M-- for dumb things they may or may not do or say while drunk. Also this post, and probably future posts, will have language and sexual content.

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When Juni and Ambrose started dating, she told Cyhirae about the new relationship immediately. She respected her friend, and knew that she deserved to be told as soon as possible. Even if it would hurt a bit, as she had recently ended things with him. The pair had grown apart, like many couples did. As much as Cy appreciated Juni's honesty, there was a strain on their friendship. One that Juni was determined to fix.

This last summer, Juni had discovered the wonders of alcohol thanks to Gracie's party. It was a wonderful escape-- it made her feel giddy and brave. While she was always in the mood for some kind of adventure, alcohol took out the logic that prevented her from doing stupid shit. The bonding power of doing stupid shit together under the influence of alcohol was strong, and Juni hoped, hoped, hoped that it would help. Besides, they could use a little fun in their lives. Juni had been so angry at her  dad lately. Mihai, she believed (with good reason), valued his job more than he valued spending time with her. And she was bitter about it.  Drinking, perhaps, could let her forget her anger-- or express it in a cathartic way.

In the corner of the Ravenclaw common room (so that they wouldn't wake up their dormmates), she and Cy were sharing  a good potion of a bottle of fruity vodka, stealthily hidden inside two water bottles. It burned as it went down, and didn't taste at all like fruit to Juni. But, it was still better than the dry red wines and whiskey that her father drank.

They had gossiped about other students, staff members-- and whether or not Connor really would strip to a thong  and hump the gargoyle statue in the presence of Professor Donovan. For awhile, they had avoided the topic of Ambrose. But when the alcohol sank in and loosened their tongues and inhibitions, that changed.

"I'm sorry about dating Ambrose, but not sorry enough to stop dating him." Juni blurted, grimacing apologetically. "You can hate me if you want."

It had been a while since Cyhirae and Juni had simply talked freely, probably not since they had gone home for winter break. As much as Cy hated it, Juni’s relationship with Ambrose had put a strain on their relationship. When Juni asked her earlier if she was willing to share a bottle of vodka and chat like old times Cy had jumped at the chance. She had never had vodka before, and even with the flavorings it burned with each drink. The more she drank the less wound she became. She was tipsy by the time Juni brought up Ambrose.

She took another sip from her water bottle before answering. “I don’t hate you,” she stared down into the opening of the water bottle before looking back up at Juni, “Surprised, I guess at first. I mean I thought you liked Todd.” She had been mostly ticked off that Ambrose had moved on so soon after their break up than angry at Juni. It had been, what, a month since they had broken up? She and Ambrose hadn’t really been boyfriend and girlfriend for a while before that, but still. Did he really have to move on that soon? When she was dealing emotionally with the decline and end of their relationship?

“We were broken up, he was free to date whomever he wants.” Cy sounded like she was more trying to convince herself than Juni. “He’s a nice guy and,” she was babbling now, “you’ll be a much better girlfriend for him than I was. Your nice, and not snobby, and kind and...” She paused and took another sip to stop herself, “I hope he’ll make you happy.”

Juni and Connor,  no doubt, had confused people. Once upon a time, she had harbored a crush towards him, but they ended up friends who liked to fool around and make out. Nothing more. They hadn't been in a relationship, and Juni hadn't formed any sort of real emotional attachment towards him due to the 'benefits' part of the friends with benefits.

"I don't like Connor like that, not anymore. I haven't for a long time." Juni offered by way of explanation, "We just liked to suck on each other's faces. And necks. And, I don't know. Explore?" She shrugged, "Doesn't hardly matter now. We stopped when I figured out I liked Ambrose. It felt wrong to continue when I had real feelings for someone else."

As Cy began to babble, Juni shook her head.

"No. Stop. You stop that." She said, "You're nice and you;'re not snobby too. And you're kind. Just because things didn't work out between you two doesn't mean you're a worse person. Cy, I regularly write rude haikus about people. I'm not always kind, you know that." Juni said in her casually blunt way, "You're a beautiful, kind, smart, badass person. Don't tell yourself otherwise or I'll punch you in the tits. It won't be fun, I promise."

Juni wrapped her arm around Cy's shoulders and took a sip of her water bottle. "He is a nice guy." Juni agreed, "Though my dad is convinced I'll taint him. Don't know where he got that idea." She rolled her eyes at the thought. "I'm not that much of a delinquent." Because delinquents totally didn't get trashed on fruity vodka at school.

"Anyway... You'll find someone else. Someone to have fun with or someone to be serious with." With a devilish grin, she added, "Take Connor in exchange. I'm not using him."

Cyhirae laughed, “That would hurt.” She giggled at Juni’s protests that she wouldn’t taint Ambrose, “Of course you wouldn’t.” She nodded solemnly before immediately dissolving back into giggles, “You’re going to be the next Head Girl after all. Who could ever think that you could be a delinquent.”

Cyhirae quieted down at the mention of Connor. If Juni had mentioned him only a few months ago Cy would have dismissed him outright as an annoying, oversexed tit. But now...

“Eeh,” she muttered distantly and played with the end of her long braid. “He’s good looking and all I guess, in a scarecrowey type way. All limbs and bones and a nice ass. Not Fayette ass nice, but nice.” She made a cupping gesture with her hands, “You know flat, not a nice bubble butt like the kind you could bounce Sickles off." Had she been sober those words would never have crossed her lips. Not in a million years. And defiantly not anywhere near where Connor could hear those words.

“It would be nice if he liked more than my boobs,” She cupped them for emphasis and frowned down at them. It was nice and all to be told that she looked hot. It certainly was a nice ego stroke after Ambrose had moved on so quickly, but did he have to make it known so obnoxiously. Seriously.

“He doesn’t seem to care if Dad and Not Grandpa hex him.” Which was admittedly not the best criteria for a boyfriend; that was the start of her relationship with Ambrose after all. Then again, neither was dating someone for your own satisfaction. She sighed and took another sip from her water bottle, “Dating is hard.”

M- Girl talk, sexual references

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Next Head Girl. Juni. Totally. The girl who bit a 7th year purist's face on the train ride to school. Now that had been an interesting story to explain to the Heads of Houses. She had missed the sorting for that whole fiasco. Despite the detention she had received, she was proud of the fact that she could match NEWT-level inbred purist scum in a duel. "Esther's going to be our Head Girl. She's smart, and the professors like her. And she doesn't get into any trouble if she knows she'll get caught." Now that was key.

Juni listened and imagined bouncing sickles off of a Fayette's butt. Winnie had been so infatuated with them, but Juni not so much. "So you think Connor has a nice ass." She said in a way that was more of a statement than a question, "A nice scarecrow ass." She let out a delighted cackle, "I bet he'd let you throw sickles at it. He's not as vapid and shallow as he seems. Give him a chance, get to know him. Connor's actually really bright, clever and... A good friend when you  need one." She nodded in agreement. Connor never cared if anyone would hex him. That was part of his charm.

"Dating is hard." Juni repeated, "But not as hard as Connor when he thinks about your tits." She let out a laugh and stumbled to her feet. For a brief moment, the room spun. She hadn't realized just how tipsy she was until she actually tried to move around. "You know what will take your mind off of dating? Let's break some shit." Yeah, that couldn't possibly go wrong. "Let's throw all our problems out the window, LITERALLY."

M - Additional sexual talk

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Cyhirae blinked fuzzily at the through certain parts of Connor’s anatomy reacting to her boobs. “I don’t remember him getting any erections around me.” She rather unkindly doubted he would hide them if he did. He was certainly obvious about everything else.

“Yeah!” Cyhirae surged upwards following Juni and stumbled slightly, catching herself on one of the nearby couches. All thought of what they were talking about previously dissolved into the haze of alcohol to be recalled only the following morning when the potential for embarrassment was at it’s peak.

The alcohol having dulled her normally sharp mind it took her a few moments to think of something. “This!” she held up the mostly empty water bottle of vodka. “And, and, um. The stuff Ambrose got me!” That could go. She paused and looked around briefly before turning confusedly to Juni, “Um, where?” The windows in the Ravenclaw dorms weren’t the easiest to open even if they were sober.

"Go to our dorm, and grab the stuff Ambrose gave you. And the last package my dad gave me." Unopened, of course. That was how mad she was at him. "I am going to go on a mission.... To the boy's dorm." As quietly as she could, Juni crawled up the boys' staircase on her belly and all fours, creeping up sneakily. She was thankful that it was technically morning (what was it, one, two AM?) and that many of them would be asleep. "We're going to the tower." Which tower? She didn't know. Whatever one seemed the most fun.

Once she reached the top of the staircase, she pushed the door open and slowly crawled in. One of the fifth year boys made protesting noises, but rolled over and went back to sleep. Juni wondered why she couldn't make a good career out of being a cat burglar. Clearly, she was sneaky enough for it.

Juni made her way to Connor's bed and squeezed his face between the palms of her hands. "Connnnnor." She whispered, voice canting in only the way the very drunk or very sleepy could. He didn't budge. So Juni did what any tipsy Ravenclaw would do. She unscrewed her water bottle and slowly, slowly dripped the vodka on Connor's face. The droplets were absolutely fascinating as they cascaded down his cheeks like beautiful miniature alcoholic waterfalls.Which droplet would win? Only time would tell. Juni's brow was furrowed with intense concentration until he began to stir. Her face was mere inches away from his. "Where's your porn?" She asked urgently, yet quiet enough that it (probably) wouldn't wake up his dormmates.

"Hwh. Bwuh." Connor mumbled incoherently,  scrunching up his face sleepily and licking his lips. "Uhhh." With a vague gesture in the general direction of his chest, he fell back asleep. Leave it to Todd not to question Juni's motives. Yet. She took another drink, toasting to his beautiful porn stash, and screwed the lid back on before continuing on her quest.

She rummaged in his little corner for a bit, and was victorious-- porn, a cute trilby, and Connor's rucksack to carry her treasures in were absolutely perfect. She left the dorm the way she came in-- crawling on her belly  and creeping back down the stairs. While Juni waited for Cyhirae to finish gathering items from their dorm, she gathered some miscellaneous items from the common area-- an empty ink bottle, a chocolate frog, and a sock.[1]

1.	All with Sly's permission

‘Tower? But weren’t they in a tower already?’ Cyhirae watched Juni head up to the boy’s dorm confusedly before heading up the stairs to their own. Her own entrance was far less stealthy and quiet. Her rummaging around for Ambrose’s gifts to her and Juni’s woke up one of her more light sleeping roommates, who peered through the curtains on her bed. “Be quiet Trishna.”

“Sorry,” Cyhirae responded softly, too buzzed to feel properly embarrassed. The girl simply rolled her eyes, closed the curtains and back to bed. Cyhirae hurriedly (but quietly) grabbed the rest of her things and headed back to the common room; meeting Juni who had beaten her there.

“Lets go to the astronomy tower.” It was the tallest tower in the school, throwing things off there will make a nice splat. That it was where her father’s rooms were didn’t even cross her mind. “Lets go!” She shoved Ambrose’s gifts and Juni’s package into the rucksack Juni carried and walked unsteadily to the entrance of the dorm. She clambered ungracefully through the portrait entrance, almost tumbling over the step and face-planting on the floor. Righting herself she charged wobbly in the direction of the astronomy tower entrance. “Come on. This way.”

Juni nodded in agreement. The astronomy tower was the best place-- and it was high up too. Would they take the covering off the windows and throw from there? Juni had no idea what would be the best route, and trusted Cyhirae's judgement in this manner. With Connor's rucksack on her back and her water bottle clutched to her chest, Juni very carefully followed Cy. When hse saw her friend was just a little more wobbly than her, Juni wrapped her arm around her waist so that they could lean against each other for support.

When they made their way past Professor Trishna's sleeping quarters, Juni turned her head to look at Cy with wide eyes. Then,she erupted into a fit of silent giggles, shoulders trembling as she doubled over and nearly lost her balance.

They had to be quiet, so very quiet. Which was difficult when every little thing was funny. "Carrreful Cy." Juni whispered, "We need to do this without waking him up..." She suffocated a laugh, "Yet."

“Shhhhh, Juni hush.” She knew they needed to be quiet. Even with her alcohol fogged brain Cyhirae knew she would be in deep, deep trouble if her father caught them. He would be all disappointed and she couldn’t stand that. Made her feel like she was five again, not her true fifteen years of age.

They managed to creep quietly past her father’s quarters and up into the astronomy tower thankfully without much incident. “What should go first?” She rummaged through the rucksack with all the stuff before pulling out the  porn. She wrinkled her nose at the giggling, gyrating women with big boobs in skimpy clothes, but flushed a little at the muscular guy in sparkly hot pink, sparkly booty shorts who suggestively winked at her.[1] Cyhirae really didn’t want to know which boy’s trunk Juni took that stuff from. Whatever it needed to go first. Well, she paused looking down again at the guy who was now flexing his ass cheeks, only some of them needed to go. 

She stuffed the guy’s magazine back into the rucksack, gathered up all the girly mags and wobbled over to the window coverings. She dramatically pulled them aside with as much coordination as she could manage and wandered over to the edge of the landing. “Goodbye, goodbye,” she chortled happily and flung the porn as hard as she could over the edge. She peered carefully over the edge, watching the magazines fall. They were actually somewhat pretty now, fluttering in the air like that.

1.	With Sly's approval

Juni bent down to pick up Connor's favorite trilby, and tossed it liked a fanged frisbee and watched as it spun off of the tower. "If you and Connor are meant to be, you will find each other." She declared, clapping her hands with triumph.

Cyhirae had been considerate enough to leave a couple extra pornogrpahic photos. Instead of being real people, though-- they were anime. This, Juni was certain of-- she used to watch quite a bit of it when she lived with her mum.  "Look at the tits on this one. They're bigger than her head. Each." Juni mused as they bounced, covered in glitter. "Oh, look. They're growing."

The woman had purple hair and giant, yellow eyes. Clearly, she was a main character rather than the boring, brown haired best friend.  It was a display of pure, twisted, perverted lechery.

It was in that moment, Juni knew she could never view Pokemon the same way again.

She tossed the photos to the wind, "Tata, titties." Juni whispered reverently, "May the tentacles never find you." She couldn't hold the serious tone for long before erupting in a fit of giggles.

Back in the boys’ dormitory, Connor woke up with a start, mostly disoriented but for the feeling that something was terrible, horribly, awfully wrong.

And then it hit him.

“No,” he muttered, throwing off his covers—continuing to do so even as he fell to the floor with a heavy whump, flailed to his feet, and staggered towards the stairs like a man possessed. “No no no no no no nonononono–”

With a speed more often seen when he was running away from something, Connor dashed out of the common room and out into the astronomy tower—just in time to see his beloved porn stash disappear over the railing, carelessly thrown like rice.

It was like watching someone toss pure, helpless babies into the sea. For a moment Connor could only gawk, completely, utterly stunned.

Then it was over. A scream tore out of his throat, strangled and horrified: “MY PORN!”

“Wha!” Cyhirae jumped at Connor’s cry, sending the chocolate frog that she had been about ready to throw over the side. “Connor?!” Cy breathed deeply, trying to calm her pounding heart. “Don’t do that!” her scolding sounding shrill from a mixture from indignation, drunkenness and fright. She apparently didn’t handle scares well when drunk, which meant that sadly, drunken visits to haunted houses on Halloween was never going to be a thing in her future.

“You woke him up,” she pouted at Juni. Cy wasn’t angry at Juni, just more put out that their bonding time was now interrupted by Connor. He just didn’t understand that they had good reasons for  throwing what was apparently his porn off the Astronomy tower. Those reasons weren’t coming to her mind right now but she was certain that they were good ones. After all she and Juni had come up with them, that meant they had to be good.

Normally Cyhirae would have no problem with porn, and when the porn had been some unspecific Ravenclaw boy’s porn her opinion had been one of a matter of taste. Specifically that this boy’s tastes were rather ugh. But now that she knew it was Connor’s porn, she was finding her self far more irritated than she would be normally for reasons that, like the ones for throwing it off the tower, were not coming to mind at the moment. “I don’t know why you like them so much. There’s no way any part of those ladies were real.” She snapped huffily, and crossed her arms underneath her chest, unconsciously emphasizing that, unlike those ladies, her boobs were entirely real.

Her giggling escalated as Connor arrived on the scene. Excited to egg him on more, she decided that it was time to throw some more of his shit off of the tower. Juni found some sweets, and instead of throwing them off the edge, she stuffed them in her mouth while he wailed about his porn and Cyhirae accused her of waking him up.

Connor had definitely been asleep when she left the room. She had forgotten about the fact that she baptized him with vodka before absconding with his items.

"Mooghgh dun mogushmo." Her mouth was full and Juni was too far gone to care. She swallowed and gave them a grin that wasn't completely benevolent. "You're not going to let Cyhirae judge your porn habits, are you?" Juni wanted to watch them fight. Maybe duel. Maybe incapacitate each other. Or kiss. That sort of thing happened to couples in Winnie's romance novels.

Connor’s mouth worked soundlessly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Here she was, criticizing his porn, when she just sent them to their deaths. It was unconscionable. “Ex-cuse you?!”

But oh, she wasn’t the one who had abused his trust, now, was she? Connor whirled on Juni, who was looking far too amused for someone who orchestrated the whole thing. While helping herself to his snacks. “And you!” he cried, pointing at her accusingly. “Et tu, Brute?!”

Another gust blew in, sending another of his hats skittering across the floor and off the tower. Connor let out another strangled scream; desperately he rushed towards it, pushing past Cyhirae and Juni.

He collided with the railing. He watched as it tossed and flipped in the wind.

Then… it was gone.

Connor sagged against the railing like a sad, sad balloon. “Nooooooooooooo,” he moaned.