[11:00 PM]

The Potions dungeon was empty, nothing was stirring. Considering it was past curfew, no one really should be up. No one besides Miss Beatrix Dark. Beatrix had made a promise to a respected student to do a mischievous deed, in which she was suppose to break into the Potions Professor’s office and steal the key to an upcoming test. Of course she knew this was a bad idea and she knew it was dumb of her to accept it, but what’s the worst that could happen?

Her light steps hardly echoed in the dungeon as she creeped her way to Gunnar’s door, but her churning stomach made her quite woozy. Bea’s adrenaline was pumping at an unhealthy rate as she crouched by the handle of the Professor’s office door. “Alright, Ms. Beatrix. You know what you’re doing.” She murmured to herself, pulling a small metal instrument out of her coat pocket that she had used many days before to help Ms. Vienna Pascal get something out of an empty classroom. It was also that long ago when Mr. Devlin Matthews had threatened her because she slapped him… Five times. If he wanted revenge, he was definitely taking his time.

After fiddling with the keyhole for a bit, the door clicked open and she crept inside, closing the door silently behind her. The room was dark and she couldn’t see much, she muttered “Lumos” under her breath and watched as a small light brightened at the tip of her wand. Beatrix studied the room before she found Gunnar’s desk. She then tiptoed her way towards it before ducking down and opening the drawers for the test key. Bea shuffled through papers, chaos going through her mind. She had never done this before for Potions… Only History and occasionally Transfiguration for Zoey. She would never need a Potions key, because Potions was her favorite class. It was nearly heartbreaking for her to do this to Professor Gunnar.

Within twenty minutes or so, Beatrix found the test key for Vienna. She gave herself a pat on the back and muttered “Knox” after she closed all the drawers. Beatrix began to shove the papers into her coat when she heard someone coming inside the office. “Crraaappp.” Beatrix nearly squealed and rushed over to a cabinet, quickly squeezing inside of it. She was so tiny she could fit into nearly anything. Her heart raced and she listened closely to what was happening outside.

[Her "Undercover" Outfit.]

Like a zombie looking for brains Professor Gunnar had rolled out of his bed around 30mins before the hour, gotten up to his feet, grabbed his trusty chef’s knife, his keys and footsy slippers, and ended up in the kitchen.  After snorting once or twice at the beleaguered and sleepy house elves tried to figure out what precisely the skinny man wanted, he headed over to one of the long and low stovetops and began mumbling.  After grabbing a stool to sit on he flopped over, falling back asleep, his knife hitting the floor. 

After a puddle of drool had covered the metal the head elf gingerly poked the man.  Sitting bolt upright—their collective scream waking him more than he desired—he began to mumble again as he flicked on the heat.  Shuffling over to the extensive pantry (he had to bend over in half so as not to knock himself out) Nicodemus grabbed an armful of supplies, hugged them to his naked chest, and headed back out to his well worn stool.

Amidst some chopping, stirring, and some flipping the house elves had managed to help him somewhat by finding other things for the zombie to compliment his snack.  Then, after giving proportionately smaller samples of the homemade tacos he had created, he shuffled back out the door.  Not noticing his classroom door had been opened, he continued to shuffle along… his face half stuffed with taco, the remnants of it, a muffin, and his knife in his right hand; and his left holding a half devoured caramel apple and a stick of rock candy.

He stopped…

Did one of the hinges on his cabinets squeak by itself? 

Groaning he dropped his delectable (yet oddly matched) munchies on the high lab table cluttered with cauldrons, papers, and other odds and ends.  “Bloody… stupid… mandrake… sentient bastards… escapist weeds…” he huffed and cursed, approaching the cupboard.

Bending down he looked about the place.  “No sign of ‘em…” he grumbled.  They couldn’t have gotten too far that fast, maybe one of them had just moved about too much in their jars and bumped into the door of it.  Sighing he opened it up to make sure the mandrake hadn’t started unscrewing the top of its container… and his eyes met a wholly unexpected scene.

Squealing like a girl he jumped up!  Realizing he was half-naked he went into a full-blown scream, covering his chest with his hands.  Falling silent for a second, he realized that he was… a bit less than “half” naked.  Screaming again like one of those of the feminine persuasion he moved one of his hands to cover the front of his boxers, turning tail and running behind his lab table.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” he bellowed, believing he was being robbed.




(Nico's Late Night Snack Outfit)

Screams filled the room and Beatrix held her breath. It was clearly a girl who had screamed... Who else would make such a high-pitched whine? Had Ramsay perhaps made a wrong turn and ended up in the dungeons? Beatrix's heart thudded quickly as she pressed her ear against the cabinet door. The person, whoever they may be, were definitely upset about Bea being there. "Oh shoot..." She murmured to herself, very quietly. She should of waited another night or something... She could never forgive herself after this.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Oh Merlin! It was Gunnar! Beatrix began to panic and flattened the test key in her coat, making sure it wasn't noticeable. Gunnar was Bea's ultra favorite Professor. What would he think of her if he were to actually find her? Of course... He would find her. Beatrix nearly began to cry. She should of left this to Devlin... He isn't THAT bad... He can be nice sometimes. He WAS devilishly handsome... Beatrix slapped herself "DISGUSTING!!" She snapped. Why in the world would she ever think he was HANDSOME? He looked like a horribly shaved rodent! Bea thought this was no time for that and peeked out of the cabinet.

HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY, WHY IS PROFESSOR GUNNAR HALF-NAKED!? Beatrix hyperventilated and sunk to the bottom of the cabinet that she occupied. She had never seen a man so... NAKED before. It was scary and made Beatrix want to cry even more. Her innocent eyes were no longer so... Innocent. Beatrix shook her head, repeatedly. "This is SO wrong." She muttered, shaking like crazy. Then... Beatrix had an idea!! She looked around the cabinet until finally... Beatrix took off her shorts. It was part of the plan!

With much hesitation, Beatrix jumped out of the cabinet and squealed "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUNNAR!" her shorts waving above her head... Because they were his gift. Bea really should have given him her shirt, but there was NO time for that! Plus, it wouldn't have match his shorts at all. "I got you- Er- A pair of shorts!" She said, clapping her hands together.

“B-B-B-Bea?” he asked quietly before standing up all the way.  Once seeing the neon sign-haired witch he could not help but laugh.

“Ho ho HO!” his deep voice bounced off the stone walls and curved ceiling in a fantastic sounding echo, his hands holding his non-existent belly like good ole’ St. Nick.  “I’m afraid you’re quite mistaken, Miss Dark!”  Taking up his taco he munched on it, relieved it was in fact NOT a robber.  “My birthday is a goodly number of months away!” Professor Gunnar smiled, some shredded lettuce stuck between his teeth, “but the gift is appreciated!”

Throwing the rest of the taco in his mouth he rounded the desk when he saw… SHE was in her underpants TOO?!?  And-and-and… IN A BLOODY THONG?!?

Spitting ground beef, salsa, and cheese all over the place his hands went to his eyes.  Well, with his fists bunched up it seemed like he was trying to punch his eyes.  “FOR THE LOVE OF PETE AND ALL THINGS SACRED!!!” planting his head face first into one of the desks, “COVER YOURSELF, WOMAN!!!”

He was going to need bleach, dragon’s blood, and some steel wool to clean THAT out of his mind.

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" Beatrix screamed right back at the Professor, "Have you no shame!?" She pulled her shorts back on and blushed wildly. She always expected the boy she married would be the first to see her lovely buttocks, but this was desperate times. Beatrix could hardly even look at Gunnar... H- He was just so pale... And wasn't even trying to cover himself! What a pig... He just kept munching away at random foods. Beatrix wanted to take off her coat and throw it at him... But the test key was lodge in there, cutting away at her chest with its evil pointy... Points. "You're the first boy I've ever seen..." She said, pointing towards him, "Um..." Enough said.

“My birthday is a goodly number of months away!”

"... Since... When?" Beatrix looked around the room, acting confused. "All well. I- I guess you won't be needing your gift." She slapped her hips and winked. If he wanted her shorts now, he was definitely a pervert... And Bea would have to rethink her view of Gunnar. "I- I was going to wait until morning to surprise you... Um... I would have had a cake and, a... Um... Banana pudding!" Her hands were flying all around as she spoke for emphasis. If Gunnar didn't believe her... Well... Hell. He probably didn't believe her.

So, being quick with her thoughts... Beatrix began to cry. Uncontrollably. "I just wanted to celebrate y- your birthday!" She sobbed, "I... I... I just love you, so much! Y- You're t- the best Professor I- I've ever had!" There was a disgusting coughing sound coming out of her as she sat down on the ground, "Y- You're like the father... I NEVER HAD!" More crying. The last part wasn't entirely true... But Gunnar WAS the nicest Professor she had, so she was hoping this... Um... Whatever it was... Would work.

Oh, right… he was still nearly nekkid too.

“AAAHHH!” he screeched, wrapping his hands around himself as he had before.  Hopping back behind his lab table he squatted so that only his eyes and nose could be seen.

“At least my ARSE isn’t HANGING OUT, YOUNG LADY!”  After taking an absentminded bite of his caramel apple he added, “And I am no BOY!”  OK… so he was totally acting like one, but puberty and time (and some, ah-hem, unique experiences) had concluded that he, Nicodemus Woodrow Gunnar, was indeed a man.  “And I am also COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED in my attire!  This is what I wear when in bed, I had NO intention of running into anyone,” and then it struck him, “… past curfew.”

Of course, right before he was about to reprimand her, the water works started.

"I just wanted to celebrate y- your birthday! I... I... I just love you, so much! Y- You're t- the best Professor I- I've ever had! Y- You're like the father... I NEVER HAD!”

Sweet baby Jesus… now the Potion’s Master was left feeling not only embarrassed, but guilty too.  Not to mention the adrenaline still pumping through his veins.  Her sob story certainly wasn’t the best, but Nico was never the discerning type.  Hell, you could even call him gullible.

Towards the end of her speech he even found himself sniffling.  He started to stand up to go and hug her, but went so fast to hit the floor again his chin hit the edge of the table. After some choice curse words his face appeared back over the lip of the counter, chin quite red (complementing the now raging blush to his cheeks), and his eyes watery now from both Bea’s tale and the pain.

His eyes shifting right and left a few times, one of his skinny pale-as-the-moon arm snaked out from under the abyss and wiggled its way across the tabletop.  Taking up one of his treats Professor Gunnar shuffled about and around his table, moving so that he was still concealed, but now closer to Beatrix. 

Prodding her in the shoulder with one straightened finger, he offered, “Muffin?”

Another quiver and another sob, Beatrix began to hug herself and rock back and forth. Was it working? Bea couldn't tell if it was working. The last thing she said really did make her upset. Of course Bea knew she was out past curfew, and she shouldn't have flashed her Professor with her nearly nay-kid buttocks, but Bea didn't want to get caught. And if she DID get caught, well... She already had plans for that, also. Beatrix was thinking ahead with this. It mainly was just more crying.

"... Errr... Muffin?" She shuddered, wondering what the hell he was doing. Beatrix took it and sniffed, quietly. "Thanks, Professor." She murmured before biting into it like a little piggy. Gawsh she could eat. "Why are you so pale?" Beatrix asked, quietly. She wasn't being rude at all.

After a few seconds, she had stuffed down the muffin and got up. "I'm sorry, Professor." She shivered a bit, "B- But. Since it's n- no longer your birthday... I guess I should go." Beatrix sighed, "Surprise was ruined." She knew fully well that it wasn't his birthday, the lying tramp. "I just wanted to make you happy, ya' know?" Beatrix rubbed her elbows and tried to look over at Gunnar. It was hard... Since he was so... Well, you get it. "You've been the closest adult I've had, P- Professor. Don't you remember? My dad... H- He's gone..." She would have added 'Why don't you love me!?' but that was going too far. Hopefully... Gunnar would only let her free with a warning. And that he wouldn't somehow find the paper that was against her breasts. It would be weird if he did... "Sorry about your chin." She nearly whispered. Her acting was much better than usual today.

… did she really just ask him about WHY he was the color of a vampire?

“Umm… well… you see, pretty much for the whole year I’m in my labcoat and gloves, which pretty much covers everything up,” feeling a bit stiff he stood up a bit more, “and even during the summer I’m mostly indoors, running a wee business out of my home and help me Pops out in his shop,” that might have been more than she needed to know... and definitely more than he should have said, especially after what he heard her say in the next minute.

"You've been the closest adult I've had, P- Professor. Don't you remember? My dad... H- He's gone..."

“Oh lawdy lawd, me and my mouth,” if he was flexible enough he would have put one of his slippered feet in his mouth, instead he filled the orifice with one of his fists, painting a humorous picture.

After having his talk with Miss Blake during the previous month, he was feeling rather compassionate.  “If you don’t mind telling me, when did he go?”   And with a wave he addressed her apologies, “and no worries about my chinny-chin-chin!  You know how I am,” meaning his tendencies to flail about and bonk into things.

... Did he really ANSWER her question? It was more rhetorical than anything... Oh bother.

"Um. That's no excuse not to tan?" Beatrix said jokingly, a small grin carved into her red, blotted face. Even SHE, Beatrix Dark, was at least a bit tan. Much more tan than usual since she joined the Quidditch team. "Really? What do you do? I mean... What's your business?" Beatrix asked, politely. Making small chat with a Professor was usually something she did after class when she didn't want to go to History or if they were heading to lunch. This was no time to ask Gunnar what he did in his weird and strange spare time. She had to LEAVE. Beatrix's stomach churned and she stayed where she was. She'd be WAY to suspicious if she just left right now. Especially since she already opened her bit mouth and asked him such a small question, it would be rude to leave.

Beatrix stared at Gunnar as he 'lawdy'd' and stuck his fist in his mouth. A normal student would have wondered what the heck he was doing, and wouldn't have even dared looking at such a naked adult... But Beatrix was, well, different. "Erm." She furrowed her brow and looked away. Beatrix was getting what she wanted, at least. He was actually listening to her speech.

“If you don’t mind telling me, when did he go?”

Oh bloody beans on rice, really? Did he really not know? Beatrix could have sworn all of the Professors would know about her horrible family life... Especially Gunnar. Then Bea realized that no, they would not know because she never told them. But one would think SOMEONE would know. "Azkaban?" Beatrix answered, her voice a little high as tears rolled down her face once more. Of course, that didn't answer his question and was probably drowned out by his yammering. He waved off her apology and said something about his chinny-chin-chin and Beatrix felt herself die a little inside. Just like the time Devlin Matthews stole her money and called her a prostitute.

"Yeah. He... Uhm... Left when I was eleven." Bea spoke up after she made sure he was done, "My father was sent to, er, Azkaban." She was real quiet now. "And, since then... You're the only fatherly figure I have in my life." Which was actually true. One would think Zoey was like a father, but that's disgusting. He was moreso a big brother she had to watch after sometimes. "I just want to make you proud." And, again, she began to cry. Even though what Bea had said made no sense whatsoever.

At her joke he merely stuck out his tongue and then answered her question, “My Papa owns an auto shop, and (oddly enough) I seem to be a fair hand at welding," because of both the father and son ended up working in close quarters the guys had taken to calling him "Gunny", a nickname which no one in the Wizarding World knew. 

"It’s taught me how to make my own cauldrons, too!” he smiled proudly.  It was something which had taken him years to perfect without having it burst into flames or melt itself into the floor within the year.  Papa and his co-workers, and friends, had encouraged him to sell his wares, but he wasn't confident enough in his work to take that step.  “But I just use them for my experiments and such,” he ended.

And within the next minute or so, she was flooding the room again.

In a comforting gesture one of his translucent skinny arms slowly rose to pat the girl on the back.  “There, there now…” the man said soothingly.  “I had no idea, Bea… I’m sorry…” he was deadly curious as to what he was in for, but that was far from appropriate to ask.

Beatrix thought about this for a little bit, nearly drawing a blank before she realized what he was saying. "Oh! You mean... Auto-ma-feels?" She looked over at her Professor, a bit confused. Beatrix WAS  a pureblood after all, she didn't really hear much about these things. But, being a lucky ducky and having many halfbloods and muggleborns around, there was lots of people who could tell her about the strange lives of Muggles. Like when Sasha taught her about the sport football. She didn't really know much about cars, besides the fact that they're called Automobiles (Well, sort of) and that she shouldn't be walking in front of them if she were to ever BE in a muggle town. She gave Gunnar a shrug, "That's neat!" Beatrix made a faint grin.

Make his own Cauldrons? Oh bother. He wasn't going to start blabbing about his personal life, was he? Beatrix loved the man, but she was getting very twitchy and really just wanted to LEAVE. "Really, Professor?" Beatrix sniffed, "So... All of the cauldrons in here are made by you... Or...?" Stupid girl, you're suppose to be leaving! Beatrix dabbed her eyes and looked over towards the door... She'd be very rude to leave, but she HAD to.

When Gunnar began to pat her on the back, her crying began to cease. Mainly because she wasn't sure what was happening. Beatrix hugged her chest, as if Gunnar could see the test key through her thick coat, and she gave him a small smile. "It's fine, Professor... I just..." Sniff, "I just... Love you so much." She was probably taking this too far now... How many times could she say she loves him? Very creepy. "I- I think... I should go." She cleared her throat, "I'm sorry to bother you." Hopefully he wouldn't get suspicious... And look at her chest. She'd die if he noticed the paper that she had lodged there.

“Ho HO!” he laughed, “automobiles, actually,” he kindly corrected the lass.  “Theeeyyy…” the professor tried to think of a way to explain them to someone who had never seen one, “are kinda like brooms, but can only move across the ground on wheels, like the carriages pulled by the Thestrals when yeh come to and from the castle at the beginning and the end of the term,” he gestured about with his arms, “but without the thestrals!” Nico grinned.

"Really, Professor? So... All of the cauldrons in here are made by you... Or...?"

“Ack, no!” he exclaimed, “I usually keep them for my work at home, for stuff I sell during the summer.  It’s kinda like a brand thinger.”  He stood up and sat on his lab table, and with one more big bite of his caramel apple, it was done.  With careful aim he hurled it toward the rubbish bin.

THUNK!  “WOOHOO!” he celebrated, the shot true.

Then, he heard a distinct crinkle.  With a raised eyebrow he looked down at the Eagle, “Oooh ho ho!  Wrote a card for me too, eh?” suddenly various curious as to what was hiding under her coat.

“Theeeyyy… are kinda like brooms, but can only move across the ground on wheels, like the carriages pulled by the Thestrals when yeh come to and from the castle at the beginning and the end of the term, but without the thestrals!”

She crinkled her brow as she thought of this. "How do they move?" She asked, puzzled. A carriage without horses (Or in the Professor's description, Thestrals) is not a carriage, it's a house for the homeless. Or rabid dogs. "That makes no sense. Muggles make no sense sometimes..." She frowned. Some things little Beatrix can't understand... Especially why on earth Muggles would go looking for Werewolves and such... Everyone knows they already exist! Beatrix clapped happily as Gunnar threw away his apple. The more brown-nosing she did, the better. Maybe she'd be able to get away with this after all.

“Oooh ho ho!  Wrote a card for me too, eh?”

Bea's face formed a playful scowl, "What makes you think that?" She chuckled before the color left her face. Ohh. That's what made him think that. As she laughed, she heard the crinkling the test key that was lodged on top of her bosoms. Another awkward laugh escaped her lips before it turned into a full blown cough. "N- Nonsense!" She hummed, "I- I think I have a fever...! And a cold...! And the flu!" Bea threw her hand up dramatically. "Ohh. I think I'll faint if I don't get to my dorm!" She wobbled to and fro. Gunnar probably wouldn't buy this act, but she could try.

Beatrix stumbled about and steadied herself on a table. She honestly was stumbling around, mainly because she was shocked. And had no feeling in her limbs. Another dramatic "Ohh" came out of her mouth before she collapsed on top of the table, pretending to have passed out.

How did they move?  Hmm… he tried to put it in as simple terms as he possibly could, gesturing widely with his hands as he went, “Well… you know how you need food to function?  Run, work, and play and the like?  Well, with vehicles—err… automobiles they need food too!  It’s really called fuel, though, and specifically petroleum gas.”

And then she clear passed away on one of his lab desks.  Blinking once, then twice at the whole spectacle he immediately went into action! … by poking her shoulder from as far a distance he could to make sure she wasn’t dead first.  It was still very awkward to get so close to a student in nothing but his underpants.

“You… you alright, Miss Dark?” he poked her some more, “I ough’tah take you to the Infirmary before the dorm if you are so sick…” a lightbulb went off on top of his head, “AH!  Or I could make you some medicine right here!”  Running back into his office where his pantry was he called back out to her, “What are your symptoms?!  I know you said fever... and obviously there's some kinda lethargy going on there... but anything else?!”

It took Beatrix all her might to refrain from giggling. Beatrix could be a really poor actor sometimes. But Beatrix needed to make sure Gunnar never found out she had the test key. What would he say? What would he do? Heck, her conscience will be clear once she gets the key to Miss Pascal. Beatrix laid there still, waiting for him to leave and get help or something of the sorts. She didn't really think this through.

“I ough’tah take you to the Infirmary before the dorm if you are so sick…”

These words nearly panicked Beatrix into hyperventilation. But then...

“AH!  Or I could make you some medicine right here!”

Oh goodness, LAWDY, LAWDY! Gunnar will be the death of Bea. She heard him rush off and she immediately sprang up from the table and quietly tip-toed to the door. He yelled out questions to her, but why would she answer? She was suppose to be passed out, after all. Beatrix's guts began to twist before she reached for the door handle. She couldn't do this. Not to Gunnar. There was no possible way. Though is was just one test, she WAS stealing from her favorite Professor and she WAS lying to him about everything. Bea's hand dropped to her side. The poor man... Wouldn't know what hit him. What would he do when he walked out and saw she had ran for it?

Bea's throat closed up and her sinuses began to go wild. Was she... Crying? Oh bl0ody hell. She shuddered and turned her heels, "Professor?!" She yelled back to him, now bawling from the guilt. Maybe it was best that she just left this job to Devlin. He wouldn't have gotten caught... He wouldn't have shown off this thong to Gunnar. "C- Could I talk to you?!" Bea sat down on the floor, hugging her knees. It was the end of the whole charade... and Beatrix Dark had failed miserably.