October 10, 2011

Wanted: Full-time caretaker for Hogwarts Castle. Applicants should have a diminished need for orderliness, be handy with fixing broken things and breaking fixed things, experience with poltergeists, generally lacking in disdain of children, and a hopeful outlook on the future. Responsibilities include ensuring general security of the castle interior and courtyards, collecting records on any appearing or disappearing rooms, custodial services, and resisting the urge to smack students.

Compensation includes on-site lodging and board, competitive salary, and death insurance. Squibs encouraged to apply. Familiars welcome.

Apply in person with Headmaster Knox Greyfriar at Hogwarts Castle. Owl ahead.