Thump, thump, thump

Thump, thump, thump, thwack

Thump thump thump, thwack, thwack

Xavier paused for a moment holding the bag in place and catching his breath. He had returned to the Slytherin common room directly after telling Ayla it was over between them and conjured up a punching bag. He had been at it for over a half an hour now while everyone else made their ways to the great hall to eat dinner. He had no interest in eating. He had a lot more anger and frustration to work out. He was thankful that the common room had been empty when he arrived and had stayed like that since. He ignored the tears that had stung his eyes when he left Ayla and let them continue to flow. He knew he was being weak and pathetic for crying but if he didn't get it all out now they'd come back to haunt him later. He had been taking all of his frustration out on the punching bag but had neglected to wrap his hands first and so the bag and his hands were now covered in blood smeared from the multitude of impacts he continued to make. At least he wasn't breaking his hands on a stone wall again.

Thump, thump, thump

He was at it again, his bare feet keeping him steady as he stood south paw and thumped away at the bag ignoring the burning sensation from his raw and torn knuckles. He had torn off his shirt some time in the beginning and was now standing in only a pair of slacks, his tattoo clearly visible and glistening with sweat. He was grinding his teeth and thrashed at the bag again. He had been using a punching bag for years now to try and let out the boiling agrression inside him but it didn't always work, much like it didn't seem to be working now. His face was still covered in the tears he couldn't stop from flowing and his hands were sagging slightly from the constant beating he was putting them through.

thump, thump, thump, thwack, thwack

He was sure there would be bruises where he was throwing shin kicks at the bag but couldn't care less. The pain of it all was only helping him get through it. If he didn't feel the pain, didn't experience it then there would be no strengthening himself from it. What didn't kill you only made you stronger.

The Care of Magical Creatures class had been very inspiring for Bellatrix. If anything, it made her want a Doxy for a pet at some point and the ideas of what the new professor could have in store for them this year made her want to actually come to class on time in the future. As her feet carried her back to the common room to switch out books for Herbology, she began to think about that baby Fwooper she used to have when she was about eight years old. It had been little more than a lime green puffball that she named 'Ronniekins', a rumored nickname that the hero Ronald Weasley had during his years at Hogwarts in the stories her father used to tell her; those were the years she had a crush on that character before her mother started trying to beat "Muggleborn filth" views into her head. It had never worked, thankfully, but her mother did get rid of the Ronniekins before it turned adult. For some reason, the woman seemed to think it would cause Bellatrix to go insane if it "grew up" and therefore unintentionally gave the child the impression that growing into a full adult would drive a person insane.

By the time Bellatrix walked right in to the Slytherin common room, her mind was completely distracted by the pleasant melody her Fwooper used to make. Maybe that was why she gasped suddenly when she saw Xavier Tawse standing in the common room beating up some sort of punching bag that, surprisingly to Bella, wasn't a Hogwarts student. The entrance behind her closed and she idly tossed her bag into a corner. At first, she tried to ignore him. Yesterday's conversation with her sister made being around Xavier Tawse a little awkward. It would be best to temporarily avoid him until she found her own identity again, but it could no longer be as the 'psychotic, jinx-happy Bellatrix' that Hogwarts knew. That girl had died with her reputation... Now, she was someone else. Her sister's twin, at the moment, and just another Hogwarts student. Why would Xavier be interested in her?

En route around Xavier towards the girls' dorms, a shiny light on his cheek caught the corner of her eye and made her look closer. He was crying! Bellatrix was beside herself. What should she do? She watched him in silence as he kept attacking the punching bag. There was a lot of anger there. That was how she felt whenever she started jinxing people, though sometimes the jinxing didn't make her feel any better. Some first years ran off crying and it had made her feel worse, as of late. If he was furious, though, perhaps it was best if she left him alone? But she had walked in... That must have embarrassed him. It never really crossed Bella's mind that Xavier would cry about anything. Anger, yes, but crying? At the same time, it had probably never crossed anyone's mind that Bellatrix Dark, the darker of the Dark twins, cried about anything, either.

With a nervous glance around the empty common room, Bellatrix cracked her knuckles anxiously and decided to take a dive into unknown waters. The waters were extremely deep for her and she only knew how to dog-paddle at best. But... Xavier was the closest thing she honestly had to a friend. He was alone now and she was, too. What if...they were alone together?

"Umm..." She didn't know how to do this sort of thing. "You punch like a girl, d'you know that?" Her lips spread into a very weak smile. If only she could tell jokes and cheer people up like Beatrix could. It seemed Bella's "thing" was to make people feel worse.

Xavier unfortunately hadn't heard Bella come in and so he continued on in his own little world, punching away at the bag, spreading his blood and trying to blink the tears out of his eyes. When he heard her voice he spun on the intruder ready to attack whoever was stupid enough to get in the way of him destroying himself bit by bit. Very few people had ever seen in him such a fit of rage and even those that had, knew enough to leave him well alone when he was doing it. He was prone to attack anything and everything around him and so it was better to just not get in his way. Whoever this person was had to have been really stupid to not only interrupt him but insult him while doing it.

However when his mind cleared long enough to notice it was Bella all of Xavier's resolve seemed to have crumbled and he was reduced yet again to a fresh bout of tears. His body dropped and he fell to the floor in a clump one leg underneath him the other bent and propping up his head. Now that he was away from the bag he found himself exhausted and his hands were hurting like a sonuvabitch. He looked up at Bella and desperately tried to blink the tears away.

He had no idea what to say to her. Whereas he felt anger and disgust at himself for letting Ayla see him cry he felt absolutely nothing sitting like a weak little baby in front of Bella. For some reason he knew she was the kind of girl that would understand, after all Bella's reputation was as well known as his own, you just didn't mess with her. She was just as strong as him, if not stronger, she wasn't allowed to cry any more than he was and yet he had seen it earlier that day, the redness in her eyes, the puffiness. She had her own problems and was likely the only person that could relate to him.

He let out a long sigh and looked to her with a pained expression, "Ye eva jus git sick o' it all? Bein' so tough an' strong all thee time?" He wasn't trying to accuse her of anything he was just doing his best to try and get her to relate to him in such an compromised state. For the first time he wiped away at the tears, "What's so feckin' wrong wit feeling sumthin, right? Why is it so wrong ta luv some one and not have it be about who's usin who? Is it so wrong ta jus want a girl jus ta be there fer me an' not have it be some kind of stupid social status?"

There was Xavier Tawse, a devastated lump of a man on the floor, and there she was standing there unsure of what to do or say. The same awkwardness had been experienced the previous evening when she had discussed her true feelings with her twin. He just wanted to cry, like she had, and talk to someone. Why was she that someone? Her eyes scanned the vicinity swiftly again. No one, except her annoying toad Duke who seemed to poke his ugly amphibian self in to all of her matters. What did he spend the rest of his time doing?

"Ye eva jus git sick o' it all? Bein' so tough an' strong all thee time?"

Bella's faint smile was filled with sympathy. He really had no idea, did he? How weak she felt now, how soft she realized she was. Would he still hate her for that? He said something that night about being 'crazy' and 'gorgeous' (the gorgeous part made her shift uneasily) and she contemplated briefly about how he would feel if she was no longer...mean? Then again, how could she not be mean? That was the only thing Bella knew how to be and it seemed to be the only dominant trait that set her apart from her twin sister. Just as she began to open her mouth, he pressed on.

"What's so feckin' wrong wit feeling sumthin, right? Why is it so wrong ta luv some one and not have it be about who's usin who? Is it so wrong ta jus want a girl jus ta be there fer me an' not have it be some kind of stupid social status?"

Confusion wiped her mind blank of anything she was going to say. Feeling something? Love someone? Using someone he loved? Did he love someone? For the first time, Bellatrix actually began to feel jealous about a boy. Usually, she was jealous because someone stole her sister's attention away, but this was somehow different. It made her angry, almost furious. Who was he in love with? So this was why he was crying! It was about a girl and, from what he said, a girl that wasn't Bellatrix!

'Ridiculous,' her subconscious voice intervened, 'you should worry about him instead of your pride.'

Who asked her subconscious to butt in? Worse, who asked it to be right? With a lot of willpower, the darker of the Dark twins settled down on her knees in front of him and averted her gaze. She managed to keep herself calm enough to notice that his knuckles were bleeding. More sympathy came and caused her to reach over towards his hands, roughly jerk them towards her, and tap them with her wand. It took her a couple of taps before bandages wrapped them up magically. She was mostly delaying the inevitable.

"I-I don't know, Tawse. I've never felt anythin' for someone before. I'm not allowed."

What a ridiculous statement! Of course she was allowed! At the same time, she wasn't because she wasn't soft. Her blue eyes shifted to peer at her...was he really her friend? She didn't rightfully know. Did he consider himself to be her friend?

"What I mean is that... Honestly, Tawse, get a hold of yourself! You sound ridiculous!" Her rage was slithering out through her tongue along with her own personal feelings in the matter. Tears were stinging at her eyes. "I mean, who says you can fall in love with anyone at all? No one tells you if you can or can't, do they? It just happens, I s'pose! My sister has and I--I can't! Nobody likes me at all! I don't care about bloodline or social status or any of that load of hodge-podge because it doesn't matter, does it? It's all really stupid! The way my sister acts around Pennyapple, the reason you're cryin', the reason I'm sitting here now! It's all ridiculous!"

She couldn't explain herself at all. The only thing she could do was start crying again. Bella was crying in front of Xavier and he was crying in front of her. It made sense in her mind.

"I don't know who I am. I'm not strong or tough anymore and I'm certainly not like Bee who can make friends so easily... I had to force you to dance with me at Halloween! Nobody except that bloody git Harper ever asked me to do anythin' with them and he only did it to spite my twin! At least you're still strong, Xavier. You still have your confidence even if you don't have a girl. I don't have that. I've lost everything and I-I'm terrified! You can go on living with yourself, can't you? You loved someone and...I-I don't know what happened, but you still know who you are. It may not feel like that, I wouldn't really know, but I've heard Lil Bee say she didn't know after this one guy. But look at her now: she's moved on and she's happy. You will be, but I won't... I can't be happy. I don't even know what would make me happy anymore!"

Bellatrix always had a natural talent for making things over-dramatic. That was partly what she was doing here, but it expressed how she felt deep down: alone, confused, scared, angry, and unidentified. She burst further into tears. There was no more being tough for her at this point.

"I-I honestly can't think of a single friend I have here at Hogwarts. You have your best mates and lots of girls like you, Xavier. You're v-very handsome and charming. Manipulating and vindictive, but the way you strut around Hogwarts is... I just can't see you falling for a girl, really. Not one, I mean. Wh-who was it? What made her so special?" The tone she used with the word 'special' leaked heavily with jealousy.

Xavier was beginning to feel embarrassed about being such a mess in front of her. Although if there was one person at Hogwarts to be a complete and utter mess in front of he was glad it was Bella. He knew she'd understand or at least he thought she would. She was just like him in more ways than either of them probably realized. At least he knew that if she didn't understand she wasn't about to go gallivanting around the school telling everyone he had cried like a little baby in front of her. Not like Ayla. He was sure she was laughing at him right now with all her stupid little Hufflepuff friends, telling them all what a pansy Xavier Tawse was.

He winced and hissed when she roughly grabbed his hands and pulled them towards her. He almost expected her to hurt him further but a soft smile crossed his lips when she started to bandage his hands. Perhaps she actually did care about him. However his smile fell when she said she wasn't allowed. What kind of bullocks was that? Just because they had reputations for being tough ass bullies didn't mean they weren't allowed to fall in love, everyone was allowed, it just all depended on how you responded to said love. As long as you didn't go completely batshit over it than by all means.

He bit back anger when she yelled at him and would have gotten to his feet to walk away from her if he hadn't been so exhausted and so he was forced to listen to the rest of what she had to say. The small hint of a smile haunted his lips again as she continued on. He watched her speak, the more she rambled on the closer she got to breaking down. He found it fascinating to see her like this and although she was slowly deteriorating into a blubbering mess he didn't think he had ever been so attracted to anyone before, not even Dazmond and that was saying a lot!

He swallowed the lump in his throat when she began to cry. He hadn't imagined it getting to him as much as it did and he hoped to God he hadn't been the reason for it. Sure he was there but considering everything that was just pouring out of her mouth there was no way he could have been the one to make her feel so miserable about herself. If anything Xavier had spent the better part of the last three weeks trying to let her know just how amazing she was.

Unfortunately the more she ragged on herself the more his anger was beginning to build up. If no one liked her at Hogwarts, if she had no friends and no guys were willing to put themselves out there to ask her out, or to dance, or anything then what the hell did that make him?! Sure she had dragged him onto the dance floor at the ball but he didn't protest he actually proceeded to tell her that she was his ideal woman, that he didn't hate her. He even asked if he could take her to her own birthday party and he had asked her to dance there. Did he not even matter?!

He let out a soft growl but was then completely distracted by something in her voice. Was she jealous? Was she actually jealous of Ayla? Just the thought of it made him want to laugh but there was no humor in the situation he had just come from and the anger bubble burst. A fresh flood of tears fell down his face as he threw his hands up in frustration, "Nuthin! Absolutely nuthin! There was nuthin special about her, that's what's got me so fecked up. She's jus a stupid lil girl. Thee only reason I kissed her in thee first place is becos she's got power an I wanted it. I wanted ta use her like a puppet but then she turned it all around on me. I got so feckin confused an started feelin sumthin fer her."

He got to his feet and tried desperately to wipe the tears away but they were refreshing as fast as he was wiping, "She doesn't even make me feel good. Yes she's attractive, yes she's a good kisser but she made me feel horrible about meself, an her friend kicked me in thee balls. Who the feck wants ta deal with that shite? Not me! I don't need that shite, I need a girl that actually gits me, that doesn't care about me family, how many of them were death eaters how many of them died in azkaban."

He flopped down on the ground again once more feeling exhausted, "Why can't I jus find a girl that doesn't give a shite that I'm pureblood or that me no good fatha left me when I was seven. No one ever bothers ta see who I actually am, they see a pretty face with Slytherin slathered all ova it. Why can't I jus have a girl like ye?"

"Nuthin! Absolutely nuthin! There was nuthin special about her, that's what's got me so fecked up. She's jus a stupid lil girl. Thee only reason I kissed her in thee first place is becos she's got power an I wanted it. I wanted ta use her like a puppet but then she turned it all around on me. I got so feckin confused an started feelin sumthin fer her."

The mess in front of Xavier watched him get to his feet. She was confused, but from he was saying and the way he was saying it, so was he. Power? He had wanted the girl's power? Was that all? Really? She tried not to giggle. That was what she had felt when she went to Ketteridge's masquerade with Erin Harper: powerful. It had been a wonderful evening until they started clashing like they always had.

"She doesn't even make me feel good. Yes she's attractive, yes she's a good kisser but she made me feel horrible about meself, an her friend kicked me in thee balls. Who the feck wants ta deal with that shite? Not me! I don't need that shite, I need a girl that actually gits me, that doesn't care about me family, how many of them were death eaters how many of them died in azkaban."

His family had been Death Eaters or had died in Azkaban? Bella's stomach went queasy and she began to feel sick. There was a new wave of tears coming on. Her own father was in Azkaban. Why should she care if his had died there?

"Why can't I jus find a girl that doesn't give a shite that I'm pureblood or that me no good fatha left me when I was seven. No one ever bothers ta see who I actually am, they see a pretty face with Slytherin slathered all ova it. Why can't I jus have a girl like ye?"

Like her? The blue eyes darted upwards towards him from the floor, distant more than cold in this situation. She couldn't help but stare. Wh-what was he talking about 'a girl like her'?

"I-I don't care about blood, you know I don't," she explained quietly. "My mum and dad split when Bee and I were very little and Bee went with dad. Mum refused to let me go." Tears trailed down her cheeks again. "We didn't see each other again until our first year at Hogwarts. I wish my mum had left! I hate her! My daddy's in Azkaban and I never get to see him at all because of her! I hate my mum! Bee and I both do! She's horrible! All she's ever called me is 'perfect' and she called Bee 'filthy' and 'crazy' but she doesn't understand that I'm just like my daddy and Bee! I am!"

She insisted that she was. There would be no arguing with her. After an awkward silence, Bella realized she had yelled at him again and averted her gaze to regret looking at him. She didn't mean to take out her anger on him. Here she was supposed to be listening to him and she was biting his head off!

"I-I'm sorry, Xavier. I didn't mean to shout." Her body relaxed its position by shifting her weight to her thighs. For some reason, the memo that he had escorted her to her birthday party came back to her mind and she decided to talk about that. "I don't remember if I did or not, but I want to say thanks for taking me to my birthday party. I-I really appreciated you getting my sister a gift, too." Erin Harper hadn't given her sister a gift. He was an out-right git for it, too. "Lil Bee means everything to me, y'know. And...you're the closest friend I have, I s'pose. I don't treat you like one, but you are. You're the only person who teases me like that and you're honestly the only one I don't jinx because I'm angry. I am sorry if I embarrass you with those. I know some of them are pretty nasty..."

Again, Bellatrix reached up and cracked her own knuckles. Anxiety was a terrible feeling for her; she didn't like it one bit. She heaved a deep, rattled breath and peered at him again. Something was on her mind and she'd like to know his answer.

"W-would you hate me if I wasn't the girl I am? I mean if I wasn't a tough bully who jinxed everyone and seemed angry all the time? My sister and I talked yesterday and I've been thinking about something she said all day today. She said to start over and be myself. I-I want to and I'm not so sure where to start. Would you still be my friend if I was to be the girl I am when nobody's around, Xavier?"

Xavier could only imagine how ridiculous they both looked right now, sitting on the floor in the middle of the Slytherin common room crying like a couple of babies. For some reason he didn't care, he didn't even think he'd care if someone else walked in on this although he didn't want them to. He was seeing something inside of Bella that he didn't think existed and he was really really liking it. There was something so beautiful and raw about this. Her hair disheveled, her eyes puffy, her makeup streaked with tears. For all intents and purposes this was the real Bellatrix Dark and only he was allowed to see it. It made him feel, well, special.

He put a hand on her own and offered his best effort of a smile, "I had no idea Bella. I always though ye grew up wit Bea like any other twins did. I don't think I even knew about yer daddy bein in Azkaban." He knew he had mentioned his own family but he hadn't been as open as she was being with him right now and he felt as if he owed her something more, "Me grandda died in Azkaban, he had been one o' thee original Death Eaters. Me uncle, me mentor, thee only real da I've eva had, was in Azkaban after thee second war, when he came out he was there fer me like no one else has eva bin before. Me da left when I was seven, no one has a feckin' clue what happened to him. He jus disappeared one day, lef me ma all alone."

He wiped another tear from his face. His father had always been a sensitive subject that he very rarely talked about. Even Figaro and Callum, who were his best mates at school didn't know the real story about it all. He was angry and ashamed to admit that his father had just disappeared one day without a trace like Xavier and his mom didn't even matter.

Xavier shook his head, "No, no, don't apologize." He touched her cheek gently wiping a few of her own tears off, "Ye don owe me anythin Bella and ye've never embarrassed me. I know how much Bea means ta ye, heck I've been makin sure she likes me just so I could . . ." He bit his tongue figuring as much as he was enjoying seeing this side of Bella and having someone to completely confide all of his secret in, this was one secret he wasn't ready to let go of just yet, "Bea's great, an I'm honoured ye call me yer friend, truly, I think o' ye as me friend too, both ye an Bea."

A genuine smile crossed his lips. If he didn't hate her when she was a psychotic jinx happy crazy woman why in the world would he hate her if she let down her guard and was actually nice once in a while. Sure he loved how crazy she was but if he was honest with himself that wasn't what he was attracted to and this whole new side of her that he was getting a private screening of was far more appealing and attractive and sexy than anything he had seen on her ever before.

He touched her cheek again and scootted forward trying to close the gap between his exhausted body and hers, "Bella, I will always be here fer ye, that's a promise, no matter what ye need, I'll do it fer ye. There isn't a single thing in thee world that could turn me away from ye. This right here, what ye are right now, is greater, better, sexier than anythin I've eva known before an even if yer jus like this fer me, I'd still be thee luckiest man in thee world." He leaned in further and was perfectly poised to kiss her but hesitated. He suddenly wondered if perhaps he was reading too much into this and was over stepping his boundaries. Was this the one act she needed to start being jinx happy again? The memories of losing himself in Ayla's lips came flooding back and he feared losing even more of himself in Bella than was healthy. So he paused about an inch from her lips and waited, whispering, "Ye realize this is thee first time ye've eva called me Xavier?"

His story about his family was fascinating. Bellatrix discovered that despite how horrible her mother was, she didn't have anyone close to her die like he had. Plus, her father hadn't run off. She couldn't help but wonder which could feel worse: a dad running away or a mother forcing him away along with a twin? Poor Xavier--no, she didn't pity him. She admired him for being so strong on his own. At least here at Hogwarts, she'd had Beatrix to talk to whenever things got horrible. Xavier didn't have anybody.

"Y'know, sadly, I think you have more reason to be psychotic than I do," she giggled through her tears.

His hand was warm and rough, bleeding even. The bandages were absorbing most of the blood, but there was still some red liquid that smeared across her cheeks when he went to wipe her tears. She grew relieved, dizzy, and tired in a manner of seconds just with a brush of his rough hands. Bella liked his hands this way because it reminded her of her dad; he'd had rough hands. It was a sign of a hard worker and a strong man. Plus, it was kind of a turn on for her.

"Ye don owe me anythin Bella and ye've never embarrassed me. I know how much Bea means ta ye, heck I've been makin sure she likes me just so I could . . . Bea's great, an I'm honoured ye call me yer friend, truly, I think o' ye as me friend too, both ye an Bea."

With that vote of confidence, Bellatrix shifted her gaze to the common room entrance with a brief thought of Vincent Pennyapple. Did he feel the same way about her? That was, did he think of her as a friend? She craned her neck around to pop it in anticipation. Beatrix would feel extremely stretched if Bella and Vincent didn't get along. She'd have to start being nicer to Vincent and become his friend so that he wouldn't run away from Beatrix. The blue eyes flitted back to Xavier. He was Beatrix's friend. That was great news! It meant Bella wouldn't have to go through the horror of choosing between a boy and her twin. She felt confused enough with her mum and dad's sides long enough; why add on boyfriend vs twin?

"I don't see why you wouldn't be friends with her. She's very easy to get along with, not like me. I'm terrifying to people."

"Bella, I will always be here fer ye, that's a promise, no matter what ye need, I'll do it fer ye. There isn't a single thing in thee world that could turn me away from ye. This right here, what ye are right now, is greater, better, sexier than anythin I've eva known before an even if yer jus like this fer me, I'd still be thee luckiest man in thee world."

Ridiculous! What kind of promise was that? She could use it to her advantage if she wanted to. What was he doing? Offering to become her lap dog? The idea made her a little haughty, but he suddenly began to move closer and lean in. Bella's senses were stirring like crazy and she was getting dizzier, her mind developing into a blank state. He hesitated and stopped. This gave her a pause long enough to crack her knuckles insanely fast and hard. Pop, pop, poppoppop!

"Ye realize this is thee first time ye've eva called me Xavier?"

His lips were so close. Was she really ready for this kind of thing? A kiss? With Xavier Tawse of all people! The boy who used to tease her about her hair and run down the hallway screaming "Psycho Bella!" with her chasing him down firing every jinx she could think of flying past his head. He had been so mean to her in their first year and over the past two, she calculated that the score had been evened up and had stayed that way since. Why not kiss him? What was wrong with kissing a guy as cute as him?

"Is it? Oh, yeah, I s'pose. We've been at each others' throats for five years now."

One half of her wanted to lean forward and kiss him, but the dominant half withdrew her from him. She couldn't allow herself. Not yet. He was brilliant, curious, and drop-dead gorgeous all at the same time, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. Who was she to kiss the boy--no, the man--who had just been crying his eyes out over some other girl he had already kissed? Those were just excuses; she was terrified of kissing him. What if she became weak and giggly and acted stupid around him like Bee did around Vincent? What if they got into an argument and it turned into a repeated relationship like she already had with Erin Harper? Or worse... What if five years down the road, they got married, and they got divorced like her mum and dad?

"W-we should get to Herbology class," she whispered. "I can't skip that class. I'm failing. Horribly."

The temptation was there and she almost wanted to scream 'to hell with it all!' and do it, but something held her back. Was it the same something that held her back from making friends? Because she was afraid to get that close to people? Bella wasn't so sure, but letting herself fall for him didn't seem right. 'Not yet' rang through her mind like a loud bell although she tried to ignore it. Slowly, Bella got to her feet and offered her hand to him.

"If you want, we can go by the hospital hut when class is over to get your hands healed. I-I've never been, I've only sent people there so I've heard it's not a bad place."

Another cracking of her neck to release some more of her tension. If only she could... As soon as he got to his feet, she threw her arms around him and hugged him, bursting into a new set of tears and sobbing. He had made everything bad go away at her birthday party and she somehow knew he would make all of these horrible thoughts and feelings disappear, too.

She was pulling away and Xavier was torn between feeling disappointed and relieved. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to kiss her so badly it was like a fire raging in the pit of his stomach. He was only relieved because he was so afraid that kissing her would ruin everything. He had just finished wrapping things up with Ayla and was still feeling all turned around from how he felt about that, if he let Bella in now while he was still vulnerable there was no telling whether his feelings would be real or whether they'd be born out of some twisted sense of rebound.

He let Bella take him to his feet, once again remembering how much his hands were hurting. He would definitely be willing to go see Tulojow to have them healed up although he was sure she was drag the whole nasty story out of him and use it as an example of what not to do when he was angry. At least this time around he hadn't hurt anyone except himself, that was way better right?

He yelped ever so slightly when she hugged him and instantly wrapped his arms around her trying not to get any blood on her shirt. He held her tight to his body and took in the whole essence of her. He may not have been able to kiss her but he felt as if he had gotten so much more out of this whole mess. Bella had confided in him and he had confided in her. She knew things about him that he hadn't even shared with his best friends and he had a feeling he now knew things that only Beatrix knew about her.

Still holding her tight he whispered softly to her, "Ye know luv, if ye want I can tutor ye. I am a straight O student afterall." Well not entirely but the only class he wasn't getting on O in was Divination and he was determined to make that change, especially with Cuthbert now in charge, "I'd be happy ta help ye out."

Here was a good place to be: right here next to him. Beatrix had been right about him being a good guy. Why hadn't Bella seen that before? Maybe it was because she had been blinded by their games. But his arms around her felt...warm and snuggly. She could finally place herself in Bea's shoes and feel the way her sister did when her sister was hugging Vincent Pennyapple. This was a bit weird and complicated for Bella to understand, but she was enjoying it while it lasted.

"Ye know luv, if ye want I can tutor ye. I am a straight O student afterall. I'd be happy ta help ye out."

Tutoring? She leaned back from his arms to look up at him.

"I don't need tutoring. What's makin' me fail is that I'm lagging behind in homework and skipping classes, or late for them at this point. I can handle the detentions and the points, but as soon as I get one piece of homework turned in, they assign a brand new one and that means another two or three days spent in the library. Quidditch practice isn't helpin' lately, either!"

Xavier looked down into her blue eyes and found himself lost. For some reason it was impossible to believe that this was the same Bella Dark he had met on the first day of Hogwarts. He had been a bit of a trouble maker in the beginning, nothing serious but he did enjoy teasing the girls. Bella was the only girl that retaliated which only made him want to tease her even more. He could clearly recall putting her pet toad in her pumpkin juice one day and receiving a full blown Bat Bogey Hex to the face. How had he gone from constantly teasing her to wanting to be her boyfriend?

He chuckled slightly, "Well then, maybe I could jus help ye on some o' yer homework." He still held her close but with enough room between them that he could look down at her. She truly was beautiful. It was odd for him to think so, especially considering she had an identical twin. Xavier found Beatrix beautiful as well but it was a completely different feeling than he had when he thought of Bella. He didn't understand why Bella was suddenly so much more beautiful when the only difference between the twins appearance was the colour of their hair.

He shrugged while adding, "As fer gettin ta class on time well seein me could always be yer incentive." He gave her a playful wink wondering if it was enough to get her to punch him again. If she was going to be nice and try to be normal around people Xavier was still hoping that she'd still be sassy around him.

"As fer gettin ta class on time well seein me could always be yer incentive."

His wink brought a bright shade of pink to her face. What was she thinking? This guy had been her archenemy (not really) since first year and thanks to that Halloween dance, they had started flirting with each other. Or had their fun and games always been flirting? Bella's eyebrows raised in surprise at the thought. Had they always liked each other? He told her at Halloween that he didn't hate her and that she didn't hate him. That had spurred her into thinking that he was available. Was it possible that the Slytherin in front of her had fancied her from the beginning? No, that couldn't be right. He said he was in love with someone else. Jealousy surged through her briefly. Now, he was available. That girl, whoever she was, had broken his heart. Bellatrix fully intended on breaking someone's neck.

"You know, Tawse," she insisted on continuing to call him that, "you never told me who it was you were in love with. Don't you want me to get revenge on her?"

The smile that crept across her face resembled that of the Chesire Cat: sly, sweet, and deadly all at the same time. She wanted to break the little brat's neck for making Xavier cry. Wait. How come she had never made him cry? Oh, that's right. She made him laugh. That was more effective than making a guy cry. Or was it? Bellatrix somehow managed to confuse herself. Her "old" identity made her a bit disappointed that she had never succeeded in making Xavier Tawse cry when she jinxed him. It was a bad thing. But now, her true self would be showing through and she felt very pleasant that she had never hurt his feelings. After all, she never truly meant for it to be hurtful. Humiliating sometimes, yes, but never had she intended on making Xavier Tawse feel bad about himself. She took pride in knowing that he felt better around her. Or at least, she hoped he did.

Xavier let himself smile when she reverted back to calling him Tawse. In a way it made him feel good about himself. The name Tawse had always been a symbol of strength for him. He liked his first name just fine but his last name, at least the one he chose to go by was proud, strong and pureblood. It was almost an honour to be called Tawse. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, streaks of tears had dried on his cheeks and his hands were hurting like all holy Merlin but at least she could make him smile.

He thought about what she had said. Had he really been in love with Ayla? In his crazy mess of emotions and vulnerability and weakness had he actually admitted to Bella what he hadn't been able to admit to himself since the beginning of the school year? He supposed it was true. In his rawest form, when he threw everything to the wind, caution, reputation, logic, his truest of thoughts had surfaced and one of those had been how he actually felt about Ayla. At least that explained why it had hurt him so much to leave her behind, to break off whatever it was they had had before it transformed into something horribly serious.

He hated the fact that he had admitted that he loved another woman to Bella but the damage was done. He couldn't take it back now and he sure as hell wasn't ready to start spinning a new web of lies about loving her and never having ever felt something for the Collins girl. That kind of manipulation was still years away from being effectively used. Not to mention he couldn't imagine himself ever trying to manipulate Bella, Bea perhaps, since he was technically already trying to manipulate her into liking him, but never Bella.

He considered her offer. Was it wise to sent Bella after Ayla? What kind of damage could the older Slytherin do to the stupid little girl and likewise what kind of damage could Ayla and her pack of Hufflepuffs do to Bella? He didn't want to see Bell get hurt even if it was highly unlikely. But he couldn't just dismiss the offer.

His smile turned to a smirk and danger flashed in his eyes, "Ayla Collins, third year Hufflepuff." He knew how bad it sounded that he had been in love with not just a Hufflepuff but a third year. He figured he had already shared so much compromising information that it wouldn't help to give Bella a bit more, "I had been usin' her at first. Like I said she's got power an not just in this school, her daddy's real important at thee Ministry. I figured I could cosy up to her an get in good wit thee old man, he could help me secure me life after Hogwarts but I was stupid an took too many risks an thee stupid lil tart stole me heart. I ended it before she could completely destroy me."

He gave Bella another wink although this one had a bit of underlining evil to it, "I'm not sayin ye should hurt her but if she jus happens ta get in thee way o' one o' yer notorious hexes than well it's no skin offa me back."

"Ayla Collins, third year Hufflepuff. I had been usin' her at first. Like I said she's got power an not just in this school, her daddy's real important at thee Ministry. I figured I could cosy up to her an get in good wit thee old man, he could help me secure me life after Hogwarts but I was stupid an took too many risks an thee stupid lil tart stole me heart. I ended it before she could completely destroy me."

Jealousy. Rage. It was building higher and higher. He'd tried to use her and he fell in love with her. Oh, why hadn't Bella thought of that? Moreover, why couldn't Bella do that to anyone she manipulated? The female gave a very expressive sneer and forced her eyes away from the taller boy.

"Ridiculous," she muttered quietly. "You want power, eh, Tawse?" The jealousy in her could have turned her eyes green for as much as it was showing in Bella's face. "Why didn't you send a letter to my dad? He's got power! Bloody hell, my own mum's got power! All she has to do is sleep with someone and she gets what she wants. Is that what you were planning to do, Tawse? Sleep with the child?"

Strangling him seemed like a good idea, but she couldn't bring herself to actually do it. The rage was taking over again and Bella had to move away from him to keep herself from releasing all of her anger on him at once.

"I'm not sayin ye should hurt her but if she jus happens ta get in thee way o' one o' yer notorious hexes than well it's no skin offa me back."

Schemes and plots of all dangers and depths turned the magical wheels in her mind. That little third year would pay! She would pay for everything that had happened to Xavier! She would pay for him falling in love with her instead of with Bella! 'Let it go, start over.' Her sister's voice rang loudly in the mental state Bella had lost herself in. Let it go and start over? That's right. That's what Bella was supposed to be focusing on. Becoming a new person. 'I didn't say you have to stop being mean,' Beatrix had said. Gradually, a very wicked smile grew on the darker Dark twin's face. She turned around to face Xavier with that same mischievous look of demonic proportions.

"If she happens to cross my path, I will."

In fact, Bella had every intention of making sure that little Hufflepuff crossed her path. Jinxing the brat would be too obvious and her friends would surely come after Bella. It was time to return to the ancient Bellatrix. The one she had been in her third year: fun, crazy, spontaneous, and sneaky. Especially sneaky. After all, how many of her professors and students had come to the conclusion that Bellatrix Dark was responsible for a bossy Hufflepuff's misfortune of her body swelling up like a balloon. According to the rumor, she had received a gift for Valentine's Day of a bottle of Butterbeer from her "Secret Admirer" which turned out to be a Shrinking Solution. Everyone had suspected Erin Harper because the Hufflepuff had greatly insulted him  one week prior to the incident. What people didn't know was that she and Bella had almost got into a fight the next day because she thought Bella had something for Harper and had greatly insulted Bella, her twin, and her father all in one sentence.

"I really need to get to Herbology before that cretin Professor Bombay gives me extra detention on top of Snark's."

With that, Bellatrix took off up stairs to the girl's dorm and shortly returned to the common room with her arms full of books and scrolls of parchment, all of which she crammed into her bag. The sixteen-year-old heaved the bag up and started for the exit.

"Are you coming, Tawse?"

Bella's jealousy over Ayla was almost palpable. He had no doubt that if Bella had been a metamorphmagus like her sister her hair would have gone a deep green colour. He was completely taken aback by her reaction. Despite how close they had been to kissing only moments before he still hadn't realized how invested she had been in him. Had she always felt this way? Had all her years of bugging him and jinxing him been forms of affection, much like his teasing of her had been? Why had it taken both of them this long to realize that they actually felt something for each other.

As she stepped back Xavier instinctively went for his wand expecting her to start jinxing him all over again. He refrained from actually pulling his wand out when she didn't go for hers. Instead she turned to him with a grin and a glint in her eyes that he knew all too well. He was used to seeing it right before she threw some brand new hex at him. Once again he thought she was going to direct that anger at him but she seemed to be saving it for a more worthy opponent. For a moment Xavier felt bad for having sicked Bella on the third year. In the end Ayla didn't really deserve Bella's wrath, it had been Xavier's mistake but he couldn't back down now.

When Bella ran back to her room to get ready Xavier took the time to throw his shirt and vest back on. He thought about what she had said earlier, the words finally sinking in. She was jealous that he had gone to Ayla for her father's power rather than trying to obtain power from Michael Dark. Xavier hadn't wanted to mention that last he checked the Head of the Dark household had been locked away in Azkaban and wouldn't be of any use to him. Joseph Collins was only useful because of his ties to not only the UK's Ministry but to Canada's Ministry as well. As for Bella's mother, well he wasn't about to use the word whore but that's how Bella made her sound, then again it was no secret that Bella wasn't a fan of her mother. He didn't like the insinuation she had made about him though. He wasn't even sixteen yet, there was no way he was going to screw himself over by starting to sleep with people now, especially not with a girl that was a year younger than him. He had already agreed with himself that if they had been ten years, even five years older he would have had no problem sleeping with her to get what he wanted but he was still too young.

As Bella came back in he gave her a charming smile despite his conflicting thoughts, "O' course." He grabbed his own bag and left the common room with her keeping his thoughts to himself. There was so much to think about now. The most important of all of them being, with their feelings throw out there, should he be making some kind of official move to make Bella his girl?

~*~ Fin ~*~