Tomes and Scrolls

After leaving Grace in the care of her uncle, Myrni left the Three Broomsticks and headed in the direction of the bookstore where she had invited Tapendra to meet her. On the surface, it was just a means of killing time while she waited for Grace to be finished with her meeting. But Myrni didn't mind the opportunity for getting lost among the bookshelves, especially with a scholar like Trishna.

She heard that it was his birthday earlier in the week and because she had made a point to keep herself hidden away from the world, she had not had the time to find him a gift. She figured that if they came upon something worthwhile in the bookstore, she would offer to get it for him. Or, if he felt that was too much, perhaps he'd let her buy him a cup of tea. Either way, she hoped to enjoy herself.

Despite the warmer temperatures, Myrni still felt it necessary to hug her jacket tighter around her and quickened her pace, eager to get inside where it was warm. As she approached, she saw the Astronomy professor's familiar tall frame and gave him a spirited wave. "Oh hey there, Tapendra....Mr. Shooting Star. Happy Belated Birthday!"

Tapendra looked up from when he'd been standing - eying a row of books on Charms. He hadn't shopped for Wizarding books for himself in a few years, and was rather considering brushing up and updating his knowledge.

Maybe it was being around Ignan - and now Georg - that was making him feel inadequate; largely due to his life's dramatic and non-wizarding direction after school, he hadn't really learned many spell they weren't taught outside of school. Those he had, Judy had taught him, and he couldn't count of that anymore...

"Shooting Star?" he asked, bewildered as Myrni arrived. He gave her a soft smile, adjusting his glasses. "Thank you, Myrni," he added. "How is Miss Eddy doing?"

A small smile flitted across Myrni's face when she saw Tappy's and she was reminded of how she seemed to have little to smile about of late. Her engagement had ended and she had tried to keep to herself, but she was slowly starting to realize the value of having colleagues and friends who she could hang out with. It beat reliving how she had broken off the engagement and it also beat reliving her recent conversation with Kurby about it.

"Yes, Shooting Star. It seemed to fit you," she said with a chuckle and a shrug. "Well, maybe it's just because you teach Astronomy."

She turned to look over some of the titles on the shelves before her. She pulled one off of it and began to flip through some of the pages when Tappy asked about Grace. With a cluck of her tongue, she replied, "Ms. Eddy is probably suffering in a misery of her own making. But isn't that what angsty teens do best?"

She chuckled, as that clued him in that she'd be down as of late - he'd seen so little of her that it hadn't clicked until now. "If it's a reference to crashing and burning, I'd say it works out well," he said in reference to the nickname, with a wry smile. "That's what usually happens to me in social life, anyhow."

"Ms. Eddy is probably suffering in a misery of her own making. But isn't that what angsty teens do best?"

"Oh yes," he said, with the suddenly heavy tone of someone who'd had to deal with an angsty teen everyday for years. He shouldn't feel as worn down by it as he did - he tried not to, anyway - but there was only so much he could take before his love for Georgiana warred with his desire to slap her head back on straight. The worst part was the girl seemed to think being angsty and dramatic was fashionable; it was nothing he did that prompted it. It was like she wanted a miserable home life, and he, as someone who had actually had one, couldn't understand it.

Aware he'd been frowning at the rows of books for a moment too long, he blinked twice and his easy smile returned. "Sorry. Did you have anything you wanted to do, while we've got a few hours off?"

"Well, if that is what it means of be a shooting star -- to crash and burn -- then I guess I am one as well," she informed him under her breath. "In other words, you are not alone. Plenty of people are skillful in creating a complete mess of their social endeavors." Even though Myrni's comment was more a reflection of her own personal woes, her eyes went wide as she realized how judgmental it might sound in relation to whatever Tapendra was going through in that sense.

Even if she was trying to keep the outside world away from her, she wasn't completely closed off from it. The Daily Prophet still dropped into her lap every morning (and was quite helpful in hiding her face from the eyes of little gossip mongers) and even she wasn't immune from reading Witch Weekly when swiping it from students who were supposed to be studying. Myrni knew that the volume of fame connected with Ms. St. James arbitrarily sucked anyone else in and now that included Tappy, for good or for bad.

She quickly attempted to assure him that she was not speaking of that and more about her own situation. "I...mean....I think I'm just destined to fail where that's concerned."

Myrni briefly thought back to their lesson collaboration on compatibility with a heavy heart. How things had changed in just a month. Thoughts about her failed compatibility with Nathan seemed to overwhelm any others about the topic of angsty teens. Luckily for her, Tapendra seemed a bit distracted as well and probably didn't notice.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by his question and she looked up from the book she was holding open in her hands. "Well, besides browsing through books and maybe going for a cup of tea, I hadn't really thought much about it." Her brows shot up with interest. "Do you have any ideas? What else would fit into that span of time?"

He gave her a long look, putting the book he'd been holding back on the shelf. Then he sighed and patted her on the shoulder affectionately, giving her what he hoped was a warm smile.

"Join the club," he said, deciding not to pry for now. His mind had indeed shot to Dolly at her words - he still didn't know what to do about that, or how to feel, or...he'd just put it out of his mind, determined to focus on his duties and try not to think about it. His wedding ring being off for Valentine's Day had been odd; but breaking down and putting it back on a few days later had somehow made him feel worse.

Dolly's words had been true, but even eight years later, the thought of Judy's wrath and sadness both scared and filled him with guilt.

He smiled oddly when he realized they'd both sat there thinking a bit grimly. What a start for a friendly outing, eh?

"I was going to grab a new spellbook, if I can find one that works for me," he admitted. "Trying to brush up on my Transfiguration and Charms a bit, now that I'm using them so much. But tea would be very welcome," he added, with a smile. "They're usually serving cake around this time, if I recall...I can certainly put the spellbook aside for some of that."

Myrni returned his smile, appreciating his attempts at sympathizing with her. Myrni believed that she was capable of finding common ground with pretty much anyone. She had done so with Graham and even Aileen after what seemed like rough or awkward beginnings and she now counted them among some of her closest friends. Even Oscar, who she loathed more than anyone else, she believed the was capable of reaching an understanding with if only he was capable of meeting her half way. The sting of not being able to reconcile with people like Oscar was lessened considerably by the meeting and befriending of people like Tapendra. The kindred spirits like him seemed to flow so effortlessly in and out of her life and she felt enriched by the moments spent in their company.

"Okay, tea would be great. It would give us a chance to get to know each other better outside of the walls of school." She flicked her eyes to his face and studied it for a long moment before saying, "Sometimes I feel so isolated." She quickly tacked on, "And I realize much of it is my own fault, but I can't help feeling....alone." She glanced down and her hand, which was now devoid of an engagement ring. "Even when I was....well..." She let him finish that sentence silently. "I still felt like I was apart from so many people. Friends who are off doing their own thing....friends I felt like I grew apart from. And my family -- they sometimes feel far from me as well."

She shrugged and her eyes went wide again. "Wow. Okay. Really didn't mean to begin our tea discussion prematurely. You should probably lead the way so we can have our cake and it'll force me to hush for two seconds and not monopolize the conversation."

He watched her silently, glancing down to her hand as she did. Thankfully she wasn't looking at him to see his eyebrows raise; he felt his natural need to be nosy rise up, but he knew better than anyone - especially with his recent doubts - that one didn't talk of that sort of thing casually.

Still...

He patted her shoulder reassuringly. "No harm done," he said with a smile, not really sure what to say to the 'alone' comment without prying into her private business. She had indeed been off on her own for some time.

He led the way from the book store - having replaced his book on the shelves - and they headed across the damp street to the small cafe. While in the fall and summer one might be able to eat outdoors, with the snow and rain, the outdoor portion of the cafe was closed up. Inside it was thankfully not too crowded, and he found a table near one of the windows, a distance away from the rest of the people in the shop.

"Forgive the nosiness, if you don't mind, but..." he said as they sat, resting his elbows on the tale and absently hooking his ankles around the legs of the chair. "Did something, er...happen?" He gestured to her hands. "You've just been scarce, lately," he added quickly, a light flush appearing on his features. "It's none of my business, I expect."

And there was the prying that could not be stifled. She had hidden since the break up to avoid that kind of scrutiny. But when Tapendra asked, it didn't feel like a burden to the Arithmancy professor. He wasn't a malicious gossiper, intent to see her derision splashed for all to see. He was a friend. Or at least someone who could become a trusted confidant. She needed more of them in her life to combat the negativity from certain others. As far as she could tell, Tapendra wasn't a bad person intent on hurting her.

She sat down across from him and lightly rested her clasped hands on the tabletop. She focused her hazel gaze on her slender fingers. She regrettably noted that the rather modest ring that Nathan had given to her would have peeked out and sparkled a bit before. But not now. "I guess you could say that something happened." She finally looked up, just in time to see Tapendra's flustered expression. She unclasped her hands and held one up to stave off his comment about it being none of his business. "I ended my engagement. And even though I feel that I am completely justified in doing so, I'm sure the rest of the world will be intent on placing the sole blame on me."

Myrni released a laugh filled with uncharacteristic bitterness. "I haven't even been married yet and already I'm a pessimist about it."

His lips pressed into a line and he looked down at the table for a few moments before he finally spoke up. "I'm sorry, Myrni," he said quietly, and meant it. Even if he hadn't really been engaged to Judy, not properly - they'd gotten married so fast, it had all been such a rush - he wasn't sure what he'd have felt like if she'd broken it off with him then.

Actually, that was a lie - he did know how he'd have felt. And it would have been hurt - and most of all, betrayed and angry. He hoped that wasn't the case for Mryni or her ex.

"Why did you break it off?" He asked after the pause. "If...if you'd rather not tell me, that's okay-" he was cut off as the waitress appeared; Tapendra hadn't been paying attention, so the woman's presence next to the table made him jump.  He shoved his glasses back up his nose and quickly ordered an extremely sugary tea with a slice of raspberry cheesecake. When the waitress had departed with both of their orders, he cleared his throat.

"Mm, yes. Um. Sorry for apologizing so much-" he started, then blinked and smiled. "I just apologized for apologizing, didn't I...? Bugger."

"No, it's okay to ask," she told him quietly. "But you'll forgive me for worrying that by talking about it, I will end up doubting whether or not I made the right decision." That was always the hard part for her. She was always nervous about explaining why she broke off the engagement. Kurby's visit had highlighted exactly why. If challenged about it, she wasn't sure she could hold onto her reasoning.

Part of her was afraid that by allowing others to question her actions, she might be tempted to cave and run back to Nathan to say that she hadn't meant any of it. And maybe part of her didn't. She loved him, afterall.There was a good chance that she always would because of their history together.

The thing was, a woman like Myrni did not make irrational decisions often, no matter how much others might want to think she did. She meticulously considered every aspect of her life and her choices. Despite how sudden the action had seemed, it didn't come into fruition overnight. It had been building. For years, it seemed. And Christmas had been the last blow.

After giving the server her order for a smokey flavored tea and something aiken to a coffee cake, Myrni turned back to the other professor and waved off his words of apology, both in reference to her engagement ending and also to his constant need to apologize.

Myrni's upper body sagged a bit and she crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward. She was thoughtful before she reluctantly opened up. "It's a long story. Sometimes I feel as though it's been an uphill battle since the day we met. Nathan's family is pure and some of them have had no qualms about letting me know that they didn't approve of our relationship." She paused and then her mouth curled into a smirk. "Being called a mudblood never really phased me much, but I guess when you know it is coming from the people who are supposed to be your family someday, the hurt can build."

She frowned as disappointment and frustration quietly welled up in her. "I mean, am I wrong for not wanting to hear or feel how inferior others think that I am for the rest of my life? I don't think I could stomach being around that kind of barbaric purism for the long term. It's disgusting and more people should have the....." She scrunched up her face and bit out, "The...courage....to stand up to it. Including the person who claims to love me."

Myrni felt like she had spoken all those words in one breath and she finally stopped to collect herself. When she resettled her eyes on Tappy's face, they were filled with inquiry. "I would never ask him or anyone else to forsake their family for me. But I don't think I'm out of line for hoping that the person I spend the rest of my life with will have my back...."

Tilting his head slightly to the side, Tapendra considered her words. He tried not to let his gut reaction show on his face, and mostly succeeded. Feelings mixed - her words conjured up all th times his mother had brushed him aside for such concerns, all the times she herself had expressed them to him - he reached across the table and patted her hand reassuringly.

"His in laws were cruel to you?" he asked, though she had more or less confirmed that. "Behind his back...?" Myrni didn't strike him as the kind of woman who would have stuck with a man who didn't stick up for her, and his own experience with the pureblood clans made it very, very easy to think of them getting on Myrni's case behind her fiancée's back.

He glanced out the window as he thought for a moment, chewing his lip. "I have to admit my own perspective is biased," he said. "But I can understand your reasoning, if they were being hard on you. It's not an atmosphere I'd wish on anyone - and if he didn't want to cut ties..."

Myrni tensed slightly as she watched for his reaction to her venting. She could sense that he was conflicted about something she said and that immediately had her thinking the worst about it. Her face fell before she softly blurted out, "So you think I did the wrong thing?"

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and she didn't mean to put him on the spot like that. She quickly shook her head and threw out, "Now I'm the sorry one." She flashed him a sheepish smile. "The biggest culprits of their cruelty were his mother and brother. The latter especially. He's made it his mission to make sure the marriage doesn't happen." Myrni cringed. "And I know....I know....I kind of just gave him what he wanted...."

Myrni released a frustrated groan and rolled her head back so that she was looking at the ceiling. Righting herself again she told him, "I'm just going to stop talking now so that you can tell me how your perspective is biased."

"If that's how he made you feel, then you did the right thing," Tappy said, sitting back a bit too. "Especially if your fiancée expected you to do be around them long-term..."

He looked a bit put-on-the-spot as she turned to conversation to him. He looked down at his hands, frowned, and shuffled his feet, waiting a few moments before he sighed, and spoke quickly.

"Muggle father. Pureblood mother. My mother's circle wasn't happy about me," he said, and hoped that would suffice. "People gave me a lot of flak for it at school, so I'm not too fond of blood-purists. Hence, I have a biased view." He smiled in a nervous way. "It just...makes me angry. So I can't give you a totally neutral view. Haha."

He cleared his throat. "How did he, ah..take it?"

"I'm not sure I made the right decision. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel more strongly that I made a terrible mistake, instead of how I woke up this morning feeling completely justified," Myrni began to explain with a sigh. Her face softened with obvious fondness as she spoke of her now ex-fiancee. "Or maybe I will see him in passing and I'll experience that....that flutter and longing that happens because a person has just captured your mind....body and spirit. All of it is seemingly held hostage just by them." Myrni's passionate expression of what she was thinking or feeling was accompanied by a hand splayed and pressed to the base of her neck. Then, the hand slowly curled into a clenched fist before resting there.

She flushed a bit, realizing that her words exposed her vulnerability and had the potential to make her company feel even more awkward in discussing the topic. She quickly uttered, "I'm sorry." She watched the Astronomy professor as he spoke of his own experience interacting with purebloods.

Her lips formed a half smile when he mentioned not being able to be biased. Myrni nodded in understanding.

And then he asked something she wished he hadn't. Because it forced someone as deeply empathetic as Myrni to have to consider the consequences of her actions. In an attempt to not think about that, she averted her gaze and deflected, "Well, if you were him...how would you take it?"