“Flash Lockhart?” Genevieve García-Gamp blinked, squeezing her eyes tightly shut before she opened them to once more focus on the list. Yep, Koko Yukawa, one of her more promising writers had put Flash Lockhart on her proposed list of candidates for the next instalment of Witch Weekly. September was a special month for the magazine; it was when they offered their readers a chance to vote for certain awards within wizarding society. The most anticipated award? Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor.

The headache only worsened with the great hairy department head's name upon a list of what were supposed to be sexy men.

“Koko!” Her door was already open. It was always open. One couldn’t hear gossip if the gossip remained behind closed doors. “Koko!” Without an immediate response, her voice was harsher, louder. It hurt her head. Oh, dear merlin did it hurt her head!

While awaiting Lil Snigger, Genny pulled open her desk drawer and began to rifle through. The drawer was full to bursting of ink pots, quills, sweets, potions vials (both empty and half empty) and memos folded up and kept for a later date. Amongst the varying bits and bobs was also a pair of extendable ears. The witch wasn’t interested in those. Instead she grabbed a vial, uncorked it and lifted it to her lips as Koko appeared in the doorway.

The vial was drained, recorked and dropped back into the drawer.
“Flash Lockhart?” The editor asked, clearly astonished. “Are you harbouring an urge to seduce your kinky grandfather, Koko? Is it the fashion sense of a inbecile you find seductive or the crazy eyes that look like that want to possess you?” The parchment was waved before she flung it on the desk between them. “This list is pixie shit.”

             "Koko!"

Uh oh. Koko Yukawa recognised the tone of her editor's voice, which indicated this was the second or third time her name was being called. She had just strolled back into the writers' bullpen with her lunch and was hoping for a peaceful five minutes before tearing into a FASCINATING article about counterfeited portraits being sold by a supposedly respectable family on Knockturn.

Alas! Not meant to be.  "What's up?" Lil Snigger entered Queen G's office, taking off her infamous hat. She recognised the sheet of names on the desk and realised what was going to happen a nano second before the words left Genny's mouth.

"Oh come on, he's a department head and s0me of the welcome witches are crazy for that hair." Koko sat  at the edge of the table, putting down her coffee and bag. "I'm not saying he has to top the bloody list. Just sneak him in. For the weirdos."

To each their own! Koko lived by that rule. Probably because it was hilarious slipping all sorts into their articles. Witch Weekly readers weren't always discerning readers. She leaned in to glimpse at the other names on the list.

"We have some good ones. Young blokes with a bit of money. It isn't all pixie shit!" she pushed out her lower lip into a flippant pout.

Her quill was poised and ready, lingering over Lockhart’s name and ready to scribble it out with no mercy. Koko made a valid point. Not everyone that read their magazine had all of their faculties. While the average age of their readers was perfectly young and acceptable, some of the old dizzies used their gossip columns as a chance to relive the days they would never see again. Flash Lockhart could stay if only to save those extra copies.
At the bottom of the list.
In small lettering.

To illustrate such to her staff member, Genevieve drew a beautiful large arrow from Lockhart’s name to the bottom of the list in sparkly pink ink.

As dark eyes followed the arrow, they narrowed even more on the surname Gamp. No. Not a Gamp. No Gamp would be on her list of eligible gentlemen. Never. As far as she was concerned, Gamp was a forbidden name in this office.

Glittery pink ink was dragged over the name Cepheus Gamp to block it out before she looked up at Koko.
“I want to see some new blood on there,” the mug of cooling coffee was swapped with her quill. “Alec Carter. He’s a dish. Dragon tamer, I’ve heard. Who wouldn’t want those firm arms grasping you between the sheets?” Just as she finished her question, or rather, statement, the name ‘Queen G’ flashed across her mug, all glittery and bright. “Everyone loves a man with a foreign accent.”

Flash Lockhart was spared the cut, luckily, and Koko rewarded herself with a sip of her coffee while she watched Queen G eye the other wizards with a discerning eye. It was always a bit of fun whenever they finalised these things and the names could be put up on the board in the writers' bull pen. Followed swiftly by pinned photographs and exacting darts.

            "I want to see some new blood on there," the editor asserted.
Koko made a tiny noise that might have been "Noooo!!"

"Our threesome piece from March[1] sold so well!" she reminded Genny, even though they both knew very well that the Division Head wasn't exactly straight.

That wouldn't be the first time Witch Weekly got it wrong - not that she would ever admit it out loud. Koko reached for her lunch bag, half retrieving a powdery doughnut into which she promptly sunk her teeth.

Carter! She had forgotten about Carter, somehow, but that probably had to do with his age and lack of scandal.

"Alec Carter." Koko nodded, chewing thoughtfully. "Dragon tamer is always an easy sell. I can see it now. Exotic accent, looks death-in-the-eye, etcetera. We could take Wentworth off maybe..." she glanced back at the list, oblivious to her moustache of powdered sugar. "Put him on next time, when he's got a bigger fan club."

Peyton Wentworth had just been signed this year and could probably wait another before the witches started sending him their knickers.

1.	Ménage à trois and Mischief -  8th March

“Perhaps it would have been better if he liked women.” Of course, Koko questioned her crossing out of Cepheus. Genny had nothing against the wizard but his name. “It would be cruel to torture our readers with the prospect of falling in love with a man that will never give his heart.” It reminded her briefly of her own plight; only she’d fallen in love with a psychotic killer who hated anything remotely muggle.

Perhaps not similar, after all…

“A Quidditch player…” She pursed her lips, pondering. “We’ll leave him on. Although…” G frowned as she took another sip of coffee. Why wouldn’t her head stop hurting? “Could we not pick someone from a better team? Who wants to drool over the sad little local team when you could stick your tongue down the throat of England’s seeker? No one cares what they look like if they’re rich. Just close your eyes and think of all the gifts.”

She’d never been a gold digger despite what people may believe. Queen G had earned her money and she’d been to hell and back beforehand. It was easy to forget such with the front she put up on a daily basis.

The sparkly mug was once more placed on the desk and she grinned at the next name on the list.
“I hear our Minister’s got a few skeletons in his closet. He’s a reputation for being quite the Casanova. Perhaps Mr Glass deserves a visit from the Queen herself.”

            "It would be cruel to torture our readers with the prospect of falling in love with a man that will never give his heart"

Koko giggled, coughing up a little white powder. "Not all our readers are straight, they sell us over the bar at The Closet!" she announced with pride - Witch Weekly had a vast circulation and wizarding society was small! It paid for all wixes to have a gander at the weekend gossip columns, or they would risk missing juicy details.

"We have Canterbury to cover the Quidditch fans." Koko supplied helpfully, thinking of the eye candy who taught flying at Hogwarts and who used to be a professional player. "I hear he's much nicer than anyone on the English team, they're all brooms first and ladies later."

Once a sports nut, always a sports nut. Koko wasn't a fan but she understood the glamour behind it. And then Queen G brought up... Minister Edwin Glass. Koko's mouth twitched into a smile and she sipped her coffee, eying the older witch.

"Better you than me," she couldn't imagine sitting down to chat with that wizard! They never had really attractive Ministers in this government. "You can try your luck on level one if you want. I'll poke around the young lads and see what's going on in their loves lives, shall I?"

Koko grinned, eager to glimpse what new generation of filthy rich graduates Hogwarts had spat out this year.

“Perfecto.” Genny dearly hoped that Glass would agree to meet. She could only imagine the copies they’d sell that included an exclusive with Queen G and Minister Glass. The Queen and the Minister. She needed that interview. Sandy might even give her a rise for such mastery of an article. She’d write an owl for Glass as soon as she and Koko were through. That was certainly a hangover cure.

Sandy…

“Sandy needs to go on that list.” She’d always had a soft spot for the magazine’s owner, her boss. “If one can see past the stuttering, there’s definitely something there.” He’d thank them for it. Once he’d gotten over the shock. It wasn’t like she was letting her staff harass his boss anymore, after all. Just him. He needed to be a good sport.

“We’re going to require quotes, note this down.” She waved her hand. Koko had no parchment with her. Pity. “I want public opinions on these men, secret love affairs, distinguishing marks you’d only find if you went searching those intimate areas. I want to know who’s got the stamina without the little blue potion and who’s actively searching for that special one. Go and research, sweetie.” This was always Gen’s favourite issue. The fun they had!

“What colour do you feel would be our Minister’ favourite? Purple seems too obvious.”

Sandy on the list? Koko wrinkled her nose but didn't argue. She liked Sandy so he definitely deserved a nice witch but his appeal probably wasn't all that universal. It couldn't hurt though. He wasn't going to win so it's not like they would be accused of bias because he co-owned the magazine.

Koko slipped her notebook out and jotted down whatever Queen G was saying. Time to investigate! And she would start tonight, at Spellpunk, to see whether the usual suspects were visiting.

"Go with the obvious maybe," she remarked as she put away her quill and picked up her little lunch baggie. "Even if you're wrong, he'll know you were trying to please. And men love it when women try to please."

Most did anyway. Some blokes love a lady who put up a fight, because they liked the idea of conquering someone - but even then they eventually wanted submission. Koko gave her editor a little salute and headed out of the office to finish her food before getting started on her targets.