sealed in a typical muggle envelope; handwritten on notebook paper - looks slightly faded. doodles on paper & envelope // this letter will be put in with a parchment one to fauna as well

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To my dearest FAUNA-

If you happen to be reading this, then that'll mean your mother felt I must've not been a complete git. Or she thinks I still am. My darling, by the time you read this, you'll be age (or I so do hope) & alas, fatherless along with your sister, Moira Jane. I regret that I may never see you face when smile or when you cry; nor that I'll ever get to have an experience with these things like I may have with Moira. And it is because my unfaithfulness to you, your mum/sister, even to your grandmum and granddad Henry (who I think you'll love). All I have given to you is a name that your mum thought of as silly - FAUNA.

The family I'll be forming without you three lovely lasses will have a little girl too. I'm calling her Adelia, Addie for short - and though I'll have her, it'll never replace the love I have for you an' Mor. There will always be guilt within me for doing this, but my hopes are that one day, I'll have a chance to make it up to you an' your sister.

I love you more than you may ever know. I'm so sorry.

Dutifully & Lovingly Yours,

Malcolm Collins Blake

Malcolm Blake
21 Monks Crescent
Portsmouth, UK

Miss Fauna Blake
Hufflepuff Table
Hogwarts, Scotland

01/12/09

FAUNA~

A name I thought I'd never ever hear uttered again in a million years. Some would call this occurance fate, chance, or even divine intervention. I call it an opporunity for hearing your name being said the past seven years. These seven years have renewed the love I have always had for you & Moira Jane, especially after seeing the two of you at the train station.

You, more so than Mor, look so like your mum that it was the reason Anne & I were in such disbelief when we saw you two. The pangs of regret have always haunted me in knowing I was a failure (an I s'pose they always will) for letting ye go.

What I'm about to say I want you to know hails from a conscience that has spent too long in decision makin'. I want a chance to make up for what I've done in the past, for I don't believe in making meself hidden from ye & Mor. I do know the road that lies ahead of us will be rockier than what we may anticipate but know I will fight for you/Mor as I have for Alfred & Adelia.

I suspect you'll be angry/disappointed in Addie for not tellin' ye, but know she hasn't known any longer than for a year (it doesn't cushion th' blow, I know...), so please, remember who is she. Your friend. And one of your closest allies. She was not th' fool - I was. If you wish to owl me, please...by all means, do so. All I ask for you at this time is for an opporunity to prove meself capable.


Sincerely,
Malcolm Collins Blake

(Mature Warning for use of the 'F' word)

Fauna Blake
Hufflepuff Table
Hogwarts, Scotland

Malcolm Blake
21 Monks Crescent
Portsmouth, UK

01/16/09

Malcolm,


This is my fourth attempt at writing this letter.

That said, I want to make it clear that by writing back to you, this does not mean that I want you in my life in any form. I'm responding to your owl because I have things to say that I can't hold in anymore. You can respond back, but if at any point I decide not to write to you anymore, you will have to accept that- meaning you will not send me a dozen owls asking why. I have not agreed and I don't know if I will ever agree to see you in person. I don't know if by writing this one letter to you that I will always want to keep up correspondence through owl.

Okay?

The thing is, Malcolm, I don't need you. I'm not saying that to be cruel. I'm trying to explain that I have an amazing family, amazing friends, and people who care about me. I am lucky in that I have no lack of people who care. Not everyone at Hogwarts can say that. My mum and my older sister, though, they needed you. When you left, you... you just really affected them. That doesn't just go away, and I know this is part of the reason why mum is slow to trust and obsesses over money, because she is responsible for taking care of us. You left my sister when she was what.. six? How is that ever going to be okay? It's not. I'm lucky in that I never got to know you, and never got to miss you.

And before you tell me that every child needs a father, well, no. I don't think that's true. My grandparents took your place. They were there for me when I was growing up and struggling to learn as fast as the other kids. They were there for me when I got my letter and went to Hogwarts. We helped each other when my granddad got sick, and when he died. You weren't there for the hard times, or for any times. What makes you think you can be here now, when my life is okay? I can't imagine a world with you in it because it's like you've never existed before now. How am I supposed to accept you, accept this truth, when there's no place to put you. I don't understand what you want from me, or how I'm supposed to act around you even if you told me. I don't know how to fit you into my life when you've been nothing but this... name, that my mother hardly ever mentions.

How in the world can you claim to love me and Moira when you have done nothing to show this? I'm not asking you to now. But I don't see how you can love someone that, in my case, you don't even know. You don't know who I am  because you never bothered to find out. All you know is from what Addie has told you about me... but it is NOT the same thing as getting to know me in person and being a part of my life.

You say that you're sorry but... it's so vague that I have a hard time believing that it's true. You don't specify what you did wrong exactly and I can't spell it out for you. I'm an adult now, do you realize that? You haven't cared to contact me for all these years. I feel like the reason you're doing it is just so you can feel better about yourself and validate that what you did wasn't actually so horrible.

I'm not the solution to your... midlife crisis or road to feeling like a good person.

The worst part is, you've taken away my friend from me. I feel like I've lost her and what we had, because every time I look at her all I can think about are the lies. I know this isn't her fault. But it doesn't make it easier. Did you consider that? The first time she told you about me, you should have had the strength to own up to your own stuff and tell her who I am. And when you finally did that a year ago, she had to be in on the lie?

That's not fair.

It seems to me that you think my feelings, her feelings, everybody else didn't matter to you until what you wanted became important. Now that it's suddenly important for me to know the truth, I have lost one of my best friends and someone I thought I could trust unconditionally.

You know what. Fuck you.


-Fauna

 

Malcolm Blake
21 Monks Crescent
Portsmouth, UK

Miss Fauna Blake
Hufflepuff Table
Hogwarts, Scotland

January 25, 2009

Dearest Fauna.

I’ve spent the better part of a week thinking th’ arse I am. I can’ot even begin to imagine the damages I’ve given off t’ye and Addie (even Alfie too).  I don’ think I should hav’ expected ye to jump back into me arms – ye have ev’ry reason to ignite this letter with any I’ve sent ye already. However, I’m willin’ to admit that I was wrong an’ tha’ I made Adelia hold in. Tha’ makes her guilty, I know an’ she was so much mor’ the braver than I was. It breaks m’heart and I know it’s likely to be like that for quite some time because I went off in thinking that it was right to drop this on ye before the two of ye graduate from Hogwarts. Yer mum and grandparents did well, I’m sure of it, to raise ye an’ Mor – I can’t erase the past but do know I wan’ to fix the future, if I even can.

An’ I see I’m already ramblin’ on back to what I have already said, but. . . I wan’ to try to at least take on the damages, if ye will let me do so. I know Hogsmeade is coming up soon – naturally, I’ll have to have Anne help me out on that detail, but I would like to try seeing you then. That decision is yours alone.

Until the next time I do hear from you, take care an’ do know that Adelia loves you more than anything in this world.

Malcolm.

Fauna Blake
Hufflepuff Table
Hogwarts, Scotland

Malcolm Blake
21 Monks Crescent
Portsmouth, UK

Malcolm,

I've talked to Addie. I think things are going to be okay between me and her.

I might   I dont  I have a lot happening on Hogsmeade weekend. I've got SAWS stuff to do, friends to visit, and a boyfriend to. I don't know. I guess I still don't understand why you'd suddenly care about me after all this time. And I'm still mad. So don't think I'm not.

~Fauna