Dear Balfour,

Welcome to my life, the life of me. Today I had breakfast, lunch, dinner and THREE SNACKS. I can't remember what I ate, but I a sure you that it was delicious. There will be a sex ed seminar and I don't know if I am old enough to go but I have a very important question for you. How old were you when you started liking boys? Can you ask Aisling and Nona and everybody else for me too? I don't want to write a lot of letters and I am not good at geminio.

I love you so so so so so much! Your definitely in my top ten favourite people!!!!!! Hug everyone for me!!!

Love forever and ever,
Isla

To: Isla Spectre. House of Hufflepuff, Hogwarts.
From: Balfour Spectre. House of Atreus, London.

March 16th 2011

Cousin darling!

How dear to be welcomed to your life, Isla! I did in fact hear news of the sex education panels: two of my colleagues volunteered will be about to discuss interspecies relations. Do attend even if you aren't allowed.

Now for your extremely important query. I've always liked boys about as long as I have liked girls but if you mean when I realised I wanted to kiss boys as well - I must have been around nine or ten. Seanair gave me a mortifying "talk", under circumstances I would have to be very drunk to recount.

Have you decided you want to start kissing boys?  I recollect Nona being over the moon for boys since she was five... and Aisling had the odd fellow all through her time at Hogwarts.

But don't think too hard on it, Isla, and do what comes naturally even if it feels scary. Do you have a crush on someone? I've popped some chocolates along with this letter, if so.


Yours,

Balfour, Balfive, Balsix,

Those chocolates smell so good! I have not touched them because I do not have a crush to share them with, and you explixitly told me that it is for my crush. If I say I have a crush on myself can I eat them? I think I smell some rose and you know how much I love rose.

It does not suprise me that Nona has liked boys since forever. No one likes boys more than Nona likes boys. I heard a rumor that your boy touched her boob. Is that true? Should I be scared? This is a joke. I don't have boobs. I know jokes don't always come out right on paper, the counselor told me that when I left a note that said 'I may not be dead' two months ago before an exam. Also I know that Yohan is a perfect gentlemen.

Is it possible to make yourself have a crush without love potions?

Imagine I am giving you a big hug, because that is what I want to do right now!

Isla

To: Isla Spectre. House of Hufflepuff, Hogwarts.
From: Balfour Spectre. Edinburgh, Scotland.

March 18th 2011

Isla,

Where chocolate is involved I would not wait for any circumstance, not even a crush.

Your remark on cousin Nona made me laugh very much - as Yohan certainly hasn't been scarred from the incident, we probably have nothing to worry about. I do wonder about where these rumours come from! Spectres cannot seem to keep ourselves away from the grapevine.

I don't think it is possible to make yourself have a crush. But even if it were, Isla, why in Fenrir's name would you? In matters of the heart, remember: you cannot make another person love you, and you cannot make yourself love another person.

It will happen slowly or suddenly. Often unexpectedly. Is there somebody you wished you could have a crush on?

Thank you for the hug. I relayed it to Whiskey and Yohan.


Love,

Balthree, Baltree, Bal, its thee,

The chocolate is so amazing! Is chocolate safe for rats to eat? I didnt share any with Rocky because I didnt want to kill him. I think you should share some chocolate with Aisling because she seems like she likes sweets. What is her boyfriends name again? His voice is so fancy like mamans. I love accints they are the best!

Speaking of mamans I made friends with Dragon Eleor who loves his mother and likes to talk about her. If you want to be Dragons friend then you should talk to him about his mum okay. He knows about the internet and I think she might tutor me this summer because we all know I need the extra help. Its no secret!!! Dont worry he is not creepy I a sure you.

Yojan has offered to look at my homework for me so that I do not get a T in Defenses. Professer Storm is SO SCARY!!! I think he wants me to KILL PEOPLE!!!!! Nice professers do not kill people you know.

I do not wish I have a crush on anybody but all the girls and boys like Conner Todd who told me all about 4chan!!!

Hug your puppys for me!!!

Love,
Isla

To: Isla Spectre. Hogwarts, Scotland.
From: Balfour Spectre. House of Atreus, London.

March 21st 2011

Dear Isla,

Chocolate is not bad for Rocky but it might make him very fat. I don't know how feel about fat rats.

Aisling's boyfriend is Sylvain and I am sure he gives her lots of sweets. He was in hospital today because he fell off a Graphorn but he will be back to being a handler and boyfriend by tomorrow.

Dragon Eleor sounds like a very nice man. I will maybe write to him and see if he also not creepy in-person. Yohan sends his love. Did you know that he and your defences teacher are related? I don't think Professor Storm will kill you if you are trying your best.


P.S. I asked Aisling about 4chan. You are right not to have a crush on Connor Todd.


Yours,

Balfour,

Please tell Sylvain that he is not aloud to die because then I will never be a bridesmaid for Aisling and that would be terribad (do you see what I did there?). In my biggist dreams I want to be her maid of honer but I am sure that there are other contenders which means that I need to get stronger to defeet them. Will you be TEAM ISLA in the battle for victorry?

Rocky is very trim I promise! He needs to be fater.

Tell Yojan that I love him even though he is related to saten incarnite. He cannot chose his family any more then we can. I swear that Professer Storm will kill me. He hasnt said so yet out loud but I see it in his horribl eyes.

Wish that I could give you a hug!

Love forever,
Isla

To: Isla Spectre. Hogwarts.
From: Balfour Spectre. London.

March 24th 2011

Isla!

I have a confession to make: I might have gotten into the liquor cabinet before I last wrote.

Sylvain says it would be terribad indeed and promises he will try not to die, as most of my handlers do (promise, not die) when I see them in the morning. You may count on me to be Team Isla at Aisling's wedding but it seems like a strange thing to have as a biggest dream.

What are your other dreams, cousin?

Yojan sends his love in return. He is also related to Professor Duerr, who is his mother, so maybe it balances out - being related to angels and devils both at once. I've enclosed a bar of chocolate that my secretary tells me is good for rats. She knows strange things. Please write back so that I know we haven't fattened Rocky up too much!

I hope your brother is doing well and not playing too many terribad practical jokes.

Yours,

BALFOUR!

It is okay if you drink before writing to me. Alistair says thats how everybody manages my illitericy. I wouldnt be suprised if maman drank whine before writing to me. This morning she sent me a letter that said ISLA USE A DICTINARY! Alistair laughed and laughed and laughed. Its okay because I laughed at him when Aisling sent him a letter a fortknight ago that cawsed the slytherin table to be evakuated and drenched with water. I ran over and poured milk on his head to help except I wasnt helping.... I was being funny and pretending to help.

I have so many dreams Balfive! I want to be on the quidditch team. I want to make my favorite hippogryff at the croft love me more than anyone else. I want to eradikate the entire nation of geese. I want to have the internet. This summer I will practise so hard to make the team. Will you help? What are youre dreams???

Rocky loves his chocolate and if he could give you kisses I think he would!!

XOXOXO
Isla

To: I. Spectre. Hogwarts.
From: B. Spectre. London.

March 26th 2011

Isla,

I am quite drink-free as I write this. No drunken owls for you today!

Tell Alistair the milk is good for him. It will help him grow stronger, if not taller, bones. But I do think he would actually need to consume it. You two carry on worse than Knox and I did at Hogwarts. She was actually terribly nice (except for when I dated one of her friends and broke up with them, then she didn't speak to me for a month).

I encourage you to pursue all those dreams and will of course help with Quidditch practice. Maybe leave the geese kingdom alone. They make nasty enemies.

Now, Isla, I had to think a bit about what my dreams were. I sat down in my study with the Fates[1] and I thought and thought and thought a long time. And then Johann came in to ask what we ought to do for dinner. I think my dream is probably to settle down with him on the estate. Wouldn't that be nice? It would make me stupidly happy.

Don't tell that to seanair or Knox. They'll think I've become responsible or something horribly grown up.

The sex education panel is tomorrow, my wizard reminds me. Please write to let us know about all the disasters.


Love,

1.	Balfour's three cats.