Anjajavy; North West Madagascar

Madagascar would be good for Sam. And for Lewis. They hadn’t been away for a long time, and she felt like the colour had been drained from her. Too much work and not enough play, Charlotte had said. Well, now was the time to make sure she got that ‘play’. Already, after only a couple of days the freckles on her face were becoming more pronounced and her body was beginning to get that golden glow back into it. She no longer looked pasty, but had a healthy glow coming from her. It suited her more than the colour she had been sporting when she had arrived. Her aunt and uncle had even asked if she was sick, worrying that her pallor was an indication of something more serious than what she had flaked over in her letter to them.

What had happened between Sam and Jason, it had been nice while it lasted. She should have known that something would go wrong. What with her track record of men and cheating, she should have guessed that Jason was too good to be true. He had been so caring, so considerate about every little thing. He was attentive both in public and in private; he was funny and flirtatious. In conclusion he was everything Sam would have looked for in a man.

She rolled her eyes at herself as she walked along the hot sand of the beach, her flip flops and tank top hanging from her left hand. How could she have been so stupid as to think this one would be any different? How could she have let her guard down so easily? Hadn’t she learned anything from the last time?

After Charlotte had shown her the article that had been written about Jason, Sam felt sick. Not only did it bring to light the reason he was going through a divorce, there was a whole section on Sam’s relationship with him. Sam’s parents had paid good money to make sure nothing got into the papers about Thomas leaving her, and yet all of a sudden it was being splashed across the Daily Prophet for people’s enjoyment. She felt hurt, betrayed and confused.

All those things Jason had said to her about wanting to make a go of it – about them being together. Had they all meant nothing? It appeared that way, and that just made Sam feel like even more of a fool. The sun was just starting to set over the horizon, and the heat of the day was beginning to subside ever so slightly. She sighed as she threw her flip-flops on the sand and sat with her back against a rock, putting her tank top behind her head for a little comfort. She pushed her feet as far as she could into the warm sand and leaned her head back, closing her eyes, letting her sunglasses that had been resting on top of her head fall over her eyes.

Lewis was with her aunt and uncle. They had taken him to the nearby village to buy some fresh fish for that night’s dinner, promising the little boy that he would be allowed ice cream after if he ate it all up. It hadn’t taken long after reading the article before Sam’s bags were packed and she was saying goodbye to Charlotte. She left a letter addressed to Eleanor explaining where she’d gone and that she was welcome to go and meet them. Charlotte was too, but it was obvious she was torn between making sure Sam was ok and spending time with the Magpies player she was being linked to. Sam had told her to stay where she was, and that she would be fine. She just needed some recuperation time.

Sam left particular instructions with Charlotte that if Jason was to try and find her (which she highly doubted) he was not to know where she had gone. She wasn’t travelling half way across the world for him to find her. She wanted anonymity until all of this died down. Charlotte had tried to convince her that running from her problems was a bad idea, and that she needed to face them. Under normal circumstances Sam may have agreed, but not when Lewis was involved. She was only thankful that she had been made aware of Jason’s past before she allowed him to get too involved in her son’s life. He had already been let down by one man, and she was not about to let it happen a second time. Though it was clear Lewis was already looking up to Jason. He kept asking where he was and when he would be coming over to play again. Lewis and Aidan got on really well together, which just made this fiasco that little bit more bitter for Sam.

She licked her lips, trying to restore some moisture back into them through the harsh heat of Africa. She had told her aunt and uncle she wouldn’t be long. She just needed some time to think things through, plan what her next move would be. Assess the damage and decide what needed to be done about it. They had told her to take as long as she needed – they adored their great-nephew, and didn’t see him nearly often enough. So she was quite happy to leave him under their care for a while. It would do him good to be with people who weren’t moping around so much, and who were willing to give him their undivided attention.

No wonder Jason hadn’t elaborated on why they had divorced. ‘Grew apart’, he had stated on their first date. Sam laughed disbelievingly as she lifted her head back up from the rock, her brows pinched together in frustration. Her right hand played absentmindedly with the shell Lewis had brought her earlier that day as she went over almost every word that had been said between herself and Jason in the short time they had known each other.

The rain against her window had helped him sleep a little longer, pulling Sam a little closer, taking in a little deeper breath, and relaxing just a little bit more. The plan had been for him to go home and clean up a bit (he had to drop Aidan off with Fiona, as well), then they were going to meet up for dinner and games until Lewis fell asleep. After a nice lay in, he’d gotten up and reluctantly left her side. Looking back on it, he should have said ‘screw Fiona’ and stayed a little longer.

Knelt down in front of his kitchen sink, the strewn about items he’d thrown off his counter in anger and sudden worry laid broken over the kitchen tile, he wished he would have stayed with her. His hands rested, one on top of the other, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the counter, his forehead resting against the back of his hand. He should have known she would find out about it, some way or another. Jason should have been honest.

But he had hoped beyond hope that his mistakes could be swept under the rug. It was in the past, and he… felt his reasoning was perhaps not morally forgiving but justifiable nonetheless. Or maybe that was just his conscious gnawing at any hope for redemption. The kitchen had been upturned when he’d seen the owl his mum had obviously hurriedly sent off, and then read the attached article. Her questions of ‘what was the meaning of this’, and ‘was it true’ were lost in his red hot anger.

Rita Skeeter was going to pay. He didn’t care how… he would just make sure. He’d yelled that when he’d thrown the sugar jar against the wall, as a matter of fact. He’d never felt such blinding anger in such a long time… and he hardly ever let his frustration out in such violence. It had taken some restraint, but after a while of various negative thoughts and angry words muttered at himself, he’d finally stood up and cleaned the kitchen.

Of course, he’d been frustrated later when he’d tried to get together with Sam, and she refused to answer his owl’s. Worried she’d seen the article, he’d grabbed a small bouquet of flowers and stopped at her place. No answer… that had made him a little more anxious. After most of the afternoon was wasted trying to find her, he’d ended up at Charlotte’s. That had been his last resort; after Quincy and Eddie had been unhelpful, he’d had no one else to turn to. And that was really saying something of how desperate he was.

By then, his trousers were a bit muddy and he looked worse for wear. Like he’d been searching for something he’d lost without any sign of it. He was just starting to come to the realization that she must mean something pretty important to him if he was so distraught over the possibility that she might have read the article. It could have been that she was just… busy with something else. Maybe something at work came up. Or maybe Lewis… no. She would have bugged him if he wasn’t feeling good, right? Or maybe something emergent had come up… with someone she knew.

Charlotte had been unyielding. He’d actually considered hexing her. ‘Just leave her alone’ had done nothing but infuriate him further. Jason was torn; Rita’s article was disastrous to everyone’s reputation involved. He felt horrible about it, taking personal responsibility for it even though he hadn’t told anyone out of Eddie and his parents about Sam, and even less about his affair and Miranda. To have it across the Daily Prophet for all to read… he was both shocked and appalled. That was an invasion of privacy he didn’t appreciate, and once he had his wits about him, he’d complain.

But he didn’t have his wits about him. And he even opened up to Charlotte of all people, nearly breaking down over the entire thing before he reminded himself to keep it together. A few deep breaths and he’d been able to rub away the frustration that was building up and blurring his vision. Perhaps it was his obvious distress over it all that made her conveniently leave him alone near a letter from Sam. Or perhaps it was a convenient coincidence.

Either way, here he was, feeling a little worse for wear as he stepped into the warm, sunny paradise. How little had he slept? He’d spent the better half of the night trying to decide what he’d say to her, the other half trying to sleep and tossing and turning instead. Why did it matter all that much? He hadn’t known her that long… why did he care about her opinion to such a degree?

Perhaps because she was the first real, normal thing he’d felt in a while. And he wanted to keep her close. And he wanted her to know all about him. Maybe, though, it was too late. Maybe there was no easy way to explain his past, and he’d live the rest of his life in the mistakes of his past. That had depressed him and forced him up way too early. It took a short bit of research, but he finally figured out the right combination of portkeys and fireplaces to get to a local tavern.

Though a bit hungry, he decided to forgo food (he wasn’t hungry) and beer (though it sounded good) and find Sam. He felt that if he explained everything to her, she would understand. They had been getting on so well, surely she’d listen to him… She’d had a night to think about it, right? He felt sick to his stomach, and wandered about town looking for her, glancing occasionally at the letter to find his way to the address.

It wasn’t long before he was standing in front of it. And no one answered the door. He didn’t worry about her hiding out from him in, though, as it sounded fairly empty. His hand on the back of his head, his eyes searching around the front, he finally started out for the beach. Maybe… maybe if he walked far enough, he’d stumble across her. Merlin, he prayed that he did. He needed to see her. And then… he did.

And it made him stop in his tracks. Shifting slightly in the sand, he wasn’t sure all of a sudden, upon seeing her, whether he should make himself known or just leave. Maybe Charlotte was right. Maybe Sam deserved someone who didn’t have all the excess baggage. But it was a little late, it seemed, for his heart to be told to close up shop and deal with other things. Rolling his shoulder, pulling at his shirt slightly, Jason frowned and continued his walk. Finally nearing her, he cleared his throat, not sure where to begin. “Sami…” He stopped as he heard his voice crack, and after a moment he frowned and waited.

The more Sam thought about it, the more sick to the stomach she felt. Only thirty-six hours ago, she had been cuddled up against Jason in her apartment. He had reluctantly pulled away from her side to go home and do various odd jobs around his flat before they would be meeting up for food that night. Sam ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. If someone had told her this was how things were going to pan out she’d have said they were lying. Jason didn’t act like a man who had been having an affair. He seemed like a normal guy who was going through a divorce and looking after a young child. No different to herself less than two months ago.

The last thing Jason had said to her the morning before was ”Already missing you.” as he closed the bedroom door behind him and sent a wink in her direction. Sam rolled her eyes as she thought back to that blissful half an hour she had spent daydreaming about Jason before Charlotte turned up on her doorstep with the incriminating evidence in hand. Sam had been so smug about how he was acting towards her, all the little things he whispered in her ear when they were together and all the notes he sent to her while she was at work telling her that he was thinking of her.

“Sami…”

The voice cut through her thoughts and startled her slightly, her eyes widening in surprise as she looked up. Oh no. Oh please Merlin, no! Sam dug her heels into the sand as hard as she could and pushed herself up against the rock, almost scrambling to get away from the image of her most amazing dream and worst nightmare in one person, standing in front of her. “Don’t!” she hissed at him, her brow puckered in frustration as she grabbed her flip-flops from the ground and started in the opposite direction as fast as she could. Why was he here? And how was he here? How did he know where to find her?

It was okay to be cliché and romantic with a woman he liked. Eddie need never find out about all the things he said to Sam, or the little notes he sent her on occasion during her day at work. When he had it off and had to wait for her to get done… it was quite torturous. On the same hand, he dreaded work when she was off. It hadn’t happened very often, since they hadn’t been doing whatever it was they were doing for very long, but still… it was odd, this feeling.

So to see her sitting there, obviously pained, he felt the guilt lay a heavy blanket over his shoulders, forcing them to slump slightly. Why had he gone after her? Why hadn’t he just… let it go? Looking on at her, he knew the answer to that without even having to really ask himself. He was being selfish; he wanted her, and obviously hadn’t cared about the consequences. And here they were, his choices and their actions laid out in front of him.

He’d hurt her. As if he couldn’t feel worse than he all ready did… He grimaced slightly as he saw her scrambling against the rock, putting his hand out gently as if to will her back down, to calm her down, though he knew she wouldn’t. He let out an exasperated breath, taking a step forward, stopping, watching.

“Don’t!”

It was like a slap. He took in a deep, quick breath, pursing his lips in a frown for a moment. Watching her walking away, he let her get a total of four steps before he jumped forward, making his way behind her. He was wary of her and her attitude; he knew of it from their first real meeting at the hospital, and so he kept a small distance. He didn’t want to beg… but at the same time, he’d do anything to get her to at least listen to him.

“Sam… Please let me… explain.” Screwing his face up at that, he jogged a little to close the distance between them. “I need to talk to you.” He had his speech, right? Or at least a few bullet points he really needed to hit. Why come all this way to just go home anyway? Licking his lips, he jogged ahead of her, turning quickly around to try and keep up with her fast pace, walking backwards. “Just… I know this looks bad. Sounds bad…”

The issue with walking backwards with shoes on in sand was that it was more difficult to keep up with her. And before he knew it, his foot had dug in too deep, and he let out a yell as his arms went out and he fell down on his arse, groaning as he felt a small cloud of sand lift around him. He wasn’t clumsy, just obviously hadn’t had a lot of practice in backwards sand walking…

“Sam… Please let me… explain.”

She wrinkled her nose slightly as her eyes squinted in determination to get rid of Jason in his pointless persuit of her. What could he possibly say that would make all of it better? If he could conjure some magic words that would make the last thirty-six hours disappear completely off the radar, then all would be well again. But she had a sneaking suspicion that unless Jason had a timeturner (which she highly doubted) things would remain as they were.

“I need to talk to you.”

"And I need you to go away!" she snarled through gritted teeth. She really wasn't in the mood for this - he hadn't even given her time to think things over, to comprehend what had happened. She was still trying to piece together the jigsaw puzzle and was, so far, having no luck.

“Just… I know this looks bad. Sounds bad…”

Sam's eyes widened in disbelief as he jogged in front of her and turned to face her, though she carried on marching pointedly along the sand. Bad? It sounded bad?! She looked down at the shell in her hand, debating whether to squeeze it and use it as a stress relief or hurl it at Jason's pretty face. But before she had a chance to make her decision there was a yelp and a cloud of sand being spiralled into the air. She looked down just as she walked into the heap that was Jason on the floor, and found herself falling on top of him.

"Ugh!" she exclaimed as she pushed against his chest to try and get up from the compromising position on the sand. Had the events of the last two days not tainted her view of Jason, she may have exploited that moment in time...as it was, even the slightly opened shirt and cut-off trousers couldn't bring her away from the red smoke she was seeing behind her eyes.

She stood up and dusted herself off. "Go home, Jason." she said down to him, trying to keep all emotions away from her face. Maybe the more she said it, the more it would get drummed into him that she didn't want him there. She carried on walking once more, trying to pick up the speed on the soft, fine sand - a very hard thing to do. She pulled her vest over her head and down over her shorts, pulling her hair out from underneath and once again running her fingers through if only for something else to do with her hands.

“And I need you to go away!”

He did feel a little sting from that, but also told himself it was okay; she was allowed to be mad and want nothing to do with him for a while. That was normal when you found out something very dark and bad about someone you had been sleeping with and starting a new relationship with. It was absolutely… fine… that she wanted him to go away. But he couldn’t. Because that felt like giving up, like saying that he didn’t deserve to at least fight for her.

She didn’t look very happy when he was in front of her, though he had to say she looked smoking whatever extreme emotion she felt. It took a couple of blinks and mental slaps to the cheeks to get his mind out of her shirt and back to her face. Why couldn’t he have invested in a timeturner? What was price when it would be another hour with her in his arms? Then she was on top of him, and he wondered (however briefly) if the gods were shining down on him and allowing him a little longer with her.

Of course, that was before her disgusted grunt. He frowned at that, trying to not feel the stab of an invisible knife in his chest as she put her weight down and pushed up off of him. His hands that had started reaching to rest on her sides hung there, watching with as neutral a face as he could manage (which wasn’t very good). As she dusted herself off, he slowly sat up, his bum a little sore.

“Go home, Jason.”

His mouth opened and then it closed. He wasn’t a dog… Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself back up to his feet, also dusting himself off as he took after her again. It had felt good to have her weight on him. Now it was gone, and he felt a renewed energy. “Not yet.” He grimaced; he didn’t want to go home at all… He watched her fidgeting and felt another jab in his chest. “Yes, yes. I cheated on my wife. I was a horrible husband. I told her though! And I left because she didn’t want me there. Which was in her right.” He was stumbling over his words as he tried to keep her pace without tripping.

“And yes, my affair was with Miranda. And it continued after… I just… I went and ended it after our first date. I couldn’t…” It was all coming out a little too fast for him, and he had to pause to catch a breath. “I didn’t think it was fair to anyone. I didn’t want to hurt you, Sam, I just… Really, really like you. We get on so well.” His hand was in his hair, grabbing what little was on top and tugging lightly, finally ending with his fingers against the back of his head, crushing his locks down. “I should have been honest, but I was afraid of losing you. I’m not…” This was the bad sounding bit. “I wish I could go back and stop myself. But at the same time, I don’t. If I hadn’t… if things hadn’t worked out like this, I would have never met you!”

He finally closed the distance between them, reached out with his hand, and held her arm, trying to stop her and turn her to him gently. “And it just… we feel… I think we feel right.”

“Not yet.”

Sam groaned with frustration as Jason followed her and began to make excuses up for what he did – or rather, why he hadn’t been truthful with Sam in the first place. She listened but didn’t slow her walk down. This was something she was going to stand her ground on; she would not allow herself to be used and abused by a man…again.

He was spurting out some cock-and-bull about how his wife was within her rights to leave him, he couldn’t carry on the affair after their first date, blah blah blah. Sam started to see red the more he spoke. Surely this wasn’t his intended effect – he had probably hoped that he would be soothing her into submission. But he was doing more damage than good.

Then she felt his hand grasp around her arm and pull her slightly towards him.

“And it just… we feel… I think we feel right.”

Her eyes widened a little as she turned on the spot. The only thing she could think to do at that moment in time was lift her right hand and smack him hard across the face. So she did. It even stung her palm a little, as though it was a reminder of the pain he had put her through in the last couple of days.

“There is no ‘we’!” she hissed at him, her eyes narrowed as she clenched her fists by her side as though to stop herself from lashing out at him again in fury. “I owe you nothing!” She looked away as tears started to sting her eyes. She would not cry in front of him. Not in front of Jason. “I let you into my life, Jason. I let you into Lewis’ life!”

A surge of energy rushed through her as she let her eyes meet his once more. “You’re no better than Thomas Grosvenor!” she hissed at him in a low voice, knowing that it would be a blow to Jason’s ego. “In fact, you’re worse! At least he had the decency to tell me himself, instead of splashing his dirty secret over the newspaper for me to read!”

For the first time in a while, Jason was actually fighting for what he wanted. It had felt as if they’d gotten on so well, like they’d… known each other for a lot longer than they had. Jason felt comfortable with her; comfortable enough to bring her into his life, into his home… and vice versa. He’d been embarrassed of his faults, ashamed of the things he had done, and didn’t want her to know about them. So, like a child often does, he tried to hide it. Easier to sweep it under the rug until someone goes digging for that mighty big lump they keep stepping on.

He had to try. As strongly as he felt about her… Jason couldn’t just let her snub him out of her life. Part of him, though, did wonder why he couldn’t. Wouldn’t it be easier all around? Just dust his hands of another failure and go on to something else? It was easier to bury yourself into something you didn’t care about. Maybe some beer and work would get his mind off of things. Or another woman. The very thought, though, made him a little sick to his stomach. Hadn’t he done enough of that?

The slap to the face made all thoughts pop into nothing at the shock of how hard she’d connected with his cheek, and how much it stung. His hand reached up for it, a wince replacing his shock, but he barely touched the stinging cheek before dropping his tightened fist to his side. That stung a bit…

“There is no ‘we’!”

And that stung a little more… his wince turned into a frown, glancing down so she couldn’t see the hurt that caused him. She was within her right… to say that… sure. If that was how she felt. He glanced to the side, suddenly feeling foolish for even coming after her. Some part of him was laughing at himself for his stupidity. He took a breath through the crushing of his chest before standing up a little straighter, her next statement forcing his gaze back to her face quickly, mouth open in shock. “I don’t- I never asked- when did I ever-”

“I let you into my life, Jason. I let you into Lewis’ life!”

That stopped his words. And forced him to blink. Why had Rita written that article? She had ruined three people’s reputations with a flick of her wrist… No one liked their dirty laundry aired. Jason could have dealt with the loss of his reputation if he’d been able to at least keep Sam. He licked his lips, frowning slightly. “I… You’re part of Aidan’s.” Why was she going to use her son to push him away?!

“You’re no better than Thomas Grosvenor!”

Talk about comparing peas to green beans. Similar, but one was better than the other… just depended on the person as to which they’d prefer to eat. Or, in the case of the similarity, the person they’d prefer to care about. Then she called him worse, and another weight was added on to what he felt in his chest. Grimacing, he tightened his fist momentarily to give him something to do. Jason had told himself before coming out to find her that he could deal with whatever she had to say.

He’d been lying to himself.

“At least he had the decency to tell me himself, instead of splashing his dirty secret over the newspaper for me to read!”

And at this, both fists clenched at his sides and he shook from the effort of not completely exploding over her statement. Through clenched teeth, he found it hard to keep a steady voice, though he knew it was crucial to not get angry or it’d be just an all out argument that wouldn’t solve anything. So a few moments of breathing were required before he could speak. “You think I chose for that worthless reporter to do the damage she has? Not only has she insulted you-” Hadn’t there been things in that that Sam had kept to herself as well? And hadn’t Thomas left her a letter when he ran from her and Lewis’ life?

“-But she… she tainted the memory of a woman many had respected. Miranda can’t defend herself.” Throwing his hands up, Jason felt the battle lost. Rita had won. And he couldn’t get Sam back. Another stab through his chest was felt before he took a step back. “Maybe you’re right…” Glancing down to the area between them, he frowned slightly. What was he even doing here?! Grimacing at his stupidity, he shook his head slightly. “Maybe I am worse. Because I still want to be with you.”

Shaking his head, still feeling the sting of the slap, he pulled his wand out. “But I’ll leave you alone.” His voice cracked momentarily there and he took in a quick breath. He was no better than the man she hated above all else. And she had even said he was worse. Another tightening of his stomach, not unlike the way he felt during apparition, which he quickly did with his wand before he could second guess it. After ending up back in England, he stumbled and caught his feet, walking unsteadily towards the nearest pub.

It seemed Jason was best at ruining all the good things in his life.

“Maybe I am worse. Because I still want to be with you.”

Sam blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears at bay. The frown on her face deepened slightly as she watched him, listening to his voice crack as he said that he would leave her alone. Within a second he was gone - vanished into thin air, and Sam felt the wind get knocked out of her as she realised what had just happened. A hand went out as though to touch the air where only moments ago, Jason had been standing arguing reasons for them to still be together. Her fingers latched onto nothingness, and she heaved a deep breath before collapsing into the sand on her behind.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and buried her face into them, finally letting the tears fall that had been threatening the whole time. What had she done to deserve all of this? Why couldn't they have had an uncomplicated relationship, like she thought they would? And if he had wanted her back that much, why hadn't he fought a little longer?