Being dragged out for Valentine’s Day in such a public place was not Archer’s idea of a good time.  He had stupidly communicated with his brother  and it held him back from making real reservations, so now he was stuck going to dinner with him and his girlfriend, who ended up being one of Archer’s own co-workers.  It was a cruel irony, that he would have to spend Valetine’s Day with people from the office.  One of them, of course, he was happy to spend time with, particularly when she was looking as… stunning as she was tonight.

It made up for the fact that they had to awkwardly meet at this place, which seemed nice but was a little… loud for Archer’s taste and far from conspicuous.  It was definitely Hunter’s style, and exchanging appropriate greetings, slipping to call Charlene “Frizzy” several times was enough to set things off on the right foot.  But, thankfully, the awkward talking over the menu phase had happened and then the waiter – who looked about 17 years old with a good case of that adolescent smartass took their orders.  Archer was already on his second beer of the evening.

Leaning back in his chair, Archer rubbed his palm against his pant legs.  It was really awkward.  Silence was overwhelming and he just wanted this dinner to be over.  Of course, not too soon.  He had something that… well.. it was going to be a showstopper.  The thought momentarily relieved the anxiety he was feeling and Archer couldn’t help but want to skip to dessert right now.

Well, it was a different kind of dessert that he was really looking at now.  It would be all this evening was worth by the end of it.  Hunter was fine, but a bit of a clown and he just had some significant trouble seeing Frizzy as anything but a colleague.  He was definitely not alright seeing her in a dress and with his brother, being lovey – he had gotten one dose of that already, it was far from something he ever wanted to see again.

The igloo incident really left him with something akin to PTSD, he looked at her and shivered at the memory.  Sighing, he looked at his brother, happy as ever and in his element – stupidly romantic.  Then, there was the woman he felt bad for torturing.  Tamis was being good though, her typical self, really.  And he liked that, though he could tell she was just about as uncomfortable as he was.  It made him feel slightly better about the whole thing. 

Rubbing his face, Archer leaned back again and sighed, trying to be as sneaky as possible in reaching for Ray’s hand under the table.  “What made you pick this anyway, Hunt?  Couldn’t get any more public for you, huh?” he looked around in a moment of paranoia.  Things had been a little tense, especially with Tawse disappearing and never really knowing what was going to come next.  Archer had been a little hesitant to go out in public for that reason too. 

He didn’t want to be spotted, really, and though they were off-duty, everyone knew they carried their badges around at all times for a reason.  It was never really off-duty.  Whatever the case, Archer just wanted things to be quiet and smooth for a little bit.  This restaurant wasn’t doing much of that for them, though.  “You help pick, Fr- Charlene?”

Hunter had worked hard to dress nicely for the evening. His outfit was slightly traditional- definitely had that wizarding flair, and was cut to flatter a figure falling out of excellent shape. In his older age, Hunter found it more difficult to keep up his carefully sculpted quidditch muscles- but for the most part, he was happy. So long as he wasn't flabby he had little to complain about, he supposed. Besides- Charlene looked amazing in her dress and he was very excited to give her the gift he had picked out. He just hadn't decided whether or not he was going to do it over dinner or later on their own.

He had tried not to give Archer nasty looks whenever he called Charlene Frizzy- or when he started to. Hunter understood life at the office was different from life at home, but at the same time, he couldn't grasp why it was okay to pick on each other. It was hardly professional, law enforcement like behavior. But who was he to judge? Hunter didn't work as an auror (thank Godric) so maybe he just didn't understand.

Hunter did understand that Tamis and Archer were a nice couple. They seemed to suit each other well, and she was pretty- in a matronly way. Hunter wasn't sure why their mother had disliked her so much. Tamis seemed nice enough, and what should matter was that Archer loved her, right?

But there was the awkward conversation. Hunter could tell his brother wasn't really enjoying himself, which was a little disheartening. Hunter had really wanted the two of them to have a nice double date. The idea that the fact Charlene worked with his brother hadn't really entered his mind as to what would make it weird or awkward.

"Well, Archer, if you've a problem with the place I picked for dinner, I suppose that you shouldn't have waited so long to make reservations." Hunter then turned to Tamis, offering a slight smile. "You know, I owled Archer early enough to give him a chance to make other plans- and he didn't do it. So I can hardly be blame if he doesn't like the venue." Grumpy? A little. Archer's little nit-picking was ruining his good time. Signature was a nice place. Public, yes- but it was very nice. The food was good, the atmosphere was nice, and it was hardly as crowded as Calaveras. It was much quieter than Calaveras would have been too. It was a quiet, sophisticated atmosphere in the restaurant part of Signature. It wasn't like Hunter had dragged them to the night club!

There was a cosmic disturbance influencing this night. Some immeasurable force that was throwing them further and further into entropy, that had torn asunder the equilibrium that would have prevented this dinner from ever being. And Tamis Raynor had been staring at him suspiciously for most of the evening, trying to figure out just what he had blackmailed Archer with.

Lifting her glass of water to her lips, Tamis raised her eyebrows and inclined her head in response to the subject of her suspicion. She was playing nice. She could do so on occasion, as long as she did not make a habit of it. She also did not trust a restaurant that catered to alcoholic tastes to understand the nuisances of a good cup of tea. If they even had teacups. Teacups and alcoholic. One corner of her lip twitched in humor, but not as a result of anything Hunter had said.

“I am sure you were well-intentioned. The venue reflects well on your tastes,” she replied as the seventeen year old smartass waltzed past them again, a tray of dishes for the party three tables obediently following.

Archer’s hand snuck towards her under the table, brushing her own digits, and she squeezed it once without changing her expression. When her had come to her a few evenings ago saying that they were going on a double date with his brother Tamis had been convinced he had taken one too many hexes to the head. When he continued insisting, even after a number of suggested male-friendly alternatives, she was positive of it. Then, when he had informed him the “double date” was in fact the Auror Office’s very own Charlene Malone… and his insistence had turned to pleas when she refused… she knew Hunter Radley had to be holding something over his head. Something good. And Archer was not sharing what the something was.

She figured that she owed him for January.

So here she was complete in the stereotypical though conservative red dress, sitting in a very non-professional manner next to her former Auror partner who was inappropriately her current romantic interest, across from another one of her Aurors whom she was double-dating  -- the date of the brother of her former-partner-inappropriate-romantic-interest. She wondered how large of a betting pool at the Office Malone had just won. 

There was nothing awkward about this encounter in the slightest. And she certainly had not been not avoiding looking directly at Malone since they had arrived. She could only relate it to how a child must feel when they were caught trying to sneak a cookie out of the cookie jar before dinner.

When she had first agreed to go out with Hunter Radley over a month ago, Charlene had never expected the interaction to go anywhere.  Hunter was self-engaged, a bit of a mother's boy, and the younger brother of one of the co-workers that she got along with the poorest in the Auror Office.  But drinks had led to a dinner date; a handful of dinners had turned into pranking said brother, which had somehow resulted in making out in the enchanted igloo in his brother's flat.  Before she knew it, the series of engagements had somehow developed into a dalliance, which was even now on its way to becoming, dare she think it, a tryst.

But Hunter was slowly winning himself points.  Once she'd moved beyond his reputation, he was intelligent, engaging, and - although still a bit of a mother's boy - really sort of sweet, as he'd demonstrated when he'd suggested the double date with his brother.  To top it off, he had refused to let Charlene pay for any of it, even after she disclosed just how much she'd won in the betting pool at the Office.

The night had started well enough, although Radley was still being a bit of an arse (Charlene studiously ignored him every time he called her Frizzy; it was unfortunate that her partner had managed to make that nickname stick) and Raynor was acting a bit distracted.   Charlene couldn't blame the latter for seeming so out of it, though; the poor woman probably had enough on her mind, which was why it was good that she'd agreed to go out with friends.  The curly-haired Auror had spent most of the first course trying to determine the best way to bring up work, so that she could nonchalantly mention to Raynor that she wouldn't mind keeping on some of the paperwork that she'd been helping Pratt out with in her absence (or, if it was really necessary, take on even more Head Auror duties), but she hadn't yet calculated the best way to work in a reference.

She arched an eyebrow, glancing at Radley as he once again managed to casually drop in the ridiculous nickname.

"Actually, it was your brother's idea, Archibald," she replied, flashing the other Auror a brilliant smile.  Two could play at this game.  She patted Hunter on the hand, and then interlaced her fingers with his.  "He's really quite sweet when he tries.  It's too bad that good manners and thinking ahead don't run in the family."

Having Tamis squeeze his hand back was enough for Archer to relax just a tad.  He knew that there were at least three qualified people at this table in case something came up and it reminded him that he wasn’t here on business - though it felt like that with his colleagues at some points.  It was damned difficult to actually feel like it was Valentine’s Day in front of his brother and Frizzy, though he had to say, they didn’t find it very awkward to show affection in front of Archer - not in his apartment either.

The igloo incident was enough for him, he really didn’t want to do any follow-up on seeing them together, but Hunter was being difficult and he always knew how to twist Archer’s arm far enough so he would agree.  His threats, Archer figured on the public front, were mostly empty.  But, he was sure he would make a big show of it for him personally and Archer was not ready to deal with any backlash from their mother.  It was bad enough she was not a particular fan of Tamis so far, and that needed to be fixed - having Hunter pollute anything further would just make it impossible to recover from the Christmas fiasco. 

Glancing at Tamis, he winced as Hunter spoke - throwing him under the bus.  Glaring quite pointedly at his brother, Archer kicked him under the table - a typical brother’s reaction from ages ago, trying to dissuade him from making Archer look like an idiot.  It would probably take some duct tape and a good silencing spell to get that sort of courtesy from his brother, but he could always count on Tamis’ dead pan sarcasm to save the day.  Using his free hand, he reached up to cover his mouth trying to mask the bark of laughter as a cough, rubbing his jaw until he stopped smiling, murmuring apologies from behind the large hand.  He supposed it would not work on Charlene, but he gave Tamis’ hand another squeeze - a silent thank you for the perfect joke in the right place. 

Letting out a deep breath, Archer thought he was finally able to collect himself and lean back in his chair.  “She’s right, y’know,” he cracked a smile, “certainly is you, Hunt.”  His eyes followed the punk with the plates, perhaps their food would come soon and they could get this torture over with.  Tamis and he had plans for later, he didn’t want to spoil it with this nonsense.  Archer figured that what was on the agenda for later - after he gave her the presents - could never be spoiled for him, but women were so much different than men.  Tamis was not a typical woman, and that meant her moods were less predictable (if at all possible) and she was impossible to decipher sometimes. 

Probable equal to her in that respect was Frizzy who spoke up now and made Archer’s blood run cold.  His eyes jumped to his brother, the words Spontaneous Explode repeating over and over in his head, as he could have been the only one who communicated that nickname to her.  Oh he was going to kill his brother, that much was obvious in his mind.  But, he had to clench his jaw and try not to sneer.  He would have liked to punch Hunter in the face - he clearly couldn’t punch Frizzy, though he might have wanted to - she was a woman and even if she was a fellow auror, there were just things that one could not do. 

Leaning back in his seat, he wasn’t going to let her win though.  Instead, he just calmed himself - counted to five in his head and smirked a little, blowing it right over his shoulder.  “Yeh, I suppose living with mum up until - what was it, three or four years ago, Hunt?  Is that right?” his little side comments were completely planned and reasonable in his mind, “that would instill some sense of deeper insight into his feminine side.  You know, Joel - our other brother - and I were always a bit concerned about him.”

“Still am to some extent.  Hope you can manage to keep him on the up and up, yeh?” he smirked and rolled Tamis’ hand over in his, locking their fingers together.  “Never did explain how you crossed each other’s paths, I think,” Archer added, raising his eyebrows - one of the questions of the hour.  “How’d that come about at all.  Didn’t think you got out much, Malone.”

Hunter did not catch the insult from Tamis- and instead her beamed, thinking it to be a true compliment to his tastes. "Why thank you, Tamis, I am glad that at least one of you has some manners. Somebody has to teach the kids not to be complete arses." He flashed Archer a self satisfied grin when he made his own joke, casting a sidelong glance at Charlene when she called his brother Archibald.

He had never really told Charlene that Archibald was not his brother's real name. Hunter knew that Archer hated it, it was one of the few sure fire ways to get under his skin with something petty. Hunter had been calling him Archibald for years- ever since Archer had decided it was time to grow up and be an adult. Hunter had yet to really decided that it was time to be an adult. Even though he finally did have his own house, he dated, and talked about wanting to get married and have a family, Hunter was still very much a child in a lot of ways- and chances are that he always would be. Maturity was just not one of his strong suits. But it was one of his many endearing qualities.

When she took his hand though, Hunter couldn't help the cocky smirk, and he leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek. He debated for a moment giving her more than just a peck- but he figured that Archer had seen enough of that to last a lifetime. Though he had tried to play it off, he had been genuinely embarrassed when Archer had come in on he and Charlene making out in the igloo. Luckily it wasn't any worse. (Though Hunter sincerely doubted that he ever would have let things get out of hand in his brother's home- regardless of how awesome it would have been to do it in an igloo.)

"There's nothing wrong with living with your mum," Hunter countered. "I love her, and I care about her- and she needed someone around. They're not as young as they used to be, y'know, and sometimes she and Dad need an extra set of hands. I certainly don't see you offering to help them with anything. It's not my fault that mum only ended up with one good son." Archer had always been absorbed in the job, and Joel was always out of the country with dragons. Hunter knew his parents weren't incompetent- but it was true that he worried about them, and Hunter would have felt incredibly guilty to leave them on their own without somebody around. "Soon as a house opened up in town, I moved into it. I just like to be there in case they need me. I didn't realize caring about my mother was such a tragic flaw, Archibald."

He paused to consider what Archer had said in reference to how he had met Malone. The truth would hardly suffice in such a setting. The truth of the matter was that it was a chance meeting. He had seen her out at lunch one day with an older man- one he found out later on to be a fellow auror named Ackerly. At first, he had thought that they were a couple. The guy was handsome, and she was very pretty- so it made sense. But while eaves dropping conversation between the two had shown him their relationship was merely professional. And Hunter- never the sort to let a pretty woman pass him by, decided to take a chance and ask her if she'd like to go to dinner sometime. He'd been surprised when she accepted, even more surprised to learn later on that she was an auror and worked with his brother.

And then they had gotten on marvelously- she was a nice person, she was a lot of fun. And, truth be told, she was nothing like Trina- which he wanted. That short relationship with the singer had turned out to be very volatile, they fought a lot, and eventually had broken up. She just couldn't understand that his mother was important to him, and seemed to be incapable of accepting his level of immaturity. So they had broken up right after Christmas, and Hunter- ever the fast one to rebound and get re-involved, had found Charlene. And he liked her- very much, and very quickly- as was his usual modus operandi.

But that story just wouldn't work. "Oh, it was quite romantic, wasn't it Charlie?" he asked, giving her an amused look. "I remembered you telling me, Archer, that I wouldn't be happy until I had a functional relationship in my life. You said I treat everything like I'm a teenager. And, you know, the best way to learn is through imitation- so I thought, 'well, Archer dates an auror, maybe that's what I need in my life'. I figured an auror lady would be disciplined enough to keep me out of trouble, and strong enough of a person to be able to deal with my insanity sometimes. So I started coming 'round the office- just to see what there was to offer, saying I was going to visit you. That welcome witch of yours is horrible at keeping people out, just so you know," he added.

"Anyway- I saw her, and I thought she was really pretty. But I didn't know anything about her. I did some investigating- asked around about her and stuff. Didn't get much about her from the others at the ministry. Apparently she's a different person there. So I started following her home from work, and around town- just to see what she was like, you know?" he flashed Charlie a romantic smile, hoping she'd play along- and wondering if Archer would believe his rather convincing act. "Anyway- she's a sharp one, she picked up on my being around after about a week. Finally she confronted me- and when she did, I just told her the truth. I said to her, 'Charlene, you are the most ravishing and interesting woman I have ever laid eyes on. I've been following you around all week trying to work up the courage to ask you out to dinner.' The rest, as they say, is history. Isn't it, babe?" he asked, diverting attentions back toward her.

Valentine’s Day. A day when love sick morons went out to overpriced restaurants to eat miniscule meals and celebrate a what should be private emotion as damn well public as it could be. A day when romantic idiots conjured obnoxiously large bouquets of flowers and made normal, unromantic men look incompetent and grumpy. Ed detested the day but despite his dislike, both his marital status and his wife meant that he had to participate with the charade and take Mrs Pratt out to dinner, spending a week’s salary on an elderflower and pumpkin soup and a bread roll.

It was lucky for the young Pratt family that Edward was a healthy, fit man. By the auror’s expression upon a cautionary glance at the food menu, had he already been predisposed to coronary issues, he would have keeled over then and there. ‘Signature’, the place was called. Ed was convinced that was because they required one to sign one’s life away with their signature to be able to afford a mere fire whiskey.

Pratt hadn’t wanted to come to this particular place. He’d suggested just about any other restaurant just to avoid the club turned restaurant. The reason? His co-workers. Goliath, Frizzy and the little dragon were all dining out with Goliath’s baby brother. Did Ed fancy bumping into them with his wife in tow? Definitely not. But Quincy had desired to be taken here and Ed could put up with that.

He’d requested a ‘quiet’ table in the tiniest darkest corner of the establishment. To be ‘more romantic’ he’d muttered to his wife while shuffling her towards the more private table. She didn’t need to know he was avoiding anyone.

But now the dinner was over and Quincy had gone to the loo for the fifth time since they’d arrived. Apparently this baby adored kicking her bladder. It only made Ed smirk, no doubt deciding it would make an excellent beater when born. So holding his wife’s coat over his arm, Ed started to head away from his table, eyes falling on the table of witches and wizards he’d earlier avoided.

Mrs Pratt took forever in the bathroom and that meant the auror had time for just a little torment before his constantly peeing wife returned to leave. Without a second though, the blond auror approached, helping himself to a vacant chair opposite a lone woman obviously waiting for her date. Ed ignored the protest and dragged the chair up to the table, sitting himself between his favourite work partner and the man who was obviously Archer’s baby brother.

Ed’s arm wrapped itself around Malone’s shoulders and he squeezed her tight. “ I thought you were gonna’ go for a cute little woman to whip into shape, Frizzy, luv’. Now I hear yer datin’ a girly stalker, brother to an oversized enchanted teddy bear. Boy am I surprised.”

If there was ever an inopportune time to have a mouth full of water, Tamis Raynor picked it.

Children?

The word was introduced into the conversation so casually, so innocently and expectantly, that the thought process had to have been completely natural. Had the rest of the Radleys felt this was, when she met them at Christmas? The women did not seem to have children, they had litters. She had pretended not to notice the way Leola Radley’s eyes had linger disapprovingly on her hips. For Merlin’s sake, they had only been dating for a handful of months.

 Two individuals in a relationship over a certain age did not mean – Archer certainly had not as of yet… the water she had just taken a long gulp of surmounted at the back of her throat.  She was suddenly faced with a horrible predicament – spray or swallow. The residual tenderness in her chest dictated the results.

Her hands flew up to her mouth as the water regurgitated, dripping from the crevices of her fingers.

It was too much to hope Malone and Archer had been absorbed enough in their verbal sparring match to notice as she glumly reached for a napkin. Hunter had already moved on with an attention span that would have made Rufus seem an intellectual, four or five paces into the monologue before she had completely righted herself.

She was about to suggest to Malone that they have a refreshers course in the danger of Stalkers, when Edward Pratt gave her the abridge version. Suddenly, the couple across from them became an unhappy threesome. The ground never opened up to swallow a person when they wanted it to. Might as well have just invited the whole bloody Office at this point.

Enchanted teddy bear? A small smirk threatened to overcome the disapproving mask Tamis had adopted. She sobered quickly as eyes began to drift their way from other tables. She had been in enough Prophets. This was not one she wanted an encore presentation in.