At 6 a.m., most teenagers would still be tucked in bed, catching one last hour of sleep before hurrying to breakfast and classes. The sky was still dark and the wind had a bite to it. Fauna, however, stood in an isolated spot by the lake, wrapped in her flannel jacket, wearing thin gloves and sturdy boots. Her breath puffed out in frustration and was lost in the chilly air.

Unlike other early mornings, Fauna wasn’t practicing any of the ‘official’ lessons she’d been learning each Sunday with Tamis Raynor. This morning, she was trying to replicate that one move she’d pulled out of nowhere in early October, protecting Tamis and breaking poor Archer’s nose. She wanted to be able to do that again. It had happened so suddenly at the time, without any real thought- just emotion. It wasn’t often that she felt afraid for someone else, but she’d reacted, and for once the spell had been helpful. Why hadn’t she been able to do something similar the night the werewolf had attacked? Tulo, Radley, and Raynor had comforted her a little the last time she’d seen them, but the encounter still gnawed at her. Guilt gnawed at her. Sasha, and maybe Bea, had only been there because of her. Knox and Vlad had only been there because they’d escorted the students. What if Knox and Vlad had been able to apparate away… what if she’d never followed Devlin… what if she’d been able to do something useful... what if, what if, what if.

Fauna lowered her wand and let out a heavy sigh. Focusing on her sense of helplessness wasn’t going to, well, help her. All her attempts this morning had failed because she kept getting distracted. If she was going to focus on something negative, she might as well try to imagine what she’d felt when the werewolf had lunged at Knox. Or what she’d felt when she had foolishly thought Tamis would get hurt. Fauna closed her eyes.

The werewolf had rushed out of the shadows. It had barreled past her without a glance. Knox was there, shouting Reducto. Then the werewolf had fallen on him and-

Fauna pushed the bite out of her mind, catching that in-between moment instead. Her eyes popped open as she raised her wand, seeing the scene as if she was there again. So she took aim at a lone tree and reacted.

In front of the tree a paper thin barrier emerged, wobbling as the wind blew. As Fauna began to think more and more about what she was actually defending, the barrier floated away bit by bit. But at least she’d done something. At least she’d managed to replicate a shadow of the shield spell without any actual threat prompting it.

Fauna smiled for a moment, about to try again, when she heard a twig crack behind her. She turned around with her wand still raised, expecting the worst. It was Sasha, out for a jog. Fauna should have remembered that he often ran around the lake early in the morning.

She let her arm drop, and her stance instantly reverted to its usual sheepish, slouchy form.

“Sasha?” She called out, face flushed from embarrassment. How much he’d seen, she didn’t know. Fauna felt uncomfortable, guilty, and irritable all at once. She wasn’t able to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds.

This Tuesday morning, like most mornings, saw Sasha up and out and jogging well before six o'clock.  He was accustomed to early mornings.  Back home, most days saw him up by five o'clock feeding and tending to the cows before breakfast.  Even back before Hogwarts, when he attended Queen Ethelburga's in York, he was up well before sunrise for the studying he'd missed out on during the previous evening's riding lessons. 

To his credit, his first year, when his dormmates had declared him certifiable for being up at five, Sasha had tried the whole sleeping in until breakfast thing.  But it hadn't worked.  He spent a week waking up at five and tossing and turning in his bed until he, finally, could get up two hours later. 

His breath lingered in the air, illuminated by the half moon.  A week ago, that moon had been full - a fact which Sasha hadn't been accustomed to noting before -  before - The blood and terror and growling and darkness.  The confusion of knowing Professor Greyfriar was now ... different.  And, the knowledge that, if the creature had come after him, Sasha would be one of those things, too ... or, simply, shish kabob.

He'd been avoiding Fauna and Beatrix over the course of the last week though avoiding the later was proving more difficult.  They were in the same house and shared classes, after all.  Fauna had been much easier to avoid and Sasha was all too willing to let it stay that way.  He'd always thought Fauna was reasonable, intelligent, mild-mannered and ... well, not dissimilar from himself in many ways.  But - since the beginning of this school year, she seemed to have ... well, belated teenage rebellion.  That was really all Sasha could contribute it to. 

But, there was the rebellious young woman herself.  Out ... practicing ... shields?  Sasha had come to a stop, breathing deeply to catch his breath.  Curiosity kept him rooted to his spot for several moments but, when it became apparent Fauna was aware of his presence, he turned to move off again. 

She stopped him. 

He was half-tempted to turn and continue as if he hadn't heard her but, unfortunately, etiquette caught up with him.  Brushing the sweat from his forehead with the back of his head, he looked towards her.  "Yes?" he asked.

The simple ‘yes’ told Fauna a lot. It was polite, but distant, and Sasha looked poised to start running again. He inclined his head but didn’t really look at her. She felt a pang of sadness and frustration. They’d been avoiding each other ever since the attack, and though they’d never been the best of friends, she’d always felt that she understood Sasha. Except lately, that wasn’t the case at all. He was still as kind, careful, and practical as he’d always been. Fauna frowned. It must be her. What was happening to her? Why did he annoy her so easily, now?

“Wait,” she said, heading towards him before she could hesitate and change her mind.

When she caught up with him she put away her wand and stood there, quiet for a moment. “Um, how much did you…” Fauna bit her lip and cut herself off. Though she was embarrassed, it didn’t really matter if Sasha had seen her practicing. He’d likely assume she was working on something for her Defense class.

“I was, uh, practicing,” she told him anyway, nervously running a hand through her hair.

Fauna gestured at the path. “Can we… do you wanna walk for a bit?” She felt bad about interrupting his run and slowing him down, but if they didn’t talk now, she worried that they never would.

As they walked, Fauna fell silent for a long moment. Now that they were alone, she didn’t know what to say. A simple sorry would probably suffice. Fauna was also trying to sort out why, exactly, they hadn’t been getting along this semester and what she could do about it. She’d always thought of Sasha as a friend, or at least a very friendly acquaintance, and any trouble she had with friends bothered her more than most.

Glancing at him, she abruptly stopped walking and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Listen,” her head drooped low. “I-I’m sorry. I really am. About… dragging you out to Hogsmeade,” Fauna finally looked up at him, cheeks still red. “You were right, you know? About… Devlin. I mean, if that wasn’t bad enough…” she shook her head, her throat tight.

If that wasn’t bad enough, they’d been attacked by a werewolf on their way back to the castle. Despite what Akiva and others had told her, she felt at fault, and couldn’t stand to see the blame in his eyes. He'd been there, after all. He had every right to be angry at her.

Sasha knew things had been awkward between them for the last week - as much as he'd been doing his best to avoid Fauna, she had appeared to be doing the same.  It was a logical predicament, given what had transpired the week before.  That whole bloody, miserable night should have been motivation enough to want to keep his distance.  Fauna approached him, asking him to stop and wait - and, when Sasha realized how much he would really prefer not to, he knew it was more than just that night. 

After all, he was avoiding the issue with Beatrix, but not with the same determination.

But, he couldn't pretend he hadn't heard he and walking away against her wishes would, simply, be more rude than he could justify being.  So, he stayed where he was, still trying to catch his breath. 

"I saw you practicing what looked like shields," he answered, arching an eyebrow.  Sure, he might not be able to do them but, luckily, identifying things relied more on book learning than hands on, anyway.  "Was I not supposed to see?"  He shrugged his shoulders, his eyebrows arching more in confusion. 

This was all about making sure he knew she was practicing?  At six o'clock in the morning.  While Sasha had noticed someone out on a few occasions over the last couple months as he jogged past, he had never really known Fauna to be out practicing in the wee hours.  So, she was practicing when fewer people were likely to be around; she was concerned he'd seen her.  She was doing something she wasn't supposed to.  Again. 

A long sigh escaped him and Sasha shook his head - he didn't want to know.  He didn't care.  And, whatever it was, he certainly didn't want to get dragged into it, again.   

He really wanted to say 'no' - had the question simply been 'do you wanna walk for a bit' it would have been easier to justify.  At least 'no' would have been the truth.  But, the little precursor stutter had complicated things.  She needed to talk to him; that was independent of whether he wanted to or not.  He dipped his head once and turned to start walking - it would feel better to be moving, anyway.  The longer he stood there, the colder the air got against his sweaty skin. 

They didn't get too far before Fauna stopped, again, turning towards him.  He listened to the apology, shaking his head slightly.  Yes - overhearing the conversation between Devlin and Professor Greyfriar had been bad enough.  The disappointment and anger on Professor Greyfriar's face when he discovered they were there should have been enough to make it worse.  Even if that wasn't bad enough ... "I got to watch Professor Greyfriar get savaged," he filled in for her, his voice faltering halfway through the sentence. 

He turned to start walking again, as a wave of sadness and fear rippled across his features.  He'd never been very good about sharing ... well, emotions with others.  Gerhard had always believed, especially for boys, demonstrating anything but precise control was exposing one's weakness.  Grief wasn't for sharing.  And, certainly, not fear.

Fauna shrugged and shook her head, trying to avoid getting into what she’d been practicing so early in the morning. The sigh, the dip of the head- he clearly didn’t want to talk to her. And for once, Fauna was grateful that he was too polite to tell her to piss off.

Once she’d started apologizing, she lost the ability to make words again, and Sasha finished her sentence for her. She looked up guiltily, catching the emotion that flitted across his face as he turned away from her.

Fauna stepped forward. She wanted to make things better. Sasha and Bea likely thought about the attack as much as she did, and it was awful, really, that they couldn’t even talk to each other about it. She had Akiva and other people to tell her it would be okay. But did Sasha?

“I… yeah,” she said softly, glancing down.

“I was thinking, of, um… maybe seeing Professor Greyfriar over the Hogsmeade weekend. Um, if he’s up for it. I just want to, uh, see how he is. And so… if you and Bea want to… I mean, you can join.”

Fauna started fidgeting. Going to Hogsmeade again, asking Sasha if he wanted to come with, felt all too familiar. A flash of worry went through her, though she repeated Akiva’s comforting words in her head. Fauna just couldn’t be sure Professor Greyfriar was okay, and couldn’t be sure that he didn’t blame them until she saw him in person.

“I just… feel responsible,” she admitted, looking at him and then looking away. It was the closest she could come to finishing her apology, at the moment.

Later on, in retrospect, Sasha would probably feel guilty for it but there was no denying the vindication he felt when the Hufflepuff glanced down awkwardly.  By all accounts, she should feel guilty and expecting such felt much more justifiable when she so readily agreed with him. 

But, no amount of vindictive jabbing would change what they'd seen that night.  Watching her cringe might make him feel better temporarily but it wasn't going to erase those bloody, terrifying images from his mind.  Her stepping towards him, in what he assumed was a gesture of comfort, was even less likely to help - it only meant that, even in the dark hours of early morning, his emotions had betrayed him. 

He started walking again - slowly enough to, hopefully, make it clear it was out of an effort to keep moving, not to get away from her.  "I can't," Sasha said, shaking his head.  He wasn't sure if he would have been interested in seeing Professor Greyfriar were it a possibility.  The man had helped Sasha in so many ways - had made it possible for Sasha to be at Hogwarts at all.  After all of that, he didn't want to see that shock and disappointment etched across the man's face like it had been that night.  Luckily, the lack of permission provided a viable excuse for avoiding his own question.  "I don't have a signed permission slip for Hogsmeade weekends," he admitted, quietly, pursing his lips. 

“I just… feel responsible.”

For some reason, those words struck a nerve.  Sasha stopped and turned towards Fauna and shook his head.  Was she looking for reassurance from him?  For him to pat her on the back and tell her he didn't hold her responsible?  Did she really think he took the events of that night that lightly? 

"Do you think I'm any less responsible?" he asked, his voice somewhat strained.  There was no question Sasha had worked the logic and reason through his head many times over the last week.  Yes, it might not have been his decision to take that trek that night - he might not have been happy with any part of that whole excursion - but that didn't change the facts.  He had still been there.  He was still one of the three reasons Professor Greyfriar and Mr. Dragulia had walked the road from Hogsmeade back to Hogwarts.  He could have tried harder to stay behind. 

Sasha could feel his face grow flush and warm and he quickly covered his face with his hands, giving his eyes a vigorous rub.  "What do you want from me?  Why are you - do you want me to tell you that it's all alright?  That I'm fine and you don't have to feel guilty?" 

“Oh,” Fauna said awkwardly, biting her lip as she walked alongside him. Now she remembered. Sasha had never been on a Hogsmeade trip because he couldn’t get permission from his parents. She didn’t know much more about it, and felt even guiltier that she’d brought it up.

He turned towards her suddenly with an expression that she couldn’t read. Then he asked if she thought he was any less responsible than she was. Fauna opened her mouth, shut it again. She and Bea had literally dragged him along, rolling her eyes at his very valid concerns. Fauna would have followed Devlin without the company, where as Sasha obviously wouldn’t have. By her logic, she’d made him go, so she was more responsible for the horrific encounter they’d survived.

Before she could sort out her thoughts and tell him this, he rubbed at his flushed cheeks and went on.

Hurt, bewilderment, and confusion flitted across her face and she felt embarrassed by his words, like she was putting him through hell just by talking to him.

“N-no,” she mumbled. “No,” she repeated, more defensively, glancing away.

Fauna considered giving up now and letting him continue his run in peace. She felt mortified and miserable enough, and suspected Sasha felt the same. But running away wouldn’t help anything. She’d started this, so she had to keep trying.

She met his eyes for a moment. “Do I have to want something from you? I’m going to feel bad anyway, whatever you say.” She sounded defensive again, even resentful. The truth was, she wanted him to forgive her, and if he couldn’t do that, she’d have to find some way to deal with it.

Fauna sighed, fiddling with the pockets on her coat. “You are less responsible.  You never would have gone if it hadn’t been for me… maybe Bea. I just wanted to say that I was sorry for that.” The glance she gave him was pleading this time.

“And you don’t have to lie to me, because I know you’re not fine, Sasha. I mean, I’m not fine either,” she said, looking down at the ground and drawing in a shaky breath. She didn’t want to run away, and she didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she was feeling worse and worse by the second and struggled to keep it under control.

Quietly, Sasha ducked his head forward, further confirming her monosyllabic acceptance, chewing his lip slightly.  No - he'd never attended a bonefide Hogsmeade weekend.  In fact, sneaking away to the festival this past summer had been the first time Sasha had explored the town beyond the train station.  The middle of the night a week ago had been the second. 

Again, for a brief moment, Sasha felt vindictively pleased when the myriad of emotions played across Fauna's face.  It, somehow, proved more than her words that she shared some of the discomfort he was feeling.  Even if he was doing his fair share to prompt that discomfort. 

"Of course," Sasha said, instinctively, turning again towards Fauna, slightly annoyed by what seemed a foolish question.  "Everyone does what they do because they get something for it.  It's just ... it's ..."  He was questioning his own words even as he was saying them.  Wasn't it less than a month ago when Sasha had thanked Dreogan for helping his sister, despite the fact there was nothing the Ministry Department Head could gain from it. 

Only doing things for personal gain.  It was, very much, a Schlagenweit point of view.  One which Gerhard had been trying to teach him all his life. 

But, it was always easier to feel angry than guilty, right? 

"I may be less at fault," Sasha said, quietly, some of his frustration ebbing slightly - but, in absence of the frustration and anger, the fear and guilt were quickly filling the void.  Yes - he was out there because of them.  But, he had still been out there.  "But, I'm still just as responsible.  I was just as much the cause as you were." 

And, Fauna was right - he wasn't fine.  He was sleeping even less than usual and, if he wasn't busy, the helplessness and nervousness came rushing back.  So - he just kept himself busy.  An option which ruminating with Fauna didn't offer him.  He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head - but it was all he was willing to admit at the moment. 

He was quiet for several moments, before shaking his head, again.  "And, at least, you could do something.  You ... you didn't stand around useless." 

Fauna stared at him, surprised that he still thought she wanted something. It would be easier for her to avoid him and to avoid this conversation, but instead she was taking the harder route. How was that going to be beneficial to her, in any other way than trying to get some peace of mind? She shook her head and let it go.

She listened to the rest of what he told her, frowning. When he shook his head and closed his eyes, she felt sorry for him and could relate to his feeling of helplessness. Fauna thought about touching his shoulder or making a comforting gesture, but didn’t. They were still on rocky terms. It was a relief to finally understand where he was coming from again, though.

She was quiet for a long moment, wanting to confide in him but afraid of getting hurt. She kept glancing at him, worrying, and then let out a sigh.

“Do you remember that article in the paper, in late August? About the kidnapping victim and me finding her and all?”

Fauna waited for a response before continuing.

“When I found her, I… didn’t know what to do. I was completely, just… thrown. The Aurors showed up, and they took care of her, you know? But, I mean…”

She let out a frustrated breath. “I couldn’t remember anything important. I didn’t notice if anyone had been there, watching us. I dropped the camera that they needed to take pictures. Dropped it. Tulo had to give me tea for shock, and Radley had to take me home.”

Fauna looked down, her cheeks burning. “Even when I was at home, at school, it was hard. Like… going through this is hard. Harder to sleep, couldn’t focus. I was really useless, you know? I hadn’t done anything to, well, hurt anyone, but I couldn’t help anyone either.”

She bit her lip, trying not to overwhelm him, and trying to figure out what she wanted to say. “So… but… you can’t help it, at first. You can’t really help the way you react to something like that. I know it’s two different situations, but…” she shrugged. “The thing is, once you’ve been through something awful, you kind of… I’m not going to say it’s easier to handle, but it’s easier to react the next time. If something like that happened again – not that it would,” she said quickly. “It's gets easier to know what to do, especially if you sort of think about what you would do differently and… practice it.”

Fauna looked at him, wondering if she was just blabbing away and not helping at all. “That’s what I was doing this morning,” she murmured, her gaze lowering.

"I don't get the Daily Prophet over the summer," Sasha pointed out, quietly, a touch of color rising in his cheeks.  With luck, the bashfulness was probably shrouded by the darkness.  There was no way for Fauna to know, of course - she was just as oblivious to Sasha's full muggle immersion over the summer.  But, it seemed pointing out his disconnect with the magical world was a lingering conversational theme. 

That, however, wasn't the point Fauna was trying to make.  Even in his stubbornly annoyed mental state, Sasha could recognize that.  "But, I'd heard about when I got back to school.  I mean, I heard about the kidnapping.  Not that you'd found her." 

He listened quietly to Fauna as she relayed her story, his gaze dropped to the ground to avoid looking at her.  She was trying to relate - trying to explain she understood; Sasha was fully aware of that.  Part of him was, admittedly, appreciative of the efforts - the persistently stubborn part of him was busy finding things to be jealous of.  That she'd had people there to give her tea or to see her home. 

So, what Fauna had been doing that morning - what that occasional shadow Sasha had seen in the morning was doing - was practicing defenses.  Preparing herself for things like ... the werewolf attack.  Dreogan had mentioned similar things but, Sasha knew, he was fooling himself if he thought he could do them.  "That ... that's great for you but I'm not ... I can't... I'm barely managing with our defensive spells in class.  And, I don't ..."

He hesitated and shook his head.  Facing bullies around school was one thing - that werewolf attack was something entirely different.  The blood - the violence - the confusion.  "You tried to help Professor Greyfriar - I did nothing.  I ... and I don't think it'll be easier next time." 

Fauna stayed quiet for a moment after he spoke, trying to figure out what to do. She understood the guilt and the feelings of incompetence, and it made her sad, but she also wanted to reach out to him somehow. Though they hadn’t been getting along well lately, right now she felt very similar to him and almost protective.

“Yeah, it.. won’t get easier without practice… and help. I’m… I have help,” she admitted, biting her lip as she realized she couldn’t tell him much more than that. She didn’t just wake up one day and decide to try. Without people in her life like Tulo, Akiva, Raynor, and Radley, she’d be in the same spot Sasha was, maybe even worse. Fauna wondered for the second time if he had anyone looking out for him. The professors liked him, she knew that, but she just didn’t know enough about his life to guess if he had anyone else, and it worried her.

Fauna looked away, thinking. She could ask Tulo to check up on him- yeah, she could do that. That was easy. She could even ask Raynor if she had time, though the Auror was extremely busy and already going out on a limb to help her. Fauna sighed, frustrated. They could go talk to Mainwaring together. And…

“I could, um… try to help?” she suggested timidly, glancing at him as her face flushed a vibrant red. “I mean, I was the same way. I’ve always been at the bottom of the class in Defense, you know? And… but… I’m getting better.”

Her stomach clenched. She felt horribly embarrassed and uncertain. Fauna did want to help him, but the little negative voice inside her head piped up with all the reasons she’d fail… she was too inexperienced, she was still learning, she wasn’t articulate enough, and she’d just make him feel worse.

“It’s a stupid idea,” she said quickly, rubbing at her temples. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” Fauna hesitated, warring with herself. “I’m not promising that I’d even be able to help, but… it’s got to be better than nothing. I mean, if you want to. I’m pretty much out here every morning, if... well, you want to join.”

Swallowing, she looked at him, expression hopeful and uncertain all at once.

The conversation was steadily progressing from the slightly awkward to a far more profound discomfort.  Perhaps, in her hope of getting somewhere - making herself feel better - it was getting easier for Fauna.  She certainly seemed less nervous than a few moments ago, but the conversation was continuing to dwell on topics that just made it worse for him.  In theory, yes, Sasha had people he could talk to, if he ever decided to complain.  There were people who'd tolerate his sob story about watching a former professor get savaged by a beast.  Jacoba certainly wasn't a valid choice - Sasha doubted it'd help her confidence in this wizarding world much. 

Perhaps there was Dreogan.  Actually, Sasha was pretty confident he'd tolerate Sasha's complaining.  Gerhard wouldn't have stood for it - (aside from the whole complication of the wizard and werewolf and what-are-you-doing-in-Scotland complication) he would have reminded Sasha that he should be grateful he wasn't hurt and to get over it.  Dreogan seemed to be the ultimate anti-Gerhard.  It was safe to assume that what Sasha's stepfather wouldn't have tolerated, Dreogan would have accepted quietly and with apparent full interest.  Perhaps, even, compassion. 

But, Sasha shook his head - now was not the time to dwell on potential holes in Gerhard's logic.  Especially since Sasha understood this was one of those instances where Gerhard was right.  There was, of course, nothing to be gained from complaining: it wouldn't make the memories go away.  It certainly wouldn't change the fact that Sasha snuck out or that Professor Greyfriar was now the same creature that had turned him.  In fact - in many ways, Sasha had brought the fear and guilt he was feeling onto himself.  If he hadn't broken the rules, if he hadn't followed the girl's out, he wouldn't be waking up to the sound of snarls in his head.  Complaining would only illustrate his own weakness and inability to accept the consequences fate - or God - had presented.

Ultimately, he just needed to find a way to forget about that whole bloody incident and talking about it more wasn't going to make it easier to forget.

Maybe talking to the nurse and whoever Radley was worked for Fauna.  Which was great!  Sasha was, earnestly (mostly) happy for her.  She was a girl - they were supposed to get emotional about things.  And now, here she was, sneaking out in the early hours of the morning to practice non-curriculum spells.  But, bottom line was it was different for him.  It wasn't that simple.  "That's good for you," Sasha said, trying to sound sincere though his words were probably a bit too hasty to sound entirely sincere.  But, he was trying to be; he was, honestly, glad she found help.  Even if the help was questionable.  If that's what this new Fauna wanted, then that worked.  "But, for me, I don't have any room to complain.  No one wants to hear it and it won't change the facts.  I'll get over it."

She was offering to help him?  Help him with what?  Defense Against the Dark Arts spells?  Dueling?  That stuff she was doing in the forest that night?  But, that was part of the problem, wasn't it?  Between them.  This conversation - the unease between them, it wasn't really about Professor Greyfriar and sneaking out to Hogsmeade.  Sure, that had brought the whole issue to a head, but they'd been tense around each other since the beginning of the year.  Things had, simply, changed. 

"You're ... you're getting better?" Sasha asked, shaking his head.  "But - I barely know who you are anymore.  I always - I used to always look up to you, you know?  You were smart and creative and never got into trouble.  You were that older student that ... well, I wanted to be like.  But, now -"  he gestured back down the path in the direction they'd come from.  "You're starting subversive groups, you're defying the school administration, you're ... you're trying to ... stick it to the man."  Fauna had changed - had moved in a direction Sasha wasn't sure he could follow anymore. 

Sasha shook his head, trying not to let the weight of his own words settle too much.  "I ... I don't want to learn to fight," Sasha insisted.  "I don't want to change like that - I don't ... I don't want to cast spells at you.  I - no." 

Fauna held her breath, disappointment hitting when he said that’s fine and good for her, but not for him. She sighed. He said that he didn’t have room to complain and that no one wanted to hear it, which meant, to her, that he didn’t feel anyone was there to listen. So, her worries weren’t unfounded. He just didn’t have anyone to talk to.

“I want to hear it,” she said quietly, looking him in the eyes. He wouldn’t be able to get over this without help, and she could at least be there to listen, Fauna told herself. Even though she’d been plagued by the same snarls in the night. Even though a little voice told her that other people could help him better than she could. What worked for her– writing letters to Akiva, practicing defense – had to work for him, right?

She couldn’t understand, really understand, where he was coming from. That he was different, and at a different place in his life right now.

Fauna had expected him to say no. What she hadn’t expected was him to question if she was getting better. She stopped walking abruptly when he pinpointed why there was this tension between them since the beginning of the school year. Shock, hurt, and a touch of anger swept through her.

 “I… you…” she stumbled over her words, staring at him. He had looked up to her? He had wanted to be like her? Fauna would have been flattered if he still felt that way. Now, the knowledge crushed her.

She opened her mouth, leaping to the defensive, wanting to scoff and tell him that she was the last person he should have looked up to. A year ago, she’d simply let things happen to her, allowed chance to dictate how her life would unfold, and never thought to resist or take charge. However, she’d always been a good, nice person. A good friend. Was she not those things anymore? Were people starting to dislike who she was? What if it just wasn’t Sasha who felt that way, but her other friends too, maybe even Fig, who had been avoiding her lately? Paranoid thoughts flooded her mind. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she’d been a better person last year.

Fauna didn’t even blink as the uncharacteristic words ‘stick it to the man’ came out of Sasha’s mouth. He went on to say, basically, that he didn’t want to change like she had.

Face white, Fauna ducked her head, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m not that different, Sasha. I’m not.”

“Nothing’s changed,” she said pleadingly, glancing up at him.

But that was a lie, and they both knew it.

She ... Fauna just wasn't getting it, was she?  Whether or not there was someone who wanted to hear him gripe and complain was irrelevant.  "What's ... what's there to talk about?  You were there - you saw what I saw!  What good ... I don't want to talk about it," Sasha insisted, his face scrunching as he shut his eyes.  He was trying to sound confident - he was trying very hard to sound like he believed what he was saying but his voice was betraying him.

"I just want to forget it, alright?  I just need to ... suck it up and get over it.  And, talking won't - talking doesn't do anything.  Except make you remember."  And make you think about it.  Think about what had happened, think about what had happened to Professor Greyfriar.  To think about what Professor Greyfriar now was. 

She stopped walking again but Sasha knew what was coming couldn't be good.  He flinched when she stuttered and chewed on his lip awkwardly. 

By the tone of Fauna's voice, it was clear neither of them believed her words.  They sounded more out of desperation than determination.   He wasn't sure what else to say, though.  She was different.  Everything about this conversation just seemed to be proof of that fact.  They were standing here, talking about a tragedy that they'd witnessed because she'd sneaked out of school to follow the likes of Devlin Matthews and they were discussing it now because she was here practicing shield charms learned from who knew where. 

And, surely, she could see that, right? 

"Why are you out here, then?"

Fauna gave a shaky shrug and looked away when Sasha told her that he didn’t want to talk and that it wouldn’t do any good. She still didn’t agree with him, but she didn’t have the will to push on and argue with him when they were both so emotionally frazzled.

As Fauna looked at him, blinking away tears, she wanted him to pretend to believe her and say that she was right, nothing had changed, and he still liked her and he was still her friend. She couldn’t stand to lose another friend, especially Sasha, who she used to understand. However, it soon became clear that he wasn’t buying any of it. He asked why she was out there, and Fauna didn’t have an answer that would convince him she was the same.

Her shoulders sagged and she shook her head. “Okay, fine, fine, I tried,” she threw her hands up and then stuffed them back in her pockets. Fauna sniffed, her nose red from the cold and her emotions.

“I… just…” she started walking in one direction, then went back to the other. “I obviously can’t-” Fauna cut herself off. She couldn’t make things better.

“Okay!” Fauna stopped in front of him. “Maybe I’ve changed a little. But… that doesn’t make me an awful person.” She took a deep breath, trying to reassure herself of that. “I don’t regret doing the SAWS stuff and all that. I just… feel bad about the Hogsmeade trip. And I’m trying to, to help now, and you… you don’t seem to want anything to do with me!”

Her lips pursed together and her hands balled into fists where they were tucked into her pockets. Fauna knew she was putting him on the spot, but she couldn’t seem to help it. Perhaps she needed confirmation that he didn’t want anything to do with her before she could move on. She had no idea how to be a friend to Sasha when the basis of their friendship had changed so drastically.