A small package containing squished brownies is delivered by Alistair's owl

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Aisling!

Last night I was really hungry so I went to the kitchens and the house elves are so nice that they desided to feed me!!! They gave me some of the most delishus brownies I have ever eaten and I needed to share. Dad says that girls like chocolate and you know what he is absolutly right. If a girl says she doesn't like chocolate she is lieing. Alistair also says that you need thereapy so there is nothing better than chocolate thereapy!

How are you??? Are you still dating the french guy with the fancy voice and the eyes? Maman says his voice isnt fancy and that he does not have an accent but have you heard her speak? The H sound is not in her vocabularry. Alistair says he sounds exactly like he is from France and also told me to practise so that I can speak to him but you know I don't have the mind for French at all.

Love you 5ever,

Isla

With the letter is with a box of sweets from Honeydukes and another envelope containing photographs of Balthair, Balfour, Knox, Nona, Sylvain, Wyrmwood personnel, assorted Spectre bairns, a plate of brownie crumbs and Maverick.

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Isla,


Thank you so SO much for the brownies! They were extremely delicious. Your dad, as always, is a very brilliant man, though don’t tell him I said that (he does not need the ego boost). But you *can* tell Alistair that he is a little shit. (Though I suppose I should thank him for giving you the idea. Sort of. He is definitely still a little shit and you can tell him that I said so.)

I am well! And am still seeing Sylvain, yes. In fact, he helped me finish the brownies—they were just so good, I simply had to share. He wants me to thank you on his part as well—that they were très délectable and he enjoyed them.

(I wouldn’t worry about learning French, Isla. I haven’t the mind for it either, but he and I talk just fine in English. :) )

Wyrmwood is also doing well. Did I tell you that we got our very own Whomping Willow a couple weeks back? It’s only half-grown, but it’s reached that stage where it can send you flying. I know this because it did, in fact, send me flying –  right before I met Sylvain. We also have a new variety of dragon’s blood that takes after the Peruvian Vipertooth, which comes with VENOMOUS SPINES (Gwaine is all cut up at the moment, but he’ll be fine; he wants to know if Professor Donovan has felt like a color other than black, yet), and fairy hair… which we might send back, actually, because it makes everyone crazier than usual. We’re keeping it in solitary for now.

Anyway, how are you? And Rocky? Maverick misses you. Shall I take him with me when I see you this Hogsmeade weekend?


LOVE YOU MOST,
Aisling


     P.S. Tell Alistair that his next meal will make him shorter than Nona.

Aisling, you incorrigible, fire-roasted nut,

Isla told me that you told her to call me a "little shit." I'll have you know that she followed through on it. In fact, she waved me down in the hallway and shouted it as loudly as she could. If I had any shame, I would've been more bothered. I'm more intrigued with the concept of revenge. However, I am the absolute kindest and most empathetic of your relatives, so I might be inclined to forgive you. For a price of course. As my mother once told me after two bottles of egregiously expensive wine, "Everything comes with a price, Alistair. Especially my love."

My price: Send me some fairy hair, I want to put it in the staff lounge.

Love your mediocre cousin,

Alistair

Enclosed with the letter is a handful of glittery, candy pink dust… mixed with finely ground pepper imps enchanted the same shade of pink. It smells like bubblegum and cotton candy, induces a slow-acting burning sensation upon contact, and explodes into a cloud of dust as soon as the envelope is opened.

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Dearest Napoleon Bonafarte,


Whatever shall I do without your forgiveness?! I guess I have no choice, then. Here—this is all that I’ve left of it. If you need more, then you will have to pester Balfour for it. If you get any on yourself, I advise jumping IMMEDIATELY into the lake. Clothes and all.

(I wouldn’t say mediocre. ‘Diminutive’, maybe.)


Give Isla my love! Mwah,
Aisling

March 7th, 2011

To: Satan's most beloved whore,

I should Not have opened this at breakfast. The victims were many. A few professors tried to hose down the table because evacuation couldn't happen quickly enough. Isla dumped a glass of milk on my head. She didn't get in any trouble, and I suppose it's because the staff figured I deserved it or they didn't notice. It was kind of smart, really... The milk made the stinging in my eyes go away. 

Zamperia wouldn't stop laughing. When she walked by me in the hallway later, I swear she whispered "Milky."

Now you REALLY owe me some fairy hair. Please, for Professor Storm. He's old, and I heard that old people lack passion. His wife is young, she'll appreciate the gesture.

Alistair

Instead of parchment, this response is written in one of those hip enchanted cards embossed with a recording spell.

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March 8th


Sweet Francelot,


Here is a selfie of my regret.



And some chocolate, for the broken heart. If you (or your sister) haven’t eaten all of it before this letter is through, why don’t you offer Esther some? Unless, of course, you are trying not to give that impression, in which case I don’t know how to help you. Your da’s advice is pretty solid, generalizations aside.


Your dearest, sincerest, most favorite cousin,
Aisling

You fire kissed hell hound,

I see Hades let you off leash. I'm not sure it was a wise choice. Go back to the underworld from whence you came!

As soon as I opened that letter, a muggleborn started talking about Spongebob and Mr. Crabs. I am not sure I want to know who they are or what they are doing with the world's smallest violin. Either way: Message received. You don't give a shit about my pain and suffering.[1]

Is this chocolate even safe for consumption, or will it make Esther turn into a three toed tree toad?

Go choke on one of Sylvain's body parts. Your choice. Pics or it didn't happen.
.....On second thought, I'd rather not have pictures.
 
With wary and somewhat regretful love,
Sweet His Royal Highness Francelot Briefbras the Conciliator, Father of House Elves, Radiance of Hogwarts, Oath Maker, Oath Keeper, Oath Breaker.

1.	He's not genuinely upset, just jokingly antagonistic