If found on Rigel kill him report to me and the Headmaster

No one is to read this!

Even you Zeta!


List of friends and others

Knox Greyfriar: Headmaster of the school. He seems to care for me and will be open with me. Will protect me and answer questions but I think I need a more less male werewolf to ask things about.
He is the bearer of bad decisions and bad news. Even he doesn't know what to do and he's the best of us. So what can I do?
Teaching me the Patronus, hope its not a wolf!

Zeta Pepper: She is so kind and friendly, met her at the lake when I was swimming, first person I told about being a werewolf. I think I may have a crush. Will ask about it and hope for the best <3
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Tim Pepper: Boy in my class, I've never really spoken to him, only really interacted during the SAWS meeting I think. He seems nice like Zeta. Possibly good looking?

Greer Grant:  Other Hogwarts Werewolf. I've not spoken to her much, outside of Werewolf situations anyway. She's more childish atleast. I hate her. And I will make sure no one harms her.
Lost us house points and I may need to babysit her! Boo!

Rigel: A slytherin and I hate him. Cocky ass who thinks he's so smart. I'm going to hex him.

Eirene Antonpolous?: I'm so sorry! I hope I can do something to make things right!

M: Swearing, Mild Sexual Language?

First entry into this thing I guess. Not that I’m really looking forwards to it, I’m likely to forget very often but I suppose it is a good way to vent. So I can write anything I want in here.
I don’t know how I’m going to organize this and its likely to change very often. But here is the past week. It’s the 10th now around mid day. So lets start with during the full moon.

Jan 2nd
The welcome back feast, I felt so out of place, everyone was in their friend groups and talking about what they did over Christmas. What did I do? I felt like transformations were more enjoyable. I had spent my birthday mostly alone, family sent their best wishes and some gifts. Mainly Weather in a Bottle and some sweets. Some money also but I won’t get much until I go home, whenever that is. My extended family sent a variety of things, one of my aunts meant well I know, but she sent me some questionable items. A cash grab book about werewolves that is all fake, and items that are recommended from the book including: Apparent cure to silver, some male dog scent in a tub, peanut butter and a sex toy. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHO GIVES THEIR NIECE THAT STUFF? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER I am never going to be able to look at her in the eyes again. I can never tell anyone about it and I’m not even sure what to do with it I’m not even sure if I’m into men and just. It was not the birthday I was expecting. My grandmother and some other members from my dads American side all sent me howlers and threatened to kill me if I go near them. So that was nice.
I went off topic I just needed to get it out. But there was that, me sending some letters to Zeta that helped keep me sane somewhat and seeing Knox about something he freaking forgot. I asked to announce myself or get announced at the feast which HE FORGOT. So that didn’t happen. And that I was to go with him and Greer Grant to the Ministry for transformation. More on that later.
But yeah so Rigel and Tim shouted across the hall, I was out of place. I did not want to be there at all.

Jan 5th
SAWS was a mistake. I am so sorry Zeta. So we had talked about SAWS before when Zeta (Pepper) said about it when I came out to her. So we talked more over Christmas and she set it all up, I feel really bad that she did all the work. Even worse that she will get the blame for how badly it went. Some of her family were there, one of them is a boy in my class called Tim. He was shouting during the feast back.
Not much ended up happening really, as very quickly into it a Slytherin named Rigel decided to be a complete asshole and started accusing us of lying. Then shouted about how I was a werewolf. And he stole Zeta’s wand! How she managed to last 3 days without a wand is up to anyones guess but I snapped. I slapped him, it felt so good.
What didn’t feel so good though was I half stripped. I don’t even know why, it seemed good at the moment but oh my god why did I do it? It was sooooo dumb! Doesn’t help I didn’t have a good bra on either but hopefully no one really looked at that I’m pretty sure my scars were more eye catching. I hope. I don’t want to give people some material for night.
But I got planted on my ass by him. What is up with those moves? Then he started to try taking the high road and acting like he’s a good person. One day I will tear his throat out and watch him gasp wordlessly.
Lots of people left before the end of it, Zeta tried salvaging but I’m going to be the reason she is disliked, for trying to do this and I’m just so sorry Zeta. I don’t know how I will ever make it known enough. I made sure to leave as best I could before anyone noticed, I hope.

Jan 7th
I saw Rigel at the lake and I snapped at him. He tried telling me some bullshit story and I hate him. I broke down infront of him. I won’t show weakness like that again.

Jan 9th
Yesterday I guess. I went with Greer and Knox to the ministry, I don’t remember much honestly, I try not to. I’m not sure how much I don’t remember is on purpose or actually forgetting. I’ve got some new scars on me though, one on the left of my neck going from halfway to behind my ear. A new one on my stomach that hurts quite a bit but its more from slouching I believe. One on my right thigh also but isn’t as visible.

Today

As an aside my nightmares have changed. I usually have a nightmare where I slaughter my own parents and they kill me. But its changed now, now I chase and attack those at school and the headmaster takes me out. I don’t want to relive it. So that’s all I can say.

Today is now the 10th and I’m writing this while in bed, I’ve not gone to lessons nor am I going to. I woke about an hour ago and finally decided to write this. I don’t know if I’ll continue.
Tomorrow though I’m going to try to find Zeta, I have something I need to tell her. Will write about it after I guess.

January 11th

So its the 11th today, I don't want to go out. I've been out a small bit, I tried attending a class but everything is so confusing, all muddled. I went to first period but my class wasn't there. Apparently it was lunch time. I just don't know what is going on anymore, I can't grasp onto time very well, by the time I got back to my room it was already 4pm.

I got a new nightmare last night, so I'm not going to be able to sleep again, I don't know when I will be able to without a nightmare. In this one I was dueling someone, the moon then came out and I started to transform. I heard someone I know scream and then a man, strong jaw and looking like he was made in stone. He wore some odd armour and he grabbed me, everything burnt like I was in flames before I was pushed into a cage. Then I was put down.
Atleast its different from my other reoccurring nightmare, keeping it fresh. Other one was getting boring anyway.

While out in the castle I managed to bump into Zeta very briefly, I handed her a note. Hopefully we can meet at the boat shed tonight. I need someone close and I think I might like her.
Not just like her, like her like her. As in I want to be close. I know what I mean!
But hopefully it goes well, but I think she's just going to reject me, please don't let her hate me.
I just want someone close I can lean on, stroke my head until I sleep.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

If I am to meet her, I need to go now. Hopefully will be able to write what happens. Wish me luck!

The page has water markings on it in places and some slight ink smudging from small droplets hitting it during writing.

Its night now.

I met Zeta.

I need to leave the castle.

I tried not to panic too much the other night, I didn't want to write about it. Writing makes it real, but the papers already did that.
Two werewolves are missing. From a safe house. A SAFE HOUSE! What are the point of them if they aren't safe? We're just cattle to be slaughtered? And Knox just wants us to go to them? Where anyone can go and just point at us saying. "Kill that dog." WHY! He could of just given us places on the school grounds. It would of been safer! He's done it!

Not only that but the Head of Level 4. So a very bloody important person, is now also dead.

But we are expected to walk into the Ministry and just trust them not to let us get murdered? Whats harder to break into and kill people in. The hidden location with guards that no one knows about. Or the place where thousands work and has been infiltrated numerous times? Want an obvious case? HARRY POTTER. HERMIONE GRANGER. RONALD WEASLEY! They weren't even Hogwart graduates and they broke in to the supposedly most guarded place during the reign of a Dark Lord! Now that we aren't in war we are expected to just sit tight somewhere with poor security that aren't expecting attacks?

Even Knox is concerned. I've never seen him shaken like that. He can't protect us, he knows it. He's the most powerful wizard and he won't be able to do anything. Then who can protect us?

All I had to hold onto was that maybe Zeta liked me back. But now I know she doesn't, atleast not in the way I was hoping. She likes me like a little sister? Is that sister zoning or family zoning? Either way, I don't think I can ever look her in the eye again.

I need somewhere to go, I'm not safe, Knox can't protect the two of us, Zeta can't comfort me. I need somewhere to go, or somewhere to hide. That no one can ever find me and I'll be safe.

I feel lightheaded and other then sadness, I just feel numb.

I wish I could just crawl into a hole and let the world forget about me.

So things got sort of worse, and then better, but they're still bad. But also better!

Why am I writing this

What is the point of this diary?

I went to see the headmaster, he was too hufflepuff and too concerned with me. Good and bad:
Good: I'm going to learn the Patronus now
Bad: I'm going to learn the Patronus now
Good: I can leave Hogwarts soon
Bad: Its in a couple of years
Good: I can still go to Hogsmeade weekend
Bad: I have to learn the Patronus and babysit Greer

Atleast that is my main take away from it, Knox also found out some stuff I didn't want him to know, such as me asking out Zeta. Which now that he knows, everyone will know. As soon as more then two know about something in Hogwarts, everyone will know. Secrets cannot be kept.


During breakfast yesterday Greer and some other munchkin from our house got into a fight, I thought spraying with water like rioters would work, it didn't. I think the grasp of it was Greer accidentally knocked her off the bench. Some petty thing I don't know its stupid but either way she got into a fight and we lost alot of points. So thanks Greer.

Apparently there was an anti werewolf flier, I never really saw it properly but people kept talking about it. How did they get into the Prophet though?

Finally I met Eirene, now that the fact I'm a werewolf is out, the people I was with have become assholes and Jessica can suck on her boyfriend and choke to death. She deserves worse the cow.

Turns out I was never that nice to Eirene, but now I'm trying to reconnect, it would be good to have a friend that I can look at without my cheeks burning or feeling extremely emotionally awkward with. Now I've had time to think about it I'm not sure what I feel, I really thought Zeta would help to save me but I don't know.

Me and Eirene are going to make a potion together, hopefully it will help with the next full moon.

Unless I think of anything else this is basically it for now. Just more mess.

Okay okay so been a month but I don't care at all got it? This is just for me so its not a problem as I know what happened but at least I'm going to get stuff I want to be written down. Not like you can reply but who actually cares only I will ever read this and if anyone else is reading this then stop it you pervert or I will smash your face in.

So one thing that happened is making a potion with Eirene, we made that potion that induces euphoria and I managed to take some decent amount of it. If it works or not I don't know but hey I have some and a plan but more on that later. It wasn't as bad as I thought making the potion with Eirene and we talked a bit, she isn't going out with anyone or atleast that is what she is saying but I don't think she would really lie about that, well I think anyway. And so she isn't dating anyone but I'm not going to get any ideas about it as that is a bad idea in itself and I'm not going to go about trying to go out with anyone that is nice to me or cute or friendly.

Side note: We may be meeting up during Hogsmeade weekend but I'm not sure?

In addition to that I met a slytherin and punched her face in so thats something no I'm not lingering so shut up.

Been trying to teach myself the Patronus charm, despite everything in class and what I have to study still. Headmaster got all fussy about the patronus charm and when asked if he will teach me he say he'll look but nothing came about that. So thats wizard. But I think I can project something? I'm not sure but I am getting some glimmering like stuff infront of my wand. I just don't get whats wrong with it I am pronouncing it all perfectly and performing the motion perfectly I have a happy memory so why doesn't it work? How are you meant to keep a happy memory if you are constantly put down by it not working? Is it a riddle where it has to be a specific happy memory?

Closer range stuff is like two things really not including hogsmeade. There is a valentines party tomorrow for some reason I have an invitation I'm pretty sure its a joke I got one but I'm going to spite whoever tried pranking me like it. In fact its when the potion can come in, I can make myself happy with it or make everyone have a great night. There isn't much else to say about it but hey if they're inviting me to laugh at me then I'll play it on my terms.

Other thing is SAWS. Zeta has now a person showing up for the SAWS meeting. Head of the Werewolf wing and a werewolf herself so that is something, and I have questions for her a few really. I know one for certain and its well like, note me, my diary, me talking to me. I do not want them, I am not fond of them they're noisy and smelly and I don't want to look after them along with not wanting that pain or annoyance but, I do not want the option cut off from me either incase I ever actually do or just, I don't like having things cut off from me and removed. But what if being a werewolf can stop me from having kids or something? There are other things but I don't know about if to ask in public things or whatever so.

What else has gone on since last? Oh I had a lovely being torn apart and restructured into a werewolf. That was fun, nice relaxing night not of resting in a bath with chocolates but a lovely night of laying around in a dark cell as I'm torn apart and rebuilt to then claw at myself and cry in pain before waking up naked and given clothing by a random person in a torn up room with my own blood about the place. Who wouldn't want that over a bath and relaxing with your favourite drinks and chocolate, I know I wouldn't.

Why can't I just leave. I just want to live in my way and relax but of course thats not possible in this place.

But I can leave in a few years and things are somewhat slowing down, I'm not having to catch up with all my work so I think its slowing and atleast it seems like that person who broke into the safehouse is maybe gone so that is something, I doubt I would be a target as murderers tend to have standards right? They've gone for adult werewolves so they should just stick with them right?

So uh don't know how to close this but that seems to be it I think. SAWS is something, valentines thing is something, I hit a slytherin, made a potion and half of a month is pure hell so everything is going well.