The middle of March did not make for a comforting time to be home from school.  Even under the circumstances and her insistence upon it only hours before, Emily Flickwick could not for the life of her stop pondering the time of day and what class she'd be in at the time.  Reading was doing nothing at all as far as distraction.  The book long since been cast aside, Emily having tried and failed to read the same paragraph countless times to no avail.  The words kept swirling about and making no sense.  The fantasy world that should have sucked her and had so many times before, brushed her off instead.

It was the weather, she eventually decided, having looked to the clock one too many times.  The suns rays cast through the window much too cheerily to be anything but an annoyance.  How could it be sunny on a day like today?  It should be raining, or at the very least cloudy.  Something besides the universe being so rudely happy in the face of the house overwhelmed with grief.  The effects very much tangible in the air, and maybe if one squinted just say, they could make out the heavy filmy layer wafting through the house. 

A flash of dark hair out of the corner of her eye jerked Emily's attention to the kitchen.  The long layers belonged to Ruby, of course, but for a tiny, aching moment, she might have tried imagining Ramona anyway.  Dragging herself off the couch, she shuffled over to the kitchen after her sister.  It wasn't that she aimed to talk about it, nor did she want to cry on Ruby's shoulder at the moment, but company... company would be nice.  Most especially, Ruby's company, of which Emily might be guiltily aware of missing out on as of late.

"Do you want a cuppa," Emily asked filling the kettle with water to boil.  It reached that time of day, where the urge for one was automatic, if maybe not the appetite.  Indeed, her stomach turned over at the idea of trying to eat a biscuit or the like.  Despite this bubble of nausea, Emily turned the stove on and pulled two mugs just the same. 

Having changed from her uniform about five minutes after stepping through the house door; Ruby had holed up in her mother's office. They had had to arrange a funeral for a family friend the summer before and Ramona kept impeccable records. There were little things she noticed now - how similar their handwriting was for instance. They worded things in the same way; made notes in the margens that no one else would be able to understand... she couldn't really be gone could she? There was still so much of her...everywhere. The office still smelled like her perfume.She'd only talked to Duncan for a little while. He was so beside himself - it reminded her of Sophie. He had no idea what to do, who to talk to, he didn't even know if there was a will. She tried to comfort him but that seemed to make it worse - because then he went on a weeping lament about how he was supposed to have all the answers but he didn't because Ramona always knew the right thing to say. Ruby had panicked and as if on cue Nan walked in and took over taking care of him.

Her father might not have expected her to have answers - but she expected it from herself and knew Ramona would have expected it from her as well - so she tried to find some. There was a will - but mostly it just laid out who the girls would have gone to live with had both she and Duncan died. There were other things; pieces of jewelry to be give to specific people and the like. It made Ruby sick that her mother had actually sat in the very chair she was in thinking of these things. It seemed that it should have been more eloquent; there should have been answers to all of life's questions in these documents. That had really been what she'd hoped to find. She knew it - she just didn't want to say it out loud. Saying it out lout made it real and the last thing she wanted to think about was the fact her mother was dead and left her with no answers for anyone else other than who got their great great great grandmother's broach (Emily obviously; she was the only one who wore broaches).

There came a time, some hours later, when she could no longer focus on flowers or cremation urns. Intermittently Nana had checked on her. She could hear Sophie crying down the hall and several times Loki had wandered in looking hopelessly lost before curling up beside Ruby and looking at her with what the Hufflepuff could only describe as despair. She knew exactly how he felt and despite having hated the dog since she was 11 and he bit her for tripping over him, she picked him up and held him close the way she'd seen her mother do a million times before. He relaxed and fell asleep in her lap as she read over her mother's day planner notes. Eventually her brain could take no more; she couldn't try and picture her mother going through the every day tasks of living. Somehow it made her being gone that much more dramatic. Seeing all of the people that counted on Ramona... there was no way to comfort or save them all. Ruby was not ready to step into those shoes yet.

Instinctively she wandered to the kitchen. It had always been the safest and happiest part of the house. Standing there with the lights dimmed it seemed as if all life  had cease to exist. There were no warm spicy smells. There was no loud laughter, no stories being told, no problems being solved, no wise words being passed down. It felt empty; barren even. Without bothering to turn up the lights Ruby made her way to the small cluster of chairs lined up against the bar. She kept herself from looking at the depleting alcohol supply in the open cupboard. She just sat, staring into space. She wanted everything to go back. She wanted to be eight years old again watching her mother make tortillas from scratch. She wanted her younger self to enjoy that moment more; hold onto it harder. These thoughts were inturrpted - was most of her thoughts usually were - but Emily's voice. They had hardly spoken since this morning. There hadn't been time. Giving her sister a frail smile she nodded, "Sounds good. Soph's cried herself out then?" it only struck the seventh year to ask because she could no longer hear the mournful wailing of the youngest Flickwick.

"Hopefully," Emily sighed, leaning against the counter as she waited for the water to boil.  "I haven't check though," she admitted, more guilt she wasn't sure how to deal with.  Sophie wasn't alone, or anything like that.  Nan been looking after her since they'd arrived home.  At first, Emily tried to help, but in the end felt more awkward then anything else.  Eventually she'd left, Emily couldn't bear to hover and watch the heartbreaking without being able to help.  "I should wait though, let her sleep," Emily asked, unsure of what the next move should be.

Everyone played their roles the best way they knew how in the sibling hierarchy.  John and Sophie book ended as the oldest and youngest, respectively.  John always been good for leading the way and showing off just how to piss off their parents with seemingly the least amount of effort.  To know John, at least in the way that Emily did, one could understand why he'd ended up a Slytherin, albeit a lazy one at that.  The quintessential baby role fell to Sophie.  Of which without existing, there might be actual quiet moments, but no one to tease.  In the middle, fell Ruby and Emily. Neither were very loud, or rambunctious, or trouble causing despite being the middle children of the family.  Granted, they were too busy holding the world together, or pretending they were ignoring it. 

The anomaly, Emily mused, might have to do with growing up with each other to rely on.  An idea Emily never stopped to consider until this exact moment with just the two of them and a mile's worth of unspoken between the stove and the bartop.  When had things... just... stopped between them?  When exactly had they grown apart?  When had the three months between their birthdays started to show so crudely as it did right now?  In the dark moment of cold clarity where they weren't really twins, no matter how they'd been raised.  Could there be a moment in the last year she could find and pick apart and try to find a solution?  Of course it wasn't so simple a question, or answer for that matter.

"When's the last time we talked," she wondered aloud, as much for Ruby's benefit as it was for her own.  It was as if Ramona's death made all her strained familial relationships come into disturbing focus and she could no longer remember the reasoning for pulling away to begin with.  "I can't remember, can you?" They used to talk all the time, they'd been so close once, hadn't they? 

Ruby was relieved that Sophie was finally asleep - or at least no longer howling in misery. It had taken every fiber of her being not to barrel into the room and try to fix things. That job was better life to Nan...she and Sophie shared that special bond that Sophie seemed to magically form with everyone. She could make you feel like the most important person in her world. Giving a nod to Em, Ruby raked her fingers through her hair, "Best to let her sleep; or let Nan handle it from here on out. It isn't like we can answer her questions any better than Da..." her voice trailed off as she looked to the open cupboard. He was drinking again - not that he hadn't always had a bit of whiskey around but things that had been stocked the last time they were all home suddenly seemed vastly over depleted. How could he and John go through so much having only found out this morning? Both were holed up in their respected sanctuary so Ruby hadn't had a chance to ask.

Em's next question startled her back to reality. How had there become a rift between them? There had been a time when she told Emily absolutely everything. They shared this secret knowing about one another - even though they weren't actually twins. Growing up they had felt, or rather Ruby had felt that they were half of the same whole. If you'd been able to put their personalities together they would have had the perfect temperament; an empathetic heart with the ability to say when. Looking at her sister now formerly familiar traits seemed foreign. The older they got the more distinctly their mixed ethnicities showed - Emily looked far more pale; though she and Sophie still looked quite a bit alike. That wasn't what had changed though; lots of siblings looked nothing alike. Sometimes Ruby forgot Em was even adopted. She was just her sister; her first best friend - the one that was there before everything.

Slowly she stood and came to stand next to the other girl, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her temple, "I dunno Emmy. I just don't know," she sounded so sad as she hugged Emily. She didn't cry; but there was a wounded tone to her words. "Life just go away from us I guess; and I would think tomorrow, we'll talk tomorrow and it'll all be the same," she pulled back to look at the other girl; really take her in. She could remember being young and building forts out back - tormenting Sophie by refusing to let her in until she threatened to tattle. There had been a two person swing in an old tree, now long since gone for rotting, where they would sit and read to one another. How did one just...lose that? Resting her forehead against Em's jaw she sighed, "I miss you Sisser".

Ruby's confirmation should not have brought as much relief as it did.  Did it make her an awful sister for avoiding Sophie's pain?  Probably, but when she'd long since passed the point of being any more then an unnecessary presence to Nan's workings... what else was she to do?  Of course, if Ruby had told her to go check on Sophie, she would have, albeit reluctantly.  Nothing extravagant beyond ducking her head into the room, but Ruby was right, it was best to let her sleep.  That and there really wasn't anything to say, it was all too fresh, too raw, too unreal for everyone.  Disturbing Sophie now might start the process over again.  Though right now she couldn't decide what was more unsettling, Sophie's wails, or the cold, thick silence that had since followed.  As for Da... well he wasn't of much help right now to himself, much less to his children, but that was another story.

Emily's offhand observation brought Ruby to her feet and to Emily's side of the kitchen.  Without  missing a beat Emily and Ruby found the right hugging position.  Time and distance and brush offs didn't erase learned positions and how bodies fit together best.  You didn't grow up with another person without learning those sort of things along the way.  For a moment, it was easy to pretend they were still children.  Before they'd been separated by school and differing interests and friends.  If not for the sadness in Ruby's voice, the image might have stuck for longer then it's fleeting glimpse into what once been.  Of games and inside jokes and weaving stories and all the other things lost along the way since then.  Instead the present came back around to haunt them once more, where nothing was the same and there wasn't any way for it to ever be the same again. 

"I miss you too," a defiant sniffle escaped Emily as she gave Ruby a squeeze.  And even now, wound up together like this, Emily missed her, as if she was more a figment of an overactive imagination. The worse way to miss someone was when they were right there, she supposed. Things been going on with everyone and something else always seemed so much more important then pursuing what was going on with other people.  Sophie's fits been more annoying then concerning, and she'd even been starting to resent S.A.W.S. and being roped into it by the other two girls.  At the time, it been something she'd been behind, but not to the point of being extensively involved with it.  Being pushed towards advocacy become exhausting and despite being a supporter, she'd been on the verge of quitting all together. How could she have been so selfish?  When had grades and independence become so much more important than her family? 

"I started it," not that she could pin point the cause, but sure she should shoulder the blame for it.  "Not on purpose," she quickly followed, in attempt to cut off any argument Ruby might have on the subject, "it just kind of happened," true enough words, she supposed.  "I'm sorry..." sorry for so many things that she didn't even really know where to start. The kettle chirped to life then, ringing loudly to announce it's presence still existed.  Breaking the embrace was hard, but Emily eventually pulled away to see to the tea.  Two sugars for Ruby, a dab of honey for herself.  "How are the arrangements going," she'd almost swallowed the question, but pressed on instead, "Do you want help?" 

When they were young they had been best friends. They had been the sort of friends that could finish one another's sentences as though they shared a brain. Standing in that familiar but strange kitchen, hugging her - Ruby wanted to forget there had been a day that went by they hadn't been as close as ever. She wanted to pretend that they still crawled into bed together and read by wand light until Duncan caught them but let them get away with it anyhow. She wanted to pretend that they were still little enough for tea parties and dress up, wearing funny hats and calling one another things like Martha and Gertrude. Life was so easy back then - and even the first years at Hogwarts. When had it changed? Ruby couldn't remember. The gap became harder and harder to bridge as time went on however - and no matter how much they loved one another this last year they were so consumed with themselves that Ruby wasn't even sure when they'd lost final contact.

It didn't seem right though, letting Emily blame herself. Giving her sister a kiss on the temple as she took her cup of tea and settled back on the barstool she was quiet for a long time, mulling over just what to say, "I don't think, really, anyone is to blame. Look at Johnny; we still love him he's just not a part of our daily lives anymore. Maybe that's how it works if we want to survive being in such a big family - defining our own space and the space we want to share with everyone else..." her voice trailed off as she lifted her eyes to look at her sister She seemed so uncomfortable in her grieving; as though she didn't know what to do once confronted with her own pain then topped with Sophie and everyone else. "Thank you... for taking care of Soph. I know it's not easy I'm just glad once of us could keep it together in front of her," she felt it was important to thank Emily for that none too small an act. Ruby just couldn't do it. When her sister apologized Ruby just gathered her up in a hug and shook her head, "You have nothing to be sorry for Emmy," it came in a rush - that feeling of needing to protect Emily from her own ideas about herself. There was no one to blame; not now, not ever. It was a part of growing up, growing tired of the same day to day battles. Emily couldn't be begrudged her ability to step away anymore than Ruby could hate herself for not having that.

She hugged her sister as tightly as she dared for as long as she thought Emily would let her before placing another kiss on her forehead and letting go, rubbing Em's back with the flat of her hand. She wished there was some way to make Emily see that she held no resentment - she couldn't. Love didn't keep score; that was the one lesson that Ruby had never lost sight of. It was something she had heard her mother tell Sophie a million times - but it was only know that she really believed it. Taking a sip of her tea she offered the lighter version of herself a small smile and shook her head, "It hasn't been hard, I talked to Father Donahue. He wants to be the one to provide the service. I found flowers - Mum's favorite, lilies... the ashes will be uh," she had to pause then the swallow back her tea as it felt dangerously close to being revisited in a moment if she didn't. Taking a deep breath she forced herself to continue, "should be ready the afternoon of the 14th. The service will be the 15th, in the morning. It'll give us plenty of time to catch the evening train back to school," her voice trailed off as she gazed into her tea. There were still things to fuss with but she didn't want Em or Sophie to have to worry about anything. It might have sounded terribly cold but she just wanted it all over with.