Blowing the Lyd Off!
By Lydie Patil, Fifth Year Gryffindor

At an undisclosed location hereby known as “The Party”, a certain Slytherin Overachiever broke the ever-loving heart of her dedicated boyfriend, a former Hufflepuff with a heart of gold. How’d the snake do it?

A spirited slither in the bushes at The Party with Boy X, someone most assuredly not aforementioned golden-hearted Hufflepuff. Seems Boy X got lucky in more than one way - thanks to the death of a wealthy relative.

The rest of the Party attendees took a very Special Trip together, having eaten brownies with an extra Special ingredient. An eyewitness discloses that what was essentially a scene from a 1970s adult movie. Boys and girls were doing some “grown-up mingling” with members of the opposite sex as well as their own. Another Slytherin was spotted flashing his nipples, there was an unsurprising appearance from a Particularly Social Butterfly, and a few of the lions preyed on some birds - including one of Hogwarts’ best Quidditch players.

Even some of the most “responsible” and “well-respected” students could be seen at The Party,  which also featured a gigantuan bottle of champagne. Most 7th years were in attendance -- but one notable absentee was apparently too busy to come, and not with class work. Do we have this year’s teen mother-to-be?