'Ambrose and Juni? Together? Snuggling like we used to do? Kissing like we used to do?' The thought of her ex dating one of her best friends caused a heavy feeling to settle in her gut. Cyhirae was surprised at how much she was bothered by Juni’s letter. It certainly was kind of her to let Cy know before she spotted them together on the train. ‘And nothing from Ambrose. Typical.’ It was uncharitable, but she wasn't in the right mood to be so.

She knew logically she had no say in who Ambrose dated.  They had broken up earlier that month and they hadn't really been boyfriend and girlfriend for a while before that. But that still didn’t stop the stinging in her heart.  It wasn’t from betrayal, she held no candle for Ambrose, no desire to rekindle their relationship. There breakup had been mutual, the only feeling she had felt at their parting was a sad sense of inevitability. But there was envy and jealousy in there; irrational like all envies and jealousies are.  Envy that Ambrose had clearly and so easily moved on to a new relationship while she was still single. Jealousy that he had picked Juni over her.

There was also a sense of loneliness; she had enjoyed being in a relationship. Looking back she had probably enjoyed being in a relationship more than she had enjoyed being in a relationship with Ambrose. Not that Ambrose wasn’t a nice guy or good boyfriend, but the major trigger to their relationship was that he had braved her father’s disapproval and asked her out. Before then she hadn’t even looked at him as a potential boyfriend, only as a nice guy who had a crush on Winnie.  And that start wasn’t enough to maintain their relationship; Ambrose’s sweet and romantic behavior wasn’t enough; romantic couple activities weren’t enough; and she hated that they weren’t enough.

Cyhirae had and still hated that she couldn’t move past Ambrose’s lack of scholastic aptitude; that his wonderful romantic behavior apparently wasn’t enough to truly win over her heart. She hated that she had let that get in the way of their relationship. As time went on  each class and study session together became less happy as she became more and more frustrated with Ambrose’s inability to get what was so obvious to her. And after each session she was still frustrated, though this time with her own negative feelings towards Ambrose, who didn’t deserve them. It had niggled at the back of her mind even when they weren’t together, eating away at her happiness.  She still hated it even now after they had broken up.  How could she not? She had destroyed her own happiness.

The owl hooted at her, breaking her out of her thoughts; clearly annoyed that she was taking so long to write Juni a reply. She swallowed her feelings and scribbled down a quick (and utterly insincere) congratulations and Juni’s address. Cy quickly ushered the owl and the letter out the window and slammed it behind her a little harder than intended before curling up on her bed.

“I don’t care, he can date whoever he wants to.” Maybe if she said it enough, it would eventually come true.