1 March 2012
7pm, Thursday night prep
Great Hall

"Oh, they did not...!" Zeta had open in her hands a letter from Zonko's Joke Shop.

Zonko's Joke Shop
High Street
Hogsmeade, Scotland

29 February 2012

Salutations     MISS  PEPEER    ,

Thank you for contacting Zonko's Joke Shop! We love receiving letters from our fans!

In regards to your inquiry regarding    Nibble's Instant Wacky-Wolf Werewolf Pops   , we offer our

 congratulations
 condolences
 gratitude
condescending pats on the head

We are happy to assure you that Nibble's Instant Wacky-Wolf Werewolf Pops are 110% safe and 110% effective in producing hilarity and side-splitting laughter in all your little friends! Zonko's Joke Shop stands with the werewolf community and so we are including a coupon for 3 sickles off any purchase of Nibble's Instant Wacky-Wolf Pops.

Hilariously yours,
Elle Owell
Public Relations
Zonko's Joke Shop

In the relative silence of the supervised study hour, Zeta narrowed her eyes and glowered around for someone to share in her frustration. Zeta and a few others had learned of the super offensive new product after some seventh years brought them back from February's Hogsmeade weekend and sent in several owls to object. They'd been very articulate and made very good points and Zonko's had just ... brushed them off!

And they'd spelled her name wrong. This would not stand.

"They form lettered you?!" Ayla had of course instantly looked up when Zeta called out her indignation. She had leaned over across the table they were studying at to read the letter upsidedown.

"Why is condescending Pat on the head even an option?"

While she hadn't been entirely convinced that their letters to the joke shop would have been enough to get the product removed she didn't think any of them expected the response to be this!

She felt a burn of rage start to boil up inside her. This just wasn't cool. They couldn't just treat them like children throwing a tantrum. Sure, they were still in Hogwarts but most of the sixth and seventh years that were involved were legally adults now and they deserved to be treated as such.

"So we're boycotting them now right?"

For once Lucinda had actually gone down to the great hall to do some studying, she likely planned not to again, even if big groups weren't her thing anymore she figured it wouldn't be that busy, along with the start of countdown to next full moon she wanted to be somewhere more public, atleast then she had more control over acting up, she wouldn't want to start getting angry or snap at people in public...she has several times, but SAWS wasn't as public, and the other incidents...still not as busy? But she figured it would be better to help control herself.

As she read the letter she had received however, from her section in the Great Hall some...colourful language was spouted that might blister a nuns ears. To her credit she wasn't being overly loud, just her voice traveled very well.

She quickly balled it up and tossed the ball as hard as she could away from herself[1], giving a grunt of annoyance.

It wasn't even that she cared. She did of course, but she was somewhat hesitant to send it. Its more that they didn't even have the courtesy to actually reply and to just instead give a 'condescending pats on the head' what a great way to show a werewolf you care when you pat them like a dog.

1.	Can hit someone if you want to be assaulted by paper!

Thursdays were one of the longest days for Aoide. All lessons from eight until three. Defence, double herbology, charms, then history and astronomy after lunch. As such, there was always a lot of homework. Defence for Monday, being the most urgent, and feared.

Aoide, duly heeding her mother’s strong advice about work, was at the Hufflepuff table, diary open, working on said homework. Her tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she copied out a definition from her textbook. But nearby kerfuffle with parchment and envelopes drew her attention away.

“So we’re boycotting them now right?” Aoide heard Ayla say. The first year was always alarmed to hear the older students speak so loudly during supervised study, as they risked house points and detention if they were deemed too noisy. Hufflepuff needed all the points they could get and retain, especially with Wesley, who was in Aoide’s class.

With the cover of Lucinda's exclamation from Gryffindor, curiosity got the better of her.

“Boycotting who?” She whispered sitting up straight to try and see what they were looking at.

Tim had enjoyed two free lessons that afternoon, which like a good Ravenclaw, he had spent on his assignments. Double potions on a Thursday morning always gave way to a lump of work to be done for Monday, so Tim was glad of the opportunity to attend to it fresh in his mind.

That evening in the great hall he had brought runes and arithmancy. They were shorter pieces and then he hoped for an early night, as they’d been up late for two hours of astronomy until midnight. Much as Tim enjoyed wondering about the heavens, tracking them in February was chilly.

“Don’t be investing in property during May,” Tim quietly advised Akira. He was using her for his practise analysis, glad it was about money and luck rather than romantic compatibility which they’d covered once more ahead of valentines day. As was with any study session with his girlfriend of almost two months, something sugary was within finger distance. All in all, it was a rather pleasant night until

THWACK

The balled up letter bounced off the crown of Tim’s head. It had sailed clean over the Hufflepuff table from the Gryffindor table, not that Tim had seen.

“What the?” He exclaimed, “who threw that?” It had landed on the table amongst everyone’s books. Tim glanced about to try and spot it.[1]

1.	But someone else is free to snatch it up

"So we're boycotting them now right?" Ayla Collins asked quite prophetically.

“Boycotting who?” Aoide Shacklebolt asked, an invitation for exposition.

"Dead arse we are," Zeta confirmed grimly and slid the letter to wee Aoide. "Zonko's. They've got a hilarious new product called Werewolf Pops that make you fuzzy when you eat them. And this is how they respond to our demands they stop carrying them."

A bit of commotion the next table over was hard to miss - cousin Tim was looking truly offended. In the nearer ground, Lucinda was fuming. She'd been part of the letter-writing effort. Seemed she'd gotten her own crumby letter.  Zeta flipped open her notebook and scribbled out a note on the lined paper. It said, Cool Kids Boycott Zonko's 2012, and then a skull with heart eyes.

"If nobody shops at Zonko's," Zeta explained as she folded the note into a little bird, "then they'll lose loads of money and think twice next time they come up with a werewolf joke."

She gave the bird-folded note a tap of her wand, and it flitted off towards Lucinda.

 

The balled up form letter which had recently ricocheted off Tim Pepper's head rolled down Ravenclaw table to Frank Sellaphix who swiped it up and un-crumpled it. In a court of law he wasn't passing notes so much as examining mysterious litter...

"Salutations, Miss Timple..." Frank read the greeting aloud. Who was Miss Timple and why was Zonko's sending her a letter about (Frank smoothed out the paper more) prank candy? Akira was the obvious and most accessible choice in all matters sweets.

"Akira," Frank slid down towards Akira who was, as always, with Tim Pepper. "Do you know what this is?"

Akira had, like Tim, some free time that afternoon which she spent also working on her homework, around two hours before end of the day. She figured she had a good run on her homework and managed to get a barebones worked out from her homework, so it was passable just needed more to it. Ultimately this made her decide that this study session was mostly pointless for her.

So she had been drawing ducks for awhile now. Listing off the ducks in her mind, the Ruddy Duck, the Mallard, the Peking Duck, the Swan. Many people wouldn't call the Swan a duck, but Akira knew better, she'd read the Ugly Duckling. She had also taken the precaution of practicing Charms by animating the ducks on her page, then it was technically homework as she was practicing spells!

Tim was going on with boring money stuff, Akira was perfect with money, two galleons a week on sweets was reasonable. "But why not buy in May? Its just before the summer holidays." She asked lackadaisically as she rested on his arm, it would slow his writing sure but it made a good napping post. She showed some interest in the ball and Frank's reaction though, was there to be a paper fight? She already had a few in her bag prepared for this occassion!

She made sure to move off of Tim as she read the sheet Frank slid over. "Hey Tim its addressed to you. Miss Tim." She muttered jokingly before reading the rest. Then energetically jumped up in her seat. "Oh I know!" In a reversal of her napping mood. "They have this horrible sweet that makes hair grow all over, you'd look like a Sasquatch!" Or possibly worse, a hairy duck.

Feliks had gone to the lavatory, and was returning to his seat in the Great Hall by taking the most natural route - a circuitous one through the aisles between other house tables. He did not mind doing homework or reading but he also did not like sitting still for very long.

This was when he heard a commotion over at the Gryffindor table, just as he was passing by Zeta. He had meant to ask her about the letter writing to Zonko's. Feliks did not think the werewolf pops were bad but he did not care either way and accepted that it was a bad thing outside of his own feelings. It's not like he couldn't turn his face hairy like a werewolf if he wanted to anyway.

            "If nobody shops at Zonko's..." Zeta was saying.

A paper bird sailed over his head and he stopped in at the Hufflepuff table, squeezing himself intrusively next to Aoide and leaning over to look at the older Hufflepuffs.

"But we can only go to Zonko's on Hogsmeade weekend, no?" Feliks joined in on the conversation without so much as a greeting. "Um, you can only," he amended a little wistfully; he wished he could go out on those weekends too, to meet his papa and Johann.

Craning his neck to catch a glimpse of the letter, he pulled a face. "That isn't a lot of money. SAWS isn't big," Feliks stated as a matter-of-fact. "You should go tell them off, like when Professor Storm tells us off."

But probably with less hexing, he thought.

Feliks joined them, and immediately Zeta was perturbed. He was a ragamuffin. Getting better, but still a ragamuffin and Zeta had better things to worry about than answer his ignorant, immature questions. Meanwhile, Akira was popping off like popcorn with some sugar-fueled non sequitur. Children, she thought, bemoaning her decision to lead this motley crew. They really needed more older students.

Zeta was fully prepared to write off whatever Feliks said, but then she actually processed his suggestion and she froze, gazing off a thousand yards. He was right.

"Oh my Merlin," she said and laid her hand on the table between them all. She hissed the idea: "we should have a protest. That's genius. Can't believe I didn't think of that. All the best movements have protests. Shit! People, we're going gonna have a protest."

She sat back and crossed her arms. This was their best idea yet. SAWS had never had a protest before and if they got enough people, no one could ignore them.

Zeta suggested her bottom was dead. Aoide wasn’t sure what was meant by that, but she was glad the older girl explained what they were whispering about.

“… make you fuzzy?” Aoide echoed as Zeta spoke, wrinkling her nose up. What a weird thing to do. She had imagined her tongue becoming furry, unbeknownst to the others.

“… this is how they respond to our demands they stop carrying them.”

Aoide wriggled to kneel on the bench so she could prop herself over on her elbows and read the letter better. Her head popped up a little above the line of Hufflepuff heads either side, but hopefully not too much to attract the Professors. She was still very confused as to why Zeta wanted Zonkos to stop selling something that made your tongue furry when she caught the missing piece of dialogue.

“… think twice next time they come up with a werewolf joke.”

“Ohhhhhh!” The picture in Aoide’s head of a furry tongue like a cat’s tail vanished and transformed into growing fur all over. This was a SAWS thing.

Then suddenly there was a Feliks, out of nowhere. What was he doing over here? He was meant to be at the Slytherin table. Aoide looked round at him in surprise.
“You should go tell them off, like when Professor Storm tells us off.”
“You should go back to your table before he tells you off.” Aoide suggested, but not primly, more out of care and concern, but Zeta interrupted and was even louder.

“Oh my Merlin. We should have protest.”

A protest? Aoide couldn’t help but feel she was a step behind everyone. Gosh, if her mum had heard Zeta swear like that, she would have hexed her tongue! Aoide found herself imagining Zeta with that furry cat-tail tongue from her earlier thought and shook her head to dismiss the thought.

“How do we hold a protest?” Aoide asked, lowering her voice with worry, “I don’t think the teachers will like it.”

Frank in the year below snapped it up, uncrumpling the paper promptly before reading it out to those around them.

“Salutations, Miss Timple…” Tim frowned, trying to think where he’d heard that name before. “Akira, do you know what this is?”

“Hey Tim it’s addressed to you. Miss Tim.” Akira grasped the paper. Tim rubbed the back of his head again and leaned closer to read over her shoulder. If it was addressed to him then that was why it had smacked into his head. Was this because he’d clarified the homework with best intentions and some Slytherin had taken umbrage?

“Oh I know! They have this horrible sweet that makes hair grow all over, you’d look like a Sasquatch!” Akira put two and two together. Tim noted the headed notepaper was from Zonko’s.

“It’s not addressed to me,” he pointed out. “I think that’s addressed to Lucinda in my year, Lucy Temple. There isn’t anyone called Timple at Hogwarts as far as I know.” He twisted round on the bench to see if he could spot Lucinda, still unsure if her aim had been intentional, and caught sight of a commotion on the Hufflepuff table between them.

“I get the feeling this isn’t the only one.” Tim suggested to Frank and Akira with a sigh. “And there might be more in the morning,” because he’d written too, but not been amongst the first to send. He’d had to complete his homework before sending letters to companies about sweets. Ravenclaws had priorities.

It wasn't to him? But Timple was a great name! Why wouldn't he want his name to be Timple? It certainly sounded more wizardy then Timothy. And he was bigger then her so she can't call him Tiny Tim, so Timple it would be she swore to herself. However if she remembers was something that only Morgana would decide ultimately.

"Oooh you mean Loony Lucy? Or Moody Lucy? Or are they the same?" She asked as she rested herself back down onto the seat, going to lean onto him, she needed a good pillow as this was all starting to get boring to her, she still had more ducks to draw but they can wait, they were ink and paper and ducks were very patient. Just like those bees that wait for you to surface above water to sting you. Ducks would wait patiently..

"If you wrote one, can I use your voucher from the letter?" She didn't want to prank anyone, but she knew there would be profit, while Timple knew not to buy property in May. She knew that buying some sweets for cheap that may be put out of production due to a movement, there may be some good money in the future.

For once a paperplane wasn't intercepted in the hall by a student firing water, unlike her attempts to get the Headmaster's attention. She had the plane land on her book, although at the time she was more interested in where her ball had managed to land as she heard a noise from the Ravenclaws. Tim and some weird girl a few years down were going over it with the weird girl getting overexcited. She was assuming it was a girl anyway, they were in a girls uniform and fawning over Tim but their shape and hair at this distance didn't help.

She read the paperplane and..was it a joke? A boycott really? Oh cause that would show them, not buying from a store she already doesn't buy from. The loveheart skull was upsetting to her with a myriad of emotions. With a swish and mutter of her wand she moved the ink around to reform before flying it back towards Zeta. The plane now reading.

"Fire solves everything." with a small little moving ink flame on the page.

She didn't think Zeta would approve, but she had been making nice progress with her fire making skills recently and it would be nice to try it out.

“If you wrote one, can I use your voucher from the letter?”

“You ask that like you won’t ferret it out the moment I open the envelope…” Tim(ple) retorted with a raised eyebrow. “Maybe I might use it to get you something for a certain person’s birthday.”

He pretended to be above it all, putting on an act to wind her up gently. Akira’s 13th birthday was in a week, putting them back to just a year apart before Tim’s birthday followed in late April. Akira didn’t know it yet, but Tim had already got her something from Honeydukes the last weekend the fourth years had been allowed to go. He’d asked Xander to hide the present in his trunk in their dormitory, to be safe.

“If you’d written your own letter, you’d get one too.” Tim shook his head, disapproving but still teasing. “But I dare you to go ask Lucy for hers, if she hasn’t already torn it up.”