This visit was proving to be a bigger failure than even Sasha could have imagined.  Granted, Sasha wasn't the most robust social butterfly but it was hard to imagine even he was managing to be this massive of a failure.  And, following the saying of quitting while one was ahead, he was starting to regret not having pushed his way out the door when he'd first picked up his backpack. 

Sasha was getting the impression Fauna probably regretted stopping him.  A suspicion that was confirmed when Fauna turned and glared at him.

For a moment, Sasha's chin dropped as he stared at Fauna.  Slowly, slightly confused and highly surprised, he shook his head.  "I ... what?" he asked, shaking his head.  His voice had grown quiet, reserved.  When had ... why was she ... "You ... you had stayed quiet," he said, his head still shaking.  Or, had she said something after Sasha had left the Great Hall?  "I wasn't hinting at ... you didn't say a thing at the End of Year - nevermind," he concluded, shakily and defeated. 

His vision blurred a moment; he was confused and unsure how to proceed but convinced that whatever he said or did would, again, be wrong.  Color flooded his face at the sight of that article and Sasha glanced away, quickly, as if the thing was too perverse to look at.  The former Headmaster's offer, however, was peculiar and bizarre enough to draw Sasha's attention back to him, despite the article still in his hand.  "I - burn it?  I - But, it's Saturday."  Despite himself, he chanced a quick glance in Fauna's direction. 

"Besides, I've intruded on your visit enough.  Fauna's clearly far less of a disappointment than I am - I'm sorry but - I can't be what ... you want me to be."  He ducked his head and turned, hurrying from the house before having to see anymore disapproval on the man's face.

Fauna tried to continue glaring at Sasha, convinced that he was mad at her (which made her mad at him- oh logic), but when he stammered out something about the Great Hall Feast last year, she gave him a confused look. That's not what she was talking about. What was he talking about? Fauna got the feeling that they were misunderstanding each other. Again.

She opened her mouth to elaborate and probably make things worse, when Knox burst out with his discovery, holding up the newspaper like it was a prize. He went on to suggest burning the article, and Fauna was so confused by this change in direction that she didn't even notice his slip-up with the days. Knox was... offering support for a second time. First with cookies, now with article burning.

Fauna kept quiet, glancing at Sasha to see his reaction. It was up to him. But the embarrassed, close-to-tears expression on his face didn't bode well. When he glanced at her, she glanced down, feeling like she knew what he was about to say.

She was wrong. The comment about her being less of a disappointment then he was made her draw back in surprise. With a slow shake of her head, she attempted to deny his assumption, but the next minute he had gathered up his things and left.

Fauna swallowed and glanced guiltily at Knox. "I'm sorry. We... haven't been getting along well lately." Her anger started to seep away and she felt terrible about how this visit had gone. She didn't make any move to do so, but wondered if she should be leaving soon too.

When Sasha stammered and slipped out and away and then out the door, Knox straightened up and flung the newspaper at the door shutting behind him.  It flew awkwardly, like a giant drunken butterfly to come to a disheveled rumpled mess on the door mat.

He exhaled angrily out his nose and dumped himself in a chair.  "Disappointing isn't the half of it," he said mostly to himself.  Knox had always had real hope for Sasha.  He was incredibly bright and driven.  It was disappointing to find out that his foibles and insecurities were going to drive him into the ground.  It also disappointed Knox that he wasn't able to be that magic bullet that snapped him out of his wallowing.  Knox had always felt he was good with kids, thought of himself as a capable motivator.  He tried always to treat students with respect, the respect to be honest with them and to push them onto better ways of being.  So in many ways, Sasha was more disappointing than even Devlin.  At least Devlin had some self-esteem and moved forward despite Knox's badgering.

So, feeling defeated and suddenly weary, he looked over at Fauna.  "Sorry as well," he said, instead of deflecting another useless apology. 

"I can't wonder that in his state he's getting on with anyone.  Are you normally close?"  The question was almost hopeful.  Before now, Knox hadn't heard that Sasha was close to anyone.  At the end of last year when Knox suggested Sasha open up to friends, Knox got the impression Sasha didn't have any.  But it made sense that it might be Fauna he finally allowed in.

Fauna cupped her chin in her hands glumly, watching Knox sink into a chair with a sigh. Now that Sasha was gone, they both seemed deflated and tired.

"I... no," she admitted, answering his question with a slight shake of her head. "I mean, we've always been friendly. We sort of... 'got' each other, you know? But now..." Fauna shook her head again, hunching her shoulders in guilt. As far as she knew, Sasha hung out with Peyton a lot, but she couldn't recall him having any close friends.

She glanced at the crumpled newspaper on the ground, then leaned back in her chair. "I don't know why he'd say something like that," Fauna went on, voice defensive. "Trying to compare the two of us... doesn't make any sense!"

Fauna crossed her arms with a perturbed expression. He was two years younger than her. They'd come from very different family backgrounds. So if that was why he was sending her those resentful looks, well, it just wasn't fair!

Knox felt badly for Fauna.  It was clear she felt invested in whatever friendship she had with Sasha, even if it was an admittedly thin one.  Hufflepuffs tended to hold themselves to very high standards when it came to interacting with other people.  House traits are never universals, but Knox had always noticed that Hufflepuffs wanted to know how people worked and good relationships were important to them.  Ravenclaws, on the other hand, were less inclined. 

Meredith Ballentyne, his former wife, had been a Ravenclaw.  Their relationship had not been her priority either.

But Meredith was neither here nor there.  She'd gone to Argentina without him.

"Sasha has everything in the world and nothing at the same time," he said, doing his best not to be cryptic.  "And you've got your head on straight.  He likely sees that he's doing all the right things and still getting kicked around. You might be a little too chaotic for him."

It was a wierd thought to try on: Fauna being chaotic.  But perhaps for Sasha, she was.  She was definitely more chaotic than she'd been when she was younger.  Growing up and acting out.  He smiled.  She'd been an adorably shy first year.  Hufflepuff had been the perfect place for her to grow up. 

"Speaking of chaos - your pass out of Hogwarts this weekend, are you meeting with family as well?"

There was a lot to hate about Analiza Snark.  Her personal attentions and indiviual manners were almost cruel and Knox had very questionable notions about her orientation towards the forces of good.  But despite all that, everything he was seeing and hearing made him believe sh was running Hogwarts well.  Allowing older students out on day passes to learn from experts like Eleor was not the act of a woman completely disinterested in learning. 

"Ah..." A pass out of Hogwarts. Yeah, she didn't have one - at least not one that would grant her permission to wander all over the U.K. and visit the old Headmaster. Sasha probably did though... just one of the reasons why she drove him crazy, she guessed. Knox's words about Sasha made her feel a little better, though she was happy that the topic of conversation had changed. Both of them probably wanted to avoid thinking about the boy for the moment.

Fauna decided not to tell Knox that she was sneaking out to see him. Even he might scold her for risking the Headmistress' wrath.

"Well, I'm not seeing family this weekend," Fauna shrugged. "But I am visiting a friend tomorrow. Akiva Katz? I got to know her when she was staying at Tulo's earlier in the school year."

Fauna paused, cocked her head at him, realizing she knew very little about his family. It looked like he was living alone. There were no flowers in the windowsills or any evidence of someone looking after him.  Suddenly, this made her worry. Who would be there for his transformation on the next full moon?

"Are you... do you have... family in the area?" She asked carefully, shoving a cookie in her mouth to try to hide how closely she was listening to his response.

Fauna seemed to stumble a bit about her plans for this weekend but Knox didn't notice.  He did raise his eyes at the mention of Akiva Katz.  She'd been the victim of a violent kidnapping, hadn't she? He tried to remember the details of what he'd heard. 

He smiled a little when Fauna mentioned 'Tulo'.  It amused him for some reason someone as polite and young as Fauna Blake being on nick-name terms with a witch as formidable as Tulojow Nagde.  She was in disguise as a student Healer right now, but her reputation was far more weighty to the rest of the world than 'Tulo'.  Even he addressed her by her full name.  But then, he was a gruff old bear who knew her from her previous life.

If Fauna stumbled at mention of a school pass, Knox certainly did at the mention of his own family.

"Family? Yes. I suppose, yes.  My mother and four aunts live two hours from here.  There are cousons pocked about the Midlands.  One in Cornwall."

He thought for a couple of beats.  Fauna Blake already knew he was a werewolf. And had a teenage son.  His ex-wife was the least of his secrets.

"Did you know I'd been married?" he asked with a grin, hoping the thought would amuse her.  "She's in Argentina just now."

For a moment Fauna worried that she was asking too many personal questions, but then again, she and Knox had been through a lot together lately. When Mr. Greyfriar had been Headmaster, she'd never asked much about his life, because it had felt as if she'd be crossing some invisible line. And admittedly, it was hard for her to imagine professors as having real lives outside of their... professor-ness.

Now, though, sitting in his house with his knick-knacks strewn around, Fauna felt like she was visiting an old friend. In her mind she ran through the list of possibilities - his mother, his aunts, his cousins - surely someone must know his situation and would be there for him on November 12th. She hoped he wouldn't try to go it alone, but she knew pestering him about it was definitely a no-no. Fauna had to be subtle.

"No!" Fauna replied with her mouth full, than swallowed hastily. She didn't mean to sound so surprised.

She smiled back. He showed no regret about his past marriage, so she decided to see it as a positive thing as well.

"I had no idea," Fauna admitted. "When did... when did that happen? You being... married?" Still, her voice held a note of surprise. She was unable to remember ever seeing a ring on Knox's finger. Perhaps it had happened before he became a Headmaster, or before she'd come to school.

"Um, Argentina..." she nodded, wondering if there was a special reason his ex-wife was there. "Is she maybe... planning on visiting you soon?"

Fauna doubted she had room for another cookie, so she took a big gulp of water instead.

Subtlety was not her forte.

Knox laughed loudly, amused at Fauna's surprise.  It was generally the response teenagers had when their professors had lives.  But he also knew that just about anyone who knew him might be surprised to find out he'd been married.  Sometimes bold first years would ask if he had any kids and he'd nod and tell them he had thousands. His life at Hogwarts had always been so rich and full he almost forgot he was alone.  But now that he was out of Hogwarts, he was reliving those two and a half difficult years between Meredith and Hogwarts.  He was as alone now as he was then.

His smile remained but his eyes became distant.

He wrinkled his nose and admitted, "I rather blew it when I didn't follow her to Argentina last spring. It was Meredith or the Wizengamot.  Besides, I don't speak Spanish."

He shrugged and sighed, the distance on his face becoming more and more apparent.  When he thought about transforming in two weeks, all he could think about was Meredith.  And how for the first time since he'd left her, he deeply needed her.  There was no one else he trusted to see him like that.  But he couldn't ask that of her.  Not the kind of man he was, and not the kind of woman she was.  He knew what was going to happen to him.  What he'd look like and what he'd sound like.  How he'd be an animal with no person inside anymore.  Clawing out at himself and others, snapping jaws and howls of pain.  All the comfort of sanity and self-control would be wrested away and he'd have to watch himself become utterly naked and senseless.  He dreaded the shame.

"I think not," he answered with a gravity that told Fauna he'd understood the true weight of her question. 

"Oh," Fauna replied lamely, biting her lip. She glanced at the batch of cookies and then back at him. She re-tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, um..." she fretted, trying to think of a solution. Fauna opened her mouth to say that maybe he could write to Meredith, ask her to come visit, but the serious look on his face told her that likely wouldn't work. And she felt like offering unsolicited advice about his ex-wife would be overstepping.

So she offered him unsolicited advice about something else. "I think Miss Gertrudis has, um, all these plans in place for new... werewolves," she finished awkwardly. "So you don't have to be alone during the... if you don't want to. And well, I get out of school..." Fauna paused. What was she saying? Even if she could be there for him at the full moon, who knew if he wanted her to be. It might only make things worse (and more awkward, if that was possible).

"School ends around the 15th so I could visit again. Sometime." Without Sasha. She shrugged, fidgeted with her sleeve.

Maybe Devlin... oh no. That was a very bad idea.

Knox Greyfriar looked over at Fauna Blake with concerned eyebrows.  Did she really know what she was offering to do?  Did she really mean that?  Knox doubted someone as fresh and friendly as Fauna would get through something like that.  Although she had been a true friend to young Olivia Foley, but for some reason his own situation seemed more dangerous.  More traumatizing. 

Perhaps more traumatizing for him.  To be seen so broken and vulnerable by someone as young and trusting as Fauna Blake.  He'd feel ruined in her eyes, or so he imagined it.  No.  It was absolutely better to spend that night, and perhaps every full moon, alone.  Or at least that's how he saw it.  There was only one person he trusted to see him lose control, but she'd never come.  Not after he'd refused to come to her, even after so many years.

"I'll see Madam Gertrudis soon enough," he conceded his voice very quiet now.  "I'm sure the accomodatins she's made will be ... lovely."

He scratched his beard and leaned forward in his chair.  "Sometime, yes.  Owl once holiday arrives  and you can come round again."  What would life be like then, in December? He spoke about it as if life would just keep going on, that the days would keep passing.  And of course they would, but would it feel that way? Or would life turn into a series of repeating count-downs? The ebb and flow of dread waxing and waning?

He stood up then, in that final sort of way that said the visit had reached its natural end.  He moved to the door and as as he did, he motioned to the packet on the table.

"Thanks for your help.  Be well." And offered a genuine smile.