall priorities."

"Either way, they'd be fools to dismiss you." 

"…I admit, at first, I always assumed you were amongst her hand picked replacements."

Ignan looked momentarily surprised at Tulojow.

"People are always reluctant to believe and accept things aren't as they seem - especially if that means changing the way they view the world.  If they agree and accept that the way you teach is necessary, it means truly accepting there's a threat out there that their kids need to be prepared for.  They'd much rather you teach them theory because, well, that means all they need to know is theory.  We know that's not the case. It's a tough situation.  Do you teach what you believe the students really need to know to be safe and risk losing your ability to teach them anything or do you do what they want you to do, knowing their knowledge will be incomplete but you'll still be able to offer it?  I know what the answer would be for me, but it depends on your overall priorities. Either way, they'd be fools to dismiss you."

Her kind and thoughtful words provoked a rare genuine smile from Ignan's tired features.
"Thank you." He raised his glass to her. "I appreciate the support." He told her humbly.

"I can see why you may have thought I was a hand picked replacement. My predecessor was in support of the werewolf student expelled, so anyone who followed would have to tow Snark's line. I admit I admire her as a leader, though my respect for her of late has waned - though how can one lead when one isn't here?" He upturned his palm weighing up the possibility.

"The reality is probably that I could travel at short notice. Things were not going well for me at Durmstrang, and I managed to secure a rather respectable reference which I probably didn't deserve. Yes, I appeased and flattered Snark when I got here, but despite my outlook to colleagues and students, I was grateful for the job. There have been times in my more recent past employment has been difficult to come by." Ignan's eyes had fallen on the wine in the glass and he blinked thoughtfully.

"I doubt Snark will want to be rid of us all again anyhow - its incredibly bad publicity. More likely the Ministry or governors will force her removal to find some stability, don't you think?"

"I admit I admire her as a leader, though my respect for her of late has waned - though how can one lead when one isn't here?"

A slight hum reverberated in Tulojow's throat - a vague noise that was neither a clear agreement or disagreement.  Her eyes unfocused briefly as she gave that comment some thought but didn't offer up any conclusion or explanation when she turned her attention back to the conversation. 

Her gaze settled gently on Ignan as he offered more details about the life transition that had drawn him to Hogwarts.  She didn't doubt any of his words.  She'd gathered, by now, that Ignan had some darker moments in his past.  It was his current demeanor as he considered elements of his past that captured her attention more than anything.  The look he gave his glass seemed to carry some weariness that wasn't just attributable to age. 

"I'm not sure they would."  Regardless of her own personal feelings on the matter, Tulojow doubted the Governors would be quick to dismiss Snark.  "They were looking for change, I'm sure," Tulojow mused aloud.  "I don't think it was an accident that Knox' replacement was as different from him as one could get: a young witch with no apparent background with children or teaching.  Sometimes, I even find myself wondering if she even likes children at all - she just seems annoyed all the time.  It seemed too much like a political hiring.  I don't know the Governors very well but I can't help but think they knew exactly what they were getting when they hired her."

The changes always made Ignan curious. The students talked of the years before, they were continuity, and he was very aware the shifts in the recent year had upset things. The students keen to take their examinations clung to a Professor's knowledge of the Wizarding Examination Authority requirements in the hope the change in tutor wouldn't damage their chances. Ignan was a stickler for knowing them and embellishing them, aware that despite his dodgy methodology and discipline methods, he taught what was required and beyond, and got results.

"The more I hear of Knox, the more I like the sound of him." Ignan admitted, after listening to Tulojow's comparison. "Then again, I had great respect for Dumbledore, Snape and the likes around the end of the second war. Although I wasn't fighting it, I did end up here for a while. Hogwarts goes for the unconventional, and it works. The minute the Ministry seems to enter into the equation, it goes off kilter. Would that be right?" Ignan asked Tulojow.

"My father was a Durmstrang headmaster, during the time I studied there. The Ministry were not to intervene only provide money when required. But he turned out the students the Ministry needed, they had no real incentive to try and interfere. Hogwarts wasn't doing the same under Greyfriar's command?"

Tulojow smiled softly a moment, her gaze settling on the fire flickering on the hearth as she slowly nodded her head.  "He is a good man.  And, was an effective Headmaster.  And, he very much cared for the kids - in almost everything he did, it was clear he was largely here for the kids."  Tulojow's lips pursed in thought before she slowly nodded her head.  She had not seen Greyfriar since the day he left her cabin in a hurry.  She'd been considering visiting but, especially in light of recent events - and their conversation - wasn't entirely sure it'd be welcome. 

"To be honest," Tulojow offered, refocusing on the conversation.  "I didn't have much to do with Hogwarts before Greyfriar hired me on as the gamekeeper in 2007."  She shifted her glass in her hand.  "I knew Dumbledore and Snape through the Order, but not really in relation to the school.  From what I've heard, it wasn't good.  As, I'd assume.  Politicians are generally not good educators."  Did Snark constitute Ministry meddling?  As far as Tulojow knew (which ... granted ... wasn't much), Snark hadn't been placed at the school by the Ministry proper.  It had been a transfer.  An interesting ... curious ... transfer.

"Head of the Department of Mysteries, who has no obvious inclination towards kids, suddenly leaves her post at the Ministry to become Headmistress of Hogwarts with no teaching experience?"  No.  It still didn't make sense to Tulojow. 

"I was the first in my family to really attend school properly but, my school was pretty much hand's off by the government.  To be honest, I'm not really sure which government it was under in the first place."  Positioned as it was between the Northwest corner of the US, Victoria Island and the open Pacific, it was never quite clear which country the island actually belonged to - Canada or the US.  "But, it had been Greyfriar's decision to leave and it had been for personal reasons.  As far as I know, the Ministry hadn't had anything to do with it.  Maybe they were involved with Snark's selection - but not with him leaving."

Tulo obliged by explaining a little of the previous headmaster.
"… politicians are generally not good educators." A smirk crossed Ignan's face and he nodded in agreement and he let her continue.

"Yes, I heard similar." He agreed to her observation about inclination to children for Analiza.

"Pity, from what I have heard of him, I probably would have liked him." The concept of 'like' from Ignan sounded pretty foreign. As did the concept of caring about anyone, but that was partly why he was here.

"Hopefully the Ministry will have other matters to focus on than us what with the direwolves, and that recent assassination attempt." He watched Tuljow's expression at that carefully for any hint. Hmm… perhaps Tapendra had managed restraint, or the connection wasn't highlighted.

Shrugging his shoulders Ignan sipped at his wine, and tapped the arm of the chair he sat in.
"I've been meaning to ask you. There's a requirement in the Defences NEWT, and also elements of it in Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, about magical accidents in their relevant fields. I covered enough of it with the seventh years not long ago, but I'm no healer." His eyes raised automatically as he recalled the wording.

"Cuts, breaks, unconscious bodies, then for herbology rashes and reactions, care of magical creatures had something about crushing, well, I can find out the specifics. Still, its good knowledge for anyone to have. If I could dictate it, Defences would be compulsory to complete a NEWT in." He rubbed at his temple thoughtfully.

"Do you think we might organise an hour or so, or longer, for the older students, even the younger? Merlin knows they'd probably enjoy wrapping each other up in bandages. Georg is a dab hand at charms so could probably simulate some rather convincing wounds." Ignan suggested, having a sudden vision of first years enjoying the basics, and someone like Erik dressed in bandages chasing shrieking Eirene and Noriko with his arms out straight, groaning. Despite his irritations with them, he was secretly rather fond of the youngest students and their wide eyed surprise and curiosity to his subject.

"I think you would have, too."  Again, the question crossed Tulojow's mind as to whether a visit to Knox would be welcomed or not.  Given the events since their last conversation and, well, the nature of that conversation, she just wasn't sure.  "His retiring was, certainly, a shame." 

Tulojow's lips pursed  at the mention of recent events - the direwolves and assassinations.  "They certainly have their hands full."  Her tone, for a moment, was distant and distracted.  It was still strange and frustrating to not be directly involved.  She'd been with the Ministry through the course of the two previous wars.  Being witness to the new threat but sidelined was frustrating at best.  The healer took a long sip of her wine before casting a curious glance towards Ignan only to find him watching her. 

He was, it seemed, aware of the potential for a moderately-sized elephant in the room. 

"At present, it seems," Tulojow offered carefully.  "All of us have more questions than we do answers.  We'll just have to see where things will go from here." 

"So, a magical-ailments first aid lesson?"  Tulojow summarized.  She considered the idea for a moment, trying to picture the theory in practice.  "That would definitely be doable.  I'd, of course, be happy to help.  In the case of the other subjects, it all seems relatively straightforward.  Spell reversals, signs of envenomation for Magical Creatures and Herbology.  In your case, though, it seems there are two different potential focuses: simple first-aid and dealing with Dark Magic-related injuries and actual real time triage." 

Tulojow nodded her head.  "Healing is, definitely, an under-represented branch of magic.  I'm more than willing to help."

"Excellent!" Ignan exclaimed, pleased that Tulojow was enthusiastic about the prospect. "I'll speak with the other Professors to set everything. The way things are panning out, it will probably be after Easter. Everyone is cramming material into their lessons as far as possible to revise the OWL and NEWT criteria after the holiday. Those students will have their heads full of what they need by the time the exam board descends on the castle, Merlin damn them." A smirk grew on Ignan's face as he spoke the last sentence.

"After this year's apparent upheavals in staff, deaths, werewolves, we owe them to ensure they all get through their exams." His focus drifted off to the fire, and he stopped, changing his mind, giving a hrrmph interjection.
"Actually, these children don't know how docile this year has been - its character building." He had thought back to the wizarding war. Now that generation had turned out well.

"Yes, the tension seems to be building in the castle, daily.  I don't teach-" so she wasn't directly involved with either causing or intensifying the pre-exam tension.  "-but I've started getting those pre-exam requests for sleep-replacement potions and stress relievers.  A few seem to be convinced the exams themselves are going to be as exciting as the rest of the year has been."  They'd been expressing their concerns as if the school was plotting some sort of drama for the exams.  "Do you think, as a whole, they're in good shape?"   

Tulojow grinned and chuckled in amusement as Ignan seemed to get briefly lost in his thoughts.  His change of perspective prompted a moment of introspection for Tulojow and her gaze settled on the flickering fire.  "Let's hope it just stays a character building exercise.  I just hope this isn't all going to get worse before it gets better."  It would get better.  Of that, Tulojow would remain forever optimistic. 

"So, were your school days character building?"  Tulojow asked, glancing curiously at Ignan.  "You intended Durmstrang, correct?" 

"Do you think, as a whole, they're in good shape?"

"Better in recent months, a steely determination, the closer the exams get. Resilient, resourceful students, I'll give them that. Hogwarts are very proud of their heritage, of the stand a decade ago. When its mentioned, it inspires them go further."

"Let's hope it just stays a character building exercise.  I just hope this isn't all going to get worse before it gets better."

Tulojow certainly was the more optimistic of the pair, though Ignan didn't mind. His pessimism meant he was rarely disappointed and more regularly pleasantly surprised. Quietly he was rather optimistic over the progress of each student, but by not letting on, he forced them not to be complacent.

"So, were your school days character building? You intended Durmstrang, correct?"

Ignan nodded once, thinking back to his childhood.
"I did, as did the rest of the family past, even teaching. I did five years before coming here, though was never my intention to teach." He explained and gave a little shrug, sipping his wine before elaborating,

"No houses there, just strata. One is average, above or below. To be below is humiliating from both teachers and staff. To be above, respect from all and envy. Those at the bottom stay there, not like here, where they hide in the houses and we're expected to weed them out and improve them. At Durmstrang, you get written into your professional life from an early age. The Ministry handpicks."

He sipped his wine once again thoughtfully.
"What of your school? Would you have preferred to grace here as a student, knowing what you know now?"