The bag on Akiva’s side bounced with her every step.  She had told Dree that she would not be home right after work, that there were leftovers from the previous evening’s dinner, and that she would be back later in the evening.  Right from work she had a few things to do, namely help out Ab.  She was having a rough spot, one Akiva was familiar with.  Chunks of her memory were removed, things she might never be able to recover ever again, and even worse than that, probably some of her best memories – her most cherished, were now foreign to her. 

Akiva was unsettled by it, the ease with which a memory charm could wipe one’s mind clear of the things they cared about most.  It seemed to her a sad and scary state of affairs.  But, Akiva was going to do all she could to help, and after her last visit, she had planned to gather up anything she had from the move – the box was probably in the attic, that had things Robin had scribbled out and given to her, as well as some pictures.  The evening before, she had climbed up and removed some coloring book pages with scribbles on them as well as plain sheets of white paper with crayon marks, nothing distinguishable, but Robin’s nonetheless.  He was barely a toddler, so it wasn’t going to be very… intense artwork.  She was lucky enough to have a few pictures of her own with Robin from

She also had also received a letter from Ab requesting some pictures from her home computer and her diary. Now, Akiva was glad to oblige, and she had been practicing apparating for the past few weeks, so she could easily get to and from places in London.  Her spare key to Ab’s home was still on the chain with her own home key, and she had made quick work of getting onto the computer and pulling up some of the pictures to print.  They were lucky wizards had been the ones who had done this, purebloods, because they did not think to delete the files, they probably did not even think anything of it.

So, she took the pictures she wanted and sent them to the printer, which chugged them out dutifully.  Akiva then located the hidden diary, disguised as Catch-22, and tucked it into her bag.  It was the only book of that title in the shelf, so that seemed like the choice to go with.  And she stopped by the printer once it stopped whirring, and grabbed the glossy prints.  She flipped open the pouch of the bag and  tucked those in as well.  It appeared she had everything she needed.

With that in mind, she made her way into the living room, sighing as she looked around – no trace Robin had even existed being here – eerie.  She shook her head and grabbed up a handful of floo, announcing her destination, St. Mungo’s and stepped through.  Being sucked through the straw, Akiva finally walked out into the lobby, checking her wand and identifying herself at the main desk.  She was a recognized face, having had come in once a week since August to try to work on her memory with a specialist, though to no avail. 

She would continue to go though, as long as she had to.  If she stopped, she was giving up, and Akiva did not give up.  She knew her way around though, and knew her way to Ab’s room, so she jaunted up quickly, taking the lift and impatiently tapping her heel as she did.  She was anxious for some reason, hoping that she could help more – help Luke and help Ab. 

When the lift reached the fourth floor, Akiva climbed off and took a quick left, walking down the long stretch of hall until she saw the familiar room, one she had already visited, though with less purpose than she did today.  Rapping her fist lightly, Akiva leaned her head in and smiled.  “I’m not late, am I?” she greeted with cheer, knowing no one in the hospital wanted to be treated like an invalid, and Deen was dealing with things other than physical trauma, “Would hate to get kicked out by the medi-witches again!”

'Avada Kedavra.'

Aberdeen woke with a start. Luke was standing over her, his warm hand resting gently on her shoulder, a look of concern etched onto his face. 'Shh-shh. You were having a nightmare.'

Hardly a surprise. Aberdeen couldn't remember the last time she'd has a pleasant dream. She couldn't remember the last time her dreams hadn't centred around the events of the first of October. She had been trying to avoid the nightmares by taking a draught to give her a dreamless sleep every night, but on this occasion, she hadn't meant to fall asleep.

'Damn, I dozed off, didn't I? Sorry...'

'Don't worry, Akiva's not here yet.' Luke kissed her gently on the forehead, then returned to the seat next to his bed. From Luke's pillow, Robin's pet puffskein hummed contentedly. Aberdeen straightened up in her own chair, aware of a slight ache in her shoulders from falling asleep sitting up, but not really bothered by it.

Why did that have to be what she remembered? Why did she have to remember the sound of her own voice uttering the Killing Curse, the exact look on Gawain Robards' face as the life left him? Why did she remember that, and not Robin?

Noticing the book she had been reading before she nodded off had fallen on the floor, Deen stooped to pick it up, then paused, her fingers resting on the cover. There was something familiar about this action. It had happened before, and something bad had come of it. Hadn't she been bending to pick up a dropped book when she was put under the Imperius Curse? Hadn't that been the instant she had been distracted enough to let her guard down? But it hadn't been her book... had it? It had been... It had... Aberdeen squeezed her eyes shut. It had been Robin's book, hadn't it? She knew this, but she didn't remember. Why couldn't she make herself remember?

A light knock on the door roused her from her contemplation. 'Akiva!' Aberdeen beamed, glad to let the thoughts that had been preoccupying her fall to the back of her mind. Seeing Akiva cheered her up almost without fail these days. The book lay forgotten on the floor as she bounced up and strode over to her friend to give her a quick hug. Luke waved and greeted her with an 'Evening, Akiva.'

'You're not late at all,' Aberdeen chuckled, 'Although, speaking of, happy belated birthday! Did you get my card okay? Sorry it's not very birthday-y, I ended up having to modify a Get Well card from the hospital shop. And I'll get you a proper present once I've bust outta this place,' she added with her signature crooked grin. She nodded towards one of the chairs, indicating Akiva could sit down if she wanted. Her eyes drifted towards Akiva's bag as she wondered whether she had had a chance to collect the things Aberdeen had asked for, but she wasn't about to nag her about it when the other woman was barely in the door.

Akiva gladly received her hug, happy to see that Ab was up and around, clearly doing something other than brooding.  She didn’t like to see anyone she cared about suffering, and it seemed like all she got to see recently was some form of that or another.  Thankfully, Dree was almost fully himself, though he refused to go near his scrying materials (this actually pleased Akiva more than it should have), but he was surely coming around.  Before that, it had been looking after Sasha, and then before that it was moving into the house and just trying to get life together.

“Same to you!” Akiva added, throwing in an extra squeeze – since she had not been able to drop by on the 12th.  She had made a special evening for her and Dree that night, so there was no getting out of the house, but she also sent a card and a box of treats, of course, as was customary with almost every correspondence Akiva sent.  She did brownies for this one – really special occasion. 

was what she liked to do, to be as helpful as possible, and she laughed softly as Ab assured her she was not late and asked about the card.  “I did!” Akiva responded cheerfully, “I thought it was brilliant, and do not be worried about something so silly as a present,” she grinned easily and shook her head at the busting out portion of the speech.  “You will not be busting out,” Akiva said sternly, though her smile indicated she still found amusement in the idea.  “At least not until I say you can.” 

She laughed again and looked to Luke, finally able to greet him with a chipper ‘hello’ and bounced over to give him a hug as well – no one escaped from an Akiva hug if she put her mind to it, and the man in the room was subject to it, without much of a fight, as he probably knew better by now anyway. 

She turned back to Aberdeen though and put her bag on the little table that hospitals always provided for guests to use and things.  She was too busy digging around in it to realize that she could sit down – she sat down most of the day, standing was preferable for the time being, “But, I have a few other gifts for you,” she smiled and started to pull out a folder, containing all the pictures that Akiva could find, drawn or otherwise, and the book.  “I hope I grabbed the right things,” she bit her bottom lip, “check them out, just in case.  I can always go back.” 

While she waited for Deen to look through the book and pictures, she turned to Luke.  “Did you like the brownies?” she gave him a lopsided smile, “I figured you’d be snacking too, so I made your favorite,” her eyes drifted back to Ab, “Robin’s too.” 

'Oh, brilliant, Akiva, thank you,' Aberdeen breathed. Her smile had vanished, but the intense expression that replaced it was not an unpleasant one; simply one that denoted careful concentration. She grabbed the book and flipped through a couple of pages to make certain it was, in fact, her magically-disguised diary and not just a normal copy of Catch-22. Sure enough, the writing on the pages appeared to her (but no one else) not as type-face, but as her own handwriting, scribbling down her thoughts. She didn't linger long on the diary, though; she set it to one side while she quickly checked what was in Akiva's folder.

While his wife was preoccupied with this, Luke got up and ambled over, grinning and nodding to Akiva in response to her question. 'I did manage to pilfer a few from the birthday girl,' he said (Aberdeen shot him a look and stuck out her tongue, but went right back to the items on the table). 'And K7 over there pilfered some from me, the little bugger,' he added with a chuckle, jerking his thumb in the direction of the puffskein sitting on his pillow. 'They were delicious, I swear you improve the recipe every time... So...' He looked vaguely wistful for a moment. 'They were Robin's favourite?' He exchanged a glance with Aberdeen, who by this point had checked the folder and had straightened up.

'Well, um,' Aberdeen started, voice trembling a little now that her thoughts were turned back to that big gaping void in her mind and Luke's that used to be filled with thoughts of their missing son. But only trembling a little. Aberdeen hadn't forgotten how to keep her cool.  'Hey, maybe you could make some when we find him,' she suggested, forcing herself to smile a little. Aberdeen was a cynic at heart, but in this situation she had to train herself to have hope. 'He'll, he'll deserve a special treat when he comes home, for being such a brave boy.'

Clearing her throat, she held up the folder. 'This is all great, Kives. Thank you again. Best birthday present I could ask for.' She opened it up again, and a longing smile caressed her features as Robin's little face gazed up at her from the photographs. Luke moved around to look too. 'Thank Murphy for digital photos, am I right?' she remarked, looking up at Akiva.

Akiva could hear the relief in Aberdeen’s voice and she was glad she could help in even that small way.  “It wasn’t a problem at all,” she said truthfully, pushing her hair behind her ear.  She really wanted her friends to get better, be in their right state of mind and recover their memories of the child they had raised.  Deen was a good mom, Luke was a good dad, they deserved their son back and some creep who took him from his home and tried to rob his parents of him and their memories, well, that person didn’t deserve children.  Being a parent, a true parent, was about giving and doing what was best for your child, and she didn’t suspect the abductor had that in mind. Or they were warped.

Whatever the case, Akiva was hoping for them and Robin that he was returned safely.  He deserved a real family and Ab and Luke offered that to him ten times over.  Shaking her head, she tried to be more hopeful than that and smiled, looking up at Luke as he walked over, a crooked smile on his face – one that seemed to match his wife’s.  They were an adorable couple, really.  Akiva loved both of them very much, and laughed easily as he informed her that he stole brownies, tellingly true as Ab stuck her tongue out at him. 

Giggling softly she looked between the two of them and smiled.  Though, her smile softened into a mild, nostalgic expression as Luke asked her if that was true and Deen cut in, her voice shaking ever so slightly.  Akiva felt immediately remorseful that she had said it, that she had evoked something painful, but sometimes, trying to get your memory back was painful, and it involved trying to conjure hard images.  She knew what they were going through, and realized that though she felt bad for the feelings they were having, any little bit helped. 

“I would love to,” Akiva said as she moved next to Ab and put her hand on her shoulder.  She squeezed gently and peered over to look at the pictures she had printed, still sitting in Ab’s hands. “I’ll make enough to go around, even for K7,” Akiva added a small laugh after, grinning at Luke.  She didn’t want them to be filled with sad thoughts, there was hope.  There was some understanding of what was going on, and clearly, they all should have enough faith in Tamis and the auror office to do everything they could to find him.  Akiva kept her best foot forward, no matter he misgivings and resolved to stay as strong as possible, just in case. 

Nodding eagerly, she was glad she had been able to get the photos.  “You were lucky wizards were the ones that took him,” Akiva confirmed, “nothing on the computer was touched.”  It was a blessing, really.  They’d be able to at least construct the memories if they didn’t get them back, which was better than some cases, her own being one of them, and they’d have the ability to recognize Robin and learn about him, from her diary and others that were familiar with the family as well.  “I tried to pick the best ones,” she grinned as the photos were switched. 

“This one is my favorite,” she indicated as a picture of Robin with frosting all over his face and a half-massacred cupcake sat in front of him.  Ab was perched over one side of the high-chair and Luke over the other, clearly happy and having a good time.  If it were a wizarding photo, she could just imagine the little boy reaching up with a frosting covered hand and covering one or the other in a film of green butter cream. 

Her eyes lingered on the photo for another moment before she look at Ab’s face, trying to decipher what exactly was going through her mind right now.  “You know, you’re doing a great job, Abs,” her eyes wandered over to Luke, “You as well, Luke,” she added, “ I just want you both to know that.” 

Aberdeen opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again and simply pulled Akiva into a hug. Luke gave her a small smile and replied softly, 'Thanks Akiva, that means a lot. You're a good friend.'

Aberdeen pulled back again, sniffing a little. 'Ah, look, you went and got me all emotional,' she said. There went her voice, wavering again. Oh well. She didn't really need to keep her guard up around Akiva anyway, not when her friend already knew just how vulnerable the former auror was feeling.

'Gosh, look at how he demolished that cupcake,' Aberdeen remarked, focusing back on the task at hand. She allowed herself a small chuckle. 'Good to know he had a healthy appetite. I hope we didn't give him too many sugary things though, imagine the cavaties otherwise! Oh, hey, there's one with Adon...' She indicated a photo that she herself must have taken, since she wasn't in it. Adon was holding Robin, posing for the picture with him in front of the lion exhibit, with the toddler pointing excitedly at one of the lion cubs. 'Bless.'

'I reckon you did indeed get the best ones,' Luke told Akiva, looking over Aberdeen's shoulder as she turned over the pages. 'Oh, look at his little face in that one...'

Aberdeen gazed intently at the photos, feeling as though her stomach was churning and her mind was spinning, but both in incredibly slow motion. It was like some unfamiliar variety of nervous anticipation. 'It feels so... surreal,' she said, looking back up at Akiva. 'As though he's... familiar, somehow. Like I should know him. Well, obviously I should know him... But I just can't-- I don't know-- place him.'

The Memory Charm that afflicted Luke and Aberdeen hadn't been perfect, the memory specialists at St. Mungo's had told them so. It hadn't been the work of an expert. Aberdeen sometimes wondered if this was why things felt so obviously wrong in her head. Even before the Adanis had found out about Robin subsequent to their memory loss, they had felt like something was off, somehow. There were loose threads left behind that should have been attached to the memory of Robin, but now weren't. It was as if Aberdeen could see a shadow, but not what was casting it. She knew something was supposed to be there; she just couldn't tell what.

'There's just this... this gaping hole in my mind where Robin should be.' She sighed, running a hand through her hair distractedly, then turned to Akiva again. 'Is that... Is that anything like how it was for you?' she asked tentatively. She knew Akiva had so far never recovered the portion of her memory that had been taken from her back in August. It was an awful experience to have in common. But it meant that Akiva understood better than most what Aberdeen and Luke were going through.

Akiva could not imagine what Ab was going through right now and very willingly offered herself for another hug.  It was the least she could do, considering all of the trauma surrounding the situation.  Ab had explained to her that things were not clear cut, that there was a question of what was going on and that it didn’t feel like she didn’t remember, at least not in the traditional way, it felt like there were shadows, cloudy pieces that should have been there, but weren’t.

While they had shadows, Akiva had the abyss.  Nothing had resurfaced yet, nothing triggered memories, at least not ones she consciously had.  Sometimes she would start sweating and tremble if she got a drink from a restaurant and she didn’t see exactly where it came from, or if there was a particularly large, menacing looking man about, it would unsettle her, but not because she remembered things, at least not during the time of her absence.  The only fact she could clearly recall was that she had received her drink and then headed home… that was the last thing.

Squeezing Ab one more time, Kiv smiled at her, feeling the pressure on the back of her eyes as well.  Whenever anyone else started crying she could not help but feel the urge, but put on the smile, just in case.  She did not want to propel Ab into hysterics when it wasn’t going to help her.  She had to look at things, feel things, remember.  She hoped better for her and Luke than she had received. 

She giggled softly as Ab narrated the scene, describing how he must have had a healthy appetite and then the one with Adon.  Adon looked so… very himself in this picture.  She liked that Adon, personable, friendly, and altogether a fun and caring individual.  He had the potential to be someone’s greatest ally or worst enemy, depending on where you stood.  She could only imagine that he and Deen had been close, especially if he got to spend time with Robin. 

“I tried,” Akiva smiled at Luke, glad to see they were at least enjoying the pictures, glad to know they had something to cling to.  If it was just… blurry, like something was missing, or not quite right, they could reconstruct what was wrong, couldn’t they?  Akiva figured as much, she wanted them to remember, even if it was just to prove it could happen.   Of course, if they never found Robin… she couldn’t believe she even though that, and immediately shut it out.  Perhaps she had just convinced herself now that it was best she didn’t remember, but for them, looking at their faces, they needed to. 

And when Ab expressed her frustration, expressed how much it bothered her that there was a hole in her memory, where something felt like it should have been, but wasn’t, like she had lost something so important, Akiva could feel a distinct pang of sympathy.  She knew that feeling, she knew the way one beat themselves up for their lack of helpfulness, for their lack of ability to be of use. 

She shook her head and stepped in front of Deen to give her pause, to anchor her, and put her hand on her shoulder, “I know how you feel,” she responded first, “and just be glad you have the opportunity to reconstruct some of the memories you had,” Akiva added with a boost of confidence, a warm smile, a hopeful look, “You have the pictures, and your diary, plus Adon – who seems to have either a fondness for Robin, or lions,” she grinned teasingly, hoping to spark a little laughter, “And me,” she added with a little more seriousness.  “All of it is going to help you both and hopefully the experts here can work their miracles and reverse some of the effects.” 

“Mine… were poorly executed,” she sighed softly, “and the healers still don’t know  how or even if they can try to fix the damage…” it wasn’t about her though, and though her eyes turned downward for a moment, anxious and self-pitying, she snapped herself out of it, fully intending to be supportive, and not worry about her own problems, “But, you – you and Luke,” she  looked at him as well, “have a fighting chance.  You just have to work at it.” 

'You're right,' Aberdeen said quietly, trying to take heart in Akiva's words. As an especially meticulous auror, Aberdeen had been used to playing the long game, working tirelessly and patiently just focused on the end goal, now matter how far away it seemed. But, much as her professional and personal lives had meshed together, this wasn't another case. It was so much more difficult to remain patient while her son was at stake. She wanted to do everything, and she wanted to do everything now.

'We know it's going to be a process. But... well, you know how frustrating it is.' Aberdeen gave her friend a sympathetic look. Akiva, indeed, didn't have the luxury of fragments to reconstruct her memory. Abberdeen counted her blessings that she and Luke did at least have something to go on. 'Thank Murphy we have you, and Adon, and... well, there's been so much support. And I know the MLE are doing all they can to get Robin back. I just... It's daft, I know, but I just wish I could help them.' That wouldn't be allowed, of course. Even if this weren't a personal case for her, the probation she had been put on after the Robards Assassination wasn't going to end any time soon, if ever.

'The chances are even better know that they know who the kidnapper is though, right?' Luke said in an undertone, as if afraid of being overheard by anyone else. 'Probably best to keep that under your hat,' he added, knowing Akiva could be counted on for discretion. 'I don't know if that's supposed to be common knowledge. But, I'll bet they can track him down again in no time--'

'Yeah,' Aberdeen said, but her expression was pained. 'I'll bet he won't be expecting them to come after him a second time.' The bitter sarcasm was difficult to keep out of her voice, and she immediately regretted having taken that tone. She couldn't really blame anyone for the situation. (Except Tawse.) Lashing out wouldn't help. 'I'm sorry.' She rubbed her forehead wearily. 'Just frustrated. I'm just... not used to not being in control of the situation.' (Not counting those few weeks she was under the Imperius Curse. She wasn't exactly in control then, either.)

Luke looked a little dispondant now, but he took his wife's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. Aberdeen managed a small, appreciative smile for him. 'You want to keep looking at the photos, sweetheart? Oh, and there are some colouring pages, too,' she noted. 'I'm going to see if my diary has anything useful.'

Akiva nodded slowly as Deen expanded on her feelings.  It was definitely frustrating to know something that personal was taken from you, that you were suffering at the hands of someone else for no discernable reason.  Everything she said made sense to Akiva and she wanted Deen to realize that it wasn’t the end.  They had a lot of options.

And, she smiled at Luke, he also had a point.  “see,” Akiva said as she looked at Ab, “If they know who it is…” she was cut off though, Ab was gruff, and clearly her training as an auror had taught her the patterns of criminals, that it wasn’t likely they’d get a hand on him again, at least not soon, but both Akiva and Luke flinched at her tone.  She was frustrated, Akiva reminded herself, and did not take it personally.

It couldn’t be personal; she was just venting her own anger with the situation.  Akiva had done the same thing, she had given attitude and things, had a fight that she didn’t want to have, said things she didn’t want to say.  It was lucky both she and Dree did not desire conflict.  She flexed her hand at the thought, her very beautiful engagement ring shifting.  It might not have been there, were that the case. 

Her eyes shifted back to Ab and she smiled a little, “I know how you feel,” Akiva responded easily, “to feel powerless and confused and violated…” she looked between the two of them, “it’s really hard.  But, you have each other,” she smiled, “and the coloring pages and diary.  It will work out, even if we have to go at pictures and stuffed animals and cupcakes forever,” Akiva grinned, wrinkling her nose as she moved to the table to pick up the folder with the drawings in them. 

She handed it to Luke, “It’s pretty good for a toddler,” she grinned, “Maybe London National Gallery worthy,” she glanced back Ab, giggling softly, “Penchant for red crayon, I noticed. Complete Gryffindor,” she watched Luke open the folder and the corners of her eyes wrinkled softly, the red circles just littering the first page.  She crossed her arms under her chest, trying to relax, trying not to perpetuate how hard all of this was, and how difficult it was to watch as two people you grew to care about so much suffering. 

“I know they’ll find him,” Akiva finally said, directed at Ab, “I just have this feeling.” 

Aberdeen offered Akiva a small but sincere smile before she turned her attention to the diary. It did help to know she understood, even if it didn't stop Aberdeen from being frustrated. She just needed to channel that frustration constructively, like Akiva was helping her to do with the photos, the diary, even just talk of Robin. Aberdeen did know that no matter how long it took, even if it took forever, she and Luke would keep trying to remember; and they could count on Akiva being there to help them.

Luke allowed himself a grin at Akiva's comment on Robin's artwork. The wistful longing to know who his son was still lingered in his eyes, but he took what solice he could in rediscovering Robin through these artefacts of his existance. 'National Gallery, y'think?' he replied, pleased at the thought even though he knew Akiva was mostly kidding. 'It'd certainly be nice if he would maybe be a bit on the artistic side... I don't know about the genetics of it, but with Aberdeen having musical aptitude and me being a designer, I kinda wondered if any of that might rub off on him... Well, we'll find out one day!' Luke was, from time to time, visited by the possibility of never seeing his son again. He never let those thoughts stay.

'And I know Deen'd be chuffed if he was a Gryffindor like her,' he chuckled, glancing in her direction. 'But I keep hearing from people that Robin's quite quiet at times. Thoughtful.' It was hard to believe, looking at the photos of him; he always seemed so energetic in them, beaming away at the camera. But then, it was normal to take more pictures of a child when they were smiling. And there were a couple, Luke started to notice, where the toddler was looking a little more serious.  'So, maybe he'd make a good Ravenclaw. I hear that's a fairly reputable house,' he added with a knowing wiggle of his eyebrows.

While Luke and Akiva were chatting, Aberdeen was absorbed in her diary. There were references to Robin there, just as she had suspected. Though she didn't refer to any names in her jottings, the letter 'R' kept appearing over and over. 'R is unusually quiet. Toddling fine, but only says a few words.' 'R loves his new book. Been insisting on it at bedtime for the past few evenings.' 'R can say A's name properly now-- must remember to tell her.' That particulary entry had been made on 14th September; there was about a month between it and the next entry, due to the Imperius Curse and then the fallout of the Robards murder.

The entries following the assassination were even more glib, the handwriting even more untidy. But 'R' still cropped up. 'R knows something's wrong. Poor thing. Doesn't deserve this.' 'Seems like R's even quieter than usual.' 'Thing I hate most, I think, is letting R down. What kind of a parent am I?' Aberdeen's heart was starting to beat faster at these unpleasant reminders of how dark her life had been after 1st October. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea after all.

But then, one line caught her eye: 'Sometimes feels like R is the only thing keeping me going. Only thing making me feel like maybe I can be happy again one day. Don't think I'd be able to cast a Patronus if not for him.'

'R-Robin was my...' she coughed, and licked her lips a little, suddenly realising how dry her mouth felt. Luke looked back over at her, distracted from his conversation with Akiva. 'When I needed to summon a Patronus... Robin was... Robin's my happy thought.' Her lips were quivering, but she was smiling. There was a fluttering feeling in her stomach, but it wasn't unpleasant. Then, it felt as though something in her mind was shifting, pushing something to the forefront of her thoughts... Her Patronus. There was something about her Patronus that was important... What was it?

'Wait. What is my Patronus?'

Luke frowned in thought for a moment. 'It's an armadillo, isn't it? At least it...' Luke paused, a realisation starting to dawn on him, '...used to be...'

'It changed,' Aberdeen gasped. 'I remember it changed-- Patronuses change sometimes if your life changes significantly-- but I can't remember why, or what to... But it... It must have been because...' Aberdeen made herself stop, covering her mouth with shaking hands. She was getting ahead of herself. She had a theory about her Patronus, but she didn't know for sure...

'A-Akiva? Do you know what form my Patronus takes now?'

“I think it’s more about the environment he was raised in anyway,” Akiva grinned easily as Luke mused about Luke’s artistic abilities.  Truth be told, Robin was… a typical toddler.  The scribbles were pretty standard as far as children went, but Akiva would insist he was one of the best scribblers in the world if she was pressed.  She adored the tyke and spent more than enough hours sitting on the floor with papers and crayons with him to know.  She wanted him to be found as much as they did, and really hoped they were keeping good spirits.  Luke was, she could tell, and leaned her head against his shoulder momentarily, wrinkling her nose at him.

She giggled softly as she straightened up and he spoke so highly of her alma mater.  “It’s been rumored to produce a few outstanding individuals,” she responded with a prim little smile, fluffing her hair.  She appreciated the friendly banter, it was nice to see a happy attitude and she looked at one picture laughing softly.  “He’ll surprise everyone and end up hufflepuff,” she laughed, “just to keep us guessing, of course.” 

Her giggles and good humor with Luke over the abstract toddler art died in her throat when Ab looked up from her diary, voice quivering – something about Robin being her… only she stopped herself, or just couldn’t finish.  Akiva looked on concerned, perhaps mirroring Luke’s expression, now thoroughly distracted from the fabulous scribbles of a future avant-garde artist. 

“Hmm?” she questioned, taking a step closer, Ab continued.  She sounded like she would cry, but she didn’t look like it.  Her lips were curled upward – he was her happy thought.  That must have been in the diary.  Akiva felt a pang in her stomach, only imagining the confusion a mother must have felt at that very moment, knowing he made her so very happy, but not being able to remember just what it was.  There must have been such a conflict raging in her mind, there would have been for Akiva. 

She was about to say something when Aberdeen made another startling statement.  What was her patronus?  Akiva paused for a long moment, she couldn’t remember that?  That had to mean it had something to do with Robin, it had to!  Prusing her lips, she wracked through her own memory for mentions of it.  Both of them seemed to be coming to a realization that it was related to their child, and Akiva blinked with realization. 

“I thought…” she cleared her throat, thinking of all the possibilities that could have been and how much pressure there was to get it right, but she was almost certain, almost one hundred percent certain that Ab had told her it changed, and that they had made jokes about how now they were both birds of very different feathers… The conversation played through her head and as Ab’s mouth opened in the dark recesses of her mind, Akiva’s mouth also opened.  “a robin.” 

She jumped a little, surprised she said it and then gripped Ab’s hands from in front of her mouth, squeaking a little as she squeezed around the woman’s pale hands.  “You remembered something!  At least, sort of!” she looked excitedly at Luke, “See? You should keep reading!” she encouraged, “see if you can find anything else!”

'I-- I do remember,' Aberdeen said shakily, squeezing Akiva's hands back. Tears were starting to escape from her eyes now, but she was still smiling, a wavering, tentative smile that looked as though it thought it might need permission to be there. 'I think I do remember my Patronus being a robin...' She could see it in her mind's eye, a tiny silver bird flitting away. But was it a true memory, or wishful thinking?

Somehow the importance of the answer to that question faded in the light of the soft, comforting knowledge that wafted through Aberdeen's mind; the knowledge that if she had her wand, if she were to think of a happy memory and cast the Patronus charm... The robin would be the form it would take. She knew it beyond the shadow of a doubt. It hadn't changed. They could take away her son, they could take away her memories of him, they could take away almost all the evidence that he had even lived in her home... But they couldn't take away how important he was to her. Her love for Robin hadn't just vanished. The fact that she and Luke were working so tirelessly to remember their son proved that they still loved him... The love had just been obscured by spellwork.  Deep down, it was still there.

Aberdeen looked over to Luke, her eyes still cloudy. He had drifted to the other side of the room to retrieve K7, whom he now held to his chest almost protectively. Ever since Aberdeen's sister had informed them that the puffskein had been Robin's pet (something that had previously occurred to the Adanis, but that fortunately had not, it seemed, occurrred to Robin's abductor), Luke had taken to treating the little creature as a sort of substitute for Robin at times. Aberdeen knew that whenever Luke held the puffskein in that gentle, protective way, he was doing so because he really wished he could be holding Robin.

'It's... It's like Robin's my Patronus,' she murmured. 'All this time I've been thinking about how I need to protect him... He's been protecting me.' She squeezed her eyes shut, trying without much luck to hold back the tears. They weren't sad tears, not exactly. There was something very genuine about the smile that continued to play on her face. She didn't remember Robin properly yet, and she still didn't know for sure if she ever would. But right now, it very nearly felt like she did.

Aberdeen cleared her throat and blinked a few times to clear her eyes. 'O-okay, let's see what else is in here,' she said, taking Akiva's advice and looking back at the diary. She flipped back a few pages to see if anything else jumped out at her. 'Oh, I mentioned K7,' she noted with some surprise. 'Gweneth told us I got K7 for Robin,' she added to Akiva. She scanned back a few entries.

'Went to Magical Menagerie,' she read out under her breath. 'Young muggleborn girl, starting Hogwarts soon-- Yes, I remember that now, there was a little Irish witch I met when I went to the pet shop... And I'd gone there to pick out a pet, but not for me...' Aberdeen shifted her gaze up to the ceiling, brow furrowed; she had the distinct look of someone testing her memory, as though she was trying to memorise lines for a play. '...And I came out with a puffskein.' She looked over at Luke, still cradling the animal in question. 'For Robin.' She looked back down at the diary, which confirmed the deduction. 'It's so... disconcerting,' she sighed, tapping the page with her finger. 'I remember everything about that visit except whom I was buying K7 for... But...

'But I remember it was someone important to me. Someone special. Someone I fretted over. I wanted to make sure I got him a pet that wouldn't be too rough.' The expression on Aberdeen's face was almost indiscernable. The tears had gone, but so had the smile. But the look in her eye, to one who looked closely, was something resembling hopeful. Aberdeen was starting to understand, sort of. She didn't remember Robin. But she was beginning to remember how she felt about him.

Akiva was really happy for Ab.  She was remembering things, trying to piece them together at least, and connecting emotionally to the things that might not have exactly been there, but were shadows of a presence.  To be able to hold onto that and at least remember there was something special there, well, that meant that even if the memories could never fully come back, they wouldn’t have lost all connection with Robin, and that’s really what mattered.  In some ways, it was lucky that this was the way it was, there was still a lot of hope there, not like they couldn’t at least feel it. 

Grabbing her handkerchief from her pocket, Akiva offered it up to Aberdeen without a thought, knowing the woman probably wanted to clear her eyes and face before she continued on her search, which she did promptly. The diary pages flipped quickly and Akiva looked on eagerly, smiling at the mention of the puffskein that Luke was cradling in his arms much like a baby itself.  “That’s good!” she encouraged, looking back at Deen before the woman buried her nose in the book again. 

She read out loud about the experience at the menagerie, meeting with a young, muggle-born witch, and the confirmation that she had bought K7 that day, and that he had been for someone special.  She was staring off, a sort of searching glance, but not really, Akiva had a hard time placing what the look on her face actually meant, but it wasn’t upset.  It wasn’t really anything as far as Akiva could see, more like… the dawning of a realization, there were cogs and gears turning in her head, and they were just starting to work together – she could almost hear the freshly oiled machinery start to tug the other pieces along. 

Akiva’s grin softened into a reassuring smile and she touched Ab on the shoulder, trying to drag her back to reality a bit and draw her attention to the people in the room, not that she wished to distract her, but rather so she could congratulate her.  She pulled the woman into a hug and then pulled back, “This is great!” Akiva beamed, “absolutely ace.” 

“You’re going to be back to tip top shape in no time,” she assured her without any hesitation.  “And Robin will be home soon too, I’m sure of it.  And life will be busy again,” Kiv giggled softly.  “Now, all I need is a daughter and she and Robin can be pawns in our plan to finally be real family scheme,” she teased softly, wrinkling her nose playfully.  Needed to lighten the mood, after all! 

Jolted back to herself once more, Aberdeen broke out into a smile at her friend's words. Akiva's optimism was pretty contagious. She dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief to mop up the last traces of tears before handing it back. Aberdeen was a cynic by nature, or at least she had been once the Second War had beaten out any idealism she had left. But she couldn't let herself think the worst this time. Because if she were to go to that dark place, she didn't know if there would be any coming back. So, no more tears, no more frustration. Push it away, or work through it. She and Luke had to keep moving forward at all costs. Aberdeen was just thankful they had friends like Akiva to help them get through this awful time. How Aberdeen would be without her best friend, constantly lifting her spirits while making sure she was grounded in reality-- it didn't bear thinking about.

'It'll be nice to be busy again,' Aberdeen remarked. True, she had a lot of things she was working on despite being in hospital-- besides the sessions she and Luke were having with the memory specialists, she was taking Occlumency lessons and scheming to mount her own investigation into Robin's current whereabouts-- but these ongoing projects didn't fill up her days like a job or a young family would. If she had had Akiva's optimism, Aberdeen would have looked forward to getting Robin back; but despite her refusal to consider the alternative, she couldn't quite get her hopes up. She was determined that bringing Robin home was a matter of when, not if, but who knew when when would be?

'Kicking around the hospital doing nothing, just isnae our style,' she joked, glancing at Luke. He was back at the table, K7 perched on his shoulder, gazing over the photos again, she noticed. She looked too, but wasn't trying so hard to make herself remember any more. Her mind was numb with remembering; she knew that if she kept trying to figure it out all at once, what little she had gleaned what stop feeling like a victory, and start feeling tantalizing, frustrating. 'Haha, and I'm sure Robin'd just love a wee playmate,' she teased back, chuckling. The sentiment felt familiar, somehow. Perhaps she and Akiva had joked about this before. Tilting her head to one side, she added, curiously, 'You and Dreogan thinking of a family one day?' She knew Akiva would make a great parent, but it occurred to her that she'd never really found out what the couple's long-term plans were in that regard.

“I can only imagine,” Akiva said sympathetically, being locked in was no one’s first choice.  There was nothing to do in the hospital except to work with those around you to get better, but even then, that was only at certain times.  It left a lot of downtime to do nothing, and unlike when Akiva was recovering at Tulo’s, they probably didn’t have many things for Ab to do to keep herself busy.  Akiva had cooked a lot, probably more than she ever did before, and then read, and slept, and just tried to take care of herself.  Akiva would have to remember to bring them things to keep each other occupied next time she stopped by. 

Crossing her arms across her chest, Akiva grinned.  “I’ll bring some games next time,” she looked between the two of them, “Cards…books… monopoly,” she giggled, “Anything you want.  Send me an owl, I’ll pick it up for you.”  She was, of course, in her joking, being serious.  She wanted them to be happy and have something to distract them from anything that might get them down.  She knew how stressful this sort of thing was and the more one had to do, the better it would be for them. 

If there was anything she wanted, it was for the pair to be happy and comfortable.  If she could contribute in even a small way, she wanted too, and if that meant being just an optimistic supporter, that’s what it would mean, if it meant giving either of them the clothes off her back or a shoulder to cry on, she would do that too.  It wasn’t a matter of them asking, it was a matter of her just knowing, and she felt like what she was doing now, being there to help and support her and Luke, that was doing a lot more than anything else at the moment. 

The conversation was different now though and Akiva shrugged her shoulders, “We both want a family,” Akiva said easily, “but not right now, not anytime soon anyway,” she added.  “Can’t have it all happen at once,” she chirped with a peal of laughter, “At least not when you’ve already started planning the wedding!”  She shook her head and fixed her hair a bit, returning to that oh-so-familiar sunny grin. 

“Until then, all of our plans will have to be hypothetical,” she winked teasingly, smoothing down the section of hair over her shoulder.  “Right now I think we’re more concerned with actually getting down the aisle,” she laughed, “in one piece, preferably!”