Ambrose,

You are the dearest Pepper to my heart, and I hope this letter reaches you spicy and well. The runner didn't seem terribly enthusiastic about delivering this. Probably because I told him his nose looked like a cat. I assure you, I meant it kindly. Cats are adorable.

I have been trapped, my precious habanero. Trapped on the stairs and left to die. Which Hogwarts founder thought it was a good idea to put trick stairs all over the place?! Who designed Hogwarts and thought, "You know what a school needs? Traps." An absolute sociopath did, that's who. That person should not have been allowed to teach children. Like Di Loco. Or Professor O Mor-whatshisname... the creatures professor with the handsome face and the ugly demeanor.

My freckles and stomach pudge miss you. You may never see us again. Send help. It's been far too long and I've sent far too many letters. I trust in you and the others to get me down. If you do, I'll pretend to be Batman during a class we share. You can choose the class. Take advantage of this offer, you're too nice for your own good.

Obrigada,
Juni