Archer shuffled through the folders as he walked from the filing area back to his cubicle.  There were a few leads he was trying to explore, amongst them the Black Chimera, Cinead Tawse, and a number of other freaks and low lives that were just as likely to commit some of the worst crimes he’d seen in a while for the sake of blood purity.  That part was simple enough, he figured, it was a resurging movement, the pride business coming back into play as a reaction to whatever threat was sseen to be posed.  He was working with that, especially after the reappearance of the skull motif. 

The rest of the symbol, as far as he could tell, was new, and thus had another meaning.  He was attempting to piece it together, but with recent… distractions around the office and with investigations other than his own, he was working with the information in another light.  He was also trying to get a handle on where to go next.  There had been a small breakthrough with Katz and her medical professional or whatever the person was called at Mungo’s – a small remembrance about where she had been – the coffee shop.

Glancing through the papers, he sighed – it was going to require clearance and some intervention from muggle officers to get employment records and videos – and then someone to actually show him the surveillance tapes.  It was going to take a while, perhaps a while he did not have.  But, it was necessary.  He also had to do quite a bit of rearranging of his schedule and paperwork to fill out for it.  Definitely not fun, but, grabbing the stack from the top of the pile, he decided it was best to start now. 

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he really didn’t want to sink back into the only slightly comfortable desk chair with the desk that was only just above his knees when he wanted to get comfortable to fill out the papers.  Glancing at Tamis’ door, he was momentarily struck by the urge to just grab a book off the shelves and lean on that while he sat across from her in one of the chairs, but enough talk already went around and he was not going to get himself or her distracted.  There was enough time for that later, he thought as a smirk started to crawl over his features.

Holding that thought for a brief, good moment in the midst of stressful chaos, Archer shook his head and realized that he could not spend time thinking about what he would be doing later when it was not later yet.  That always got tricky – trying to plan for the future, even if it was just that night.  So, he turned to the task at hand – paperwork.  Looking over the top of the cubicle and into Eddie’s, since they had been stupid enough to actually put them near one another, the auror sighed. 

“You better have just as much work as I do or I’m lodging a complaint.”

Piles and piles of parchment were once again stacked on Edward Pratt’s desk. This time, however, they were in neater than normal piles, strategically placed at the back of his desk, ready to be placed back into filing cabinets near the dragon’s office. Ink blotches stained the now visible wood of the desk and an exhausted auror sat writing up a report and summary of a recent interview, his tired eyes squinting at the words being formed on the page.

Hearing a voice above him, a small frown graced Pratt’s features before it was replaced with an expression akin to relief. He’d been avoiding Malone this morning. His new partner, Charlene Malone was quite literally sending him around the bend with regulations, ‘people skills’ advice and recommendations on the best ways of placing one’s (or someone else’s) wand up one’s own derriere and keeping it there for extended periods of time. Eddie would eat his right hand and even the rest of the arm if it thought it would buy him much yearned for freedom from the overzealous over-regulated auror. The female auror never relented and never knew how to joke. Edward’s worse nightmare and he was sure Raynor was getting one of her many kicks by watching the poor guy suffer unnecessarily.

Fortunately for Pratt, the voice had come from good friend and pain in the arse, Archer Radley, Goliath.
 “Would that just be another excuse to visit the gaffa* for a quickie?” Eddie alleged quietly enough for only Arch to hear. His eyes finally looked up from the desk and he leant back in his chair, his trademark grin starting to form on his lips. “Just close the door first, will ye?”

Once more Pratt thought about the amount of work piled on his desk and on his to do list and he frowned once more.
“I don’t think I’ll be seein’ the light for a long time, mate.” This light he spoke of was definitely not going to be presenting itself at the end of the tunnel for as long as his stressed mind cared to think about.

* Gaffa - Boss

Letting the air blow out of his nose, Archer tried not to grin.  It was a struggled, half-arsed attempt, in all honesty, but he had to shake his head.  He didn’t want to laugh and smile, for Ray’s sake.  He knew they both had some tangible struggles with everything that went on in the office, particularly with each other and how things worked in relation to one another and everyone else.  Though they tried to keep it discreet, clearly, it was not a successful effort. 

He had to at least try to shoot Eddie a look and roll his eyes, though that was also half-hearted, amused by his words, but fiercely protective of his own privacy and the reputation he and his partner were garnering.  “I’ll keep it in mind,” he replied with a monotone, leaning more heavily against the wall (reinforced with magic since the first time he had tried leaning on it…), sighing as he looked at the organized piles on Eddie’s desk – a complete departure from his MO – and then he glanced to his desk, which had a more distinct flavor of organized chaos. 

To be fair, he had been sidetracked and trying to clean up some other messes, outside of his assigned cases, but it was all coming together now.  Perhaps he’d kill some time by organizing, though he’d like to get to the real work – he had to be in the place to do it.  He also had to remember that he had to fill out all the requests for clearance… He knew he wouldn’t have a chance in Hell of getting anything done if he wasn’t distracted. 

The light Eddie spoke of, well, Archer had to agree – it was not going to come for a long time.  Even looking to the windows, the ‘weather’ outside was not pleasant at all.  A low rumble came from the exterior of the building – lovely.  Rubbing his hand over his face, it was definitely going to be a challenge today.  “You’re not the only one,” he held up the file in his other hand. 

“I have five request parchments to file for access to a muggle coffee shop.  Muggle!” he sighed exasperatedly, “it’s always more work than it’s worth, but gotta do the job, I guess.”  He tossed the file gently onto his desk and let out another deep breath, “What about you?”

Eddie didn’t hold much regard for Archer’s or his boss’s reputation in this respect. Or at least Archer’s. This was a close mate of his and Ed would darn well make things uncomfortable for the big guy. They had that sort of comfortable relationship. How much had Arch tormented Ed after all? The uncomfortableness for Radley only made the auror grin wider.
“I know us lot are nosy but no poor soul wants to hear or see that.” He pulled a face. It was safe to say this to his colleague. Pratt wouldn’t dare repeat this to his boss, however. He quite liked having a job. And she was quite scary for a vertically challenged female.

“The only thing that’s more work than its worth is this paperwork. Pointless hippogriff excrement.” Eddie sat back in his chair, his legs stretched out comfortably in front of him, arms now folded as he looked up at Archer. “Apparently it’s causing my stress levels to hit the roof. Should be scrapped altogether or I might have an emotional breakdown.” He mimicked in a ‘Stevensonesque’ voice before his face screwed up into a frown.

What did he have to do? Eddie glanced behind him at the entrance to his cubicle before spinning back to face his colleague. “Auror avoidance.” He muttered, his voice lower in order for eavesdroppers to have difficulty hearing. “Soon I’m gonna’ be a suspect for murder, mate.” Was it really that wrong to want to kill a colleague? She was quite literally doing the poor auror’s head in.

“I know one poor soul who wouldn’t mind seeing or hearing it,” he laughed, clearly referencing himself.  Archer was not going to pretend like he wasn’t doing anything – especially if it was with Eddie, a respected friend and colleague, but it wasn’t as though he trumpeted it to everyone.  Ray would kill him and he felt like it would reflect badly on him.  However, in this case, where Romeo was intentionally setting him up, it was important to do a little bit of a push-back on him, just for the sake of understanding he was not just going to roll over and give up. 

It was evident; however, that Archer was not the biggest concern of Eddie’s at present.  Smirking, he looked at the papers and shrugged.  “Not as interesting as field work, but it covers our arses, just in case.  Don’t need to lose anything crucial because you didn’t put the right thing down on the books.”  It was what it had to be – a necessary evil that made sure everything got done right.  Sometimes, though it took a while longer, it made everything easier. 

The red tape was there for a reason and if it was going to be used in court, Archer learned to deal with it to get to the final end: putting creeps in Azkaban.  He raised his eyebrows at the pseudo-science whatever he was mumbling about that sounded suspiciously like the full-figured blonde who bopped around trying to diagnose everyone with some sort of mommy-issue, mental based problem.  “Get her to write a prescription for a reduced section of paperwork and we’ll see just how the boss takes it,” he laughed, just imagining Ray’s face if she was presented with such a slip of paper from that woman.

Stevenson really brought out of the Hogwarts version of Ray that he found incredibly amusing – sometimes annoying – and more bizarrely just a little sexy.  But that wasn’t the point.  Sighing, he raised his eyebrows as his talk turned from the annoying blonde to his partner.  Well, that wasn’t entirely expected, Malone was a good worker – though, Eddie’s unconventional techniques and disregard for the more technical aspects of the job – well, he could see them coming to a head on that one. 

“Well, I don’t want to know anything about it – don’t need to be some sort of accessory to the crime.  You need a bit of that balance though.  Murder is a bit extreme, anyway... perhaps something more... palatable is in order...” he grinned a tad, hoping Eddie was on the same wave length, mentally. 

A chuckle escaped Eddie’s lips at the prospect of presenting the head of the auror office with a prescription for reduced paperwork load, prescribed by a woman employed by the ministry to make up stories, bother and waste the time of auror’s. Eddie could just imagine both the dragon’s expression and where she’d tell him and Stevenson to go.  He was exceptionally tempted just to see if his predictions of a possible reaction were correct.

“I don’t need to be kicked out of that office another time. Me tally’s already high enough as it is.” It would be much safer to leave that one for the list of things the guys would simply think about and plan. Unless they could get a trainee to give it a go...

Whatever happened to friends and colleagues stick together? Ed would have helped Arch stash a body but when the favour wasn’t returned? Eddie frowned. If only. Malone would look so lovely in a black bag right now. Or at least injured a bit. After all, she was mentally torturing Eddie with regulations and traditional law enforcement. This woman had obviously not fought during the war. Then she’d see things differently.

“I’d accessorise the crime if you wanted to kill her, mate. Pity ye can’t return that favour.” He paused, leaning forwards to grab his coffee mug. “And ye’d want to kill her if she was yer new partner. Raynor’s really taking the elf crap now.” This partnership had to be a joke. It would end soon. Eddie begged for his sanity that it would soon end.

Something more palatable? Murder extreme? Eddie thought not. But he didn’t fancy a stretch in Azkaban for being let loose on the infuriating female. He took a swig of coffee and nodded. “As long as I can’t be blamed for bein’ behind it this time, Goliath.”

Sometimes, Archer really felt for Eddie, and other times, well, he just wanted to laugh.  The mood in the office had been rather oppressive lately, considering the resurgence of a level of business not seen for over ten years.  To add on the extra frill of a partner who clearly did not know how to deal with a situation that required a little… finagling around the paperwork side of things, well, he could see the frustration.  But even then they had to do the work right – regardless of how much time it took.  It was a sort of balance.

Clearly, Romeo was dealing with a lot of things outside of work as well, which were adding to the tension of the job, but one couldn’t let that seep too far into what one was doing.  Archer had a point where things needed to separate, which was why he never talked about work with his family, and adjusting to the whole Ray-dating-working together situation did have its moments of complication, but so far nothing exceptionally difficult had been thrown at them that wasn’t resolved within a few days. 

Furrowing his brows, Archer started to smile.  He wanted to do this the right way, of course, and a nice little prank would lighten up the office just a tad.  It was difficult to judge just what affect it would have on how everyone would react, but it would be something fun to do and definitely make the two of them feel better – and really, beyond that, was it important?  His mind immediately ran to making Bailey the butt of the joke, but he figured if Eddie was pissed at the partner, it might have to do with her instead. 

“We could do a double,” he spoke out loud, just going with his thoughts.  Turning his attention back to Eddie, he quickly jumped in to explain, “I’m thinking a Bailey-Malone double-header.”  He nodded eagerly, the woman because she was driving Eddie up the wall, the ginger because he was an annoying ginger.  “We could plant something for the two of them and make it look like an accident, some schedule mishap or something.” 

He looked expectantly at Pratt, hoping he had some sort of idea they could use for both of them.  If they were going to do something, they were going to do it right.  He almost had half a mind to go ask Ray (she was definitely someone look to for prank advice), but decided against it on virtue it was going to happen in the office.  "What d'ya say?"

Pratt was trying to work hard on his paperwork today. Trying to be a good boy. Trying to avoid two women. His boss and his partner. Perhaps maybe even his wife/ex-wife when he got home. He’d have to see about that one. But here he was, trying to get on with this paperwork before Raynor started breathing down his neck and Archer was leaning over the top of the cubicle divider, distracting the poor innocent auror. Not that Edward actually minded. He liked being distracted.

“The man can’t help being ginger, Goliath.” The Yorkshire man muttered in regards to Archer’s new plan and regular vendetta against the old ginger auror. It was of course humorous and Edward would happily join in and antagonise the leprechaun. This however didn’t mean that Eddie couldn’t take the higher ground before he agreed. He took pleasure in being able to occasionally.

Upon being asked for his opinion, Edward paused, rubbing the stubble on his chin. He needed another shave but it felt so good when thinking. Finally the blonde auror nodded as a large grin began to spread across his lips and he gave Archer a knowing look.

“I say yer a bad influence.” Ed had obviously never influenced Archer into doing something of the sort. No, nay, never. The probability of Ed never having done said activity was about as likely as Malone and Raynor waltzing out of the head’s office before settling on Ed’s lap (one on each leg) to engage in a very long and passionate kiss.

That having been imagined, Eddie shook himself from those thoughts and focused on the here and now. Archer proposing a bit of fun. But what could they do where someone other than the troublesome twosome would be blamed? He pondered, once more rubbing the stubbly chin.

After a few moments, Eddie finally mumbled “I’d love to see ’em locked in a cell with Stevenson.” Another sip of coffee and he continued. “I’m guessin’ that ‘ent what you had in mind?”

“Maybe not, but he can help being an idiot – and he certainly doesn’t,” his voice was slightly more serious than one would think it would have to be for such an issue.  He really did harbor this deep-seated almost irrational loathing for Bailey, but if it were not like that then he would have had to find someone else to make the constant butt of his jokes, and that was really not going to happen, unless Eddie wanted to be the substitute. 

Rather than let Eddie hear the suggestion, Archer smirked and nodded at his assessment.  “And you have no will power, or you wouldn’t go along with my ideas,” he pointed out.  IT was true, if Eddie really didn’t want to do what Archer suggested, he wouldn’t, and he would definitely stand up to him, but of course, here he was considering alongside the other man, ways to make other people’s lives miserable.

Archer did not have a real reason to want to mess with Malone, in fact, he had not interacted with her all that much, but if she pissed Eddie off and provided Archer with a twenty minute reprieve from the drudgery and depression of having to fill out paperwork to follow a lead that was only half formed, he was going to have to take it.  A little prank would make everything feel better at least for a moment.

It’d feel like it did a year ago, not quite so stressful, and definitely nothing as morbid in such an excess.  Of course, a year ago, things had been different in every way possible.  Resting his chin on his arms, Archer stretched his back and neck then both of his legs with a bit of a sigh.  It felt so good to stand up, perhaps he would never sit down again.  Well, lies.  As soon as he got to Ray’s he was going to plop down on the couch for twenty minutes, but for now, he was ready to stand up in the office and do his work just like that. 

“I did that to you for your birthday,” Archer sighed, not impressed with the lack of originality.  It was not going to work to have the same prank get pulled every time.  He didn’t really want to go with any of their classics – the profanity quill or the sticky chair – they were funny, but they had been done before.  Frowning softly, he sucked on the inside of his cheek for a moment in thought and looked toward the ceiling. 

Drumming his fingers against the cubicle wall, he suddenly burst into a big grin.  “Make their desks disappear!” he realized his exclamation and looked around with a smaller expression and hunched over more, lowering his voice.  “Clear out their cubicles, like the blighters have been canned.” 

“I do have will power.” Ed corrected, taking a stretch with his arms in front of him. Not touched a drop of alcohol in a few months. That’s will power for ye.” Ed wasn’t about to elaborate with the reason that he simply tried to be supportive of his pregnant wife. No, personal life wasn’t discussed in these offices. Ed didn’t even keep family pictures on his desk. He didn’t need criminals and people who had grudges against him knowing about his family.

“And don’t get so cocky, Radley. They ‘ent all your ideas.” With that added, they could continue. Archer really did have to stop taking credit for their achievements. It was nearly always a joint effort. Even if Ed hadn’t been up to much trouble recently. He’d been getting his head down into work of late. Three kids and a wife to worry about in addition to another on the way meant it was even more important to bring in that wage. That, unfortunately meant less fooling about.

Ed couldn’t help but case a glare in the direction of his colleague as he was reminded of his birthday. He had remembered that and didn’t need it being brought up again. That joke had been in bad taste. Ed had dreaded that meeting when he’d seen the schedule. Damn Goliath. He had been gotten good and proper. But wanting to lock them all in a room was hardly the same. It just included the same infuriating quack.

Now that an idea had been planted in head by Archer’s final remark, a smirk started to form on Ed’s lips. He drained the coffee and placed the mug back on the desk. “Better yet, have everything disappear as they touch it.” He mused before sitting forward, leaning his elbows on the desk. “They sit on the chair and end up on the floor...reach for their coffee and that, along with desk vanishes.”

“Might be a bit trickier but they’re worth the effort I reckon.”

“Alright, you got me.  You’ve done better than me,” he laughed.  Archer had never attributed a problem with alcohol to Eddie, but perhaps the man was hiding some skeletons.  Whatever the case, Archer would probably lose it without his beer at night.  It was never as though he drank more than one – particularly recently, since he was on Tamis Raynor watch duty, and that required full faculties, but it was something he liked to have at the end of a long day.  He supposed when Eddie went home he didn’t get a few moments of peace, however. Three kids was enough to drive anyone up the wall – at least Archer would think so.

He had a big family, so he knew what kids were like.  It wasn’t necessarily something he found displeasing or annoying, but it was exhausting.  His mum bugged him about it all of the time, wanted grandchildren, something like that.  He dismissed her because he had declared his desk could not produce children and that was his life partner, so she was out of luck.  Needless to say, while he and his father had a good laugh, his mother stormed off mumbling about being a humiliation to her brothers and sisters, whatever that meant. 

Archer never paid it much mind and grinned easily at Eddie especially as he started to scowl.  Oh, that had been sublime, his birthday.  Archer had derived much pleasure from the whole thing, and really, who could blame him?  Sure, there would be retribution, but it was worth it.  Just like this instance would be completely worth it. 

And then Eddie came back from disappointing to completely brilliant.  A grin bloomed across his face and he stood up straighter.  The idea would be difficult, it’d involve some heavy charms work, but Archer had been fairly good at it (couldn’t be, considering) and with Eddie they could surely do it.  Nodding as the idea became more and more clear; Archer could not get rid of the smile on his face. 

“It’s not as though we won’t be here late on Thursday anyway,” he pointed out.  He was glad they wouldn’t have to inform Ray either, he didn’t want that responsibility.  If they did the canning gig, they’d have to tell her.  He’d save that one for later – and strictly for Bailey, it was an ace idea.  And then the smile turned more sinister.  Oh, he just had to.  "We can vanish all of the goods to the boss' office," he said as he lowered his voice once again, "just for the shock of of it."

Yes, Ed tended to pride himself on being brilliant. He couldn’t help it. The auror was simply an exceptionally brilliant man. And obviously extraordinarily modest. Archer however? Well...a genius always needed an assistant. Pratt couldn’t help but smirk at that thought. Goliath would not doubt want to batter him for it, however. Oh well, Ed was just lucky his mate couldn’t read minds. That would just be plain weird.

What was so important about Thursday? Ed frowned. Had he had a memory block or was he just too tired to think? Deciding to ignore that, he focused on what else Archer was suggesting. An assault on the boss’s office sounded like a splendid idea but Ed was surprised his mate had come up with that one. It was obvious to him something was going on between the oddly matched couple. Would Arch really want to compromise that one?

A grin continued to play on the younger auror’s features. “I’m pretty sure she’d appreciate ye sending her flowers instead of desks and parchments. I know my missus would.” Ed had now decided to take it upon himself to make comments about this obvious new relationship as often as possible. Only to Arch, obviously. He was thoroughly confident the giant wouldn’t  get him on paperwork duty for the month for being inappropriate about a superior.

“Although, it is Raynor. We should somehow attach bows and little love notes from ye durin’ the transportation process. She’d be in ‘er element.”

Archer rolled his eyes at Eddie, knowing full well that he was not going to let it go anytime soon.  The whole office seemed to whisper about it behind their backs and Archer was conflicted about affirming their rumors or just letting it go.  It was inappropriate to share, and certainly not what the most private person in the ministry would want others to know about, but Archer felt like there might be some merit in just letting it be public.  He respected the wish to keep things on the down-low though, understanding her misgivings about the whole professional-personal relationship, and some underlying issues beyond that.

If it wasn’t a completely ridiculous suggestion to make, he would have told her to go to the shrink and talk about it – but he’d be a hypocrite for it and she was even more averse to the woman than he was, and that was saying something.  It actually seemed to physically pain her to think about going to see her.  So, Archer would not suggest it, however, some people could really benefit from it.  He just wasn’t one of them.  “Her office will be more of a temporary holding space, rather than an assortment of gifts.”

“You could take a few tips from me on gift giving, you probably wouldn’t be in trouble all the time if you did,” he laughed easily with a comfortable grin.  If he was going to throw jabs at Archer, he was certainly going to throw them back without a second thought.  “Besides, from what I’ve observed, that’s far from her element,” he smirked briefly before turning his expression to thought again. 

A laugh rumbled deep from his throat and Archer could not help but grin, “Too bad we can’t make it everything though touch - not just their office supplies.  Put your hands in your pockets? No more pants,” he dropped his head and snickered, shaking it from side to side.  The image was priceless – though he would never want to see Bailey without pants.  The whole idea was funnier than the torture inflicted on them by finally answering the most telling question about a person: boxers or briefs. 

The bows would be a little too complicated to sort out. Eddie gave his colleague that. Perhaps an elaborate display of affection was beyond any auror. After all, it had only been when Ed was about to lose his wife forever he started telling her he loved her. That was hardly a big display. He was getting better. But why bother when you were already married to the person had been Ed’s main point. He hadn’t needed to prove anything.

Ahem, back to the topic at hand. Pratt rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. “She liked the oven I brought her Christmas before last. Her most used present.” Where was Archer going with that? Pfft, Ed was great at picking presents. He’d never seen Quince use a present more than the oven, or that coffee maker. Practical items. They made the best gifts.

“I don’t want them touching their underwear as well...” Ed pulled a face, repulsed by the idea of Bailey stood in the middle of the office naked. “Ye crossed the line there, Radley.” He wasn’t even going to contemplate Malone. That was just....

Ed shook his head. No, stop thinking too much. He pushed himself up from the chair with a big heave and looked over the top of his cubicle towards his partner’s. “Lunch soon. Bailey’ll be off to his favourite pasty shop in the alley and Malone’ll free her little cage about same time. We’ll have to be quick."

“An oven?” Archer parroted with raised eyebrows.  He could not believe a woman would want an oven as a present, and sure, she used it, but that didn’t make it a gift.  As much as he believed in getting people things that were useful (mostly family because he never knew what they wanted and it was easier), his girlfriends always got gifts that were extraneous, things they could use, but very seldom needed.  An oven was an essential, not an extra.  “Your sense of romance is overwhelming, Romeo,” he snorted and stood up straight again, stretching his back. 

Looking up, he saw the clock and nodded at Eddie’s assessment.  Lunch was coming up and hopefully the targets would vacate the office long enough to get the charms down and set up everything to look as though nothing were wrong.  Naturally, the boys had learned to work quickly and efficiently, but sometimes it got sticky.  And the magic they were going to be using was a little more complicated than the standard sticky chair spell. 

He shivered and shook his head at the suggestion that they might touch their skivvies as well, and well, at that point, Archer was disinterested in going that far with the charm.  “Point taken,” he grimaced, and dismissed it.  Thinking too much was going to result in pasty-white nightmares for the next week and he couldn’t stand seeing the ginger in person, let alone in the confines of his mind during the evenings – which were supposed to be restful when he could even get in some time. 

He was up every two hours anyway, he didn’t need to toss and turn in the time between.  No, this was the best decision and Archer nodded at the assessment of the movement of the targets.  “You can take Malone’s desk, I’ll take Bailey’s.  It will be quicker if we split up.”  Since it wasn’t exactly going into a dark alley to combat a dark wizard alone, solo missions would work best, and they both knew their charms.  It wouldn’t be THAT difficult. 

“As soon as both of them are gone, we’ll start the mission.”