Tim Pepper,
Ravenclaw Common Room
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Mr M Pepper,
Potton Road
Sandy
Bedfordshire

Dear Uncle,

Thank you again for our ‘chat’ in the Easter holidays. When dad’s got new baby head on it’s hard to ask him and Ambrose was just stressing about exams and I don’t want to bother them with something so silly. But I’m back now and, you know the part where you said it will ‘pass’? Well, it’s not passing. It’s perhaps worse.

Like, we don’t sit together all the time. But when we do and her arm brushes mine it feels so nice and her smile… oh Merlin uncle she’s got such a nice smile. I want to make her smile all the time. I can’t stop smiling when she’s smiling. I want to tell her she looks nice when she smiles and every time I try it just comes out wrong. It’s like Ambrose trying to cast a spell - perhaps I have been cursed after all. I bet she just thinks I’m being creepy.

This all comes really easily to Ambrose. Do you think I need to act dumb or something? Not that I mean Ambrose is - see what I mean. He just - is it because he’s older than me? Will it get better when I am a fifth year too? What if she likes someone else? What if I never get to ask her? It’s kind of killing me. I think I was staring at her too much today.

Yours in confusion,

Tim

M Pepper,
Potton Road
Sandy
Bedfordshire

Timothy Pepper
Ravenclaw Common Room
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dear Tim,

My boy, I am afraid you have it worse than I originally diagnosed. Aunt Catherine would say it was hormones, which is normally a cue for me to take cover from the girls and buy more chocolate, but for us boys means blushing and dreams about the fairer sex. Wishful thinking that it would all pass. I think you have a more serious case.

Can it be treated? Of course! I will not lie and say it will be easy though, Tim, but you are a capable, clever young nephew. Clearly you take after my side of the Pepper family.

Here are two tried and tested ways from personal experience:

Method One: All out burn out

You have a crush, we cannot fail to acknowledge it. A fire needs fuel to burn and once all the fuel is gone, it burns out. Fuel is her wonderful auburn hair, the way she smells, her pretty smile, her laugh. To burn it out, one must feed the crush. One must go all out. This takes courage and determination, but one must get close enough to either sate the crush or burn it out. Once curiosity is sated, the feelings will pass and you will be a knowledgeable friend.

Method Two: Cold shoulder

Cut off the fuel from the fire. Focus hard on finding one or two things to hate, to dislike. Whether it is fixating on a terrible habit (nose-picking, farting in confined spaces, chewing with the mouth open) or listening to those who already actively dislike her, do whatever it takes to extinguish the flames. You may have to choose a different seat in lessons, ignore her, refrain from speaking. Don’t be impolite to her, just make distance.

If she feels the same way for you, of course, she should make advances here, and in which case the crush can progress to the next level of a polite invitation to Hogsmeade together for… tea and cake…? Also, if she feels the same way for you and you opt for method one, she’ll relish the attention.

Hope this helps with the problem, nephew!

Yours,

Uncle Monty