Talisha Crowe had gained a good grace or few with the Aurors over the years. She'd done her training under a Ministry prosecutor early on(nevermind it was Theodora Kingstreet), she was sassy not salty when representing her low-life clients, and she exuded such an air of bumbling eccentricity she seemed like no threat at all.

"I'll just be waiting here," she called to the Auror who'd gone to get a file. Talisha flipped open a compact and held it up close close close to her face. With her long middle finger she appeared, maybe, to be correcting a smear of her mascara, but really she had her finger firmly pressed onto her false eye. She slid it around while she waited. Every second or two, she drew her hand away and tilted her chin around to take a look, then continued fiddling.

Then she saw the bright red box. Talisha pivoted around and snapped the compact shut. It was a box of chocolates here in the pit. Unconcerned if anyone was watching, Talisha flicked at box and its contents with the tip of her wand.

"Hel-lo, handsome," she said in a deep voice.

In a pink dress, Abby made the rounds in the bullpen, dropping off her animagus/animal-inspired valentines. For Raine, her card read 'I lynx like you', and Fauna was getting one with an owl. 'Hoot hoot cutie!'

Though she had to work today, she might as well make the most of it until she saw Sasha later. She had a card for him too, and something extra. Because Abby liked to be extra.

She passed a vase of fresh flowers on one desk, and heart-shaped balloons at another. Even Aurors got into the spirit of things once in a while. Aurors, or their more sentimental partners.

Abby neared Fauna's desk. A red, heart-shaped box sat out in the open.

And then it was gone.

Talisha Crowe, the culprit. Case solved! Abby recognized her from the Figaro case last year, and knew her to be a bit of an oddball. Odd eyeball too, though that wasn't polite to say.

Abby raised her eyebrows at the lawyer, and set the valentine where the box had been.

"What are you doing? Saving Fauna from Ministry chocolates?"

She glanced around at the other desks. Oh wow, had she missed something special today?

A young blond witch approached. Talisha knew who she was but by face only. Luckily Abby's name appeared in a gentle curl of smoke and floated above her head. The spectral clue provided to Talisha's eye alone dissipated in the breeze of movement.[1]

Fauna Blake? "Never heard of her in my life," she lied with a wink.

"Abby Reid, squib, fetching assistant to one Solomon Carstairs. He's got secrets, you know," Talisha said picking up a chocolate truffle and holding it between her fingers like chopsticks. She extended her left hand to Abby. Talisha had one of those awkward handshakes where she only included her knobbly fingers. Her hands were always cold.

"These, on the other hand, are right out in the open."  She popped the chocolate into her mouth, closed her eyes, and grunted with pleasure.

Talisha did tend to make herself at home, but she gave as good as she got. She played nice with the Aurors and made eye contact with the supporting staff. Of course, she wasn't shy about shredding their work to bits in court, but the professional favor was always returned.

1.	One of Talisha's eyes seems to utilize similar magic that allows the Marauder's map to display names of those in the map.

Well duh, her boss had secrets! That was his job. Solomon Carstairs, department head, secret keeper extraordinaire. Abby Reid, squib, species 59016. No, that didn't have the same ring to it. Maybe because the lawyer shouldn't have called her out on it. Wixes had no idea how much their little throwaway comments added up over time.

"Don't we all, Ms. Crowe?" Abby shrugged, forcing a smile. After a moment's hesitation, she shook her hand lightly. Cold fingers.

Right out in the open, she said. But still on Fauna's desk. Abby blinked as the lawyer popped one of the chocolates into her mouth. Could be for everyone! Probably for everyone.

Abby took a seat on the edge of the desk and glanced at the inside of the lid. A heart-shaped note was stuck to it.

"Oooo!-ewww," Abby changed her tune halfway through, picking up the note.

"There's a note that says 'for the darling'?"

She peered at the feminine handwriting. Who would risk calling Fauna 'darling' on Level Two? Someone's mum? Abby glanced around the bullpen.

"I'm going to hazard a guess that this is not from the Ministry," she waved the note in the air. And not for everyone's consumption, either. Too late now!

Talisha could coo and coddle if she felt like it as easily as you could light your wand and douse it again.

"For the darling," Talisha repeated. Her speech was a little garbled because she was still chewing. She leaned over to have a look at the card. It certainly did seem personal and personable, not really the style of the Ministry of Magic which aimed for institutional, falsely friendly, and vaguely ominous. If the Ministry sent out Valentines this had to be the first year.

It was taking more time to chew than a typical chocolate caramel, but then Talisha bit down on something crunchy and we aren't talking a hazelnut. She made an unhappy noise and spat something into her hand. Sloppy with saliva and half mascerated chocolate was a chittering black beetle the size of her thumb resting there in her hand. It had some great hood ornamant on its brow and then with a buzz it fluttered it's crispy wings.

Even Talisha looked a bit rattled as she held it away from her and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Hazard is the word. Snap my wand, not my favorite, was it!"

Abby sat on the edge of the desk, staring in disgust at the thing in Crowe's hand.

For a moment, several strange thoughts flitted through her head. Did the lawyer hate chocolates that much? Did she have something like a black gumball in her mouth this whole time? Was Abby the prankster getting pranked?

Then the thing... moved. It let out a faint buzz. Its twisted wings fluttered.

"Godric's grave!" Abby squealed, hopping up from the desk and bumping into the cubicle wall. The valentines she was holding drifted out of her hands.

The thing - the beetle - oh god she'd heard the crunch! Fluttered crookedly up in the air a few inches above Crowe's palm. It dropped back into Crowe's palm.

It fluttered up again, managed to fly a few inches to the side, and dropped to the floor.

Abby, who had literally come back from the dead a few months ago, Abby, who had faced much worse and stranger things than this, let out a short scream.

She then came to her senses and stepped on the poor beetle. Crunch, again!

On her way to the loo, Tulojow had spotted the cluster of youth surrounding another's desk.  They were arranged in that giggly, clustery sort of fashion that suggested antic - likely related to the holiday.  And, therefore, unlikely to spark the interest of jaded septarian whose luck in romance had been poor, even when she'd had the benefit of youthful vigor. 

As Tulojow returned to her office, she initially disregarded the continued Cupid-induced excitement over in the cubicles as more of the same.  Long, withered fingers rested on her doorknob when the tone behind her shifted from giggly conspiracy to squealy, moderate alarm. 

Tulojow turned and snaked her way between the cubicles to the pair of younger women clustered around Fauna's desk.  The open box of confection confirmed a silly cupid was behind the excitement.  However, the crunched, gooey remains of a beetle hinted that this wasn't a typical celebration of romance. 

"Are prank chocolate this year's romantic fad?" she asked, eying the beetle on the floor before looking at the two younger women with a slight grin.  "Everyone loves a new marketing gimmick." 

Talisha snapped her gaze from the carnage on the stone floor up to Abby with her straw-gold hair with a look she'd wear if someone spoke badly of her mother. If the custody of the beetle was in question, Talisha was its clear biological mother.

Abby's startled squeak drew the attention of - Talisha read the hidden smoke - Tulojow Nagde. A name unfamiliar enough that Talisha would have remembered it if she'd heard it before. Talisha offered a snappish imitation of a polite smile and gave Tulojow Nagde a once over.

"That was mine," she reported to the older witch who looked like she could cow any Auror in this place and could certainly handle little Abby Reid.

"Well, the beetle's mine. The chocolate's for the Darling."

As she said it, her left eye started to list to the left on its own. And further and further and further. Talisha blinked to set it back in place but it seemed to be moving on its own.

Abby returned Crowe's glare with a look of pure astonishment. The bug had crawled out of her mouth. Out of her mouth. What did she want to do, frame it?

Oh good, Tulo! Tulo making jokes. Abby was all for making jokes at a time like this, but could they not make jokes at a time like this?

Slowly, Abby wiped her shoe on the tile and left a streak of dark gooey crunchy grossness. Later, Abby would pretend it was a petty move, a rebellious move, but in her heart of hearts she just wanted some semblance of control. Her heart still beat fast, and she took a shaky breath.

"Yours?" She shook her head at Crowe, laughing breathlessly. "What, did you gift it to her and then decide to partake?"

Someone (possibly Crowe) had a terrible sense of humor. Abby glanced at Tulo for support, and showed her the heart-shaped note with the words 'for the darling' on it. They were all involved now. Involved in the weird beetle drama.

It didn't take long for Tulojow to suspect there was some underlying dynamic transpiring between the two younger woman.   Whether there was history behind it was a mystery.  Women had an innate ability to squabble over the most peculiar of topics though, admittedly, squished beetles was a new one. 

Tulojow slipped a kerchief from her pocket and, supporting herself with one hand on the desk for balance, she leaned over and carefully pried the insect's remains from the cold floor. 

"Were you wanting it back?" she offered with a slight grin as she extending the kerchief and squished bug to the older of the two younger women. 

The Darling was such a peculiar title of affection.  Tulojow had never had the best of luck in the romance arena but she didn't remember any of her three ex-husbands referring to her using a direct article.  But, kids did weird things these days. 

"My understanding is that it's best to let the giftee open the gift, first," Tulojow offered, not entirely sure she wanted to get into the middle of this Chocolate Beetle Drama.  CBD.  Despite the apparent seriousness of the situation, Tulojow couldn't help but giggle at her own little private joke. 

CBD-infused chocolates would have been a much better gift. 

"Chocolate-covered insects can be tasty but, usually, they insects aren't living."

"Were you wanting it back?"

"Well not now," Talisha said, her ire fading. She sat back against the desk again feeling more curious now than cross. She picked up another chocolate with one hand, adjusting her wandering eye with another. She wanted another beetle at least to see what sort it was.  Depending on the supply of chocolate, she could find herself in a lucrative side hust-- oh my.

Talisha's false eye fell out of its socket. She shoved the little chocolate cube at Abby Reid and dropped to her knee. The eye was made of a hard glass and bounced and skittered on the hard floor. It wasn't a sphere, more of an oblong meant to sit comfortably behind the lid.

"Don't touch it," she snipped clawing for it. It would be a very bad idea indeed for a stranger to handle the heirloom.

But the chocolate wasn't finished. She froze where she was and tilted her head back, her hands hovered above her face, tentative and waiting, hesitant to touch. Tiny black legs pulled her eyelids open like the flap of a tent, and another black beetle crawled out. Talisha's good eye peered at it across the bridge of her nose. She moved her left hand ever so slowly to catch it before it could fly away.

"I think ... " she whispered, "I've done ... the recipient ... a favor ..."

Abby stared in blank astonishment at Tulo. She looked down at the napkin with the crushed beetle inside, and looked back at Tulo. Abby held her hands up. Thanks but no thanks! She looked at Talisha Crowe, who had picked up Another. Chocolate.

She looked at Tulo.

Wow, what was that she heard in the distance? Was that her boss calling her? Abby! Abby come back to the realm of sanity! Ok boss! Right away.

Abby took a step away from Fauna's desk. She took the offered chocolate from Talisha. Why did she take the chocolate?

"Wow, I just remembered I have to-"

Eyeball.

A glass eyeball popped out of the lawyer's eye socket. Abby took another step away, no longer concerned about the bottom of her shoe, or the beetle goo on the floor, or about beetles in general, until another beetle - a second beetle! - crawled out of Talisha Crowe's eye socket.

"Ahhh!"

Abby's hands flew up, and the chocolate went leaping into the air.

In mid-air, the chocolate burst open.

Apparently, some memo had gone out to all of Level 2 about this being Eyeballs Acting Weird Day and it had missed Tulojow’s inbox.  Abby’s gaze kept flickering between Tulojow and the napkin, her lids so wide open that here eyes looked like they were on the verge of popping out.  Crowe’s were achieving what Abby’s were attempting. 

Tulojow might have been offended by being left out of the memo loop, if she were a more sensitive sort.

Since neither of the young women seemed to want the squished beetle, Tulojow lifted her wand to vanish the poor ex-insect but hesitated before casting the charm.  Just in case, she carefully folded the bug into the kerchief and slipped it into her pocket.   

In the blink of an eye – no pun intended – things started to happen in rapid succession.  Like a scene from the X-Files, a living, intact bug was crawling out of the lawyer’s skull and Abby’s hand flew up, launching the chocolate into the air.  Tulojow swiftly flicked her wand up in the air, conjuring an umbrella out of the tip of it and stepped forward in an attempt to, at least, cover Abby. 

In imitation of the most disappointing firework, the chocolate erupted into a shower of bugs.

“The Magical Maintenance Department is going to be very cross with us,” Tulojow muttered under her breath. 

“No idea where these came from or how they got here?”

One might say the sound of the bugs hitting the parasol would be indescribably, but it sounded exactly like bugs hitting an awning during a strange storm at Talisha's home in Slandermouth. All of the beetles, exactly like the first two. big, crunchy with black iridescent shells. Their little claws were grabby and some kind of horn on their heads were prickly. Talisha snapped up her eye and got to her feet, stepping back from the fallout radius.

Tulojow Nagde seemed as cool as a cucumber but Abby Reid was frozen on the spot. Talisha was now settled somewhere between the two.

"You'd think we'd be more careful about the post considering those murders,"[1] Talisha said raking her fingers through her curls. Her interest in the bugs as family or companion or snack was now gone. One was cute, two was company, four hundred was a crowd.

As the bugs crawled and clicked and buzzed around, Talisha started rummaging on the desk for the packaging. There was no brown paper, there was no stamp, there were now tell-tale divots in the bright red box so characteristics of owl delivery.

"The candy has come from inside the house," she said, a shadow darkening in her eyes, her dark purple lip curling into a sinister grin. Then, she blinked and shook her head. "Building. Not house, building. You know, internally."

1.	Plot:  Murder By Mail