To my dearly, nearly-departed aunt,

Holy shit,

What the fuck!

I am so glad you are not dead. Thank you for not being dead. Keep staying alive.  Dad and mom are freaking out,  mom sent me a howler all about it. A howler wasn't even necessary. Now the entire great hall knows how much she loves her 'accident-prone, beacon-of-chaos- of a sister in law.'

Please enjoy the package I've sent you.

Much love from your favorite nephew, 

Eli

The handwriting on this letter is worse than usual.  Not illegible, but definitely wonky.

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Eli,

If you think you are freaked out about this… don’t even think of writing it down.  No one can tell me how freaked out they are.  I was just enjoying a drink, the company of others, and all of a sudden B O O M!  I don’t even remember much else of it, to be honest. 

Glad you got a howler though.  And glad everyone at Hogwarts now knows about your ‘accident-prone, beacon-of-chaos’ aunt.  In case anyone follows up, the pain potions are great and if I keep my stump under the blankets, you hardly even notice it’s there. 

By the way, the hand they’re making for me: super strength.  Be jealous.

Your best aunt,
Margo

PS: Any food you send me is troubling.  Is there something I should know?

Auntie Margie-poo,

I am glad that you are alive and you know, able to write. Your letters are always the best, better than the ones the rest of the fam-damily sends me.

Are you getting a new leg too? Who is making your hand? Now you'll defeat me and dad at arm wrestling but lets face it, dad has weak arms and that is not an accomplishment.

I am jealous of your super strength arm. The brownie is delicious. My friend Indi and I made them.


Eli

Eli-Weeli-Woah,

Seems fair enough to call you that, eh?  I’ll never call you that in person though, it’d really detract from my growing cool factor, considering I am mostly cyborg (I think that’s what the muggles call them.  Check with your muggle studies professor, maybe?) 

As for the leg, yeh.  My prosthetic was destroyed in the fire – got caught up in a bar stool.  So, until they get all of that under control, I’m a bedridden stump.  They’ll be lucky if I don’t curse someone before I leave here.  I almost broke the wireless in my room with a pillow.  If that goes, I’m really going to lose it. 

Dragons and explosions will look like a first year riot in comparison. 

As for the brownie… maybe I’ll wait until after  I get out of here for that brownie.  Sounds suspect to me. 

-Margo