It had been barely over a month since the beginning of Jai’s memory.

Or at least this new memory, which lacked any information about his past. After being burned to a crisp and breaking an assortment of bones, Jai Patil had woken up with no recollection of who he was. The broken bones had been mended quickly, but the lost memory was a different matter entirely. There were some people who told him he was lucky, that he didn’t remember the horrors that had happened that night. Evidently watching the Leaky Cauldron crumble had been an emotional time for the wizarding community.

However, Jai did not feel very lucky. He had started this life in panic, and that feeling hadn’t entirely abated. Every day was a learning experience. Jai had to rely on the kindness of strangers to help him navigate through his life. Facts about himself were exposed at every turn. A woman had burst into his room not long after he had come to, blubbering and fussing over him. Jai looked around helplessly for an explanation when someone informed him that this was his mother.

That had been rough.

Since then he’d gotten fairly used to his family, who worked hard to help him piece together his life. He felt like a lost child, not knowing where or who he was. One part of his past had come running right back, and that was his anxiety. Jai would find himself sorting, stacking, and rearranging -- and not really understanding what the purpose was. Yet it felt necessary.

Shortly into his return home his parents had to remind him of a few other things. He had two younger sisters, one was a werewolf. His aunts found it crucial to remind him of his girlfriend Jordyn Dimbleby, hoping to evoke strong happy memories that would bring Jai back. Instead Jai had immediately felt a huge wave of guilt for the poor girl. Working with his younger sister Lydie, who apparently attended school with Jordyn, his family had made plans for Jordyn to make a visit.

The day had finally come, and no matter how many times Lydie told him to just relax, Jai simply could not. He was stationed at the bookshelf in the den, arranging the books first by size and then by color. Now he was working on making them alphabetical, the process being amazingly well-executed for how fast he was moving books. He was so focused on this that he didn’t hear the doorbell ring.

Hearing about Jai’s memory loss had been quite crushing.  Lyddie had written her, of course – she could be counted on to know what to say and let her know what was going on.  She had asked for that, knowing she wouldn’t be allowed to leave school.  It had almost been exam time and no matter how caring the Headmistress was, it wouldn’t do to ask to leave.  It wasn’t a family member. 

So, she wrote to Lyddie until she came back and then basically had to find out everything from her because she kept correspondence with her family.  Jordyn felt too awkward to write anything much.  She didn’t know them that well.  But it seemed wrong to write to Jai, since he couldn’t remember her.  Or anything, from what they said.  She wouldn’t waste anyone’s time.

It had made for a particularly rough exam period, but it was lucky for Jordyn that she could focus all of her energy on studying and patrolling and setting up schedules for the school year after the break.  Maybe she’d gone a little overboard, but it did make for easier work when they got back.  It would be NEWT season and that would make these midterm tests look like Hogwarts gingerbread: surprisingly soft in the middle. 

And, as she got ready, Jordyn was fairly sure this was harder than that too. At least she could be prepared for exams and study.  Getting dressed to see the boyfriend who didn’t remember who you were and had nearly died in an explosion?  That was torture.  She forwent her skull earrings, on the principle that they were probably too real for anyone in that house, but made sure she had her star necklace on, the one Jai had gotten her for her birthday.  Part of her hoped he might remember buying it for her. 

On her way over, she bought Jai a present – he loved popcorn, she remembered, and figured maybe a gift relating to it would help jog his memory too. She didn’t want to get her hopes up too high, and knowing she’d feel bad, Jord felt the heat building in her cheeks.  She hurried along down the streets until she came to Jai’s. 

It was a long walk, but she needed the time to collect herself, to think.  Even in the cold of winter, with the snow biting her cheeks – despite her hat, cloak, and gloves.  It was a relief to get to the door though, even with a rapidly beating heart.  It even felt like it stopped when she heard the doorknob turn.  Her fingers grasped harder onto the box, she could feel the thin cardboard bend under her fingers. 

For the last few months, things had been especially peculiar. The attacks on the Leaky Cauldron, the tainted potions at St Mungo’s -- Lydie was grateful that her brother had been well out of the hospital before that storm hit. Even at home, though, Jai did not really feel like her big brother anymore. Now it felt more like she was the big sister, helping him learn things and manage his stress. She was very worried about her brother and hoped that his memory returned to him soon, but was glad that he was at least safe and alive. Some of the patrons of the Cauldron hadn’t been so lucky. Poor Zia Piselli had lost her brother, who normally lived in Italy -- it was just too crazy. Everyone knew someone who had been affected.

Upon returning home Lydie knew that an important part of Jai’s recovery would be spending time with Jordyn. Okay, so maybe Jai couldn’t remember their relationship -- but Lydie knew that he looooved her, and she’d even heard Jordyn melt a little and say it herself. She’d been really concerned when first finding out about Jai. So maybe that would set off a few sparks, ones that would set off fireworks inside Jai’s mind. At least she hoped.

Situations like these, terrible as they were, Lydie excelled in. She was great at getting the scoop and keeping a handle on things (generally). This whole visit had been her idea and while Jai was clearly extremely nervous, as evidenced by his compulsion to organize every bookshelf in the house. That, apparently, he still remembered how to do.

“Jai! Would you sit still for a minute? Just relax!” she told him this but also understood his wariness. Lydie was hoping that as soon as her brother saw Jordyn, he’d fall head over heels and remember every part of himself and his history. It was unlikely, but still possible.

The doorbell rang and Jai was off in his own little beardy world, so Lydie ripped open the door before Jordyn had a chance to open it. “So glad you’re here!” Lydie bustled. She pulled Jordyn inside from the cold and shut the door. “Well, he’s obviously out of sorts, and right now he’s really anxious, and you know how he gets.” Lydie gave her a pointed stare. “He’s in the den rearranging books. He’s very anxious… but excited to meet you.” Meet you. Would that phrasing upset Jordyn? Ah, it was too late.

When the door opened and it was Lydie, Jordyn felt an immediate rush of relief and then guilt.  Why didn’t she want it to be Jai answering the door?  She supposed it was because she was petrified of the “I don’t remember you” face and then having to answer all sorts of questions… and it was so hard to let someone in the first time.  She’d been notoriously bad at it, actually, and now having to do it again…? Jai was usually the emotionally strong one of the pair. 

Seeing Lydie first was a nice buffer.  Plus, her energy would probably perk Jordyn up a bit.  It happened almost immediately, being harshly jerked out of the cold.  Jordyn yelped as she was pulled in and then jumped out of the way of the door closing behind her.  Lydie started straight in with a greeting and then explanations, Jordyn hardly had time to even say hi. 

Jai was anxious. That made her feel even worse.  She didn’t want to aggrivate him or make him feel bad.  Jordyn hated that.  Biting her lip, she nodded and shuffled the box into her left hand so she could use her right to pull off her hat.  She shook her head a little, just to release her hair from its confines. 

She was also able to unbutton her cloak to slide it off and hang on the cloak stand.  She felt a little stab when Lydie said he was excited to meet her.  That was so… Jordyn remembered practically every time they came into contact with one another – good or bad – he had no idea.  She wondered how much anyone told him about her.  What they told him about her.  She took a couple of deep breaths and glanced upward, looking for a little strength.   

“Thank you,” Jordyn looked very sincerely at Lydie.  “I – if I upset him, I won’t stay long,” Jordyn assured her.  She had to know that Jordyn wouldn’t hurt Jai, at least not on purpose.  She just prepared herself for making a speedy retreat.  It wouldn’t do well to cry in front of him either.  He didn’t need to feel worse. 

There he was, standing, arranging the books.  His hair was longer, Jordyn noticed immediately, and it appeared that it extend down his cheek… to his chin.  That wasn’t something she expected.  “Jai?” she said softly, though she knew he wouldn’t hear her like that.  She had to build strength behind her voice and Jordyn took a moment.  “Jai,” she announced, surprising herself at the volume and put her still gloved hand over her mouth. 

Having been so wrapped up in his compulsive organization, Jai was surprised to see another person had entered the room. He had snapped back to reality after his name was loudly sounded by the guest. It wasn’t any of the people who he had been introduced to -- or rather, re-introduced to. Using the deductive reasoning skills that were still somehow intact, Jai figured out that this was his girlfriend.

Jai looked up at her with wide eyes. How could he have ever forgotten this beautiful girl? In her presence Jai forgot about the work he was doing and stood up. “Hi,” he said, not really sure what else to say. He knew he didn’t have to introduce himself, so he added, “Hi, Jordyn,” because Lydie had filled him in.

He felt a definite connection with Jordyn, one that he couldn’t really explain. He couldn’t remember anything they’d ever done together. Couldn’t remember their first date or first kiss… or even how they’d met. Guilt washed over him. It wasn’t his fault for not remembering, but he still felt horrible about it.

The conversation had lulled, as he just looked at her and took it all in. Her dark hair and soft skin, the confident stature. It all seemed vaguely familiar to him, but fuzzy. “How… are you?” he asked her, failing to come up with anything more substantial to say.

There it was.  There was the look that she dreaded.  He had no idea who she was.  Her cheeks immediately brightened and Jordyn’s finger muscles tightened.  She wasn’t even sure if him saying her name was good.  It felt nice for a second, but then there was the tone: totally a question.  Her stomach twisted and Jordyn swallowed hard. 

She had to be a good sport.  It wasn’t about her.  In fact, her feelings were probably pretty irrelevant compared to his.  She felt bad for even feeling bad that he didn’t know her!  How awful was this?  There were so many layers of things to feel terrible about.  But he couldn’t know she felt bad about it: she wasn’t supposed to make it about her.  Why was this so hard?  She swallowed again and forced a smile, trying to be pleasant.  It would be good for him.  “I’m well,” her voice shook with anxiety.  “You?”

Better than the awkward silence though.  She was surprised when he asked her how she was doing, which only served to reinforce the guilt.  She felt like her insides were melting from feeling bad.  Glancing down, she realized she still had the box in her hand. 

“I brought you this,” she lifted it up, pushing her arms a little forward even if her feet did not move.  She was still scared to walk up to him.  The physical distance made it a little easier to deal with the fact he didn’t recognize her at all.  “I thought… well, I know it’s something you liked,” the corners of her mouth twitched a little and she did take a tentative step.  “I – I hope you like it.” 

In these past few weeks, Jai had been watching people very closely. He was especially attentive to those who were talking to him, looking for signs that he’d made a social faux-pas or something of the sort. Even though his oddness was excusable at the moment, Jai still felt guilty for losing memories of these people who obviously cared about him so much. He wanted to be able to care as deeply, but for the most part the people he met felt like strangers, even if they were family.

He’d been watching Jordyn because they clearly had a connection, a strong one, apparently. She looked completely stressed, and Jai had a feeling he was part of that stress.  He was overwhelmed with contrite. And now Jordyn was handing him a gift that he didn’t feel he deserved. But by the look in her eyes, she was hoping the gift would get a ‘Jai Reaction.’

He smiled her and said his thanks, then opened up the gift. Gourmet popcorn! Jai’s eyes lit up. One of the things that he had discovered about himself was that he liked salty snacks, wasn’t such a big fan of sweet. Although he had been inexplicably craving a frozen hot chocolate and had no idea why. He couldn’t remember ever having had one.

“Thank you!” Jai smiled, his face showing genuine appreciation. He didn’t know whether he should kiss her, or something… so instead he kissed her on the cheek. He thought that was fair. And her skin had been just as soft as it looked, she smelled like books and soap and sweet fruit. The scent made his stomach flutter. Feelings were associated with this girl. She certainly was no Lydie.

Opening the popcorn and taking a few bites, he tilted the can towards Jordyn, offering her some. “I- I know I don’t really remember you,” Jai stuttered. “But I’m glad you came. It really means a lot.” And he was being honest. Anyone who had the patience to sit with mind-wiped Jai was a saint, in his eyes.

She was glad he took the gift.  She had thought it would be good for him to get something he liked.  She also thought maybe if he ate some of it he would know something.  Or even just feel happy.  That would be good enough.  She supposed there were a lot of expectations about him remembering, about the thing that would help.  Maybe it was just okay to want him to be happy. 

He seemed genuine in his thanks for the gift and when he looked at her, he at least had that warm look in his eyes.  “You’re welcome,” Jordyn bit the inside of her lip and leaned in toward her.  Her whole body stiffened – if he was going to kiss her, she didn’t know how to feel about that.  He didn’t know her right now.  She didn’t want him to… oh, the wave of relief as he kissed her cheek was as pronounced as the new feeling of scruffy hair brushing against her cheek. 

It was a sensation that made her flush.  She missed him so much.  She had imagined, before November 5, that going home for the winter break would be very much like summer.  There would be hours of just… being together and listening to the wireless or just reading in the presence of one another.  It would be time to be together… even if some of that together would be Jordyn studying.  This was nothing like she imagined. 

Especially him really, truly confirming he didn’t remember her.  It made her stomach hurt.  Jordyn had to just swallow it – swallow her pride and be gracious.  She reached up and pushed her long, dark hair behind her ear.  “I’m glad too,” she agreed. 

“Don’t think I’m being odd,” she prefaced, a little nervous, “but you  are looking handsome,” she offered with embarrassment.  “I hope that means you’ve been doing well?” she ventured to guess, biting the inside of her cheek to brace herself.  He was going to think she was completely nuts, but she wasn’t!  She remembered everything about him…. He looked… older now, for sure, but not in a bad way.  There was something else to him now, and it was awful that it was like this.   

In the past few weeks, Jai had become accustomed to watching people’s reactions very closely. Mainly he looked for any sign that he’d gotten something right. Jai did not know if he had been acting like himself at all, but he figured that person was better than the one he was now. Everything felt cloudy; his head hurt constantly. He had come home a few days after waking up, and had spent nearly all of that time at home with his family. Seeing other people was overwhelming -- he felt totally scrambled.

No one ever seemed all that surprised when he had his anxiety attacks, and strangely enough he found that to be a comfort. Strangely enough, the tenseness he felt constantly was ebbed in the presence of this girl. Jordyn. He was glad that his memory was adapting to all of this new information -- he would have hated himself if he forgot her name.

All he could think about was how pretty she was, and he could tell that she was smart by the way she carried herself. She seemed nervous, and that made him feel guilty. He was in awe of her, and he saw that she was talking but barely heard her.

“Don’t think I’m being odd,” she prefaced, a little nervous, “but you  are looking handsome.”

Jai’s instant reaction was physical: his eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. He couldn’t believe she thought he was handsome. As he looked in the mirror he tried to recognize himself, but he didn’t know how he’d be able to do that with the burns. He’d tried covering that up with a beard, so at least his face would look a little normal. The healers had given him a salve that would help his burns, they said they’d be gone soon, but they were lasting.

She asked him something else but he missed that part, still in shock over the fact that this was his girlfriend. Really his girlfriend, who glowed in person and filled Jai up with warmth. “I’m sorry,” Jai finally said after a moment. “I just can’t stop thinking about how pretty you are.” He felt shy about saying this but figured it was okay, since she apparently was his girlfriend.

Oh Godric.  He wasn’t saying anything.  Jordyn made things weird.  After she did so well with the present!  This was terrible. 

She had ruined everything.   Wringing her hands in front of her skirt, Jordyn pressed her lips together and tried to imagine what she could possibly talk about.  It was probably polite to talk about the weather, but she didn’t find that terribly interesting.  It also seemed… disingenuous to remark upon how cold and cloudy it was outside….

Jord raised her hand and blocked her mouth as she let out a dainty cough.  It would be a good introduction into the exciting world of weather… though her first huff of air, as though syllables might come out was cut off by Jai’s voice.  He was apologizing?  Jordyn gulped.  He didn’t have to do that!  “Don’t be sorry,” she immediately responded, taking another step closer with her hand out, as if it might steady her – or him. 

But, Jordyn stopped in her tracks when he said she was pretty.  Immediately blushing, Jordyn ‘s eyes darted around the room.  If he couldn’t remember her and he still thought she was pretty.  She found herself playing with her hair, a little embarrassed but also completely happy to hear it.  Maybe that was a good sign.  Maybe it meant he was at least remembering her a little bit.  “Thank you,” she laughed lightly. 

“That’s good – I think,” she looked up, eyes widened and immediately added: “maybe that’ll make you think of something later, I mean.  Not that it’s good you think I’m pretty.”  Another brief pause before she added: “That’s good too… obviously, I mean… of course!”  The mortified expression on her face felt very pronounced.  “Wow,” she chuckled, “I’m just so nervous,” she admitted, “I didn’t really know what to expect.  I guess you probably feel the same?”

When Jordyn began to speak, it became obvious to Jai that she was not only intensely nervous, but possibly just as awkward as he was. She quickly became flustered but Jai found the moment significant. It proved to him that she was not some intimidating, unattainable beauty, but a human that he connected with. He felt more comfortable around her than he had in weeks, than he had around anyone else.

“I’m nervous too, don’t worry,” he promised. He looked down at his hands and then back at Jordyn, trying to come up with something to say. Conversation with amnesia was impossibly hard sometimes. He couldn’t come up with anecdotes or become nostalgic. He wanted to, really wanted to. “I really wish I could remember my past … our past.” He sighed ruefully and paused. “The healers say my memory’ll probably come back… they just don’t know when.”

The thought that his mind could come rushing back at any moment was bittersweet. Jai was concerned that the rush of detailed knowledge would cause his head to burst. The healers told him that nothing of the sort would happen, that his head hurt now because he was still recovering from a severe concussion. Apparently his skull was just a bit of pressure away from being smashed in. This was another reason he was supposed to feel lucky, but it hadn’t exactly been a comfort to find out how close to death he’d been.

“Wanna take a walk?” Jai asked finally. He hadn’t been out of the house very much since his arrival. “It’s cold out, but…” We’ll just have to stay close... I’ll keep you warm. “Maybe Lydie has some mittens or something you could borrow.”

When he told her not to worry. Jordyn couldn’t help but laugh a little bit.  That was like telling a fire not to burn or a lake not to freeze in winter – it was just the way things were! She would worry and fret because he was standing in front of her and he didn’t remember anything.  Explaining it seemed like something she could do, but she didn’t know if his parents or sisters wanted that… or if that was best for him,

Honestly, Jordyn had never spent a substantial amount of her summer fretting over head injuries.  The Janus Thickey ward was petrifying to her, and though Jai was obviously not that bad off, it was not something she was familiar with the treatment for.  “I’m sure it will be soon,” Jordyn tried to be comforting with her voice, even though the uncertainty probably reflected in her face.  Jordyn was usually very good at hiding what she was thinking and keeping a stone face, but it was so wrong in front of Jai. 

He’d seen her at her most vulnerable and awkward and unsure.  Not that he remembered it, obviously.  At the suggestion of a walk, though Jordyn had just come in from the cold, she was happy to go out.  “That’d be nice,” she smiled and looked down at her hands, already encased in her leather gloves, “I never leave without these,” she informed him with a little bit of a smile, a silly thing that might… just get under his skull a little bit. 

“My cloak is by the front door,” she motioned behind her, the direction from which she’d come and Lydie had greeted her.  “I can get yours for you, if you tell me where it is,” she offered.  She wasn’t sure if he was much about climbing stairs or things like that, “and your hat and gloves?”

When Jordyn gestured to her gloved hands, Jai felt a spark of familiarity. There had been a few of those since he’d awoken, and he tried his best to piece them together. They were hints, puzzle pieces to his cognition. He thought maybe if he figured out enough on his own, his brain would do the rest of the math. Jai didn’t know what the significance of the gloves was, but he sensed that they meant something.

At the very least they’d keep her hands toasty as they walked, leaving Jai unobligated to hold her hand to keep it warm. He felt an impulse to take care of her, and she evidently felt similarly. “They’re in the front hall,” he said in response to Jordyn’s questions regarding the whereabouts of his winter things. “I can grab them on the way out,” he added, as undeniable proof that he was not totally helpless.

Jai started for the doorway to the aforementioned hall, but was deterred by the sounds of shuffling feet and harsh shush-ing. It didn’t take Jai long to figure out that they had been eavesdropping; in the past few weeks he’d become well-aware of his family’s propensity for nosiness. His twin aunts tried to tell him that his sister Lydie was worse than all of them combined, but since she had been away at school, he remained unconvinced that anyone could be more of a snoop than Aunt Padma or Aunt Parvati.

“Ugh, sorry,” Jai groaned. “I expect you already know that my family doesn’t understand much about privacy.” His lip twitched to the side. It was irksome to think about Jordyn knowing more about his  history. “All the more reason for a walk,” he added with some perk. Jordyn had been at school… Jai wondered how intrusive his younger sister had been about this whole ordeal. Right now didn’t feel like prime time to ask about that, especially if Lydie was going to jump out from a hiding spot to defend her honor.

Confident that his family had ebbed to their own nooks and crannies of the house. “Coast is clear,” he announced. He plucked his jacket and hat off of their respective hooks in the hallway.

“Oh, good,” Jordyn was a little happy she wouldn’t have go snooping around the house for his things.  She obviously knew where his bedroom was and how to get there, but she figured that might be weird for him and she didn’t really want his family to think anything of it… She knew they were protective, and ever present, which was obvious when she heard shuffling and shush’ing as they were about to leave the room. 

Jordyn pretended she didn’t mind.  Even if she was embarrassed, she knew it was just them loving him and that the expectation of privacy was sort of gone now that he didn’t remember things.  They wanted to probably make sure she didn’t freak him out and send him into a fit.  Jordyn was being as gentle as possible to avoid that. 

“It’s okay,” she smiled at him, “I’m positive.”  Be reassuring, let him know it was okay.  That seemed like a good plan.  Jordyn didn’t want to upset him, lest it convince him she was not worth remembering.  Granted, there were some things it was nice he had forgotten… missing everything, however, was not the price to pay for the indiscretion she might have had.   “But a walk will be good,” she added, not wanting to dissuade him. 

She followed into the hallway, glancing around tentatively for family members who might be giving her the evil eye or something – even if they liked her, or said they did, Jordyn couldn’t imagine it was real or genuine from everyone.  She was able to grab her hat and cloak off the hook she had put them on and situate herself quickly.  The good thing about short cloaks were that muggles also wore them.  It wouldn’t look terribly strange if they had a run in. 

“Make sure you cover your ears - and grab a scarf,” Jordyn pointed out as she adjusted her hat, “wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

Grateful that Jordyn was not dissuaded by his family’s intrusion, he began to wonder how well she knew his family. The situation being what it was, he figured that Jordyn probably knew more about them than he did. Jai was still getting used to this house and life, waking daily to hopes for his memory. He felt like a stranger in what was apparently his family home.

The walk was still on, which Jai was happy about. For the past few weeks his family had been almost literally on top of him, tending to their injured relative. His aunts were constantly offering to make him tea, and even when he refused it, he often received a cup. His bedroom was littered with a variety of teacups.

“Make sure you cover your ears -- and grab a scarf… wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

Well, Jordyn fit right in with his family, didn’t she? He smirked at her request and followed her instructions. He was already wearing a thick jumper, and the addition of a hat and scarf made him feel impervious to cold.

Outside Jai was comforted by the light dusting of snow and grey sky. The weather was something he could rely on -- it didn’t alter much. He could depend on the sky; he especially liked it at night. The overcast skies suited his mood, generally. What also felt right was Jordyn walking next to him. With some trepidation he laced his hand with hers and tried hard not to have sweaty hands.

“So what’re you asking from Father Christmas?” Jai asked with a smile. Of course Jordyn would be too old to believe in the mythical gift-giver, but since he couldn’t possibly remember what Jord liked, he wanted some hints.