1:00 AM

It was over... as over as it would ever be for the Flickwicks. They had made it through the memorial. They had made it through the mountain of condolence letters and cards. They had made it through the concerned looks of outsiders and the infighting that happened when Ramona was not there to play referee. It hadn't been the girls, no the girls came together for once in their life on some even ground once Sophie stopped walking around like a zombie. The fighting had been between Sophie and John. Though he had basically held her on his lap during the funeral while she cried she caught him drinking in the rectory hall. She hated that side of him. She hated that side of her father. They weren't even bad drunks it just seemed like a waste of perfectly good brain cells and a stupid way to avoid the pain...because it wasn't just going to go away.

Now after a lengthy train and boat rides they were back at school. She was exhausted. It was one in the morning and she just wanted to curl up and avoid the morning for as long as possible. She had no idea what to say to her friends - some of whom would be hurting as badly as the girls, themselves, were. Quinn had reached out to her by letter, and Thatch had gotten a hold of Ruby but what about the others? Ramona had always made everyone feel welcome but she held a soft spot for Fergie; they had a relationship - a secret understanding. It wasn't that Fergie didn't love his own mother it was just that... Ramona tried to give him a safe place to fall. Then there was Madison...and Chance. Merlin she wanted to see that boy. She wanted to be able to crawl into his lap and feel like everything would be alright.

The problem is everything was changing. Sophie was changing. She questioned things she ha formerly believed in with her whole self. She wanted to know why all of this had happened; she wanted to know who it had been - it had to have been a registered werewolf; she was attacked in one of the cells. No. She could not think about this. She wasn't even supposed to know as much as she did. She'd overheard Nan talking to someone investigating. She couldn't do this. She was too tired and it was too late - and what would knowing solve anyway? Dropping her bag on the common room floor she rubbed her eyes. There was so much she would never get to say; never get to do; never get to take back. Everything was tilted on it's side - and even though she repeated to herself what a new beginning this was...she really just needed someone to hug her.

It was a cold night out.  This was one of those nights where the wind felt as uncaring and isolating as a prison cell.  Chance Ryker had been up all night...trying to do everything in his power NOT to pace.  He was tense, worried, and heartbroken.  How could Ramona Flickwick actually be...dead?

Chance could scarcely fathom such mind blowing, life altering concepts as true.  He didn't WANT to believe it, but he had no choice than to accept the truth.  If only there was some way to undo this horrible, tragic fate that had befallen the matriarch of the Flickwick clan.  Chance was the typical male in the trait of being unable to tolerate being helpless to fix a bad situation.  And he couldn't bring Ramona back...couldn't undo the damage...couldn't make it better.  It was infuriating! 

Ramona was more of a mother to him than his own biological mother.  Ramona was a "Mom", not a "Mother."  The Flickwicks had taken Chance in as one of their own, but even as close as they were and as much as he adored them all...there was a special bond between he and Sophie.  They just "clicked" and fit together as if they were two parts of the same puzzle meant to compliment and complete each other.  Chance treasured Sophie and lamented the pain and suffering that Sophie must be enduring every moment since...Nevertheless, this was his first opportunity to see Sophie after that horrible event.  So he waited up on one of the Gryffindor Common Room's couches...readied with the Gryffindor blanket that Sophie had given him not too terribly long ago.  He was also wearing that bright orange, lion faced hoodie that Sophie had gotten him along with a pair of khaki colored jeans that were considerably frayed along the thighs. 

The moment that Sophie's bag hit the floor...Chance was up and off the couch, moving her way in a rushed trot.  He wrapped his arms around her and smeared his forehead down over her head.  Chance had racked his brain over what to say when he saw Sophie...but when he did...there were no words that came, no sounds...So he simply held her and squeezed tight, showing how desperately he loved her and how much he wanted to make her feel better.

How was it that he always knew when she needed him? Standing there in the near complete darkness of the common room she knew by the sound of his rushing footsteps, the spicy familiar boy smell that enveloped her as a pair of strong arms gathered him to her chest - it was Chance. It was always Chance. When the world went cockeyed; when everything hurt too much to see straight, there he was. He was the lighthouse that called her home. For the first time since the 12th she felt her body relax as her tiny form sagged into him. The only person that could possibly compete with the way her mother hugged was Chance. There was that same feeling of fierce protectiveness; the notion in body muscle that he would stand between whatever might hurt her - even if the thing hurting her was herself.

She knew inherently his suffering was compounded by the fact he couldn't fix this. Chance was no good with the notion that some things just took time. When someone was hurting; especially when that someone was Sophie he had an innate desire to fix it; whether fixing it meant long conversations about how special she was to him or threatening to beat up boys who broke her heart. He wanted there to be an easy answer; he wanted to be able to fix the holes in her heart; to piece her back together. He would never understand that the fact he stayed up all night waiting for her to come back or the simple act of holding her did more to soothe her fragile nerves than all the sleeping potions in the world.

They stood like that, in complete silence for a long time. She listened to his breathing and the sound of his heart, a slow trickle of tired tears running down her cheeks and wetting his hoodie.  The material felt warm and familiar - and for a moment she found herself smiling in spite of herself. Buying boys clothes was a strange thing to do at fifteen; but it had just been so very Chance like. Taking a deep breath in she tried to memorize exactly how the moment felt; the way he smelled, the weight of his head on top of hers. There was this part of her split down the middle - one side so lost and unsure, wounded an aching; the other feeling so at home, so safe standing there in that hug. How there could be so much confusion and certainty tied up in one person Sophie didn't know - but she knew she was glad to be home, "I missed you".

Sophie and the Flickwicks had been there for Chance, even when his own Mother had disowned him.  They'd given him a home and a sense of family again.  Chance would have never dreamt something so terrible as this would give an opportunity to be there to pick up the pieces of her shattered life...and he would have greatly preferred feeling indebted and unable to repay the family's kindness.  Sadly there was no such choice.

This experience had not been one isolated incident.  Whenever life's tidal waves crashed upon Chance's shore, Sophie was there.  When the whole Devlin/Fauna situation had exploded all over Chance...Sophie was there.  When his lifelong best friend simply no longer "had time for him"...Sophie was there.  When the darkness, angst, and misery was drowning him...Sophie was there offering the life preserver of her loyal and true friendship.  Chance never had to look far for love and acceptance when Sophie was around.

Sophie's hug felt different somehow, but it was no surprise.  She felt fragile and weak, yet strong and desperate to keep the embrace firm and meaningful.  It seemed every ounce of emotion was poured into the affection...and Chance lowered his head so that his cheekbone pressed her temple.

"Missed y'too, Sophers..."

It felt good to almost...feel her smile.  He knew she was sad.  He knew she was beyond that...crushed and devastated to her very core.  But there was still a spark, still life and resolve in the tiniest Flickwick.  Chance would do what he could to stoke those flames and bring Sophie back to her former glory.  But for now...he would simply have to be there for her in whatever capacity he could for her.  His eyes were shut tight as he whispered a silent prayer for Sophie's peace, comfort, and strength.

She closed her eyes and let the tone of his voice sink into her skin. She knew he was hurting but some how their shared pained seemed smaller than the pain she had felt on her own. With her sisters as close as it made them, they still suffered in their own ways. Ruby and Emily relied more on one another than on Sophie (because she was the baby). John and Duncan just drank, and Nan tried to keep them all from going insane. It was selfish, she knew, but being back at Hogwarts meant that she wouldn't feel as isolated anymore. Fergie, Chance, they wouldn't let her - even though they would be suffering too.

Finally she pulled back to look at him, lightly touching his cheek as she sniffled back her tears, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself I just...sort of fell apart," that was the understatement of the century. She hardly remembered that morning. When she tried all she could hear was herself screaming at Kia, feel the rattle of her teeth and Ruby shook her - she didn't even remember packing to go home. She could remember Emily awkwardly trying to comfort her and the way Nan had gathered them all up in her arms the second they stepped off the train. Everything was hazy after that; except Emily climbing into her bed with a stress migraine and Ruby's speech at the memorial. There were flashes of memory but for the most part it was a lot of sobbing and Nan trying to feed her.

Taking a deep breath she peered up at him in the darkness. He looked so worried and sad. She gave him another tight squeeze and then lead him over to the couch where he seemed to have been nesting waiting for her. In the low firelight she could see the blanket she had gotten him; and again in spite of herself felt her lips twitch with a small smile. Then of course she stopped because it felt wrong to smile so soon. How long was one supposed to wait before they smiled after losing their mother? Someone needed to write a field guide to life after death for her because Sophie had no clue what she was doing. She felt all mixed up and torn; which was why the familiarity of cuddling with Chance long after lights out seemed like such a welcome distraction. She knew how to do that, she knew how to almost fall asleep in front of the fire while he snuggled with her. Never mind that before she left she'd been suffering a bout of jealousy over Fauna. She just wanted something familiar.

Chance allowed a slow sigh to ease out of him.  It felt almost as if he was deflating from all the apprehension he'd been feeling about seeing Sophie again.  Of course it was always a pleasure, but he had been worried sick about the girl and how to best deal with what she was going through.  Chance loved Ramona too of course, but this was Sophie's mother...He could only imagine what losing her must have felt like.  This gave him a pang of guilt...as he felt it would hurt him more losing Ramona Flickwick than it would to lose his own mother.  Yet he would keep this random little tidbit to himself.

The Irish prefect shook his head with a wry smile.

"Soph...y'got nothin' t'pologize fer, lass...Nothin' at all!"

Only Sophie could be apologizing at a time like this for not "grieving properly."  Little did Chance realize that similar thoughts continued in her own mind.

"Ah'm jes' sorry I couldn' be with ya when...."

Chance really didn't want to finish the statement...His lips just slumped somewhat on his face.  It was clear enough that he had wanted to be there when she received the tragic news.

The duo made their way to the couch before the warmth of the hearth...and the comfort of the blanket.  He bundled the Sophie and himself up and just sat there for awhile...wishing for words of wisdom to simply pour forth.  All he seemed able to think of was a children's story.  Would that help to distract her with something silly and sweet or would it bring back memories of her mother?  Since Chance couldn't decide...he just kept quiet and gave her a peck on the forehead.

"Luv ya, wee one."

"But I do, you loved her as much as if she were your mum - and she loved you as much as Johnny and certainly liked you far more than him most days; the same with Fergie. You shouldn't have had to find out because I was gone or...however they told people," her voice trailed off as she looked up at him. Sophie was still in pain; but she was also aware that she wasn't the only one. Her pain didn't out rank anyone else's just because biologically she was Ramona's daughter. Her mother had had any number of "children" - she loved them all equally. Sophie was still surprised that Mama Flickwick hadn't ripped Chance's mother limb from limb; or cut her from stem to stern with vicious vicious words over the way she had treated her own flesh and blood. It was out of love and respect for Chance that she hadn't; because, like her youngest daughter, she knew in reality hurting or defaming his mother would only really hurt Chance in the end.

It dawned on her then, in a different way than ever before, Chance was her rock. He was her safe place to fall. He could deal with her when she was crazy, or sad, or silly - he was just always there. He caught her when things started to fall to pieces... and neither one of them kept score. Well; that wasn't completely true - she had thrown in his face that she had been the one to take care of him when she felt like he was headed down that slippery slope of puppy like devotion to Fauna. It had been selfish and she still felt awful about it. That wasn't how loved worked; how many times had Ramona told her that you couldn't keep score because the playing field was never level. How many times had she reminded her little girl that love was the only thing you could give away and never run out of, or that just because Chance had a crush on Fauna it didn't take away from the relationship he and Sophie shared? All of those things were true and she believed them more deeply now than ever before.

The problem was her mother had also taught her that loving meant eventually losing. Things change, relationships change - even long term ones like marriage. Who Ramona was when she married Duncan was not who she was when she died. It was a scary thought to Sophie (though she knew she was changing too) and the happiness of those years was part of the pain now; part of the pain Sophie felt. Would it be that way with Chance too? Did loving him as much as she did - in whatever terms she did because she still wasn't sure; mean eventually losing him would hurt this much too? The thought made her stomach hurt as she rested her head against his shoulder. There was no going back, for better or worse this tragic life event had changed both of them... but maybe if she was lucky, if they were lucky, they could grow together but separately rather than just apart. She closed her eyes as he kissed her head, lacing her fingers with his, "I love you too...more than you'll ever know".

Chance smiled...He was truly honored to be paid such compliments.  He often felt like he was treated far better than he deserved.  The Irish prefect never really quite understood why the Flickwicks loved him so much, when he felt so inadequate at expressing his own love for them.  Though the Gryffindor very much felt such sentiments, he found such difficulty in displaying them.  He'd always admired that ability to love and show it.  Chance had hoped that being around the family would help him to better understand and improve on these shortcomings of his.

Chance missed Mama Flickwick...What he wouldn't do to get to hug her now!  It didn't take much reflection to realize how much more often Ramona had hugged him than his own Mother.  It wasn't that Mrs.Ryker didn't love Chance, but her high expectations and disappointments in him seemed to take precedent. 

"Well ah luv 'er too.  An' it's fine...doesn' change anything.  Ah'm jes' glad ah'm with y'now."

There was no need in being bitter over how he'd received the bad news.  In actuality it would have changed things very little.  He would have felt more comforted being with loved ones, but his world would have still been rocked.  Just as there was no way to really cushion the blow for Sophie.  There were only ways to comfort her afterward.

As much as Sophie was mentally lecturing herself using her "Mama Flickwick voice"...Chance deserved one too.  He had always felt indebted to those who showed him such compassion and tenderness and always hoped to "even the score."  He needed more Ramona lectures too.

Chance feared the future, because it had always seemed so daunting and  uncertain.  His Mother's constant thirst for it had only made him more skittish about it.  It seemed that all of the dark disappointments and failures in life were waiting for him just around the bend...to prove his Mother right.  Chance squeezed her little hands in his own and just relaxed there...feeling comforted and eased from such thoughts for now.  Without Sophie's distractions and speeches designed to slap some sense into him...he didn't know where he'd be.

"Mebbe m'name really does mean 'Good fortune.' "

Chance was blessed, even amidst the pain and struggles.  He realized he had beauty in his life that defied logical explanation.  He hoped he could reflect that...if only just a fraction of it, so that others could enjoy what he so savored.

Sophie's eyes stayed closed, her breathing deep and even. It wouldn't take much for her to fall asleep right there in front of the fire. She felt safe; when she had been at home there had been such a loneliness to the house without Ramona in it. For the first time since the 12th Sophie didn't feel alone in a room full of people. There was just one person but he was her tether to the ground. When they were together Sophie felt closer to the self she wanted to be than when she was by herself. It was easy to remember to be selfless with Chance; to hold to the morals of Gyffindor - brave and loyal and true. All of the petty small things, the temper she had such a hard time controlling, life was more manageable when she was with Chance. She couldn't picture her life without that steady guiding hand.

When he spoke she opened one eye to look at him, for a moment the corner of her lips turned up when he said he was glad to be with her. In the back of her mind there was a fuzzy realization that this moment was what she had been waiting for. The isolation of home, the bouncing between catatonic and hysterical, the anger - needing a sleeping draughts every night while she was away; it just melted being with Chance. They belonged together in a bigger way that either of them could understand at this point - certainly more than she could appreciate at one in the morning her first day back at the castle. Her voice was sleepy as she huddled close to him her dark hair tickling his jaw, "Mum used to repeat this old proverb, I think it's Swedish? Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. It doesn't hurt so much being here with you," she swallowed and tilted her head to look at him, "D'you ever wonder why that is"?

Peace and joy seemed to flow from Sophie's veins like a wellspring at times.  When she wasn't bubbling forth like a gushing geyser of joy and excitement, she was adding comfort soothingly to those she cherished.  Of course Chance knew good and well that there was far more to the little Gryffindor than those two facets.  Nevertheless, she had both qualities abundantly!  And now...peaceful comfort seemed to be lulling him further and further away from consciousness.  Sophie was safe...and she would survive this ordeal.  Chance could see that now.  He could feel it for himself.

He was glad that Sophie hadn't isolated herself and seemed to show no signs of doing such a thing.  The way that she was able to be open and reference her mother and one of her most cherished quotes spoke volumes to Ryker.

"Guess it all goes back t'avin' somebody care fer ya in both cases.  Nothin's ever as fun when yer alone as when yer with a true friend.  Try watchin' one o' those muggle movies by yerself sometime...an' whew!"

Yet on the flipside of things, Chance truly hoped that he'd be able to ease Sophie's pain and truly make it half a pain.  That would be wonderful if he could lighten the load that she had to carry now.