With curiosity and anticipation written plainly across their faces, the occasional face peaked over their cubicle wall.  Those that had been in the Auror's office for more than a couple years readily recognized the denim jeans, turquoise tunic and cowboy-boot wearing woman that strode down the hall towards Tamis Raynor's office.  Many of the newcomers had heard the rumors; those that hadn't were, quickly, getting caught up on the stories. 

Slowly, as Tulojow neared the Head of the Department's office, head's slowly and reluctantly slipped back down from the top's of the cubicles some complete with a few eye rolls.  Most had been experiencing Raynor's touchy mood for several weeks now and it was well known that private meetings between the Head of the Office and the office's least obedient auror rarely proved to improve Raynor's mood. 

But, no one interrupted Tulojow's trek across the office.  Raynor knew she had an appointment but the details of the appointment were left vague - she was unaware of who the appointment was with.  When Tulojow hadn't seen heads or tails of the woman since the night Akiva had been found, the retired healer had made arrangements through St. Mungo's for a mandatory, follow up evaluation.  To protect Raynor's pride and to prevent the younger auror from finding a way to wriggle out of the meeting, the appointment was listed on the schedule simply as "Case Review." 

Tulojow knocked several times on the office door and let herself in when invited.  Setting herself down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk, she set her small satchel on the desk - a clear and unquestionable indication that Tulojow wouldn't be easily dismissed.  "Afternoon," she said, quietly, smiling gently on the other woman.  "I suspect it's been rather crazy around here, lately."

The perceptible change at the Auror Headquarters was lost on the usually in tune Tamis Raynor. The general inside joke was that the woman could sniff out trouble kilometers away.  She remained unaware of the peering glances over the cubicle and the audible whispers back and forth – clear signs that mischief was afoot.  It was one of the many reasons she abhorred keeping her office door closed, it separated her so entirely from the rest of the on goings on Level Two, hidden away at the back of the Auror Headquarters as she was. Poor architecture at its finest. She only ever kept the entrance closed for one of two reasons: when she was not there and when she was expecting an appointment. At the moment, it was the latter. The Head of the Department could be murdered and she would never know it. Today trouble had to physically come knocking at her door. And then she invited it in.

The sound of a quill scratching was the newcomer’s only greeting as the Head Auror sat at her desk, bent over a few reports that required her signature. She did not want to look up at the face of her mystery appoint, not just yet. The appointment had been made courteously well in advance, so courteously so that she could not claim to have prior obligations at the requested time. And, unlike most inquires for her attention, this one had been cryptically vague. No one seemed to have been able to shed any light on the “case review,” not even the name of who had requested the appointment. Even Robards had been ignorant, or at least he had pretended to be. Raynor did not like it when her intelligence level was undermined.

Nor did she appreciate not knowing which precedence required such tactics to secure her attention.  Or why they had been necessary for that matter. She could think of a few creative explanations and she was not a fan of any of them.

The cling of a small satchel finally caught her attention and the quill froze in mid-stroke as Raynor lifted her gaze to stare at it. She knew that bag. She knew that voice. She also caught the underlying unwillingness to be dismissed in both. With a little shake of her head, the Auror bent  over the parchment again and ignored the polite question as she finished her line of text. Heating a wax rod over a candle, she dribbled it over the bottom of the page and pressed the Ministry’s Seal into it. When she satisfied, Tamis finally sat up and leaned back in her chair, meeting the elder woman eye-to-eye.

While she was not entirely surprised, she had not exactly been expecting the woman.

“False documentation is unethical, you know.” The retired Auror had tried to get a hold of Raynor a couple of times since the night Akiva Katz had been found. Tamis had tactfully ignored her. While she gave the woman credit for her persistence, that did not improve her tolerance.

Tulojow was in no rush.  Knowing it would likely take a respectable amount of time to even get the conversation going, Tulojow had left her afternoon open.  The students had managed to avoid major catastrophes so, for the time being, the new hospital was empty.  Should something arise, the school knew how to contact her.  With the patience of a bear waiting for the spring thaw, Tulojow settled herself back in her chair, making herself comfortable as the woman opposite her finished her previous task. 

By the time the seal had set, Tulojow was settled back in her chair, completely relaxed, her feet kicked up and crossed at the ankles on the second chair on the visitor's side of the desk.  Her hair fell in two, long braids over her shoulders. 

Despite the complete lack of humor in Raynor's voice, Tulojow smiled good naturedly at the other's greeting.  "You know we've never seen eye to eye on the topic of ethics," she offered, conversationally.  "But, I like to think that well-meant incomplete information isn't quite the same thing as false documentation.  This is, after all, a case review.  I can't help but think that, if I'd been honest, you'd have found a reason to wriggle out of it - and you might not have appreciated it if 'follow up stress evaluation' had been scribbled across your books." 

She grew quiet, briefly, her gaze moving intently and critically over the visage of the woman opposite her.  "How have you been sleeping?"  She finally asked.  "Any significant changes to your diet or the amount you drink?"  She would be surprised, and pleased, if the evaluation proved  successful on the first try.

The office was much accustomed to Aurors lounging about it. Raynor half suspected that there was a giant sized butt groove in one of those chairs in front of her desk and Tulojow Nagde certainly was not the first to toss her legs over an armchair. But it was Tulojow Nagde and, given the circumstances that she was here under… the Head Auror was not feeling particularly hospitable. Pursing her lips, the younger woman refrained from commenting on the stance.

Her expression remained dead pan through the elder’s explanation, though she exhaled in exasperation at the mention of ethics. No. They most certainly had never harmonized in that moral realm. It had, perhaps, been the largest strain on their professional relationship. “We have learned to agree to disagree on the topic.” She might have sounded a little terse.

“I beg your pardon.” Raynor did not seem apologetically at all as Nagde continued to state her business, back stiffening defensively, expounding on her already impeccable posture.

She had expected that Tulojow’s attempts to contact her had been in reference to something along these lines. That had been exactly why she had not responded to any of those attempts. However, she had not exactly expected this particular spin on it. Quite frankly, she did not see how it was any of the other woman’s business. Follow up stress evaluation? It was not an unheard of process, particularly after traumatic cases. However, they were usually conducted by St. Mungo’s personnel. Not that Raynor would have given them the time out of her day, either. Nagde was right about that, she would have found an excuse to avoid the confrontation. The woman had no right to conduct such an assessment. She nursed children.

Lips firmly set, the Head Auror did not answer the questions nor did she plan on it.

 “Leave. Now.”

Tulojow sat quietly, patiently, as the woman opposite her said her piece.  Normally, Tulojow might have found herself thrilled about the prospects of discussing the issues of professional ethics and moral obligations with the woman opposite her.  Such would have, likely, been an interesting and exciting conversation.  But, now was not the time.  The conversation was bound to be volatile enough without any help. 

And, it was likely to get better before it got worse.  That much was clear when Raynor asked Tulojow to leave.  Tulojow took a deep breath looking down at her hands folded in her lap. 

More genuinely apologetic than the other woman opposite her, Tulojow slowly shook her head.  "I'm sorry, I can't do that," she offered, picking her words carefully.  "I don't answer to you anymore.  And, they're expecting a report from me at St. Mungo's.  It was St. Mungo's that arranged the appointment - I simply volunteered to be the one to conduct the evaluation." 

A mostly true statement.  Most of the time, these appointments were overlooked - a combination of the St. Mungos Healers' overbooked schedules and the general lack of cooperation from the Ministry.  When Tulojow had been approached by St. Mungo's and asked whether Tulojow recommended a follow up for the Aurors present, they'd expected - and hoped - Tulojow would claim it wasn't necessary.  But, Tulojow had insisted she thought the follow up was necessary and, even more so, had volunteered to conduct the follow up herself. 

"I'm afraid I must admit, there weren't many jumping at the opportunity to come question you.  Most of them seemed somewhat intimidated by the prospects.  But, especially after you refused to answer my informal inquiries, I felt forced to insist that St. Mungo's require a formal follow up."

The younger woman could not phantom what had ever possessed her to want to become a Healer. They most certainly were a maddening breed of individuals. It took a very unique person to be successful, a person Tamis had aspired to be but life had pulled her down a different road instead. Healers and Law Enforcement had a lot in common in one respect, they wished to help others. It was the execution of that aide that differed. Sometimes that assistance was unwanted. This was such an example.

“You rarely obeyed when you were answerable to me,” she retorted. That had been for a very brief span of time, Tulojow had retired soon after the command of the Auror Office had shifted. But the point was still valid if extraneous to the current situation.

The sudden interest in her mental health was frustrating. Not but two days ago, she had come face-to-face with her piled up emotions and had lost control of them. In front of a long time friend and comrade at that. She was not questing for another experience like that any time soon. Nor did she particularly want to think back on the night at the gun range, especially in current company when she could not afford the distraction. She had dealt with her emotions, really she had. This… inquiry… was both insulting and unnecessary. Was she trying to convince herself or Tulojow of that?

“Insisted?” She repeated. The woman had insisted on a formal evaluation. The two of them were at odds on many issues and while a professional grudge might divide them, the Head Auror had always had a reluctant respect for the cowboy-boot wearing healer. She appreciated backbone; it was when Nagde decided to use it that had always bothered her. Such as now.  Pressing her palms firmly against the top of her desk, Raynor rose to her full and unimpressive height. “What are you inferring?”

Chances were, the comment wasn't intended to be amusing.  It was unlikely it would help matters much, but Tulojow couldn't help chuckling and shaking her head slightly at the woman's retort. 

"If it's any consolation," Tulojow offered, well aware it probably wouldn't be.  "I rarely obey them, too.  It's kind of why I ended up at Hogwarts rather than St. Mungos.  I didn't always disobey you - only when I disagreed.  And, I wouldn't exactly say I'm doing this with St. Mungo's blessing.  They'd really rather I left well enough alone." 

The Ministry's occupational health liason had, in quite plain language, warned Tulojow he'd be rather livid if a formal complaint from the Ministry resulted in massive amounts of paperwork for him.  That was, often, the dichotomy between the Ministry and St. Mungos.  Few in the Ministry understood what the Healers were trying to do and the challenges that faced them while the Healers understood even less what life was like in the Ministry - especially on Level 2.  It was a misunderstand that, often, led the Healers to believe this was a case where it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Because, sometimes when you didn't let the dog lie there, it didn't appreciate it.  Tulojow watched calmly, the easy pleasant grin still on her face as the woman opposite her rose to her feet.  Tulojow knew she had only one very brief chance at this.  She needed to either make her point quickly or shock the woman opposite her into silence long enough to buy her time to offer a more thorough (and therefore more likely to succeed) explanation. 

"All I'm inferring is that I care about you enough to not let you bully your way out of this."  She offered, quietly, with a gentle smile that lingered a few moments before falling.  "Despite our differences in techniques, Tamis, I hope you've never doubted my dedication to what this office does.  I've been here through two wizarding wars.  Do you have any idea how many aurors I've watched take their place in this office you sit in?  I've seen far too many careers cut short because of the stress this job brings on.  And, I don't expect the Healers at St. Mungo's to really understand that.  Unlike the healers that would dismiss these protocols without a second thought, I know what it's like to be in this department.  And, I know how much we let our bloody pride force up to keep a strong face."

Tulojow took a deep breath and dropped her feet from the chair before straightening herself in the seat.    "Ultimately, what I'm inferring is that the implications of the injuries on Akiva Katz - who I know is a friend of yours - frankly terrifies me far more than your anger ever could.  If sitting through you yelling at me will help me keep you in top mental condition to go after whatever or whoever is behind that then I'm doing more for this office then I did in my twenty five years in the field."  Tulojow settled herself back in her chair, getting comfortable once more.  "So, I invite you to yell and curse and whatever - it's  healthy.  But, when your done, feel free to sit down so we can talk.  I'm not going anywhere until I'm satisfied." 

“I suggest taking their advice,” came the seething response.

This might not have been nearly as aggravating if the Auror-turned-Healer had not been smirking up at her the entire time, as if enjoying some private little joke at her expense. It made the petite woman feel as if she was being mocked, not something she appreciated in the slightest.

Shock. Yes, the older woman managed to shock the younger one, all right.

The flush heat in her cheeks faded and Raynor stood up straighter, not applying as much force against the top of the desk. Her feet shifted uncomfortably and her jaw set stubbornly, trying to absorb the information. She cared? The Auror was not sure how to feel about that. She crossed her arms, uncrossed them, and then crossed them again.

 Independence had been ingrained in Tamis Raynor from a young age, since she was five years old in fact. The Raynor name held esteem and importance and in honor of it and, as a ward of the Ministry, Tamis had not lived in a typical orphanage, but it had still been an orphanage. Other students at Hogwarts received letters from parents, had homes to go to on holidays. Financially, the adolescent had never gone wanting, but there was no one beyond the walls of Hogwarts that cared – a fact she frequently told her professors when they threatened to report her misbehavior. It would only have been a waste of their time. Certain individuals had cared through her lifetime but they stuck around only long enough for her to get attached to them before they were wrenched from her life. So she learned not to depend on others, they were not dependable. She did not know how to lean on others. She did not know how to… talk… about these issues. As a result, she was both touched by the woman’s words and skeptical of them.

The contemplation kept her quiet and granted Tulojow a grace period to continue speaking. Raynor had enough courtesy to allow her to finishing speaking. When she was done, Tamis stared at her, face retracting back into the unemotional ‘Auror Mask.’ At least the retired Auror was sitting up properly now and she had discarded the self-amused smirk.

That was why Nagde was here? She believed that stress was overwhelming the Head Auror, driving her to the brink that had claimed so many of her predecessors and she was trying to stop that from happening. It made the elderly witch’s intentions noble, even compassionate. Raynor could have found it very touching. But the fact that she believed Tamis was losing her capabilities as an Auror, just because she had seen a friend tortured and beaten? If her sense of humor had not been eluding her at that moment, she might have laughed bitterly. The woman was both entirely correct and impossibly incorrect all at the same time. She had pegged Raynor's everlasting pride issues, however.

“You are suggesting I have become mentally incompetent over what happened to Akiva Katz,” it was not a question. She was struggling very hard to keep her temper in check. Yelling at the woman would be much more preferable, but since she had been granted ‘permission’ to do so, she absolutely refused. “I have dealt with much worse, Nagde. I am not nearly that fragile.” And she was insulted by the implication.

Tulojow could never understand why humans, more so than any other species, were so prone to misinterpreting a simple gesture of friendliness and appeasement such as a smile.  With a slight sigh, Tulojow shook her head and rubbed her forehead.  If there was any hope of the conversation not continuing to implode on itself, it probably rested in Tulojow not pointing out she wasn't any more likely to listen to Raynor now than before.  Clearly, humor wasn't proving to be the best medicine for the time being.  The suggestion to take St. Mungo's advice was probably better left unresponded to.   

But, at least Tulojow's attempt to bide her more time had worked.  And, carefully, Tulojow offered the shocked younger woman a slight smile and a nod in hopes of making it clear that she'd meant what she'd said - that they hadn't been said purely for effect. 

"Of course I don't," Tulojow said, briefly allowing a small amount of her own annoyance to show through.  While the annoyance was more directed at the Ministry and the Auror's office and their insufferable tendency to equate emotional impassiveness with strength, the distinction was probably lost on the casual observer.  If she wasn't certain the gesture would only further poison the conversation, Tulojow would have strongly considered magically assisting the woman opposite her back in her chair.  But, despite her urge to, at least, be able to speak physically on level with the other woman, Tulojow remained seated with her wand still firmly stowed in her pocket.  But, she did lean a little further forward, trying to make eye contact with Raynor.  "If I thought you incompetent, I wouldn't bother being here.  I would have left it to those healers at St. Mungos to shrug off and let get lost in their piles of paperwork." 

She was skeptical that more lecturing would help but Tulojow felt compelled to try to explain.  "I first stepped into this office in the winter of 1961.  Do you have any idea how many women were in this office then?  We've always had to work harder to get where we are.  And to have you, sitting there at that desk after only a few years, there's no way on this planet I can think you're incompetent.  You're one of the most impressive young women I've seen come into this office."  Slowly, Tulojow shook her head.  "And I'm sure I don't need to point out but, trust me, if St. Mungo's thought that incident left you mentally incompetent, this would have been handled much differently." 

"I know you've dealt with much worse, we all have.  For better or worse, it comes with territory.  And, the spirits know I don't think you fragile.  In any way.  But, for all this office trains us to use fancy spells and detect dark magic, it pales in the areas of dealing with stress and, frankly, asking for help.  We're supposed to be strong and emotionally inpenatrable and all that and - yes, in the field, it's important - but we carry it offer to off the field.  Why do you think this job has such a high turnover rate?  When we see something horrific happen to a friend we care about, it hurts.  It should hurt.  If it doesn't, then I'm even more concerned than I was before because you're either lying to yourself or you're letting this job destroy what makes you human."

"Like I said, Akiva's attack worries me and we're lucky to have you where you are.  But, if you let yourself hide from your emotions, you'll wear yourself out.  And - alright.  Let's try a little experiment.  I know, I'm a lunatic old bat but humor me - in fact, I'll make you a deal.  Step out your office and take a look around at the Aurors who's lives are in your hands.  Just feel what the air is like out there.  If you can come back in here, look me in the eye and say everything's fine - you're working at maximum efficiency - I'll be satisfied and you can kick me out.  Seems a reasonable deal to me.  But, if you suspect that even one person out in that room is hesitant to approach you because of the tension riding on your shoulders, then come back, sit down and lets talk so we can work towards getting rid of it."

For the second time in the span of a handful of minutes, Tulojow Nagde surprised her.  That backbone she appreciated in the retired Auror was shining through in all of its pride and glory. Obvious in the curt deliverance to some key phrases. She did not think she was incompetent? Then why was she going through all of this trouble? The other woman continued her explanation and Tamis mulled it over sullenly, still on her feet but no longer impersonating a horse preparing to kick from its wedged position in a corner. The tension had drained from her shoulders and if the diminutive woman seemed stiff, it was no different that her usual rigid bearings.

There were a lot of compliments in those words. Compliments the Head Auror was not quite sure how to swallow. She shifted the weight on her feet once, the equivalent of an uncomfortable fidget from anyone else.

“I had some help in getting here,” she murmured, more level-headed, and waved a hand absently at the office space surrounding them.

 Getting into the Auror Office itself? That had been of her own devising. Tulojow had a point there, at the least. For every man that was accepted into the training program it was twice as hard for a woman to be accepted. Even once Tamis started reviewing the applicants she had noticed that she handled the female ones more severely. And Raynor had been more scrutinized than most. She had received a lot of grief, weaseling her way into the force after Tait Aldridge was murdered. It had been a struggle just for basic courtesy and not seen as a vengeful ex-lover getting too far over her head. She had never felt more accomplished than the day that she had been handed her badge. Ten years later and Jason MacDonnell announced his retirement – and Tamis’ promotion to Head Auror. That had ruffled a lot of feathers, some of which were still ruffled. An irrelevant reflection, really.

A small grunt escaped her as Nagde ‘reminded’ her what would have happened if Mungos had actually believed her incompetent. The other woman was attacking her with logic, logic that Raynor so often used in her own arguments. She did not know how to rebuttal against it, so she continued to mutely listen – not liking it – but listening. Even so, the Healer was still looking for conversation and by the sound of it, extensive conversation. That had never been the concise witch’s strong point and that was considering normal circumstances.

“I walk out that door and tell you operations are normal and you will leave?” She repeated wearily, the skepticism haunting her eyes again. For an irrational moment, her pride interfered, attempting to convince her that she could not yield and play the little game, that it would be counterproductive and give Nagde exactly what she wanted. The other half of her, however, the dominating side, was rationalizing that if playing along got the American out of her hair, then so be it. She really did have work to do.

Maintaining eye contact, the Head Auror moved slowly around her desk and the older woman, the way a cautious deer might pass a full and content mountain lion, still expecting an attack while knowing that it would not come. Once clear, she strode the rest of the way out of the office with a much brisker cadence. She would just stand out there for a realistic amount of time and then come back in and – the effect on the Cubicles near the back of the office was almost immediate. The second her toe crossed her threshold, the idle chatter ceased and heads bent back over documents. In the distance, an Auror –in—Training carrying a mug of coffee saw her, froze, and the quickly disappeared from sight.  The tension in the Office was almost tangible.

She could still play it off, still go back into her office and feign ignorance. But she had too many damnable morals. Raynor’s jaw set squarely. What was worse, going against ethics or having to admit that Tulojow Nadge was right? Her dislike of hypocrisy waged war on her humility and ended up with a white flag being waved on both sides.

Cursing impressively, Raynor stalked back into the office and sat down forcefully in her chair. She did not say a word about her findings. “I am an insomniac and always have been. I have been told by my house-elf that my cooking is atrocious, but she sees to it that I get at least one square meal. I do not drink anything regularly besides tea and that is an old addiction.”

Raynor was, finally, starting to relax.  Tulojow settled back in her chair, continuing to watch the younger woman though with less intensity.  She'd accepted that anything could come from the deal she'd offered.  Raynor could walk out there, walk back in and insist everything was fine.  Whether or not she was being honest was, largely, irrelevant.  Tulojow would hold up her end of the bargain. 

But, as Tulojow nodded, confirming the younger Auror had heard the offer correctly, she had complete faith in Tamis Raynor. 

She didn't expect it to take long.  In the empty office, Tulojow leaned forward slightly to kneed her bad knee between two hands.  A string of curses heralded Raynor's return to the office.  Those angry words were magnificent to hear - If the woman was on her way back in to kick Tulojow out, the tone would probably be quite a bit more triumphant.  Tulojow looked up, casually, at Raynor and offered a friendly, pleasant smile.  If they had spent the last few moments arguing, there was no indication of it in her expression or demeanor. 

"The insomnia," Tulojow asked, conversationally.  "Are you not able to sleep or is it simply a lack of time?"  Tulojow suspected this was the type of conversation that Raynor wouldn't, likely, choose to participate in on her own.  But, it was important.  "How long does it take for you to fall asleep and how well do you sleep?" 

Well at least Nadge had not commented. The Head Auror had half expected the woman to gloat – it had been a fifty, fifty chance. She could live with the small smile, especially after the compliments bestow. However the question immediately sent off her defenses again, which she concentrated hard on in order to squish.

“I have nightmares.” She did not elaborate, did not see why she should. It was almost the same issue every night. One could suppress memories while they were awake and shove skeletons back into the closet. But at night? Raynor was utterly defenseless against the musings of the mind and what specific events it decided to recall. She did not have many pleasant memories and the odds were probable that a negative one would be called upon. 

Except recently. Recently she had not been sleeping well for a very different plague on her mind. Subconsciously, the thumb of one had rubbed against the top of her other hand, much the same way Archer had rubbed her hand two nights prior. When she realized this, she immediately stopped and placed both of her hands on top of the desk, intertwining her fingers in annoyance.

Either way, her cat – named exactly that, Cat – had become a familiar late night companion, where Tamis usually sat, drinking a cup of tea, reviewing cases when even Squeak had finally decided to crawl into her little nest in a corner of the living room. Squeak had once insisted sharing Raynor’s bedroom, insisting her Mistress might need her at night, until Tamis’ habitual stirring started to disrupt the little elf’s sleeping patterns. The little things became quite cranky when sleep deprived.

“I wake up frequently, but I get enough sleep to function.” Which is all Tulojow in her professional position should be concerned with.

Tulojow nodded in understanding, letting her leg drop to the floor.  In what she hoped was recognized as a sympathetic gesture, she leaned forward, slightly, letting her head droop slightly.  Because it was internal and, for the most part, hidden from others, people had a tendency to underestimate the power of the brain.  And, for some reason, people were expected to have complete control over their brains and what it produced. 

"Do you have these nightmares every night?"  She asked, gently.  It was easy enough to tell from the younger woman's demeanor that she was expecting the details to remain, largely, off limits.  But, that was, probably, a large part of the problem.  Ignored emotions tended to fester.  "Have you talked to anyone about them?" 

If Tulojow was to guess, the answer was, probably, no.  "You should.  Look - I know you don't like me and I haven't given you a lot of reasons to trust me.  So, if you aren't comfortable talking to me, that's fine.  I can recommend someone else at St. Mungos.  But, things like this - whatever is prompting the nightmare's - only get worse when you ignore them." 

"Have you ever tried taking something to help you sleep?" Tulojow asked.

Silence greeted the question of whether or not she ever talked about her dreams. Luckily, the Healer was able to infer that resounding ‘no’ on her own. The Auror grunted in response, watching her former coworker release the knee she had been kneading without commented on the action. There were very few Aurors had retired able-bodied. Jason MacDonell, a man that would probably be the closest thing Raynor would ever have to a father, was one of the most talented and powerful to have gone through the Corps and he had retired on behalf of a leg injury of his own.

“I do not dislike you, Nagde.”  On a personal level she could not help but find the elder woman strangely endearing in her rebellious way. She also respected the woman greatly. When the retired Auror had something to say, Raynor always listened – oh, she might immediately disregard it or choose not to act on the ‘advice’, but she listened. Not everyone could say the same when they attempted conversation. “I simply think you are some higher being’s idea of Karma.”

 If there were, in fact, higher beings out there, a theory that Tamis often doubted but she did not voice her opinion on too often. Regardless, the woman was most certainly Karma. All those years of challenged authority, of stubbornly taking a stand against others and not backing down. Tulojow Nagde quite often gave her back a taste of her own medicine. While she could live with that, she did find it rather annoying.

However much she would not admit it she preferred to talk to this woman than some poppycock St. Mungo’s appointed psychiatrist.  She took a deep breath.

“I cannot afford an induced sleep, what if I am needed in the middle of the night?” It was the simple truth. As an Auror, and the Head Auror on top of that, her career required her to be available in a moment’s notice if needed. It could be catastrophic if she slept through a summons. “I drink tea, a chamomile, skullcap, valerian root blend. I get enough sleep,” she reiterated.
 
She started to run a hand through her hair and stopped mid-action, forcing the hand back down. Absolutely enough of that. “I know what prompts them,” she said quietly. She knew that Nagde was going to want more than that; she just… did not know how to say it. She did not know how to let her understand. “Have you ever lost someone you care about?”

Tulojow nodded, interpreting the other woman's grunt as a confirmation of what she already suspected.  However, it did confirm one thing Tulojow had been wondering: Tamis didn't have anyone outside of work she could talk to.  Again - it wasn't uncommon for those who were employed on the second floor to have little time or energy for pursuing relationships.  It was a situation that further promoted the department's trend to avoid the emotional side of its employees. 

"Please.  Call me Tulojow.  Or Tulo.  I've never been quite fond of British formalities."  There were situations - among enemies and those with which you were at odds, the social distance was justifiable.  But, among partners - even friends - that barrier was unnecessary.  But, it was a comfort to hear that their previous disagreements were only business deep.  Tulojow smiled warmly across Raynor, finding considerable amusement in the woman's assessment.  "Well, the Dalai Lama has said, the universe that we inhabit and our shared perception of it are the results of a common karma."

Tulojow drew her leather bag towards her, opened it up and fished out a two small vials and set them on the edge of the desk.  "I'm well aware of the requirements of the job and I'd never recommend anything I wouldn't use myself in the field."  Tulojow spent her share of nights out in the field and, certainly it would have been far too risky to take anything that would have knocked her out.  But there were times when it had been too cold or too uncomfortable to sleep at all without assistance. 

"Sleep can be achieved in several different ways - not only just by knocking you out.  And, it sounds like aren't getting much undisturbed sleep.  The powder in the blue vial primarily calms your thoughts though it has a very mild sedative.  You can be roused and you can remain aware of your surroundings and if the need arises to be fully awake before it wears off, it's reversible."  She slid the smaller green vial forward.   

Tulojow smiled sympathetically as the woman opposite her forced her hands down from her hair.  If Tamis Raynor was anything like herself (and at times, Tulojow suspected that was the case), she didn't handle idle time very well and her hands weren't accustomed to being still.  From the bottom of her bag, she fished out one of her preferred counseling aids and handed the small wad of pliable clay across to the auror. 
 
"Then, we have a place to start," Tulojow said, gently.  Tulojow grew quiet for a moment as the question was turned around.  Though she was more aware of the hypocrisy than most, Tulojow shared many of her colleague's tendency to avoid what was uncomfortable - it was always easier council someone else than open yourself up to uncomfortable emotions.  Especially with her years of being at odds with the auror office, Tulojow was known for being quite reserved with her personal life. 

But, if opening up herself helped break the ice, she was willing to lead by example.  She nodded, gently.  "I have.  My father was a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force - his plane was lost between Iceland and Ireland during the Second World War when I was nine.  My mother had died in childbirth to my brother four years earlier."  She hesitated a moment before running her own hands through her own hair. 

"When I was twenty-three, my first son passed away a month after he was born - the muggle doctors called it failure to thrive.  When I was stationed down in South Africa, I had twins.  I was out in the field when a flash flood claimed both of them.  I miscarried twice after that before I accepted the family life wasn't written in my stars.  And, of course, we've lost too many colleagues over four decades."  She nodded her head.