Dolly St. James
Baraka Point, Indochine Suite
Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands

Dominik S. Wiedman
#8 Abraxan Flats
[stinky flat row]

Greetings from Paradise Darling,

I will not bore you with how astonishingly torturous this little trip my publishers sent me on has been. It seems both silly and ill-conceived to bitch and moan because I’ve been sent to the Islands to finish a book that should have been done about month ago and I stopped all work on once your sister turned up relatively unscathed. They could have just locked me away in a little hovel somewhere. I think they’ve learned how counter productive making me uncomfortable is though - you remember the last temper tantrum I had to throw resulted in them paying some pretty hefty legal fees - and I can’t even imagine what they had to do to keep that old hag Skeeter from running away with the entire affair. So, yes, I readily accept my medicine and have diligently been working far more than I play. It’s a bit of an off season honestly and there is hardly anyone here. Most days it’s muggy and a little windy. I like leaving the windows open when it storms in the middle of the day. My muse is partially rejuvenated!

The only problem is…well - do you know what happens in eleven days Niki? If you say no, somehow I will hex my next letter to sting you squarely between the eyes! You ought to know, it’s come around once a year for nearly the last twenty-five. Normally it’s a very auspicious occasion in which we all show up at the family home, get ridiculously drunk, and wear very silly hats. Well for the first thirteen of them the most we ever did was steal a bit of whine from our parents and oooh and aaah over my ridiculously over priced party dresses with petticoats that made it nearly impossible to move. I remember trying to play pin the tongue on the snake when I was ten and someone tripping me for the hell of it. You’ll deny it to the you die but I’ve always had my sneaking suspicions just who that someone was…

It won’t feel like a birthday without you. I know that’s silly - but I know from experience! Fourteen to Seventeen certainly didn’t feel real without you sneaking into my room with a little morning muffin to split with Daz and I while the sun came up. She’s been through so much lately…I just I won’t ask her to come here and be away from Nate. I can’t do that. I think she needs time with him now more than ever. Desi and Lissy are hardly speaking to me after the Halloween party incident. How was I supposed to know that Grabby McGrabarse was Lissy’s boss and throwing a drink in his face and kicking him repeatedly was not the proper way to handle him blatantly trying to feel me up. You turn one little party into a free for all and everyone acts as though you’ve committed a crime against the bloody Minister of Magic.

Come see me please? I miss your stinky feet and annoying face. I know we were quarreling when I left but honestly, do you really want me to be alone on the most special of Holidays in the Dolly St. James’ calendar? You don’t really - even if you say you do. You miss me terribly. I just know it. I’m giving you ten whole days to put something together. Honestly just bring your charming self and I will take care of the rest. Remember, every time you tell me “no” a baby Unicorn dies. You’re killing the Unicorn race with all your refusals Dominik. It’s very bad form. So, don’t say no, say yes, and come sit in the sun with me and get out of dreary old London. See? I ought to be associated with all happy things, like sunshine and pretty girls in bathing suits. Write soon!

Dominik Wiedman
Abraxan Flats
Basement Window
London

Dolly St. James
Baraka Point, Indochine Suite
Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands

Dolores --

Thanks for writing.

Unfortunately I can't get away from London at the moment.  I apologize, but you'll have to suffer your punishment in paradise without me.  It sounds horrible.  How far along are you?  When you finish, come home, and I'll take you out for dinner.  I think I would go blind if I saw the sun right now... and there is something nice about the onset of Winter in England.  Damp and gloomy, just the way I like it.  Birthdays are so overrated and besides, if I didn't make a habit of saying 'no' there'd be so many damn unicorns running around that they'd cease to be special.  Who would want that?

I promise I'm not being an arse about it.  I just can't leave right now.

I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have yelled at you before.  I've just been so frustrated since things didn't work out with Rocio; she was supposed to be the one.  Not just a random Summer fling turned forlorn romance, either; I mean back in school she was supposed to be my quaint little housewife.  And that dream, like the rest I suppose, is broken now.  I wish you wouldn't be on my case all the time.  I know you think it's stupid, or I fucked up (maybe I did, I dunno) -- but I'm not the only one holding on to notions of sappy romance!  (How's the book coming, by the way?)  You know how things changed for me.  I guess Ro was just an attempt to fulfill some childhood dream.  If the war hadn't happened, maybe it could have been.  Zach is dead though and, in a way, so is Ro and so am I.  Sorry for that.  I can't get my head out of the gutter even for a pretty face like yours.  Gordon Bennett I'm such a bloody arsehole.

I'm glad to have your happy hot bathing-suit self in my life, Dolls.  Otherwise I might just drown in my own vomit.  Get back soon?  Just promise you won't harp on me when you do.  Be my sunshine rainbow girl, will ye?  I could use that.  I've been doing stupid things that you won't at all like.  But this is life.  And it might make me happy eventually.  If I can ever do more than orgasm and kill things.

What did you mean when you wrote that Daz needs Nate now more than ever?  She won't tell me anything.  Has she told you something?  What's going on?  If you know where she was this Summer, tell me.  She's being a twat.  For all the weirdness she's been giving off, she claims to be right as rain.  Busy as ever, I suppose, but something's not right about it.  Did you know she's moved in with Nate? 

She did have a teaching gig at the school this last week.  Haven't talked to her about it yet.  She said she was going to sneak in to the twins' birthday party, which would have been yesterday.  Apparently mum is planning to have Daz steal them right under Audrey's nose for the holidays.  I probably shouldn't fill up my letter with family drama and gossip like this, though.  You might think I'd gone soft. 

I hope you don't mind, I'm keeping your owl here and sending Difford back to you.  Ru was pretty tuckered out from his trip.  Apparently it took him a few days, so I'm going to end this a bit short and send him back right away.  Write me again, tell me about the book or something.  Your last letter cheered me up for five minutes or so.  Most glorious five minutes of my life. 

Otherwise, finish the ruddy book and get your arse back to London.  Why don't you just kill everyone off in a freak accident? 

Love,
Dom.

P.S.  I still don't know what you're talking about.  I never tripped you....

Dolly St. James
Baraka Point, Indochine Suite
Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands

Dominik S. Wiedman
Abraxan Flats
Basement Window
London

Mr. Wiedman,

You are bloody lucky Dillford showed up when he did, I was two seconds away from borrowing an owl to send you a nasty howler in which I called you every rotten name I could think up or create after half a bottle of vodka. You’re an absolute bore when you’re not being a complete tool Niki. Honestly, you couldn’t get away for even a day? And then, to add even further insult to injury there was absolutely nothing sparkly and pretty attached - not even a sodding sonnet! Jesus Christ, even Elliot sent me fecking flowers and I broke his bloody heart! You’re a horrible boy and I dislike you greatly right now. I ought to just write you off - but you’re like a bad knut, you keep turning up. I am so mad at you I could…I don’t know what I could do - probably the same thing I always do when I’ve been drinking and try to hex you. My feelings are very hurt Niki. I’ve had to sit in this beach chair all day drinking by myself. It’s things like that that make me look like I’ve got a problem. If you’d just show up then I wouldn’t look like a sad drunk girl, turning horridly old - or I’d at least have someone to dance with. I suppose, at least, I didn’t have to fight you for the last chocolate frog this time - and if you say one thing about the size of my bottom I will make you a very miserable man - which will be quite a fecking feat as you’re already a moody little wank.

I’m not pink Hippogriff drunk yet, so I suppose I can address the rest of the letter since Dilly took all the trouble to fly it to me. Poor thing is absolutely exhausted. He’s nesting in the canopy above my bed…I really hope he doesn’t need to use the loo tonight. Merlin, that would be just my luck. Alone, drunk, and shat on by your bloody owl. This is depressing, I’m starting to get an idea of how bloody awful it must be to be you. No wonder you’re such a morose git. You’ve really got to snap out of that you know. You keep looking back instead of trying to move your life ahead. So things went to hell with the plastic housewife - she wasn’t right for you anyway. You think she was, but that’s just because you have no idea what you actually need. You have all this expectations of things that will make you happy and you pour so much of yourself into them I don’t think you notice you’re not really happy at all. Honestly, you’re going to tell me it was better being loved less by someone who knows how to put together a pretty dinner than all the nights we’ve spent sprawled on your disgusting floor listening to The Weird Sisters? Or, how about when I can actually drag you to Signature and we have to try to get back to the apparition point?

You have to accept that things happened, they were horrible - and yes you lost things that no one ever should have asked you to give up… but that’s a part of life Niki. Merlin, I’m sobering up - hold on. I need to find my bottle of Rum. Rum, Rum, Rummy…where did you oh! There you are. Alright. Now then… what the devil was I saying? Oh, right. Crap things happened to you.- it isn’t a reason to be a weeping creeper Dominik. Put your big girl panties on and bloody deal with it. And I’ll quit being a harpy when you quit being simpering and pathetic more than twice a week. Besides you loath me when I’m nice to you. You think it’s sickening - and dishonest. You love having me around because I’m the only person who utterly adores you and is still perfectly aware of want a selfish arse you are. Without me you’d only have silly little fan girls who think you’re god’s gift to a broom stick… and I would die from the vomit attack listening to them and dealing with your ego would produce.

I don’t know anymore about what’s going on with Doodle than you do Niki. I just know what I see and she’s very different now. Whatever happened to her on that…whatever it was, it changed her. She’s nesting and wanting to be home and act like a real wife. On top all of which we have Nate being hauled in to jail - and you being a complete…I don’t think there is a dirty enough word for the way you treated your sister. Which gets us back to why we were fighting in the first place. I don’t know why the devil I wanted you to come see me. I don’t even like you now that I think about it. You were so awful to her and then! On Halloween night when I needed you - you, Mr. ‘I have to protect you all the time’ were off trying to play “find the apple” in some woman’s cleavage! My person is being molested and you didn’t even notice! Horrible person you are, honestly, I’m a helpless slip of a thing and you left me all on my own.

Why haven’t I disowned you yet - because you bloody well know you did trip me! You tripped me and I fell into the punch bowl and it spoiled my dress - and you were a grown boy then too! Always picking on me you were. Like when I was six and you pushed me into the mud because your mother loves me best and gave me the last chocolate frog. You were always so mean to me - and you missing this birthday absolutely proves you still are…especially when you have to ask me multiple times about the book and tell me to come home when I really have no control over it. Honestly, they’ve all but chained me to my desk. Things are progressing, though they’ve finally given me a new editor who will be waiting for me in London when I do come home. I’m sure it will be some horrid little old lady with horn rimmed glasses and a beehive hairdo. Obviously shagging the last one has put major points against the odds of me getting another pretty boy… pity. Your faced used to turn the loveliest shade of red when I brought Eli around.

And with that parting shot I believe I will end this, because I am exhausted, still drunk, and the sun is peeking out on the horizon.