He wasn't sure what had brought him to these thoughts but his gut told him that he shouldn't stir away from the subject just yet.  It was true what Claudia said.  Everyone has their own thing, a story about their life and what made it hard for them.  Its different for everyone.  "I wonder if what I did for Elaine was right.  I made her so independant that there is a lot she never experienced.  She never had the experience of having a family, and being loved like she deserves.  But what right do I have to offer such a thing, when I couldn't even give it to my own daughter?"  He let out a short unamused laugh as he turned back to his food.

There it was, in that short bit he pretty much gave all his insecurities away, and made him feel instantly uncomfortable.  Really, how could he even deserve to be out like this after all he had and hadn't done for Ciarra?  Ariella would hate him.  But for some reason, Ciarra didn't.  No she had spent years trying to find a way to get his attention, to make him proud.  She wanted him to love her, to be her Father.  She'd forgiven him, even after all the wrong he had done.  But Alex could not forgive himself.  He didn't deserve it.  How could he have witnessed all the evils in the world and then come back and be happy?

All his life had been nothing but one hardship to another.  As a child he had worked hard for his adopted parent, Jerry.  He grew up, learned he was a wizard and entered a whole new world.  Then more things happened.  After witnessing atrocities while going to Hogwarts he joined the Auror's striaght away.  And he met Marcus, to which he would spend years with fighting against dark wizards and anything that they had too.

So much time had passed, and while Alex was still relatively young in wizard years, he had experienced and seen enough to make him feel so much older.  He had continued to eat as his thoughts threatened to consume him.  "I guess my problem is that I've always had a bigger problem to deal with.  Never took the time to really look at what was going on around me.  Maybe I would have done things differently."

He shrugged looking up at Claudia, "I'm a bit of a mess tonight, but thanks for listening all the same."

There was clearly a great deal of guilt Alex carried in regards to Ciarra.  It seemed father daughter relationships were usually the most complicated and life had certain not made it easy in Alex and Ciarra’s case.  It was easy to dwell in the past, and remaining rooted in the present was the difficult part.  One could never ignore the past, and shouldn’t, but not living fully in the moment was not the best plan either.

They fell into silence for a moment while eating.  When he spoke again her lips formed a little half smile in understanding.  For her there had simply come a time when throwing herself fully into work related projects had been easier then risking heartache.  It was also a way from hiding from herself and convincing herself that she was happy with seeing things as half empty.  Half empty sometimes was so much safer as there were fewer expectations that went unmet.

“I don’t mind listening,” she said.  “I think that you did the best you could at the time.  Some of us do things like throwing ourselves into work and ignoring the rest to cope with whatever it is life throws at us.  It’s not necessarily the right answer, but who’s to say it’s really the wrong one at the time either?  There’s not set timeline for how we deal with life’s twists and turns.”

The part of her that had enjoyed getting to know people and talking to them that had been a bit dormant over the past few years seemed to slowly dust itself off.  The initial doubts she had felt about being able to be someone worthy of any sort of trust seemed to be dissipating slowly as the conversation went on, much to her relief.  It seemed too that the more she talked the more she realized that she was speaking as much about herself as she was him.

“The struggle is learning to accept that no matter how much we may want to, we can’t change the past,” she continued after a moment.  “Now learning from it and applying those lessons to the present is something that can be done.  With the people we’re close to we can’t go back and undo what we might see as mistakes we’ve made along the way, but we can try to be there in the present moment.”

She paused for a moment, shaking her head slightly as she added, “Sorry if that sounded a bit like I was on my soapbox.”

"No its quite alright," Alex couldn't help but laugh.  "You know I've spent so many years protecting others, and doing almost everything on my own that its good to actually get advice from people.  Especially when so many have come to me with questions.  Most of the time my answer is, 'Don't be like me.'  Especially those young just starting Auror's."

He just shook his head, "But you're right, I can't undo what I've done.  That doesn't mean I have to let it continue like this.  Especially when I have a second chance, and I don't have a job to hide behind anymore.  Strangely enough its my daughter who is the busy one now.  Enough on that."

He took a drink of his beer as he continued on his meal, that was nearly completed.  It had definately been a strange night for a few reasons.  He couldn't remember when he had been so honest with anyone, much less a woman.  At least other than Marcus.  However, he felt like he needed to end the night on a much higher note than this.  Alex eyed the jukebox on the far side of the room, but returned his eyes back to his meal. 

"So how about some ordinary topics?  Like what's your favoirite color?  Hobbies?  you know the suspect questions," he gave her a playful wink.

His comment about Ciarra in her mind made complete sense.  She could remember being a young girl, wanting her father’s attention but he was always busy.  His work was important, and he had been of the mind set that supporting his family financially was the most important thing.  Now that she was an adult the roles had been reversed.  It seemed all to easy to give into the notion that there would be time later on.

"So how about some ordinary topics?  Like what's your favorite color?  Hobbies?  you know the suspect questions."

“Let’s see, ordinary topics,” she mused, smiling slightly when he winked at her.  “Well, I’d have to go with blue for my favorite color.  You know that clear, crisp blue you find on those rare sunny days here.  It always reminds me a bit of summer time when I was a child, which was always my favorite.  My father’s family has a summer home in northern Italy, right on the water and I just remember the sky and the water being the most beautiful blue I had ever seen.”

It was more information then requested, but sometimes the littlest details stirred a memory in her mind.  Summer vacations were the happiest times of her childhood as she had the undivided attention of both of her parents.  As a surly teenager she hadn’t appreciated it as much as she should, and hadn’t visited the beach house in years.

“As far as hobbies, I’ve always liked losing myself in a good book when there’s time,” she told him.  “Which, unfortunately isn’t as often as I’d like it to be but that’s just life.  I love listening to music, jazz and classical mostly.  I’m not a big fan of large venues and overrated musical acts, it’s not as intimate that way.  I also used to be fairly decent at sketching and painting, but it’s been years since I’ve just let myself do it for some reason.”

Mostly that had to do with the association of a few less the positive critiques from people she supposedly trusted.  It had been enough for her to give it up, reducing any sort of sketching to the minimal boarders of her grocery lists and the very detailed schedules she made.  Usually those were done while talking to her mother on the phone and listening to the latest rendition of ‘Claudia when are you going to settle down and give me grandchildren?’

“And, much the disappointment of my Italian ancestors I happen to be an absolutely terrible cook, so I have made quite a hobby of finding all of the best places to eat in this city,” she finished with a slight smile.

Alex gave a chuckle, "Even after all these years, I have never really gone to many other resturant.  Perhaps its because I tend to be a creature of habit.  Only Ariella ever..."  His smile instantly disappeared the moment the words left his lips.  He frowned.  "Ah hell.  How can I move past if I can't talk right?  She was the only one that could break me of habits.  More in particular ones she doesn't approve of."

He shook his head and looked to Claudia, "Let me make it clear.  One, I am in no way shape or form comparing you to Ariella.  Two, If any of it is off putting I am certainly not intending to do so.  Three, I am finding you very easy to talk to.  Just tonight I have told you more about my past and well just opened up to you in more ways than I have to anyone in a long time.  I want to make it abundantly clear that I'm not using you because you remind me of my dead wife or any ridiculous notions that might be assumed by my new change of attitude."

Alex sighed , "I said before that when I saw you in the office that I had a sudden inspiration to ask you out.  Despite our short time together, I can't help but sense...ah I don't know.  I might be thinking too much.  So I think it might be time for a different activity."

At that moment music filled the tavern, and a slight look showed Elaine trying to look innocent, walking away from the jukebox.  Alex grabbed a napkin and quickly wiped his mouth and got to his feet tossing the napkin on his finished meal.  "Claudia, do you care for a dance?"  He offered her his hand.

He smiled, a very Alex like smile, that was charming just as much as it was a challenge.  At the same time his hand offered her a question.  Alex wanted this to be a begining.  He wasn't sure exactly what it was that the two of them had, or where it would go, but it was a ride that he wanted to see to its end, and maybe it was just the path that the two of them needed.

At the mention of his wife, Claudia noted that the smile faded from his lips.  She looked away for a brief moment, not really liking the feeling of not knowing exactly what to say.  Sticking around for the meaningful conversations was not something she was used to, and she had perhaps even less experience with trying to be what someone else needed her to be without losing sight of herself.  It was clear there was so much he had to let go of, and it was going to take time.

She met his eyes again as he continued, glad for the further explanation.  While usually a confident woman, no one could be completely without a doubt or two when in a situation like this.  This was an example of a life and love cut short, not a relationship that simply wasn’t really meant to be.  Those were two very different concepts.

It seemed almost perfect timing when the music started up, and looking towards the jukebox she smirked slightly as she saw Elaine moving away from it.  In that moment she decided that she did indeed like the younger woman.

Claudia, do you care for a dance?

Her eyes met his again and he was giving her one of those smiles that caused her breath to catch a bit in her throat.  That sort of smile in Claudia’s mind was a bit like a secret weapon.  Using it at the right moment could easily cause a woman to go a bit weak in the knees.  Smiles like that tended to be her very undoing.

“I’d love to,” she said, setting the napkin aside before reaching out to take his hand.

She was starting to believe in expecting the unexpected.  There was no way to tell for sure what might happen, but she was content to live in the present moment and simply try to someone who deserved the trust Alex seemed to be placing in her.  It seemed that was the one area her confidence failed her, believing she was capable of changing her own habits.

It seemed lately everything in life had been telling her to try a new approach in her personal life, and if this was meant to a new beginning of sorts she wanted to see where it might lead.

Alex, despite what most people might believe, was a high class individual.  A working man that definately was capable of enjoying the simple things in life, when he let go and allowed himself.  This was certainly one of those times, and a rare time at that.  Sure he had the ability to act like he was enjoying himself, and often did.  His smile often a farce to what he really felt, but this time it wasn't fake, wasn't a lie.  Claudia had, mostly unknowing, awoken something inside of him.  It didn't matter if his relationship with her would be short lived, or was the beginning of something much more.  This moment was what mattered.

Spinning her to her feet, the music led them into a classic waltz.  Alex led her through the steps as they m0ved along the open floor.  People in the room took notice, as it was typically rare for someone to ever dance in a tavern.  But their eyes that watched were invisible to him.  For once in the night he didn't have any singular other thought than what he was doing, and who he was with.

"You'll have to forgive our onlookers, I'm sure they aren't accustomed to people dancing in here," Alex laughed, catching a look from Elaine.  She was smiling, genuinely happy about the events that have occured.  "That Elaine is one sneaky girl."

Of course, he looked at Elaine as if she was a daughter, although he had just as much hands off from her as he did with Ciarra.  So it made him wonder, why did all these woman give him that chance?  Ciarra had once told him, that despite how cold he always tried to be he was always a good person.  And there was no hiding that part of himself.  He felt his own smile remain strong on his face.  He knew that he had attempted to deny his own nature for so long that he didn't know who he was.  But tonight he felt he was beginning to realize that there was a lot more to himself that he was no doubt going to be learning.

He led her into a waltz pattern, much to her pleasant surprise.  Formal parties had been a part of her upbringing, and her parents had made no attempt to hide her away when they were hosting.  She had been fascinated as a child by the dancing and her father had actually indulged her and taught her how to dance.  As an adult, however, she had learned that dancing could be a bit of a gamble, and she was pleased to find that her toes should be relatively safe.

She was so present in the moment, and her attention fixed solely on him that she hadn’t noticed anyone watching until her mentioned it.  She managed to glace around for a brief moment, finding that he was right.  She had the feeling it was a rare sight for two people to actually dance at the Burning Pot.  Although it seemed a bit of a shame to waste the atmosphere and music.  She gave a little smile as she returned her full attention to him.

She had vaguely noticed the smile on Elaine’s face and she said, “She is...but it’s sort of nice to see someone do something simply because they wish to see another have a moment or two of happiness.”

It had been easy for so long to hide away at her job at the Ministry and shut out the rest of the world when she started to actually feel for someone.  She wasn’t going to let herself do that again so easily.  There was something about seeing Alex’s smile, without any hint of being forced or faked.  It seemed to draw her in and it was quite contagious as her own grew.

As a wizard, there was a lot in the world that he had seen that was strange, weird and any amount of other words that to them was normal.  But this was something that was considered normal, not to just wizards, but to muggles and all other people that populated the world.  But it is also something that had no amount of words to accurately describe it.  It was a euphoric state when a moment like this occurred.  That being that Alex was truly and completely happy in this moment. 

The rest of the world was shut out (except maybe Elaine's smile coming from a corner of the room as she watched the couple), it was just him and Claudia and the waltz that they were engaged in.  Alex kept the dance varied, adding spins and other small moves as they dance.  If anything, Alex was definitely not a bore to dance with.  The smile that Alex had was the most genuine he had in a very long time.

The song began to play into the end of the song.  Alex spun Claudia into one last spin and then pulled her close for the final pose.  The song ended and applause erupted from the onlookers.  Alex laughed as he looked into Claudia's eyes.  "Seems we have fans," he gave her a warm smile and when he spoke again he breathed it just loud enough for her to hear only, and no one else.  "Thank you, for giving me the pleasure of your company tonight."

Alex fought a temptation that crept up to kiss Claudia, but he felt he owed her that initial space, that he wasn't going to ever force anything on to her.  He wasn't going to rush a single part of their relationship.  Alex planned to treat every minute with care, it was what Claudia deserved.  And what Alex planned to offer.

It often seemed to Claudia that moments like this one, the simple ones that just happened without being forced, were far and few between.  The song was coming to an end much to quickly, but she reveled for the moment in the feeling of finding one of those honest moments two people could share.  There was a connection between them in that moment, and the rest of the world seemed to simply fade away.

He pulled her close at the end and she gave a little laugh at the mention of their 'fans' when she heard the applause around them.  She had nearly forgotten about their on lookers during the dance, and somehow she managed to ignore them as she kept her eyes on Alex's.  His second statement however, said just loud enough for her to hear, caused her pulse to quicken a bit.

Where many men would have taken advantage of the moment to steal a kiss, he didn't and Claudia found herself with an interesting choice.  In the past, if she had wanted the attention, she would have had no problem making the first move.  This was different though, this was not about some quick fling.  She didn't want this to turn into something rushed and regretted.  So, instead her lips brushed gently against his cheek.  It seemed the perfect solution in her mind.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," she said honestly.  "Things have been a bit complicated lately for me...and I think I needed this..."

"I could lie to you and say I knew but...this was probably the first time in a long time that I ever just winged it.  I definitely enjoyed tonight, and absolutely needed it," Alex smiled once more.  "For years it was my job to predict movements of criminals, try to prevent things from going astray, and the list goes on.  But for the first time I didn't know what would happen to night.  I never knew how you would respond and I never knew how much fun I would have with you."

He moved taking her back towards their booth.  "It is getting later.  Perhaps its time I see you home.  I wouldn't want to keep you out all night long."  He grinned a bit as he grabbed his jacket.  There would be plenty of more occasions and he definitely was not going to rush whatever it was they had started on this night.  All of it had started because of some feeling he had in his gut, and now...well he wasn't sure where it was going.  But that excited him more than he ever thought it could.

Not since Ariella had he ever felt so compelled to spend time with and individual.  And he was presented with the mystery of never quite knowing what she would say or react.  That was something that had been absent in his life for quite some time.  Apparently Claudia presented that once more to him.  And all without really knowing she did.

Heading back to the booth they started to gather their things.  The lack of any real rush, the feeling that nothing was planned and everything that happened was basically a spontaneous result of two people enjoying each other’s company; it was all so different for her.  Everything had been pointing her in this direction, telling her she needed to make a few changes, and finally she was no longer resistant to the idea.

“I think the really good moments tend to happen when we don’t really expect them,” she said once she had slipped into her coat again.  “The surprise of it all…the anticipation of not knowing what will happen; it just makes it that much better really.”  That was perhaps the best way to describe how she saw the evening.

It had been some time since she allowed herself to give into that sort of thing.  Along the way she had gone from being the sort of girl who tended to see the glass as half full to half empty, usually expecting the worst from people.  It was certainly true that it had all gotten her to this moment, but the lack of faith she realized she put in other still bothered her.  Slowly her hand found his, finger intertwining.

Many men would probably jump at the opprotunity to see how far they could go with Claudia.  And many probably had.  Perhaps if Alex were different he would have as well.  He would have done so a long time ago if he were just any other man.  He had not been as oblivious as he came off to be to Claudia in the past.  A lifetime of pain and rejection had kept everyone well beyond arms reach of Alex.  He wish he could say that there had been simpler times in the past, but it would be an outright lie.

Alex worked hard his whole life for everything he had.  Beat by his parents and unable to cope with them had resolved him to run away from home.  Taken in by the man named Jerry Forrester, he never once told him of the things that had happened.  The things that had made him run.  Alex refused to be given any handouts and worked hard for Jerry and his apartment complex.  The work helped him forget, and it made Alex feel like he was pulling his weight, and he worked harder and harder every day to make sure he would keep his place in the world. 

He had fought...learning muggle martial arts, all while working for Jerry.  Durring that time Jerry had gained custody of Alex.  His parents hadn't even fought to get him back, they just let him go.  His foster father Jerry was the first person to accept him, and love him.  The second being Ariella.  In a spout of clumsines (common for Ariella) they had ran into each other, and despite Alex's coldness to her, he had been polite helping her up and then moving on to the train.  Ariella followed him, sitting next to him.  She never once gave up on him.  To Ariella, Alex was kind and warm hearted and she wouldn't allow him to be without a friend.

Alex could count on one hand the amount of people he trusted.  The people that mattered to him.  Could he really open himself up again?  What if he did?  And what if he lost Claudia?  If he was unable to protect her like Ariella...it would kill him.  Plus there was the tiny little fact that ate away at him.  Whoever had killed Ariella had never been caught.  It was unforgivable.  So did he deserve this?  Maybe not in his eyes.  But Ariella, Ciarra, even Marcus would tell him otherwise.  That he had given so much to the world, why  did he think he didn't deserve anything in return?

He sighed as he felt Claudia's fingers intertwined with his.  A warm smile came to his lips.  It didn't matter if he deserved it or not.  Who's decision would that be in the end?  Alex knew the truth of himself now.  He was a lost soul, trying to find his way.  No different than Claudia.  No different than any other person in the world, wizard or not.  Nothing was ever for certain.  He would make the most of his time.  Alex knew he could no longer live in the shadows of his past.  The despair that loomed always behind him.  He needed to move forward towards the light.  Towards a future where he could be happy.  But only time would tell.

"Let's get out of here, Claudia."