The weather had been pretty wet for almost the entire first week of Spring Break. Most of the students had gone back home to enjoy the time off school. Only a handful of students were left behind. Xavier had been invited to several places for the holiday but none seemed all that appealing. Lounging around his Grandfather's giant empty manor, crashing at Berkerley's flat in Diagon, relaxing at the Whitman's cottage with Cadance and Charlie. He turned them all down, opting to spend his final Spring Break in the ancient castle.

Today he was enjoying the welcomed change in weather. The sun was out, the air had warmed and not a single rain cloud was in sight (only soft fluffy white ones) Xavier had made his way down to the lake. He spread a towel out under a nearby tree and stripped down to just a pair of swim shorts. 20° wasn't exactly summer weather but it was warm enough for him and provided a nice contrast to the lake water he was certain was going to be freezing.

He supposed he could have gone down to the boat house but didn't like to idea of diving off the dock and getting tangled in something the other students had left behind. Instead he waded out from the shore before diving down. The water was too murky to see anything substantial but he wasn't really looking. He was just enjoying the water.

After a while he made his way back to shore and noticed he wasn't alone. He rubbed some water out of his hair, causing the dark brown locks to tousle. The sunlight coming through the clouds caused the rest of the water on his skin to glisten. He gave a smirk, "Enjoyin' thee view?"

It didn’t even feel like a holiday. 

Jordyn had spent a majority of her break in the library or the dorms studying.  NEWTs was closing in on them and she felt like every single time she opened a planner it was more apparent that the days were not slowing down.  She could have gone with Neely on holiday or even just to the family home in London, but it seemed less productive.

She wouldn’t have access to the books in the library and, quite honestly, she would be even more alone at home than she was in the castle.  At least there were some students still milling around and had made the same choice.  Back in London, she couldn’t guarantee who would be around.  And she was not about to seek out Jai. 

That had been firmly hexed in the foot[1] and after she spent almost three weeks panicking that she was going to have to give up all of her dreams and be an unwed, teenage mother, she did not want to have to even have the possibility to run into him.  Granted, she was now very aware that was not her problem and had been privy to the information that it was someone else’s actual problem.[2]  She probably had a lot less to worry about in comparison. 

But, even still, she elected to stay at school and tackle NEWTs.  Fortunately, it wasn’t a twenty-four hour a day task and Jordyn was already feeling mentally numb.  She’d just crammed information… she decided that taking a walk was the best solution to the fuzzy edges around her eyes that made it impossible to pay attention to actual words in the text. 

So, as she took in the unnaturally nice Scottish spring day, Jordyn realized how much she would actually miss Hogwarts.  There’d be no shelter against her parents for the rest of her life… this was the one place that kept her away from them.  And she was good at school.  What if she wasn’t good at anything else?  She chewed on the side of her tongue, thinking on that very question as she moved down and away from the castle. 

Lost in thought, before she knew it, she had wandered down toward the lake.  She hadn’t anticipated running into anyone else, but when she heard a voice, she instantly looked up – ripped out of her thoughts and realized what she was looking at.  Her cheeks, already a healthy pink from exertion, must have flushed a shade darker and she sighed.  Tawse.  He always had to push things, didn’t he? 

At least Jordyn was quick and she managed to reply with, “I had hardly noticed.” She looked around, “Imaginary photoshoot?” 

1.	Going Postal
2.	Forbidden Fruit

Xavier took a certain twisted pride in the extra bit of colour that rose on her cheeks when she actually caught sight of him. It was always a delight to get under Dimbleby's skin and Xavier had a knack for doing just that. Despite the smirk on his lips he felt a crushing sense of sadness. There was only two more months left of school. While his fellow students were losing sleep over the upcoming NEWTs, Xavier was more worried about their impending futures. Where would they go? What would they do? Were any of them as unsure about being an adult in the real world as he was? And the most pressing issue at the front of his mind, would he ever see Jordyn again?

He wore a mask of suaveness though, "Nah, ah'm jus always this gorgeous." He gave her a wink before heading over to the pile of his clothes and the towel he had laid out. He towelled off the last bits of water and bent down to grab his shirt, showing off the large tattoo across the top of his back. Turning back he slipped his shirt back on over his swim trunks, then lounged out over the towel having laid it back out again.

He looked her over, even wanting to be polite he was finding it hard to say anything nice at the moment. It was no surprise that Jordyn was training and studying hard for the year end exams. He wasn't sure if he knew any other student who was as dedicated. The unfortunate side effect was that it was taking a obvious toll on the girl. He almost wished he had his flask on him just so he had something to offer her.

"'ow's thee studyin' goin'?"

Jordyn rolled her eyes when he asserted that he was, of course, always gorgeous.  Leave it to Tawse to be so self-assured that he’d take her put down and turn it into some kind of compliment.  Not that she had meant it that way, obviously, but in another surefire way to annoy her, he had to take it that way.  Sarcasm didn’t do much for her, did it? 

Apparently, she had also lost her mind because instead of turning straight around and going back to the castle to bury her head back in her books until she fell asleep… probably also with her face in the book.  Rather than doing the sane, sensible thing, Jordyn meandered closer as Xavier grabbed his shirt and blessedly put it on.  No one needed to oogle Xavier Tawse, no matter what he thought. 

It didn’t stop her from sitting on the ground next to him though.  Drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her shins, she sighed.  Studying.  The thought made a blood vessel in her brain throb.  She lowered her forehead to hit her knees as she let out a deep breath.  “I don’t know if my brain could possibly handle another thing to learn… and we still have two months of lessons left.”  The thought was daunting. 

It seemed impossible to learn anything else on top of what she had to study and master for the tests.  And then, on top of it, there was a lifetime of learning beyond school.  Were brains made to handle so much?  She’d heard somewhere that they only used about 12% of their brain… which seemed untrue because anatomically that didn’t make sense… but on the slight chance it was true… she couldn’t even imagine how much her brain would hurt after school was over.

“Is this your study break?” she lifted her head and gave him a sidelong look, “Or have you even started?” It probably came out a lot more judgmental than she meant it to, but that wouldn’t surprise anyone.  Wow, the grass is green.  The lake is cold.  Jordyn was a bitch.  It was all pretty clear at this point in their careers.  And though Jordyn had never considered herself a bitch before… this year really solidified it.  She would never question why she had few close friends again without thinking back to seventh year.  “I’ll just be happy when it ends.  Won’t you?”   

Xavier was equally surprised that Jordyn decided to join him. Perhaps she was more stressed out than she was letting on. He leaned back on his arms with his legs kicked out in front of him, a stark contrast to Jordyn's own compacted posture. He looked her over. He had an urge to put his arm around her, she looked in some serious need of comfort, but thought better of it. Despite himself, he thought of Jordyn as a friend but doubted she felt the same of him. More likely she would see it as an advance. So for now, it was hands to himself.

He let out a chuckle when she chided him for his studying habits. He definitely didn't have a study regiment like she did but he was smart and did a lot better in classes than most people expected of him. He was likely to catch at least a few O's for his NEWTs, Defense, Transfiguration and Potions being his top subjects. Though he had a bit of a bad rep after walking out of History of Magic in his fifth year. Xavier was most certainly more likely to be found in his dorm room weight training or boxing than he was to be found in the library studying. In other words, Jordyn's criticism wasn't unfounded.

In a moment of seriousness though Xavier sighed, "'onestly, ah'm more worried 'bout wha' comes after graduashun." He shook his head, "Ah 'ave no clue wha' Ah'm doing."

She didn’t really expect him to just sigh. 

Jordyn would have pegged him as more of the bark in laughter at her concerns type.  Plenty of people did, or she felt like they might if she really talked about what was going on.  Sure, she mentioned how she was stressed she felt or how much work she had but she didn’t go… into it. 

She wasn’t the type to burden others with her problems.  She liked to listen though.  So, when Xavier started to unload, she couldn’t help but lean in.  (Part of it due to the thickness of his accent, the other to her interest about what could possibly worry him.)  It wasn’t as though Xavier Tawse was known for his deep care and dedication to academic performance. 

So, when his concerns weren’t even for tests, she’d at least have that to fall back on him.  In a moment where it seemed like everything was wrong, at least she’d gotten that right.  “Do you need to know what to do with yourself?” Jordyn raised her eyebrows at him, seriously inquiring. 

Sure, she knew she could be mean, but right now that wasn’t even the objective.  “Your family can support you while you figure things out,” she offered.  Her own struggle with that idea was left unspoken.  There was no Dimbleby safety net waiting to catch her, but that wasn’t Tawse’s concern.  It wasn’t anyone but hers.  “I imagine if all else fails, some sport or another would be an option?” 

This time Xavier did laugh though he caught himself before saying 'what family'. Though a friend in his eyes Jordyn knew very little about him. She knew as much as he let her know, as much as he let any of those around him know. True, a lot of his family issues were public knowledge but that didn't mean his classmates knew about them, they were still teenagers after all. For them there was very little of the world outside themselves, outside the halls of Hogwarts. Perhaps it was the notion of having to venture out beyond their own personal bubbles that was the root of his sombre mood.

He smirked and did something rare, something he had only done with a couple of people at school, he spoke in his real voice, "Don't tell me you don't have your entire future mapped out already?" Having been born and raised in London, Xavier actually had a more posh English accent. It wasn't until he was about nine or ten that he had developed his Scottish Brogue after having moved in with his Mother's family in Montrose. He had done it all consciously, like a kid who spoke a different language at home. Initially he had done it as a way to flip off to his father and it slowly had just become habit.

"It's not really something I talk about much, but Hogwarts has been the most consistent home and family I've ever had. I just don't like the idea of giving it up." He smirked to lighten the air a bit, "I suppose I could always troll out of my NEWTS and stay back a year."

The levity didn't last long though, "Ever feel like what everyone expects of you is just no where near what you want for yourself?" He glanced over at her, "I leave Hogwarts, I become a galleonaire, I get to do whatever I want until my Grandfather kicks it and his entire empire falls to me, whether I want it or not." He knew it was often seen as callous to complain about being rich but that wasn't his real concern. His concern was what he was supposed to do with a giant corporation he had absolutely no interest in.

Jordyn’s expression quickly dissolved into disbelief. 

If Xavier could be an easily understood human being with an accent that did not require one to stop and pause, why would he not choose to speak like that all of the time?  It was probably on purpose to piss people off… or discourage them from speaking to him.  Maybe it was important enough, or exasperating enough to not maintain the heavier brogue for their conversation. 

Jordyn wasn’t going to ask questions.  “I feel like I’ve always known what I want,” she answered his question honestly, though she did not add that no one really knew how that would go.  She was nervous she’d be a failure.  Wasn’t everyone?  With everything she wanted so close, it was kind of terrifying – and she did have to admit, Hogwarts had been one of the only constants in her life… The prospect of living wth her parents after graduation was a scary one.  It was odd to know that Xavier felt that way too.  She didn’t really assume any of her classmates who had money had family problems. 

Itching the top of her knee, Jordyn nodded slowly to his question.  She didn’t understand, there was nothing like that waiting for her, and if there was, just by nature she assumed she would want to run it to the best of her ability.  But, then again, what did she know?  “I mean, you can just sell it to Whitman,” she offered with a little laugh, “I heard he has like… fifty companies or something,” she shook her head.  It seemed insane, impossible really.

“For me,” she looked back down at the ground, twisting a crisp piece of grass in between her gloved fingertips, “I honestly don’t think anyone could be as hard on me as I am.”  It was probably one of the few times she said it out loud, though it had been pointed out to her over and over again by friends and even a professor or two.  “If I cared a fraction less, maybe I wouldn’t be going mental over these exams.  But, I don’t really have anything else to fall back on.” She squished the blade of grass between her fingers and continued to roll it, focused on the swirling green over making awkward eye contact.  Definitely the better choice.

Xavier bit back a laugh at the look on Jordyn's face. After nearly seven years of driving her crazy, he finally found a new way to break her brain. It hadn't intended to do so, he was just being honest. A very, very rare occasion for him. He had done it once with Callum and the former Slytherin thought he was just taking the piss. Once he had become nearly intimate with Demetria, he spoke comfortably with her most of the time. It had just become a part of him now, a reflex more than anything. Besides, girls always told him how sexy Scottish guys were.

Xavier nodded, looking out to the blue sky. The white puffy clouds had a certain mesmerising appeal to them and were easier to watch than Jordyn was. Eye contact and unabashed honesty wasn't always the most comfortable a combinations. He wasn't at all surprised that she had always known what she'd be doing. There was a time he thought that too. When he was younger, he was actually eager to take over the family business - his father's disappearance and presumed death ruined that for him. Under the tutelage of his uncle he had a keen interest in Politics and working for the Ministry but once again losing a father figure diminished his interest in those dreams. Arathorn was overbearing and more than willing to play his grandchildren like pawns (he saw it everyday in Cadance) the type of personality that Xavier naturally fought back against. Which unfortunately left him with very few ideas of where to go from here.

He let out a bark of laughter at the mention of Whitman, "I should give my inheritance to Cadance as a wedding present." He rolled his eyes a bit, like his cousin really needed any more money. True her father's side of the family weren't the richest of purebloods but she had always been very well cared for by her mother's side (his side) Marrying her off to Whitman was akin to having her join royalty as far as the galleons were concerned.

"If you cared a fraction less you wouldn't be Jordyn.  You're not Head Girl by accident." He chanced a glance over at her, "If any of us are going to succeed outside these walls it's you." He knew his words could have the complete opposite effect, causing her to fear failure even more but he wasn't about to stop this sudden honesty train he had boarded, "You'll be Healer-In-Charge in five years and I'll be . . . drunk off my arse, merlin knows where, with a naked flousy next to me that I won't even know the name of."

He shrugged, "At least I can probably cross off most likely to go to Azkaban this year."

Xavier’s cousin was another topic of conversation that was probably not worth touching at the moment.  She was… well, Jordyn couldn’t imagine living her life.  She couldn’t imagine being pregnant and then not even considering getting rid of it.  Honestly, when Jordyn hadn’t been panicking about something of that sort potentially ruining her life and really sat down to think about it, she knew there were ways to fix it.  She had always understood, and then ultimately considered, that option. Thankfully, it proved she didn’t have to think about it.  It would probably be much more difficult if it was actually you’re situation though. 

Same concept as something as obscure as an inhieritance.  If anything, Jordyn was going to probably get a mountain of debt from her parents when they passed.  “If you’re going for sainthood, it might make a dent in the argument,” she teased with a laugh.  It wasn’t necessarily genuine, but it was worth laughing over.

Everyone knew it wasn’t like any of them needed more money.  Honestly, what did one do with as much as she imagined they had, Jordyn couldn’t imagine.  A swimming pool of galleons? That’d probably be impractical – and cause a lot of broken bones. 

She’d never have to worry about that.  It was kind of comforting though, knowing she’d never have to worry about being in charge of that much, even if Xavier seemed to think so. Rolling her eyes, she snorted at his assertion about being successful.  She wished.  “You never know,” she pointed out quickly:  “I could fail out of training, have to beg for scraps with the hags on Knockturn and you could run a multimillion galleon company and have some trophy wife for all we know,” she let out a shuddering sigh and flicked the crushed blade of grass from between her fingers. 

Resting her cheek on her knee, she turned her head to look at Xavier.  “I guess the uncertainty of it all is pretty terrifying.  School was always going to come along every year, wasn’t it?”  This made her pause and her heart thump against the inside of her chest.  “I’ll miss it too,” she finally admitted out loud and it felt like a weight was lifted – putting words to a feeling definitely helped.  Though, it didn’t lighten her mood any: in fact, it just made her more concerned that what if outside of these walls she wasn’t important anymore?  What if she was just… average - fated for oblivion and obscurity? That thought was perhaps even worse than being a total failure.

Xavier chuckled along with her. Saint Xavier. Nope, there was no ring to it and the thought seemed much more ridiculous to him than anything else. He was never one for regrets or forgiveness. He did what he wanted and everyone else be damned. Money had nothing to do with it. Whether he was bloody rich or begging on the streets, he had never been one to flaunt his status like others were. He didn't care either way if he had it or not. He would possibly even be happier without, carving his own little niche in the world. Money often meant he had to answer to someone else. Xavier hated answering to others.

He gave her another smirk, this time actually looking over at her, "You'd never get to that." There was a wicked sparkle in his eye, "I'm sure someone would scoop you up before ever letting you beg with the hags." It was mostly implied that he would be that someone. Why not? He didn't need the money and if it helped someone like Jordyn - who was actually worth something to the world - succeed, what better way to spend a few?

As she curled up into an even more compact and vulnerable looking position, Xavier didn't stop himself this time. He sat up and placed his hand on her back gently rubbing just under her shoulders, "You have no idea just how terrifying leaving all this behind is." He shook his head with a sombre look. 

It was slightly comforting, knowing someone didn’t even consider it possible that she would be a complete and utter failure.  She wished she had the confidence to believe it too, at least all of the time.  There were moments where Jordyn could imagine it: being in charge of a ward or finding the cure to some disease and getting an Order of Merlin first class.  That was the stuff of dreams, wasn’t it?  And Jordyn knew better than to accept her dreams at face value, or as a reality until it was actually happening. 

It’d been the same when she got her Head Girl badge by post.  That was probably one of her happiest memories.  She had hardly believed it, even when she pinned it on her uniform.  She thought she could handle any obstacle that came her way.  So much for that!  And so much for his next thought, at that. 

Jordyn actually snorted.  It wasn’t even something she thought she was capable of doing, but here she was, snorting at Xavier Tawse.  “Oh yea?” she shook her head, “and who is going to do that? You?” she rolled her eyes and resumed her position, averting her gaze and deciding to not deal with honesty or anything of the sort.  She didn’t like being vulnerable in front of people; much less meet their eyes when she was. 

That didn’t give her much warning when Xavier put his hand on her back though.  Every muscle in her body tensed for a moment, surprised.  When the moment of perceived danger passed, she dropped her shoulders again and sighed.  She had to admit, she didn’t necessarily mind.  There was a reason people rubbed babies’ backs: it was soothing. 

Moments passed where she just nodded.  He was right: and now there was no avoiding it.  “It’s inevitable though,” she muttered, letting out a shaky breath.    “Fifth year there wasn’t anything I wanted to do more than graduate.  Now…” she shook her head.  “Everyone's had some good times though, right?”  It was important to think about the happiness of their class: even Virgil. 

He felt her tense under his fingertips and for a moment he worried he had crossed a line. He tried to remember a time he had ever actually touched her. The only thing that came to mind was the night they had gone dancing and he was pretty sure the alcohol had a lot more to do with that. Thankfully though she relaxed and let him do it. For a long moment they sat in silence as he rubbed her back before speaking again.

He casual withdrew and let out a laugh, "oh there's definitely been good times. That's what makes it so hard to leave." Xavier had loved, lost, drank and smoked his way through the last seven years. He had also had some of the worst times of his life but even those were all part of the experience. However he was desperate not to dwell on them and liked the opening she had given him to talk about better things.

"Some of us have had more than others." He gave her a large toothy grin, "Makes me think I'm the only one not getting laid around here." He skirted around the rumors of him sleeping with Demetria. While the two had spent countless nights in bed together nothing had actually physically come of it, "You hear about Carstairs and Flickwick?" The disbelief in his voice was so evident he was practically screaming it.

 “Too true,” she agreed.  Jordyn wondered just how many millions of memories had been made in the castle walls.  Generations of students all having the same seven years of their lives; they all walked the same halls and partook in the same traditions.  Sure, there were formal histories of Hogwarts that students had to study and internalize, but the informal and seemingly mundane history of the school was probably a lot more interesting.  People’s lives were made and lost in that castle and now the graduating class of 2011 was just one more in the history.

Her thoughts seemed to be a bit more quixotic than Xavier’s.  She shouldn’t have been surprised that his commitment to being a nostalgic (and family friendly) individual would end.  Though, it wasn’t exactly what she expected to hear from him.  Didn’t boys brag about their… relationships?  She wasn’t going to ask though.  She was too preoccupied now that her cheeks turned pink and another one of the thousands of memories cropped up: her first time had been during this break last year. 

When the wash of guilt ran off, Jordyn focused on something else: other people.  That was a much better topic.  Of course she’d heard about that.  When a Professor happened upon two people it wasn’t as though the news didn’t spread.  Rather than make a comment about then (particularly about Virgil – since she was not sure how he felt about their fellow slytherin), Jordyn elected for a husky laugh, “All sorts find a way, I suppose.”  It felt like the nicest thing she could say, which didn’t say much at all.  “No stranger than Piselli and Bevans.[1]  Or Piselli and anyone else, really,” she remarked with a grimace.[2]

She never considered making choices like Zia did, and from what Marco mentioned about it, she couldn’t really wrap her head around it.  Jordyn was an only child with a tenuous relationship with her parents; that was probably enough to ensure she couldn’t understand the grief of losing a loved one.  “I don’t think that’s most important though,” notably because she was in the same boat as Xavier, “and as far as I’ve heard,” personal experience aside went unsaid, “you end up with Theo,  Professor Donovan, or a baby ruining your life.” 

1.	Reference Thread
2.	Jordyn slut-shames.  I apologize.

Xavier had to admit he really liked that laugh. He wished he could hear it more often. It made him realise just how much he hoped to see a lot of his friends once school was over and they all started their own separate adult lives. For now, he'd be looking to bring that laugh out a few more times before they were done for the year. Jordyn likely could use it more than she wanted to admit. Still being a teenaged boy Xavier had other completely selfish reasons for wanting to hear it again too.

He squinched up his nose when she mentioned another pair of their classmates that had been caught bumping uglies, "Don't blame Zia on that one. Pretty sure Bevans would feck anything that moves. Call it wrong place at the wrong time." He let out his own husky laugh. He didn't even flinch at her comment about Piselli, the girl was in a bad place and she was hopping on any guy she could get her hands on to try and get herself out of it. He didn't blame her, as the scar tissue on his hands could attest to, he knew all about making stupid decisions when you were hurting.

He leaned back and thought about her assertion that it wasn't worth it. He wouldn't know. Though he figured he's weather Whitman or Donovan just to find out, "To finally get a little, it'd be worth it. Whitman and Donovan aren't that bad and B- wait did you say babies?" He knew a few years back George Carter had knocked up his girlfriend when they were still in Hogwarts but that was ancient history. She wouldn't be talking about that now would she? "Who's having a baby?!"