Lunchtime


Virgil bit into an apple with a satisfying wet crunch as he dropped himself down on to the long bench; in his other hand, he held a flyer with information pertaining to the sex education panels taking place later that month. It was a novel idea. A leaf right out of their American cousins across the pond, he supposed.

Reasonable habits picked up from the former colonies.

"Are we taking bets on which faculty member thought this was a good idea?" he looked up from the parchment, yawning tiredly and blinking at a face that didn't belong at the Slytherin table.

Possibly because he'd sat amongst the Ravenclaws without thinking. Luckily, Connor Todd was as likely as any of his housemates to be taking odds on a bet. Virgil daintily held out the flyer between his index finger and thumb as he bit into the apple again.

"My galleon is on the Donovan siblings, reverse colonising the continent..." he chewed noisily before slouching forward to pick at bowl of baked crisps from somebody else's table setting. "But they aren't nearly tactless enough to invite a Gamp after last month's business."

That was, officially, what he now called the kidnappings. Something like a scandalous affair that polite society would rather forget. Even if Virgil was in no hurry to forget - or forgive.

"Not Rick Donovan though." Juni insisted, "Shona. She's the mastermind behind this." Who else would? Wait! "Potions!" She took a bite of her sandwich, "Vaillancourt-- she's French. She went to Beauxbatons." From what her dad had mentioned, Beauxbatons had a decent sex education program in their curriculum. That sounded like something French people would do-- even if they were snotty as all hell.  Except for the potions professor, she was cool. The counselor was alright, too... But she didn't really seem all that French.

Neither of them did, really. They were too nice.

"French people are obsessed with sex. Haven't you read a book?" Not that Juni knew many French people to vouch for that. At least she knew the stereotypes. "Something, something... Tiny mustache."

Jordyn could not believe it.  This was really something that was being put on by the school.  Adults in the building thought it was a good idea.  Now, granted, they had reason:  it was easy to see the number of infractions that occurred on a daily basis that related to personal relations was staggering. 

That didn’t mean Jordyn was comfortable with it.  She knew it was happening, hell, she was a willing and eager participant on more than one occasion in the very things being discussed but it was no one else’s business.  So, when she was walking by and overheard the beginnings of a very inappropriate conversation, Jordyn furrowed her brows and paused. 

“I imagine it a consensus decision,” she weighed in without any of the humor of the other two students.  If there was ever a moment to call someone a buzzkill, it could be directed at Jordyn Dimbleby in this moment.   “There’s no reason to assume any one professor had more say than the last, except perhaps the Headmistress.”  The humor of the circumstances her words suggested was lost on the serious, straight laced Head Girl.   

Connor, bless his golden, shiny, noble heart, came to the rescue. “Actually,” he butted in, smooth as the sexiest of butter, in the loudest, suavest of drawls as he clambered onto the bench. He cleared his throat, until a satisfying number of eyes were on him. “Th’ odds are as fuh-lows…

“The enchanting Camille, wiv the odds of thirty-five to one. The irresistible Shona, wiv the odds of five to one. The delightful Maiko, wiv the odds of three to one. Maiko and Shona, wiv the best odds of two–” He looked around the hall, brows lifted comically high. “To one. And, coming in as the dark horse in this race…”

Connor flung out an arm, eyes rolling heavenward, like a virginal maiden about to drop in a dead faint, and intoned as deeply as he was able, “The virile Ignan, wiv the odds of  sixty-nine to one!”

He looked down at Jordyn, lips twisted into a moue of tragedy. “Due to a lack of bets, our beguiling headmistress has been scratched from the running until further notice. But you can still bet on ‘er if you wish, Head Girl. Betting doesn’t end until the twenty-fifth.”

Ever the enabler, Gracie tugged at the fifth year’s leg until she got his attention. “You forgot Vaillancourt,” she informed him, because she, too, was the very spirit of helpfulness.

Connor’s features morphed into a look of surprise, then one of dismay after a glance indeed confirmed it. “Bollocks,” he swore. In a louder voice he added, “We’ve also got the beauteous Juliette, at eighteen to one! That’s right, folks.” He bobbed his head sagely. “Eighteen to one.”

Gracie shot Jordyn an unrepentant grin before making her way back to her seat, snatching a crisp from the bowl along the way.

Zamperia was quick as a cat on the uptake and already seemed to have made her mind up three times over before he even had a chance to sneak another bite of stolen crisps. It was Shona, then Maiko, then Juliette - if she were allowed to keep going, some other sex obsessed culture was bound to be victim.

"Don't blaspheme by speaking of the French~" Virgil murmured in his best impression of an Eton boy, and lightly pinched the younger witch's cheeks as she chewed. Whoever let her near European literature? "They're obsessed with everything the English aren't anyway."

It seemed passable to borrow from Americans but to borrow from one's neighbours, those butter soaked pioneers of King killing, was most inexcusable.

Speaking of the inexcusable, however...

Jordyn was abruptly in their presence. He scooted aside to let the Head Girl perch herself if she was in the mood for a midday lecture - and Virgil would have gladly retorted if not for Todd's picking up of the gauntlet.

Eyes and heads from across the Great Hall turned in their direction, almost echoed by the sound of eager hands reaching for their purses. Virgil laughed as he looked up at Connor and brought his hands together in soft applause. Two steps ahead with the betting!

"Good odds but Jordyn doesn't gamble," he remarked, glancing from Connor who was returning to sitting level, to Gracie and then finally to Jordyn. "She has to take a consensus before she sins, and enlist the services of a priest before she-"

Virgil smacked his lips together. "- gets on her knees."

Nicholas had heard the commotion at his own table about the sex ed panel but had been unable to get through the gaggle of fifth year Gryffindors to read the flyer.  But there seemed to be a good deal of discussion about the Donovan's and sex. 

Shona he could understand; Rick, however, Nicholas was surprised would have anything to do with it.  The man seemed at the best of times to be ready to kill them all, and that was just over questions about charms.  Questions about how to put what where were bound to make his head explode.

So when the odds were shouted across the hall from the Ravenclaw table, he made his way over.

"At least she stays awake for it," Nicholas said loudly as he walked up, sickles clacking in his hand.  "Or so I assume."  He shrugged at the head girl.

"My bet's on the counselor."  He paused and rolled the sickles around in his hand.

"Or maybe it was Shona, probably kept walking in on people all over the castle and didn't approve of their technique."  Not that he'd had a professor ever walk in on him going at it, yet; though he had been caught by that bastard, thankfully after Zia and him were done.  But before he could finish his cigarette.

"Wait, someone didn't get pregnant did they?" Seemed like a good reason to have a panel.  "Or is something going around?"  Just the thought made things itch.

The whole scenario was horrifying.  Jordyn did not condone gambling, nor the topic of conversation.  It was an academic situation, that was all.  They could use the information and that would be it.  There didn’t need to be so much fanfare about it. 

She should have expected it though, from Todd at least.  What a fool.  “I should take at least five points for that,” she sniffed at him, “but ravenclaw can’t afford to lose them, can they?” she asked, lifting her brows.  If her feathers were being purposefully ruffled, she’d do the same back.  Though, to be fair, it probably wouldn’t even bother Todd in the least.  He was the cause of most of the delinquency of that house anyway.  At this point, it was probably a bit of a pride thing. 

As for Gracie, Jordyn felt a little wounded.  They were friends!  She couldn’t back her up a little?  It was especially offensive when Virgil cut in – all aloof and condescending.  Jordyn felt her fists clench and the color rise to her cheeks.  Don’t respond, Dimbleby, she warned herself.  She was supposed to be a role model.  She could keep herself together. 

Besides, Bevans interjected (sort of on her behalf) before the conversation moved on.  Unfortunately, the color of her face could not change as quickly as topics and Jordyn tightened her lips and bounced on the balls of her feet trying to forget what Virgil had said. 

“I hope not!” Jordyn replied much more shrilly to Bevans’ question about pregnancy and... something going around.   The thought was horrifying – and would be an indication she, and the prefects, weren’t doing their jobs.  Of course, knowing some of them… She sighed, composing herself, “Regardless, it hardly matters why it’s happened or who made it so, just that is happening.”  She glanced around the little group, “it’s sure to be… informative.” 

Llywelyn wandered into the great hall ready to sit down and have some lunch. He had worked up quite the appetite this afternoon for one odd reason or another. He was met with peculiar sight. A group of students from the other houses were hanging around the Ravenclaw table discussing something rather loudly. Curiosity overtook him as he approached his housemates, and the older students. He noticed that Virgil was gripping some sort flyer in his hand.

Curiosity over taking his usual timidness, he walked over to join the group.

"Prynhawn da[1]" he said to no one in particular when he joined with the students.

"What have you got there?" he asked as he glanced toward Virgil with an eyebrow raised.

He'd seen some people in the halls holding similar looking flyers, and around the 10th one he'd seen, he felt that they were probably important.

1.	Good afternoon

Kelvin was trying to eat his lunch while his friends, and some of the older non-Ravenclaws, discussed the upcoming sex ed panel.  To say he wasn't interested would be a lie but he wasn't going crazy over it either.  He had an older brother and a father who would generally answer any question Kelvin could muster the courage to ask.

And he agreed with Jordyn, it was happening so the who and why didn't matter.  Not that saying it was likely to stop Connor.

"Afternoon, Llywelyn.  It's a flyer for the sex education panel."  Kelvin was trying to spare his dorm-mate any of the his other classmates explaining it to him.

"The professors are going to teach us how to fu-"  Bevans tried to add.

"Really?!"  Kelvin interrupted the older boy, his own voice breaking on the end of the word.  So much for that.

At the mention of pregnancy, Juni let out a gasp.

"Noooo!" She said with the holy reverence that only good gossip could bring, "Who's pregnant? Do we want to take bets on that?!" Who were the options?!  Zia Piselli was likely.... And then there was also Raine. Gracie would've been up there, but Gracie was far too careful for any accidents to happen. Indi was a possibility, she and Eli seemed vapid enough to create some sort of horrifying spawn. They'd probably name it something like 'Orion Dawndancer' or 'Zen Dragon.'

Then, there was Juni's favorite option for a secret pregnancy: Jordyn. The Head Girl's shrill reaction to such a scandal indicated that perhaps she was involved somehow.

"You've been worshiping the altar of Patil, huh?" Juni gave the head girl a devious smile, "When can we expect your little Jaiby?" She gave Kelvin and Llywelyn a knowing look, "You see what I did there? Jai, baby. Jaiby."

If Jordyn Dimbleby could take points for anything…

This was unacceptable!  The group had gotten larger and they were being considerably more ridiculous.  “No, not really!” Jordyn returned to the fifth years, even more horrified.  Her sharp glare was trained on Bevans: what a pain. 

Not as big of a pain, however, as Zamperia. 

The strangled sound that twisted the back of her throat made her ears pop.  “Absolutely not!” she growled through her teeth.  Her back went ramrod straight and her nostrils flared as she glowered.  She racked her brain for infractions she could dock Ravenclaw for… but came up woefully short. The necessity for protection of free speech was lost on Jordyn at this moment. 

Breathing out a slow, shaking breath, Jordyn rolled her neck and flexed her fingers.  “You don’t want to start spreading such horrible rumors,” Jordyn sneered, “unless you’re interested in hearing some choice rumors still circulating from last month.”[1]  Jordyn wasn’t normally cruel, but like an animal backed into a corner, she could lash out. 

“If I hear more rumors or anything about the gambling, I’m taking points and assigning detentions,” she announced crisply and looked around the group, trying to maintain an even tone, despite the fact her voice definitely cracked.  She began her exit, stalking away from the group and toward the exit from the Great Hall.

1.

Jordyn is referring to speculation around Mihai Zamperia, Juni's father, being involved with the Valentine's kidnapping, as well as their subsequent hold in the ministry.  Different versions of the story all rely on his abilities as an oblivator.  Spread by several students of different years with pro-Ministry sentiments.

I should take at least five points for that, but Ravenclaw can’t afford to lose them, can they?


Connor took a brief moment from taking wagers to smoothly pucker up and wink at her. As one of the primary causes behind Ravenclaw’s greatest point deductions (which had finally outstripped his housemates’ academic efforts), he was exactly as bothered by the insult as Jordyn thought he might be, which was not in the least. Points had never mattered to mischievous teen much, and quite frankly negative red was a good look on them. For the House who seemed to think nerdiness was an actual House trait and outnumbered all the other Houses combined in terms of prats and gobshites, it was practically character development. How could he be anything but proud to have a part in that?

He cackled madly at Nicholas’ almost-contribution, and definitely laughed at Juni’s; the Head Girl’s relationship had been breaking news, with the way it had been discovered, and made all the more hilarious because irony. At Jordyn’s parting shot, however, all traces of amusement were snuffed out like a light.

Connor’s eyes narrowed. If Jordyn thought she’d get away with the last word, well – she was dead wrong. Wrong as Schlagendong in a hot pink thong. Shoving the little notebook into his pants, he took a deep breath, instantly filling those who knew him with a sense of foreboding.

“Lawkes! Points and detentions! How will we survive?!”  His voice reached the rafters, high and screechy with mockery. From his perch on the bench Connor planted his hands on his hips and saucily cocked them to the side. “You really got us shiverin’ up t’ our tits, Dimbleby.”

He turned to Juni. “Methinks the Head Girl protests too much,” he mused, glancing at Jordyn and shooting her a syrupy smile. “Care to wager?”

He was being mean, but he didn’t care. Two could play that game.

Vinegar does in fact attract more flies than honey, which Virgil supposes is how all of a sudden he found the Ravenclaw table surrounded by more classmates than one could satisfyingly insult without being instantly hexed. He ignored Bevan's entry shot in favour of stealing crisps from Watkin's plate.

"Here," the flyer had been handed over to Merrick with indifferent distaste whilst talk of pregnancy cropped up in conversation; Juni jumped on it like an artist who'd just been handed a new pastille of paint. Virgil smirked and glanced at his fellow Slytherin prefect to see what delightful riposte Dimbleby might have...

Threatening to take off points was, by and by, typically unoriginal. But even the brassiest of housemates didn't much mention anything to do with last month's kidnappings around the victims (how droll, that word) if they could help it.

Virgil's slouched back, which usually kept him under the six feet he ought to be, straightened. He swallowed a bite of crisps and curtly looked over his should to catch sight of Jordyn about to leave. That snub nosed, prudish excuse of a sentient creature.

Connor beat them to first reaction. “Methinks the Head Girl protests too much. Care to wager?” the fifth year proposed to the group all at once.

"It would hardly be a bet, Todd." Virgil commented as he languidly clambered his legs around to the other side of the bench to face the hall, gaze narrowing at Dimbleby. "If you think Jordyn's opened her legs as wide as she has her mouth, you're dreaming..." he smiled a lazy smile.

And the corners of his lips broadened only a touch as he skimmed the surface of her thoughts only to find a medley of curse words - alongside an inclination to take off points. Points.

Never mind the altar of Jai, Jordyn worshipped the hourglasses. Virgil leaned back against the dining table, upsetting someone's goblet as he added, "I'd wager she's carrying the next messiah."

No. Oh, no she didn't!

Juni's face flushed, making her freckles stand out like some sort of spawn of Satan and a dalmatian. As much as Juni appreciated Connor's convoluted, loyal support and string of nonsense, it wasn't enough. No. Jordyn deserved more-- she deserved to suffer. Specifically, she deserved to be humiliated.  A more forgiving person would have let it go; a gracious person would have shouted some sort of warning. Juni was neither.

"Evomovermis."[1] She said venomously, pointing her wand at the head girl.  Juni contemplated sewing Jordyn's mouth together so she'd be forced to, literally, eat slugs. But she didn't.  Maybe she was gracious after all.

1.	Slug vomiting hex, lasts about 30 minutes