Title taken from "Closer" by the Chainsmokers.  Thank you you for the help, Nuri!

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Nervous was not the word one could use to describe Jordyn at this moment.  She had passed nervous half a week ago.  Frantic was a much better term at this point.  She would have expected Xavier to at least talk to her by now.  But every time she even looked at him he seemed to disappear.  Even at meals, he seemed to be nowhere to be found.  Probably in part because of Lydie Patil and her huge mouth and meddling ways. 

It wasn’t like she was going to sit on his lap at lunch or anything!  So, why did it feel like he was ignoring her?  She had processed that she felt bad about it because it was something maybe worth exploring… she thought based purely on physical reactions alone, that he was on the same page as her.  The necklace that she carefully put on her bedside table every evening and secured around her neck every morning had also sort of indicated that maybe it was a little bit more than just teenage hormones run amok.  But, maybe she’d imagined the whole thing and maybe she was just being silly. 

So, as a result, she’d made an ultimatum.  She wouldn’t let herself go crazy over it.  She’d dealt with Lydie, she’d talked to Marco, it was time to just… take control.  Of course, even when Jordyn tried to take control, she couldn’t do it without being absolutely insane.  Her final decision came in the form of a note, to be passed in class, since she was becoming such an expert at that. 

However, per Jordyn’s typical neurosis, she agonized over how she was going to write her note and then she agonized about how she was going to pass it… then she agonized about whether or not he was actually going to show up.  She had written that he shouldn’t write back (she didn’t want to get caught and have it read out loud, just in case), but just to show up.  She didn’t want to risk it being too far away from the dungeons, so the empty classroom on the ground floor had to do. 

Sitting atop one of the desks, Jordyn nervously swung her feet.  Her eyes drifted to the clock hanging on the wall.  Letting out a deep breath, she clutched at the pendant on her neck and bit on her lip.  The meeting time was rapidly approaching and she really wondered if he was going to show up or not.  And then, if he didn’t, what was she going to do?  Or worse, if he did, what was she really going to say?  This was not a well thought out plan. 

Xavier was late to meet Jordyn. He hadn't intended to be. He had been over analyzing what he should do, talking it over with Cadance and lost track of time. He was torn between going on his own or bringing some kind of offering with him like chocolates or flowers (definitely not another necklace, he didn't have enough time to make a new one) Cadance had suggested just going on his own. He didn't mean to ignore Jordyn, it had just sort of happened and if he came with a peace offering it would suggest he had done it on purpose.

The past week had been a complete blur for him. The day after his last encounter with the Head Girl, her ex-boyfriend's mental sister had made a big scene in the Great Hall. Truth be told Xavier didn't exactly know about Jai. He knew that at one point he and Jordyn had been involved but he hadn't paid any attention beyond that. When the little Gryffindor had gone off, Xavier had used the distraction to slip out of the Great Hall. That was drama he didn't need. He had resolved to give Jordyn the space she needed, after all he wasn't exactly the best thing for her reputation, he had warned her as much. The days that followed well, he had meant to see how she was doing but another bombshell had been dropped on him that had pulled his attentions away - Cadance was pregnant.

He slowly opened the door to the empty classroom and peered inside. He couldn't help the grin that split his lips when he saw her sitting there. She was anxiously swinging her legs, she looked nervous and about to explode but it was oddly endearing. He felt a pang of guilt when he realized that he was the cause of it. He had actually been one of those guys that didn't owl the next day, without ever meaning to be.

He chewed on his lips for a moment to keep himself from making a ridiculous comment. He removed his wand and cast a few spells to keep this little rendezvous secret this time. An awkward sort of yearning moan escaped his lips as he crossed the room to her. He placed a calloused hand on her cheek and gave her a soft sensual kiss. Though he would have preferred something a little more heated he realized he was still in fear of getting hexed by her.

As he pulled back he gave her a toothy grin, "Sweet Salazar I've been wanting to do that all week."

The time she indicated came and went.  Jordyn was mortified.  This was so embarrassing.  She hoped he had the courtesy to burn the note and never speak of it again.  That way she could live with herself.  She turend into one of those girls.  She was needy and nervous and craved attention… oh Godric.  She was a disaster.  She just had to figure out how she was going to get out of this room without having to explain anything to anyone and avoid him for the rest of forever.

She could easily never spend time in the common room again, and meals were obviously easy to avoid people in.  If she kept sitting at the very front of class, that would probably help… there were so many things she had to consider and plan for.  At least it was only a couple of months left in the school year… so drowned in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice when the door opened. 

The little sound he made though, that snapped her eyes up and her chest tightened.  She didn’t realize she’d be so… it wasn’t bad nervous, but excited wasn’t exactly the word either.  A tentative smile crawled across her face and she put her hands down, ready to push herself off the desk.  Xavier was too fast though – or her reflexes were too slow – either, completely possible because he was right in front of her before she knew it and touching her face. 

Her immediate impulse was to lean into his hand.  She liked the reassurance of strong hands and sitting on the desk she was almost the right height – though he still had to lean down to kiss her.  Despite her better judgment, she completely let him and even whined a little as he pulled away.  Her cheeks turned pink and she shook her head, trying to steel herself. 

"Sweet Salazar I've been wanting to do that all week."

That made it a little easier to focus.  Suddenly, she felt rather cross at him.  All week?  Leaning back a little, she raised her brows at him, serious and probing expression on her face.  “You could have fooled me,” she pointed out, “you wouldn’t even look at me this week.”   

He winced when she scolded him. It was still better than a hex and he definitely deserved it but he had been hoping he could have avoided it. She had every right to be cross with him though. This wasn't the first time he had completely ignored a girl after getting involved with them, this was just the first time he had done it unintentionally. He responded instinctively though and almost instantly regretted it, "And incite the wrath of Crazy Pants Patil?"

He took a step back so they could comfortably look at each other. With her perch on the desk he didn't have to look down as far as he usually did, "That came out wrong." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I didn't want you to get into any trouble, I didn't know about Jai . . . and with everyone talking about you I didn't want to make things worse for you." He looked miserable. When he had dated Ayla he caught a lot of flak because she was a younger year (despite the small age difference between them) and while everyone seemed to accept Bellatrix their breakup had caused some nasty ripples especially as he tried to court Kit Branwell in the meantime. A girl everyone was rather vocal about being too good for him. Then despite the rumors that spread, nothing really ever came of his relationship with Strellie before the poor thing had been committed. He didn't want his bad luck to rub off on Jordyn. She deserved better than that.

This time he avoided her eyes, "I was going to try and talk to you a few days after Patil's attack but then Cadance . . . told me." He glanced up at her, "She said you knew." There was a mixed cloud of emotions that crossed his features. He didn't want to draw attention away from resolving their own issues but he was a little torn. On one hand he was happy that Jordyn had kept his cousin's secret but on the other he was actually hurt that neither girl had told him earlier.

"But that doesn't matter, well actually it matters a lot but it's not important. What's important is that I hurt you. Which I really didn't mean to do." He tried a smirk, "Does this apology sound as lame as I think it does?"

His point about Lydie was somewhat credible.  It was unlikely that Patil’s rage would be turned on Xavier though.  She completely blamed Jordyn for everything that happened between her and Jai.  Xavier wasn’t even really part of that conversation – it could have been anyone and it still would have elicited the same response.  But, she could absolutely see him being afraid that Lydie would hex him.  She hadn’t anticipated it at all. 

But before she had a chance to say anything, he kept going and explained further.  His excuse was lame.  Her eyebrows jumped up and she turned her head to the side.  “Weren’t you the one who told me not to worry about what people say?” she countered.  Xavier Tawse talked a good game in the moment, telling her that no one would even care and that she didn’t have to worry about it – that she wasn’t a joke and she wasn’t a laughingstock, but as soon as reality hit… She wasn’t going to say I told you so, but she was certainly thinking it.  She knew it would happen, but she had also been completely sober when she told him she wasn’t thinking about it. 

Maybe not entirely honest, she had been nervous about what others would say and she did care, but it was sort of liberating to do it anyway.  She might not have considered it so mortifying or such a hit if he hadn’t completely run away afterward.  It made her just a little skeptical of the whole thing – of him, his intentions.  She wasn’t the type of girl who was looking for promise rings or eternal love at eighteen or anything, but she also wasn’t the type of girl who just gave away everything without some reasonable expectation of care and respect – without the fear of having someone run away as soon as they got it. 

Xavier wasn’t on that level yet.  He still had a lot to prove, even if he was dealing with other things – particularly Cadance’s news.  Jordyn tried to look innocent and unknowing, but when he indicated that he knew she knew, her expression turned more understanding, sympathetic as it were.  She wondered if she told him everything about what happened.  It wasn’t Jordyn’s place though.  She just nodded awkwardly in agreement. 

She felt awkward though, when he indicated that he hurt her.  Did he?  Yes, probably.  In so many words, but Jordyn didn’t like to admit that.  She wasn’t the type of person who hurt – not outwardly anyway.  He opened the door for her to deflect though and she waltzed straight through it.  “It does,” she confirmed, “It’s completely lame.”  She elected to expand, “If you’re not… into me,” that was a horrible way of saying it, but it was already out and she had nothing else, “you just need to tell me.  I’ll absolutely leave you alone if that's what you want, but I'm not a legilimens," she quirked an awkward smile, "it's not like what happened has to mean anything, we could just leave it at that.  But, it wasn't the impression I got..." she shrugged, "you just need to let me know."

Xavier smirked when she threw it back in his face. Sure he had told her not to care about what other people thought and that no one would even care about the little lake incident - which to be fair wasn't at all what they were talking about - but he had also been an entire bottle of whiskey deep, not to mention having drained his flask and a measly glass of champagne. Needless to say Xavier talked a lot of shit but drunk? You needed some heavy duty dragon hide glove to shovel what he had been spewing.

The part he was dreading had quickly approached and he knew he was going to need to do a lot better with his response this time. There was no explosive fifth year to blame and nothing about his cousin's pregnancy should impact his decision. Although he had been dreading it he was actually prepared. The longing he felt everything he saw her in class or the stirring that arose in him whenever he covertly glanced her way during meals. He knew what he wanted. He hadn't been expecting it but he had been starting to accept it as early as when he had made the necklace for her. Despite the fact that he had never thought he would, he wanted something with her, something more than just physically being with her too.

He closed the gap between them, placing his hands just above her knees. The part of him that was very much interested in what they could physically have with each other was rather thankful that Jordyn had a penchant for wearing skirts.

"Trust me love, I'm very into you." He bit back a rather lurid comment about just how much he wanted to be into her, "the question now becomes whether or not you want anything with me." They had previously talked about their futures and what they wanted to do past graduation.  He knew she had large aspirations and he didn't want to get in the way of that. If she wanted to just sleep with him and be done with it, he'd be okay with that. However if she wanted to see what an actual relationship with him would get her, he was okay with that too. Though he wasn't sure how well it would go given his track record.

When he placed his hands on her knees, Jordyn jumped a little in her seat.  She hadn’t been expecting that.  His hands were so warm and the temperature in the room seemed to skyrocket at the same time.  Or maybe that was just her skin.  It would have been hard to hide how her eyes dilated as she looked at him and the color that rose up over her neck and cheeks. 

"Trust me love, I'm very into you."

It was simultaneously a relief and a weight to hear him say that.  She’d been worried that maybe she wasn’t what he was expecting.  Sure, she knew he wasn’t… experienced like her, but that didn’t mean anything.  Jordyn really only had one real boyfriend before.  Sure, Devlin in fifth year might have counted, but it was all part of his weird plan to get with the weird hat girl and it hadn’t been anything more than a couple of staged public make outs and a very public break up.  Then, sixth year had been completely ridiculous – full of spin the bottle and surprise kisses, and then Jai – and Jai would have liked her and thought she was the most amazing thing no matter whether she was a good kisser or not… She couldn’t say the same for Xavier. 

But, the way he looked at her, Jordyn felt her heart skip a beat.  The almost complete lack of sweetness appealed to her.  The electric charge was just right for her right now.  After all, if she was going to embrace not caring about what other people thought, she wasn’t looking for coy and shy and retiring.  Xavier was none of those things.  When he asked the question, Jordyn took a deep breath through her nose and swallowed hard. 

Placing her hands over his, Jordyn let her eyes follow the line of his arms up to his shoulders and then back to his face, nervously licking her bottom lip.  Now or never, do or die, all of the clichés applied at the moment.  “Why don’t… we just see where things go?” she edged her fingers underneath his to attempt to lace their fingers, “I’d like to do that.” 

Honestly it was probably the best response he could have hoped for. They had known each other for close to seven years now and prior to this no one would have gone out of their way to call them friends. If opposites really did attract they were a prime example. She was everything you would want out of a Head Girl, the good with the bad. He was everything people expected out of a Slytherin, for better or worse, the product of Pureblood Traditionalists on one side and Extremists on the other. For all intents and purposes they likely shouldn't expect a future together. She had an internship at St Mungo's and he was going back to a life of luxury where he didn't need to do anything if he didn't want to. They may very well be doomed not to last past Graduation but that still left them a few months to be with each other.

He allowed her to pull up his hands to intertwine their fingers. Her gloved fingertips rubbing against his scarred knuckles. On his right hand his middle knuckle was still a little raw from where he had split it open the week before. It had been a minor injury, he had done far worse to himself and so he hadn't even thought to seek out a simple healing charm. He felt it would have been a waste of magic and Madame Sage's time. If he went to her every time he punched through a wall, she'd get sick of the sight of him.

"So what do we do now?" He looked down into her, eyes revelling in the obvious effects his proximity had on her. His own body was on high alert as well. A ripple of warmth running down his spine. His arms, under his dress shirt breaking out in gooseflesh, "Do we tell people? I don't know if I could handle you getting hexed because of me again." A flash a guilt crossed his features. He had left before Lydie had done her attack and had heard about it afterwards. Which in the end made him feel even more guilty. He would have accepted any sort of punishment McGonagall dished out if it meant putting the little brat in her place.

When he let her hold his hands, Jordyn instantly felt more at ease.  She had never been a touchy person, but it was reassuring.  Even if it seemed highly unlikely that they were truly compatible, at the very least he didn’t shirk at physical touch.  Jordyn wasn’t stupid, she was a half-blood (something she didn’t think mattered at all, but apparently was a still a big deal with some people, for whatever reason) with nothing except tenacity and ambition to offer.  Xavier could probably do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and still come out on top.  He had huge connections to the pureblood world and Jordyn couldn’t even imagine that.   

That was obviously not Jordyn’s lot in life.  So, obvious class and blood issues aside, she was at least certain she didn’t have to worry that he didn’t like what she looked like.   Sure, she couldn’t really hold a candle to some of the other girls he had dated in the past, but she wasn’t a troll and that was a start.  Plus, she couldn’t say she didn’t find him attractive.  If she tried at this point, there would be an army of her friends ready to call her out on it. 

Licking her lips, Jordyn laughed and shook her head, “Lydie won’t do it again,” she was pretty much certain of this fact, “McGonagall would put her in detention for life.”  The Headmistress had been so disappointed in her behavior that she’d doled out a week of detention for Patil, Jordyn had never seen that happen before.  “You should have seen her face when Lydie talked back!” Jordyn announced and giggled, tilting forward to rest her forehead against his upper chest as she laughed.  That had been priceless.  “It was terrifying.” 

Sitting upward again, she considered his question and pursed her lips for a moment.  “I mean, we don’t have to broadcast anything in a firework display,” she reasoned aloud, the tips of her fingers running over his bruised knuckles, “but I don’t think we have to run around like escapees from Azkaban.”  She was going to do her best to not care what others thought and just… do what she wanted to do for the end of the year.  It was probably the last chance she’d ever have anyway, so why not seize it.  Looking down, she suddenly changed the topic, seeing his hand, “I could heal that, if you want?”

The air suddenly seemed warmer, clearer. Things felt . . . settled. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, perhaps just their agreement to give things a shot. He didn't think he was in fear of getting hexed any time soon and if he was lucky enough maybe they'd be able to have some private alone time this time around and see where things were going. It felt like they had spent so much time grating against each other that they never really realized just how fascinating things could be if they were actually together. He still wasn't expecting anything to really last with them, his luck wasn't that good but there was something there he never thought there'd be - hope.

Xavier chuckled as she laughed off her incident with Lydie. It was one more thing he found himself amazed by her. From what he had heard the Astmos curse was brutal, not something he'd ever attempted nor was he eager to see in person. It showed a sort of strength that she was able to laugh through it all.

"I bet. I've stared down a werewolf and McGonagall still scares the shite out of me." He said it as nonchalantly as he could manage, focusing his thoughts on her so as not to go down the dark road that memory usually took him.

He gave her a nod, "Play it by ear. Works for me."

Xavier looked down at his hand twisting it slightly to get a better view, "I wouldn't want you to waste the magic. It's almost healed on it's own." He scowled softly, "I'm uh . . . kinda used to it by now . . ." They had only just agreed to see what a relationship between them could actually be like, he didn't think it prudent to bring up his very real demons so early on.

 “You know, all I could think during the whole thing was how I want to be as scary as her someday,” Jordyn admitted with a shy smile.   It was true; McGonagall was the most powerful witch she knew.  Not even Head Healer Storm had the same unquestioned respect and dominance that she did.  Maybe it was age, or experience, or just… who she was, but McGonagall was a person that was just exceptional. That was all Jordyn ever wanted to be, so it was easy to see where her admiration came from. 

She would have asked about what he meant with the werewolf comment, but the conversation seemed to move quickly and with the question of what to do sort of settled, but also sort of put off to the side, Jordyn let her shoulders relax and smiled more easily – kept smiling, as well.  Generally, she was a sort of stone-faced person.  It didn’t do well to reveal feelings so she kept as neutral as possible, but Jordyn was trying to be different.  She was trying to put her guard down, so she continued to smile and furrowed her brows as he indicated it would be a waste of magic. 

Jordyn couldn’t help it, but she giggled.  “There’s no finite amount of magic a person has, Xavier.  So, used to it or not, I might as well practice,” she chastised teasingly and released the hand without scabs to grab her wand from the desk beside her.  “Unfortunately, I don’t have any dittany on me,” she frowned a little, “but this should do the trick just the same.”  She held his hand firmly in place, giving a little squeeze before she moved her wand over each individual knuckle, chanting the same spell to clear up the little wounds. 

Moving her wand out of the way, Jordyn inspected her work.  Any scarring was definitely old, which was alarming in its own way, but at least it wasn’t a byproduct of her work.  “See?” she smiled proudly and lifted his hand to her face, placing a teasing kiss on the affected area, “Good as new,” she added, unable to take herself seriously enough to avoid a chuckle, “and not  a drop of magic wasted!  Isn’t that remarkable?” 

Xavier bit his tongue when she mentioned wanting to be as scary as McGonagall. He was tempted to say she already was. It wasn't so much that he was afraid of her, more like he respected her ability to completely mess him up if she wanted to. That kind of power, ability and strength was easy to fear.

He did however manage to roll his eyes some when she teased him. Of course he knew magic wasn't finite. That hadn't been what he meant but he didn't feel like arguing with her. It'd be a stupid argument and he certainly wasn't in the mood to argue especially if it took that smile off her face.

Xavier made a sudden realization that he rarely saw her smile. It was a true thing of beauty. He decided he wanted to keep that smiling for as long as possible.

He winced a little in anticipation as she began to heal him but the spell was painless. A smirk crossed his lips as she kiss his hand. He held it up for inspection, turning it from side to side, "Aye, good as new . . . Well kinda." He shrugged. That part wasn't her fault. The scars that crossed his knuckles were entirely his own fault.

He looked back her, "with bedside manner like that you're going to make a brilliant Healer." He gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Jordyn puffed up with pride as he inspected her work, “Didn’t even hurt,” she added teasingly.  The wince was cute – who knew Xavier Tawse was squeamish about getting his wounds healed?  If there was one thing to be said about Jordyn, it was that she took her work seriously, even in an empty classroom on the first floor of the castle.  It was never too early to practice and it was never too early to be perfect at what she did.  Though, admittedly, she probably wouldn’t be giving out knuckle kisses at St. Mungo’s.  That seemed like the sort of thing that got you sacked.  And not in the sense of a euphemism for something much more pleasant than being fired.

A flush colored her cheeks as he praised her bedside manner and Jordyn ducked her head, laughing lightly.  “If I need a recommendation on that front, I’ll make sure you write to Head Healer Storm,” she wrinkled her nose and looked back up at him.  “Until then though, if you need any follow up appointments, you’ll just have to owl me,” she grinned wider before she looked down again, examining the scars. 

“I really hope you don’t need that though,” she added, delicately tracing the white-pink lines that had clearly formed over a long time, and if she was going to guess, probably for similar reasons as the other evening and pervert Whitman.  “You really shouldn’t hurt yourself.”  She hoped she wasn’t nagging.  Was that nagging?  She felt like she was just showing concern, which was obviously the right thing to do with your new… boyfriend?  Boyfriend. 

That was so weird.  Maybe she wasn’t ready to call him that yet even though they sort of just made things official.  Wow.  She was clearly not done processing this yet.  “Anything else you need fixed in the meantime?” she smiled, changing the subject, “A thick skull that needs thinning out, perhaps?”

Xavier chuckled. He could just imagine the type of letter he could write to Professor Storm's wife. Dear Mistress of St Mungo's, please let my super hot girlfriend work for you. She's totally awesome and won't be a complete bitch to her patients. He shook his head. It was probably best that he hadn't said any of that out loud. Any one of those words could have scared Jordyn off, particularly the super hot and girlfriend parts.

He gave her the smile, "I'll be sure to let you know the next time I do something stupid." Which in all honesty could happen at any moment with his track record.

As she showed her concern he took his hand away though not in an unkind fashion. He looked conflicted, as if he wasn't sure whether he should make a nasty joke or a snarky comment. In truth he just wasn't sure how far down his dark paths she was willing to go. Sure she had said that she wanted to see how things went but he was pretty sure admitting that he was a rage-aholic murderer would have her doing a quick u-turn.

"When I was younger my Grandfather taught me to box. I kept it up when I came to school to keep me in shape. When I . . . got hurt, emotionally . . . I uh, it's hard to process. Being physically hurt is easier . . ." Oh yeah he totally wasn't going to scare her off.

"You really don't want to hear about this . . ." It wasn't that he didn't think she'd understand.  She had understood or at least empathized with everything else he had told her so far but this was so much more than a fear of the future and people's expectations. This was brining out his demons. A heart to heart down by the lake and one intense make out session didn't exactly prepare her for what was inside him.

It didn’t seem all that strange, learning to box.  The look on his face beforehand made her wonder if he was going to reveal something alarming.  Well, that was until he did.  “That doesn’t sound very healthy,” Jordyn wasn’t being judgmental or anything, but it was alarming. 

Jordyn had her own unhealthy way of dealing with things, that was true, but she didn’t hurt herself.  She just… ignored problems until they went away, or forcibly pushed them away and replaced them with work or revisions or extra credit… or whatever else she could pack into her schedule between the hours she forced herself to sleep.  Clearly, everyone had their ways of dealing with things.

Xavier was employing another one of her favorites at the moment, shrugging it off.  It was tempting, to let him though.  Feelings and emotions were not her strong suit.  She was even starting to get nervous just thinking about calling him her boyfriend.  How was she supposed to listen to him talk about real things?  But, she had to get over it.  She was trying to be different.  It was the end of their years here, if she couldn’t do it now she never would.  She’d already been hexed publically, gotten a detention, and made out on a common room couch.  Clearly, change was already happening.

Steeling herself, she reached out and took his hand again: it felt good to reestablish physical contact.  That she was comfortable with.  “That’s not necessarily true,” she reassured him, “but if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you.”  That seemed like the right thing to say.  If he wanted to share, she would listen, even if it made her squirm in her seat, and if he didn’t, that was okay too.   “You can tell me when you want to – as long as you let me take care of these,” she lifted his hand in hers for him to see it, “in the meantime.”