Title taken from Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend."  Context is different, but it doesn't get rid of the appropriateness of the title.

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Truthfully, Dosia hadn’t heard from really anyone she graduated with.  A good majority of them were people she didn’t really ever want to hear from again anyway, and even if she did, Augustine was sure to keep her busy 95% of the time.  However, this was one of those weird intersections where she received an owl from a former classmate (she’d consider Jai a friend) and had something she desperately wanted to escape. 

Augustine got it into her head that there should be some kind of benefit[nb]The Ghost Ball and wanted to drag everyone and their great aunt twice removed involved.  That meant it was a lot of work for Theodosia.  She always had to attend to th small details while her sister had these grand plans…

It was just lucky that when she’d been asked about helping to pick some trimming or paper or lace or something exasperating this evening, she had the note to rely on.  A friend was in desperate need of her help and she’d been blowing them off for so long… maybe it wasn’t entirely true, but it was close enough – and it provided an escape.  So, it was perfect.

Dosia quickly sneaked out of the door before Augustine could ask for ~one last thing~ and readjusted her bag on her shoulder before exiting the Mews.  Diagon wasn’t far off and arriving at Death&Co, Dosia wouldn’t have normally gone to a place like this, but it was close and convenient – and the drinks were good.  She needed a good drink right about now.  The music wasn’t bad either, thankfully.  Pushing her way in, she sat herself right at the bar and ordered two expecto patronums (she needed to steel herself for something like this) from the bartender.  She made sure to even have one waiting for Jai.  How thoughtful of her. 

Sitting up straight in her seat, she dug in her little bag for her compact and lipstick.  She’d get in a reaply before he showed up and she had to smack some reality into him, anyway.  That was what she was good at, after all. 

It had been a rough couple of weeks.


Jai felt like every aspect of his life was falling apart. It was a familiar feeling, but an overwhelming one. Work stress was at an all-time high - and work was the best part of his life right now. It was filling the gap where he would have normally been writing letters and distracted him from thinking about his stale relationship. Jordyn used to take up all of his thoughts, but things had been so weird between them lately… Now when thoughts of her came up he suppressed them before he could be sprung into an unrelenting cycle of anxiety.


So a drink would be good.


It was not his idea to go out, but Dosia had insisted. Jai convinced himself that it was a good idea and bolstered his confidence with a flask full of whiskey. He took a sip before walking into Death & Co, then crossed the threshold and looked for Dosia. Jai spotted her quickly, the lights bouncing off of her sequined shirt. Jai swallowed the wave of anxiety he felt about approaching the bar, knowing he would want to rearrange all of the bottles but also knowing that was a definite faux-pas.


“Hey,” Jai bumped Dosia’s shoulder and then directed his attention to the bartender. “Firewhiskey?” He slid onto the bar stool next to Dosia and looked back at her. “How are you?” It was then that he noticed the pair of drinks. "Is one of those mine?" He raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "Theodosia Fortescue does have a heart." He grinned and downed the shot of firewhiskey quickly so that he could try what Dosia had gotten him. He inspected the drink as if it were a sample in the lab. "This looks interesting."

When he bumped into her, Dosia’s first instinct was to punch him and flip him off.  But, Jai wasn’t a stranger and certainly wasn’t trying to feel her up, so she settled on a half-hearted punch before shifting her knees to allow him to sit down.  “You’re lucky I don’t hate you,” she added, giving him a look out of the side of her eye, “or that would have really hurt.” 

The truth of that statement was debatable, but only to anyone who wasn’t Dosia.  She was convinced she could fight anyone… if she wanted to.  But that kind of behavior was below her, so she always took the high road.  Clearly.

Clearing her throat, she swiveled on the bar stool.  “I’m just trying to make Lennon and Hadley’s lives better,” she shot him an accusatory glance.  “They told me you’ve been absolutely miserable and since I’ve been busy and haven’t had to deal with it, it’s my turn.  And what better way to deal with it than with alcohol?” she motioned to the eccelctic bar.  “So, here we are.” 

Jai wasted no time in making use of their location and the three shots arrived at the same time.  Jai took the whiskey first (ugh! Dosia could not do that straight up)

“Aaaaand,” she drew out as she picked up the shots – one of them from right under his nose – and held them up, “This is going to start us off on the right foot.  Just take it,” she instructed and tipped her head back to allow the slightly glowing concoction to slide down her throat.  A deep warmth spread all over (even better given the time of year) and Dosia puckered her lips to blow out the stream of white-blue smoke. 

Her face relaxed and she managed to catch the bartender’s eye quickly enough to order a follow-up drink, frilly in all the right ways and very little alcohol taste.  “So, what else can I do to fix you so our friends can enjoy your company again?” 

Jai mentally cursed his old housemates for talking to Dosia about this. The traitors! Miserable was a bit of an exaggeration, he was just a bit stressed was all. It had been a crazy year, only a few months since he had gotten his memory back!... It had nothing to do with what’s-her-name, because that just wasn’t feasible.


“Miserable, I don’t know about that,” Jai scoffed. As instructed, Jai inspected the shot once more before swallowing it in one gulp. Instead of the usual burn he found himself cozy, a warm sensation settling his nerves. Jai lifted his eyebrows.

“Let’s do more of those,” Jai decided. “What did they say? I mean, work has been busy.” He looked around for a bartender. There was an awkward lull, and deep down Jai knew what Dosia was looking to hear. “And maybe things between Jord and I have been a little weird.” He averted her eyes to adjust his cuff. “Maybe.”

Whatever Patil was putting on the table, Dosia was not buying.  Lennon had gone on about chakras and the crystal influences that could help while he enjoyed his spinach and feta egg-white omelet, light salad on the side.  Not that Dosia stock into anything he was talking about – his parents were totally weird, she did know when Hadley agreed it was a thing. 

And it wasn’t anything about work either.  She expressed as much by sucking air through her teeth with a sharp inhale and shook her head.  A more jittery bartender looked as though they were about to start their shift too.  Dosia motioned to the shot glasses – still faintly glowing with residual liquid and smiled wide.  They definitely needed more of them, especially because that nice warmth was starting to go away.

She fidgeted in her jacket for a moment and grabbed her fizzing, blue drink.  She put her freshly painted lips around the straw and took a sizeable gulp before placing it down again.  “Weird was not the word they used,” she pointed out and rolled her eyes with exasperation. 

“Jai, seriously,” a heavy sigh and resting her pointer finger against temple, her thumb pressed into her cheek as she held her head up, mouth agape and incredulous at what he tried to brush it off as.  “When was the last time you even heard from Dimbleby?” she quirked her eyebrows and took another exaggerated, slow sip while maintaining unwavering eye contact. That girl was horrible, but Jai wouldn’t hear it.  He thought the sun shined out of the tip of her wand or something! 

At the sound of Jordyn’s name, Jai’s heart skipped a beat. He had spent so long avoiding her that he didn’t think anyone else would be thinking about her either. He didn’t think that anyone would even notice the lack of incoming letters or the missing spring in Jai’s step.

He shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to discuss this but also feeling rather tipsy. “Three weeks,” Jai let his head hang. His heartstrings pulled. Without raising his head Jai slid one of the shots from the new round over to himself. Maybe he was kind of completely miserable. He downed the drink and sighed.

“These’re good,” Jai announced with a slight slur. “But maybe let’s slow down.” Jai took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “She might just be busy with school,” Jai said in a tone that sounded like he didn’t really believe that. “She does a lot.” He wanted to keep on denying that there were any problems -- he didn't like disorder. Jordyn's spot had always been so defined in his life, now he was so unsure.

Ugh. He was doing that bug eye thing like he just couldn’t control himself.  Ugh.  It was sort of sad because if anyone had ever given Jai the time of day for real before her they probably wouldn’t be sitting here taking like three shots in half a minute – okay, probably time to slow down.  This was all that girl’s fault and it’d been three weeks?!  Bubbles surfaced in her drink and Dosia choked a little bit. 

Putting her hand to her throat, she tried to gulp again and wheezed.  “Three weeks?!” she parroted.  “Jai.”  She let his name hang in the air so maybe he could reflect for a moment and realize how supremely foolish that sounded.  And how that girl had played him better than a piano.  Or maybe flute was more appropriate.  She frowned as she eyed him. 

Pushing her shot out of the way, Dosia decided to reserve that for a few minutes and instead focus on getting him some water and listen.  Resting her elbows against the bar, Dosia let out a deep sigh.  “If she wanted to make time for you, she would.”  It was probably harsh, but Jai wasn’t exactly operating in reality, and that was what she was good at.  “She’s not worth your time,” Dosia added, “she never appreciated you.”  It was a common refrain, but Dosia would have to see if he would listen now. 

Jai’s heartstrings snapped like rubber bands. He closed his eyes before the room had a chance to start shrinking. His jaw set and he sighed. Keep it together, keep it together… Jai really did not want this reality check to be happening right now, or at all.


He opened his eyes and instantly felt overwhelmed by disorder. Without thinking about it he started stacking up the empty shot glasses, stacking and restacking. The clinking almost drowned out Dosia’s points. But not completely.


“If she wanted to make time for you, she would...She’s not worth your time,” Dosia added, “she never appreciated you.”


“You don’t know her like I do,” Jai defended, his voice catching on the last two words. “She’s… just not good at showing it.” He paused. That hadn’t always been true. Despite Jordyn’s preference for discretion, she had shared her true feelings with Jai. That is, until recently.

Oh Godric.

He was doing the Jai thing.  Now, it wasn’t like Dosia was going to judge him for it – they’d all gotten used to it and everyone knew he liked to organize things, but it just meant he was anxious.  He cared way too much about that uptight witch.   Always trying to defend her.  She clearly didn’t deserve it.

But, he wasn’t going to listen if she just ripped the clinking little shot glasses out of his hands.  Instead, she finally gave in and took her second shot, pushing the glass toward him.  He might as well have something else to fidget with because this was not going to get less awkward at any point in the near future.  “You’re right about that,” Dosia pointed out with a curled lip, “wouldn’t want to either.”  Dosia had half a mind to speculate about whether or not it was just her personality that was dry… but thought better of it.

It wouldn’t help, that much was for certain.  Jai was whipped.  Bad.  This required more… finesse.  Turning in her seat, she now faced him full on.  “What was your last conversation about?”  She had to see what he was going off of, after all.  If she’d owled him some dirty photos or something, maybe he had an argument, but anything short of that and three weeks was an awfully long time to go without talking and not seeing one another.  Hell, for most of them in their friend group, that would probably mean you’ve forgotten who that person is  - assumed they’d disappeared off the face of the planet.  If only that were the case for Dimbleby. 

When Dosia passed her shot glass over Jai turned his head slightly in her direction and paused before adding it to the rotation. He felt his compulsions creeping up and debated ordering another drink despite being a few drinks in already. That would be evidence towards the idea that something was wrong, though.


“What was your last conversation about?”


He stopped fiddling with the glasses and slowly took a set of letters out of his pocket. Jai sighed and held onto them a moment before passing them to Dosia. He didn’t say anything, there was really no need. Jai had a good idea of what she was going to say already, and it wasn’t going to be positive.


The bartender walked by and scooped up the glasses just as Jai was reaching for them. She raised her eyebrows and said, “Done with those?” Jai nodded pathetically. Without needing to ask she refilled the glass that had contained the whiskey and walked away. Grateful, Jai picked it up and started drinking, the whiskey bringing an edge to the warmth from the shots.

Oh. My. Godric. 

That was just the pathetic cherry on top of the even more pathetic sundae.  He procured the letters right out of his pocket like they never even left there.  What was this?  Some kind of weird religious practice?

Seriously.  That girl had to be a dementor.  She wore enough black and when she walked into a room it did always feel like the happiness was drained out of it.  Anyone who wanted to be head girl that badly had to have a few screws loose (and survive by eating other people’s joy).  Raising her eyebrows, Dosia grabbed the letters out of his and started to rifle through them. 

She didn’t really want to read them.  First of all, it was kind of dark in the bar and she couldn’t make out all of the words.  Secondly, she didn’t want to read anything gross.  Finally, she didn’t really care what Dimbleby had to say.  Obviously the letters that Jai had obsessed over were a little more creased than the others and the edges had been played with – looked like he tried to smooth things out.  Ugh.  What a witch. 

“Jai,” she looked at him, disbelieving, especially at the later letters.  “Are you…” she took a deep breath through her nose – she wasn’t going to curse – she desperately wanted to, but she wouldn’t, “serious?”  She held up the last letter the girl had sent.  “She’s a horrible human being.  Never mind girlfriend, but like…” she looked at the letter and then back at him, “come on.”   

Jai knew that he was going to receive judgment for having the letters, but he’d read them so often that he practically had them memorized, He could have probably recited them verbatim for Dosia, but that would have been worse. Because he would have had to say it out loud.

“She’s a horrible human being.  Never mind girlfriend, but like… come on.” 


Hanging his head, Jai closed his eyes and took a moment to accept that this was really happening. “I know,” he said quietly. Jai raised his head and stared at the wall ahead of him, sort of zoning out for a few seconds. He had been reflecting on everything, everything, thinking about what he had done wrong. That hadn’t been helpful at all, because Jai didn’t know why or how or when she had started living this way. And even if he did know, he didn’t know what he could have done to change anything.


“I just don’t really get it,” Jai pursed his lips and turned to Dosia. He was trying pretty hard to keep it together, “I just don’t really get what I did wrong?” He sighed. The worst feeling out of all of it was the rejection, the event whose possibility Jai had been pushing to the back of his mind.

This was like… the saddest thing Dosia had ever witnessed – and she had seen half naked (or all naked)[1] men being thrown into the hallway of their apartment buildings with everything they owned besides clothing being tossed out after them.  And this… this was definitely the saddest thing she’d ever seen. 

If he knew then why was he so upset about it?  He should be happy that this burden could be gotten rid of.  “This is a good thing, Jai,” she had to point that out to him.  He was obviously losing it and needed to be reminded that it was amazing to get rid of the toxic, awful people in your life.  Well, Dosia couldn’t do that – she worked for one of them (not that Augsutine was like… really that bad… but you know…). 

To his question about what he did, Dosia was incredulous:  “That’s the best part!  You didn’t do anything!”  She smacked her hands on the bar top – the bartender looked over and she shrugged apologetically before turning back to Jai, “You didn’t do anything!   If anything, I bet you were too nice.”  She leveled him with an accusatory look that would have made a death eater plea guilty to all charges.  In another life, Dosia could have considered a career in law. 

“There’s nothing to get,” she shrugged, “You are a free agent.  Drop her like a boiling cauldron and enjoy living life without a parasite.”  Perhaps it was harsh, but it was what he needed to hear.  She looked around the bar and took a sip of her ridiculous cocktail as she looked around.  “If you need to… you know… sew wild oats or something, I bet we could get you hooked up with someone in here tonight,” she reasoned out loud.  “Ooor,” a slow, devious smile spread across her lips, “I could get you a ticket to Tine’s thing: The Ghost Ball or something.  Swanky drinks, tiny dresses…” 

1.	Grigory Gonchar

Even though he knew she was right, Jai still couldn’t make himself accept it. Jordyn was his first serious girlfriend, he loved her. Merlin, did he ever. She was so pretty and smart and soft. If he had known their last kiss was really the last, he might have savored it more. He reached for the alcohol.


Dosia was harsh but Jai was used to the attitude. He took everything Dosia said with a grain of salt. Jordyn wasn’t that bad, she couldn’t be, she had made him too happy. He pushed the thoughts about her cheating on him away, wondered if Dosia knew about it. She probably did. Jai had just forgiven her once she made a sad face. He had done it so easily, without really thinking twice. That had probably been a sign. He felt so foolish. His lower lip quivered a bit and so he clenched his jaw in an attempt to regain control and took a drink for good measure.


“I just never got to say anything. Not goodbye, not anything,” he confessed. “I had to have done something,” he added quietly. He shrugged, ran his fingers through his hair, and started rearranging glasses again, now that there were a couple in front of them, again.


“I’m supposed to go to that,” Jai slurred. He put the drink down. He really wanted to be blackout drunk but didn’t want to start embarrassing himself just yet. He cleared his throat. “The Ghost Ball,” he enunciated. He was happy about the subject change. “What’s it supposed to be?” Jai hadn’t been planning on going, but the alcohol was making him feel more open to the idea of going to another place where there was other alcohol.

“Or,” Dosia drawled before taking a sip of her straw and smacking her lips, “you can accept that you fell for a stone cold witch who wasn’t worth your time,” she suggested, “and move your arse on.  You’re only 19 years old, for Merlin’s sake. It’s not like you were going to marry her,” Dosia rolled her eyes.  "You couldn't even trust her," she added, "probably snogging someone else at school because she's that girl."  Ugh.  Ew. 

She couldn’t imagine it -- one, because Dimbleby was probably a horrible kisser and two, because it was unfair to Jai. Dimbleby really was a right dementor, and even if she did get married, it'd be a terrible party.  And Dosia knew a good party.  She was used to them, usually on the heels of Augustine.  She could not picture Dimbleby being part of anything one might consider an awesome party.  She’d probably be too afraid they’d get caught or something.  So lame. 

But Jai was not lame right now.  In fact, he was pretty wasted already.  Motioning a sort of subtle cut off motion at the bartender, she smiled at the nod she got in return and turned full attention back to Jai.  He was totally weird, like you put alcohol in him and even if he was acting like a moping basset hound right now, he could be easily swayed.  “It’s a charity event or something,” she shrugged and swiveled on her barstool. 

Cradling her half-empty drink in her hand, there was a lightness in her head and she trained her eye to look around the crowd.  “We should practice,” she grinned at him, “You know, for all the girls at the big party…” she suggested, wiggling her perfectly drawn eyebrows.  “Why don’t you go talk to her?” she motioned toward a young looking girl in a small group.  Nothing too threatening, she was pretty and Jai was getting drunk.  How bad could it be?