Well, he'd not been on this doorstep for some months. Johann admired the autumnal shades of the front garden as he waited for the door to be answered. He'd seen it change all through early spring and had passed by accidentally on purpose in the summer, just wondering.

As he waited his mind wandered to the memory of Arcturus telling him about them in the rain as he brought Johann over for the first time. "Mind the bushes. The patriotic plant will light your way, at least. They're my mother's, so be careful." A Spring tour of some of the plants in Lydia's possession had elaborated exactly why her son had mentioned to be careful. It had not necessarily just been on making sue he didn't accidentally damage plant, but that he didn't upset one and suffer the consequences of it's retaliation.

The door came open and a familiar welcoming face appeared the other side in the front hallway of the house. Johann's face instantly burst into a wide, happy grin on her doorstep. He splayed his arms to either side as they exchanged greetings. There was no hesitation to sweep her into a warm embrace, just like her son the previous weekend.

Lydia and Mordecai Holingbury had unwittingly filled roles of adoptive parents in Johann's social circle, his own parents out of the picture after trouble in January. He hadn't realised consciously, and he'd never mentioned it to either of them. They had been so easy and accepting of their son and Johann being together that he'd been more than touched. Two such accepting, level-headed people were to be cherished, especially given how nervous and fumbling the relationship had been with Arcturus in those early days. It felt an ocean apart from where he felt in himself now, admittedly.

"You look well!" Johann exclaimed, meaning it only as a compliment. He stayed on the doorstep outside to hug her - the difference between the garden path and the hallway providing a useful difference between 5'4" and 6'1" with less of the need to bend. Lydia was more than used to the height given previous visits. Letting go, he followed cues to come inside, the door closing behind him.

Once within, the routine played out as ever, only this was probably one of the few times he'd been there without Arcturus by his side. He hadn't been sure whether Arc would have made it over to his parents by the time Lydia had asked him to arrive, and whether he would find him already there. Adding his coat to the others in the hallway he slid a bottle of South American wine from within it and extended it to Lydia.

"Went to Suriname in August, a diplomatic visit is always a good opportunity to import a few cases, well, this is Chilean, other side of the continent, but trust me, that's for the best." He smiled gesturing to the label. He'd never failed to bring a bottle each time he visited, even if they didn't drink it on the day, it was only polite in exchange for being fed and to enjoy the company.

"If you like it, there's a few bottles more that can certainly be rehomed with you." He added and trailed the witch through the house, eyes glancing about him, taking in the differences since his last visit, trying to work out if just Mord was home too or Mord and Arcturus. Much as Lydia had said not to tell Arcturus, Johann had wondered why. Sunday was one of those touchy moments for Arcturus if he'd been to his sister's grave, and they'd seen precious little of each other that week, Johann spending the nights elsewhere or being around when Arcturus was at work.

He trusted Lydia knew what she was doing, and either way, it was lovely to see them both.

Lydia was halfway through with her lamb casserole when she heard a spell go off in the kitchen. Mord's expertise with alarm spells and having them located all over the house was a convenience, but it did sometimes give her a bit of a shock when she was trying to get something done.

This spell in particular just let her know that someone had opened their front gate. It must be either Arc or Johann. She wiped her hands and went to open the door, where she was met by the familiar thin man that reminded her of Arc somewhat with the biggest grin she'd ever seen on his face. She laughed and hugged him back, their height differences not fazing her one bit. She was more than used to it.

"Hello, hello, you look great today too!" Lydia's chirpy mood matched the sparrows in the trees outside. "I was wondering if you needed a guide to help you get here, it's been a while hasn't it? Come in, come in..."

She stepped back a bit to let Johann come in, sniffing the air for a moment to check if her casserole had gone for too long. Satisfied with the lack of a smell of burning, she turned around to find him offering her his regular gift of wine.

"Went to Suriname in August, a diplomatic visit is always a good opportunity to import a few cases, well, this is Chilean, other side of the continent, but trust me, that's for the best. If you like it, there's a few bottles more that can certainly be rehomed with you."

She had to smile. Despite telling him that it was okay to not bring wine all the time, he always did.

"Oh, you didn't have to," she said, although by now this was out of routine more than genuine discouraging since she knew Johann wouldn't take her word for it. "We'll have to keep this safe and savour it for a good dinner then, hm? Speaking of dinner, would you say yes to a Greek dinner on a certain date? Well, when I say 'certain date'--"

"Is that a certain date I am well acquainted with that I hear, Lydia?" a familiar voice asked from the landing above. The olive-complexioned woman rolled her eyes. "What else do you think, Mord?" she called out.

She turned to Johann. "I'm just about halfway through the casserole, but once I'm done with that and the salad we'll be able to eat. Arc's not here...yet. He said he'd be spending a longer time at the cemetery today. Meanwhile, I suppose my husband could possibly bear to entertain you for a while." As she spoke, a much taller figure descended the staircase and smiled, adjusting the collar of his jumper.

"Dear, I can be bothered to stop lying in whenever I please." He gave her a kiss on the forehead. Lydia rolled her eyes playfully and went off to go check on her casserole.

The smell of dinner cooking was more intense as they stood in the hallway, and Johann's stomach perked up as it reached it. The bottle of wine went through the usual social routine, and despite Lydia's protests, the bottle found a new home.

"... would you say yes to a Greek dinner on a certain date? Well, when I say 'certain date'-" Lydia began, and Johann felt honoured, an invitation to another dinner before he'd even had the first! Was this Lydia Hollingbury's way of telling him he'd lost weight again?

Mordecai's familiar deep tone came from the stairs above them, and Johann looked up instinctively to listen, figuring the date in question was Mordecai's birthday. He would have to insist on helping Lydia wash up later, and quiz her on a suitable present for her husband.

"... Arc's not here... yet. He said he'd be spending a longer time at the cemetery today." Lydia explained after she summarised where cooking had got to. Johann felt a little worried about this. If Arc was spending longer at his sister's grave, then he might not be in the best of frames of mind when he did arrive. He hoped being there for dinner would help raise his friend's spirits, and not be awkward. Either way, Lydia didn't give him much of a chance to ask.

"... Meanwhile, I suppose my husband could possibly bear to entertain you for a while." Johann nodded politely to Mordecai as he finally appeared on the stairs and descended towards them both.
"Dear, I can be bothered to stop lying in whenever I please."

"Mord," Johann greeted with a smile, extending his hand to shake. It had been a while since they'd spoken at any length. When their paths crossed at the Ministry it was usually business only, and given Johann had been barely at work in recent months it felt like they hadn't seen each other in quite a while.

"Good to see you again. Thank you both for the invitation to lunch." Johann greeted politely, remembering the manners his mother had taught him. The two of them made their way into the Hollingbury's familiar sitting room to wait. Johann's eyes did a quick glance around to spot what had changed since his last visit in the Spring. The armchairs were still a fond sight that brought back good memories.

"Expect it's been quiet round here without Lydia and Arc, well, without Lydia perhaps?" Johann asked, more meaning that Arc didn't live in the house any more rather than commenting on his previous quiet nature before his travels. He slid his hands into his pockets in a relaxed manner as he addressed Mordecai, lilac shirt sleeves rolled up as he'd felt all too hot beneath his coat despite it being October.

"Been keeping busy?" He asked in a lower voice, hoping Arc's father might elaborate on some projects.

Mordecai probably trusted Johann a little more than he normally would, but watching his son suddenly become a little bit more social had possibly granted him a reason to give Johann more leeway from him than he would usually be. He gave Johann's hand a firm grip, the wrinkles on his face creasing as he returned Johann's smile with a warm one of his own.

"Aah, it's always been as quiet as I'd like to remember," he replied. "The family's got a penchant for being quiet, it seems. Be it in concentration, enjoyment, or just plain having some family time on a Sunday, quiet is part of our lives. Though I suppose you find that a little...dull. Do sit." He took his place in his usual armchair. "Not that it bothers us if you do. Different strokes for different folks, and all that."

He tilted his head slightly to one side when Johann asked about projects. "There's not a lot that comes under the attention of Improper Use of Magic. Correction, everything does, but we don't get to have jurisdiction in acting appropriately on it. MLE's got a load of Aurors who feel they're up to the task, after all."

Lydia emerged from the kitchen to give Mordecai a meaningful look. He was slightly bewildered for a moment, and then looked resigned as he waved her away. "I'm sorry for bringing this up, I'm sure you don't want to be reminded about it, but my wife believes it's best to get it out of the way and not be the erumpent in the room - I wasn't there at the trial, but I heard what happened, and my wife and I give our condolences to you and your family. Losing a family member is one thing, I think, that no one should suffer regardless of whatever consequences."

He bowed his head for a moment, out of respect and just long enough to let the silence convey his words. Oh, he'd heard about the mess later and the whispers, the rumours, the pebbles rolling down the side of the volcano before a possible rumble of the earth began. Mordecai was no fan of the dormant volcano that was the Ministry's sinister side, but he'd put up with it long enough that he knew it was not the time to bring up.

After that moment, he added, "I hope you have been well, Johann. My wife and I invited you over because we felt that you must be a little...lost at the moment, and since we're all back together it wouldn't do to leave you out. You have a place here, that I can say for sure." The old smile was back on his face, warming, fatherly and at least open enough for Johann to trust.

Johann smiled in agreement of Mordecai's observations that the Hollingburys were quiet souls, and he took a seat on the end of the sofa nearest Mordecai's chair, sitting forward, resting his elbows on his knees rather than settling back into the sofa.

"I would never describe Hollingburys as dull." He assured Mord, and listened attentively. Often dinner conversations could end up being chiefly between himself and Lydia as they had an easy rapport while Arcturus was always a little more reserved along with his father. When Johann and Mordecai did converse, he did his best to pay full attention.

"… got a load of Aurors who feel they're up to the task, after all."

Johann gave a hollow 'heh' in response, but the feeling about aurors feeling they were up to the job and falling short was interrupted by Lydia reappearing from the kitchen for a moment. Johann didn't miss the silent exchange of facial expressions, but tried not to show that he was staring.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up," Mord began suddenly, and Johann looked back, expression changing, smile falling from his features to something a little more serious, "I'm sure you don't want to be reminded about it, but my wife believes it's best to get it out of the way and not be the erumpent in the room,"

This was going to go one of two ways, Johann's mind quickly calculated - either this was about their son and the fact the pair of them were no longer together, or more likely it was relating to his father. Mordecai had not been part of the wizengamot for the trial, and at the time Johann had been intently studying the profiles and potential votes of the plum brigade the other side of the courtroom, he hadn't had time to decide whether Mordecai's absence was positive.

"I wasn't there at the trial, but I heard what happened, and my wife and I give our condolences to you and your family. Losing a family member is one thing, I think, that no one should suffer regardless of whatever consequences."

An odd silence fell between them, Mordecai bowing his head. Johann mirrored him after a moment, more to hide the discomfort in his expression at the topic and swallow the lump in his throat.

"Thank you." He managed, though his voice didn't sound right. He swallowed once more and cleared his throat, managing an appreciative smile that didn't reach his eyes to them both.

"I hope you have been well, Johann. My wife and I invited you over because we felt that you must be a little...lost at the moment, and since we're all back together it wouldn't do to leave you out. You have a place here, that I can say for sure."

Johann was taken aback by the kindness of the Hollingburys. He felt he didn't deserve it on the one hand - he and their son were no longer a couple and as such coming over for lunch felt a little odd, hard to define where he fitted in, especially now he had been with Balfour for a month.

"Lost is a good way of describing it," he spoke eventually, shrugging. His gaze fixed on the carpet between their feet, not feeling confident enough to look up. There was an awkward feeling that he possibly shouldn't be there was hanging on. He'd not told Balfour he was coming, and had said he was going to meet private clients. It had seemed easier to explain, given Balfour knew what Arcturus meant - had meant to him.

"Thank you both." He looked up from one to the other and gave a thankful smile, a slight heat creeping up his neck. "The invitation was well timed, and I've been looking forward to coming." He sat up a little straighter. "Though I hope it won't upset Arcturus, if he doesn't know I'm here," he looked to Lydia, a query in his tone, "what with us not…" he couldn't find suitable words. "You know." He finished, resting his elbows again and clearing his throat.

"My mother and I will have to return the gesture at some point in the future when one of us has a suitable place to receive you." He added, setting aside the thought that he was a poor cook of no fixed abode, and his mother lived at Hogwarts these days.

It was Lydia who spoke this time, her voice comforting and motherly. "Oh no, you don't have to repay us. It's a Greek thing, I suppose, but it makes it no difference!" She came over to him, still holding a dripping pan in one hand and patted him on the shoulder. "It doesn't matter if you and Arc aren't together. You're still his friend, and he speaks warmly of you all the time. Come, we all share a similar experience now, at least let us be united in dividing that grief rather than let you be laden with it."

She gave Johann a kiss on the cheek and trudged back to the kitchen to resume cooking. Mordecai was trying to not laugh, though he didn't feel like he was succeeding, as he watched her return to the kitchen.

"Well, I hope you don't mind that," he said, crossing his legs. "But I doubt you do. It's as she says, really. We may be somewhat exclusive within our family, but sometimes we meet someone who is welcome to be part of us, and we're more than happy to let them in. If you need anyone to confide in...I'm not saying we're the best choice, but we try our best to be helpful and open. It's a very Hollingbury thing." He leaned back in his seat and laid his hands in his lap. "As you've probably more than experienced with Arc, who is quite possibly the highest possible manifestation of the Hollingbury spirit with his career choice."

"Stop being so sophisticated, Mord! You two are not in the Ministry!" Lydia shouted from the kitchen. Mord shook his head, but he was smiling. "And my wife continues to eavesdrop as usual."

He looked back at Johann. "I don't think Arc would be upset on seeing you're here. Surprised, yes, but not upset. You've certainly made yourself part of his life, he doesn't let go of people who have become close to him that easily. He treasures them as much as he treasures his family." Mord spread his hands. "Just like we have done. Life is fleeting; we have to appreciate what we've got."

Johann looked round at Lydia's hand on his shoulder, a thankful smile brightening his face. His hand went to drop over hers, deeply touched by their words and the gesture. Her lips on his cheek reminded him of how Lydia had become a mother away from home to him at the start of the year when he had become estranged from his own parents. She really was something, and Arcturus had received the best of both from his parents.

He had never wanted to compare his grief to the loss of Alethea Hollingbury. From what he knew, Lydia and Mord's daughter, Arc's sister, had died nobly, doing her duty and serving her country. Wolfgang Storm had not been any of those things, and many seemed happy he was gone.

Away she went with the pan and Johann looked back to Mordecai who appeared amused and asked if he minded.
"… as you've probably more than experienced with Arc, who is quite possibly the highest possible manifestation of the Hollingbury spirit with his career choice."
"Yes, quite-."
"Stop being so sophisticated, Mord! You two are not in the Ministry!"

Johann laughed at Lydia's interjection from the next room, nodding as Mord remarked that she continued to eavesdrop.
"Well, we don't want to leave her out," Johann remarked. The laughter put him at ease again, enjoying the teasing between the married couple. He leaned back onto the sofa cushions and folded one leg over the other.

"I don't think Arc would be upset on seeing you're here. Surprised, yes, but not upset." Mordecai explained, and Johann was glad of this. He supposed that Lydia and Mord would not have invited him over if they thought it would upset Arc, but things had felt a little strange between them the previous weekend. It had brought back strong old memories, and suddenly Diagon Alley had felt crowded. The sofa had been easy enough when Elixa was around and had insisted on some company.

"You've certainly made yourself part of his life, he doesn't let go of people who have become close to him that easily. He treasures them as much as he treasures his family. Just like we have done. Life is fleeting; we have to appreciate what we've got."

"There is little I appreciate more than the warmth and hospitality of the Hollingbury family." Johann replied without hesitation and gave a genuine smile. "I have missed you all very much this past summer while Lydia and Arc have been abroad. It is good to have you back." He spoke with enough volume to let Lydia hear more easily, and glanced backwards over his shoulder as he spoke the last few words, directing it to the kitchen before looking back to Mord.

"And, yes, I quite understand what you mean about 'similar experiences', but with respect, I didn't ever want to draw comparisons to what you all went through." He raised the fingers of his right hand from his leg as if to decline such. However much they might deny it and belittle it, the loss of a daughter was not meant to be for any parent, whereas the loss of parent to a child was inevitable as time passed.

Besides, he'd rather not dwell on sad times.

"What's for lunch?" He asked, mind clutching at straws for a neutral, polite line of conversation. "You've not been converted to Malay cooking, I take it?" He smiled to Mordecai, "Do you like the cuisine?"

Lydia appeared again, this time sans pan, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. "I'm not cooking Malaysian food, I think it's great but I've yet to learn any of their recipes. It's not easy to make the food over here, they use different ingredients and a lot more spices that I'm not even used to." She shrugged and beamed. "But that's what experimentation is about! Just not today, dear."

She waved a hand at Mordecai. "Go keep an eye on the casserole, dear, it's almost done. I also need your help with the tea, you're much better at that than I am. Do your magic, Mord. Shoo." The curly-haired woman flapped a hand at him.

Her husband chuckled and departed for the kitchen. Lydia smiled at Johann. "It's going to be the usual British fare with a little Greek thrown in. I hope you're not tired of that, Johann? We like sticking to things we're used to, and I think Sunday breakfast and lunch rather reminds Arc of home. The way he's been this week, maybe he needs some comfort. Heard he's had a rough week at work." She shook her head. "Hopefully this might cheer him up."

She clasped her hands together. "The cooking's almost done, so why don't you-- ah?"

The click of a gate closing sounded from outside. Lydia went over to the living room window and peered out, and then went out into the hallway just as the door opened.

"Oh, you're back!" she exclaimed, watching her son take off his longcoat. "Biting?"

"No, just a bit chilly. But it's the kind of cold that seeps into your bones if you stand out there for too long." Arc was just about to hang his coat on the hooks, but his mother took it from him without a word and hung it up for him. "Thanks, mum. I'll do my scarf myself, hey no."

"All right all right, just some sympathy for you and how tired you seem." Lydia paused. "Oh, Arc. Smoking again? Can't you have some of the wizard ones instead?"

"I'm not that tired." Though his voice did sound a little more heavy this time. "Wizarding smokes don't have the same thing to it. They smell nicer but they don't do much to alleviate anything. Plus, this is more easily available."

"I know, I'm just worried about your health." Lydia patted his back. "Go and sit down, I'm almost done."

"Smells good." Arc sniffed the air. "You say I'm good at cooking, but really I still miss yours."

"Good to know you haven't lost your sense of smell to those foul sticks." Lydia eyed his contrite expression. "Go on, sit down. Rest first. I'm going to go make sure your father hasn't accidentally forgotten about the stove while making his tea."

The healer laughed lightly. "I think he'll be fine, mum." He rounded the corner of the opening from the hallway, loosening up the collar of his shirt. At the sight of Johann, he came to a sudden stop, smile fading into a look of surprise and trepidation.

"Oh," he managed.

It appeared the senior Hollingburys were tag-teaming the conversation, which only made Johann more amused. He would have been content to 'amuse' himself (be nosey while unattended, that more meant).
"… I hope you're not tired of that, Johann? …" Lydia asked and Johann gave a sincere shake of his head, raising a hand to emphasise such. He could never be tired of Lydia's cooking, he'd rearrange Ministry meetings to ensure he could make a lunch invitation if he had to (or could), just to have some.

".. the way he's been this week, maybe he needs some comfort. Heard he's had a rough week at work. Hopefully this might cheer him up."

Johann raised an eyebrow, not realising. He'd not been at Diagon Alley much at all, all week. He'd popped back occasionally to pick up the post that had arrived there for him. A few letters still came addressed to him there, though he had arranged a post box in the Diagon Alley post office in recent weeks.

When he had been in the flat, he'd not stayed too long - things were beginning to look up with his private client work as he adjusted his hours at the Ministry, not to mention he had wanted to spend time with Balfour too.

Late Friday night he'd realised he'd forgotten to pick up one of the bottles in Elixa and Arc's pantry for Sunday, so called in again, letting himself in with the keys they'd given him earlier in the year. He'd not found either of them, but some clothes strewn in the living room and the noise of something going on above his head in Elixa's room had been enough to make him dash across the living room, almost falling over Rustle, take the nearest bottle in the pantry and leave swiftly. He'd assumed Arc had gone for a long walk to smoke, or was in bed already with muffliato cast on his door. Poor sod.

Perhaps Lydia was alluding to the comments about Miranda, the hospital's Head Healer. She wasn't particularly popular, but Johann had encountered her in an entirely different context, as his cousin's partner. She'd even obliged him rather effective sleeping potion back in the summer when Ignan had brought him back to Godric's Hollow. Nose hair aside, he'd slept soundly through Saturday. In the back of his head he hoped Mira hadn't had a go at Arcturus over this.

"I hope so," Johann heard himself say, in response to Lydia's hopes about the dinner, but he didn't have much longer to dwell on why Arc was having a bad week, as the other wizard tripped the wards.

He followed Lydia with his eyes, and without realising what he was doing, straightened his shirt and ran a hand over his curls, hoping he looked alright while he listened to the exchange in the hallway. Lydia's fussing with the coat seemed to prevent him noticing Johann's familiar coat hanging amongst the family ones.

"Go on, sit down. Rest first. I'm going to go make sure your father hasn't accidentally forgotten about the stove while making his tea." Johann's stomach felt like it was attempting to tie a knot inside him, Arc was going to think this was some sort of weird intervention with that conversation.

Arc appeared through the living room doorway and Johann sat forward on the sofa, blue eyes sweeping in his best friend's appearance, worried, especially as Arc's smile vanished.
"Hi," he managed, though it sounded strange, and there was a more than awkward pause between them both.

In a sudden decision, based on the combined information that Arc had been at his sister's grave for a long time, had a bad week according to his mother and needed cheering up in general, he got to his feet in a swift motion and took two and a half strides across the room to where Arc had stopped dead and wrapped his long arms around the other wizard, patting him gently on the back with one hand as he did.

"Your parents owled me, it was meant to be a nice surprise." He told Arc in a low voice so Lydia and Mordecai wouldn't hear and be offended. He released Arc after a moment, before clasping the healer's arms just above his elbows and studying his expression.
"Crap week?" He asked.

Arcturus blinked in surprise as Johann's arms enveloped him. For a moment he was frozen, and then he awkwardly embraced him back in a way that suggested while he was glad for this, he wasn't sure if he could be too close.

"Uh...aha, yeah, we're, we're like that." He sounded more relieved when Johann released him, though he still averted his gaze when the man studied his expression. "It's...been fairly stressful. I've been smoking a lot more than usual, I really shouldn't...but ah, let's just go sit down. My mum's almost done?"

He took his seat on the sofa. Well, he'd forgotten that Sunday lunch wasn't just restricted to immediate blood family, but...Johann. This was just going to be all levels of awkward now. He had to guess it had something to do with what Johann went through earlier, but...well. He couldn't fault his parents for that, could he?

No, he'd always known it was his own part to blame.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Johann, in an attempt to stave off any further sinking. "Better of late, I hope? I heard about how it went down, or some of it...I personally can't imagine having to face that." He had to count himself lucky that he hadn't personally seen Alethea die. "I hope you're still on your legs, mentally."

A fleeting thought almost made him add, Still on sleeping potion? But he'd caused enough of a struggle to himself, and he wasn't looking forward to adding more trouble to Johann either. So he kept his mouth shut on that. That could come up later, when they were back at the flat and possibly alone because he didn't want Elixa to know.

Elixa! Dear Zeus. In Johann's presence Arc suddenly felt somewhat dirty and guilty. He couldn't bring himself to tell Johann, but...but it felt as if he didn't say anything, he'd be hiding things from the man. Even if they weren't together anymore, the feeling of betrayal ran strong. He felt like he was cheating on Johann; stupid as that sounded, his heart still held on rather hard to the old times.

Now that he'd realised this, he had no idea what to say to Johann anymore for fear of blurting it out here and now, and fear of what Johann was going to say to it. But he's with Balfour now, he's not with you, you're not cheating-- began a thought in his head.

Shut up! Don't even mention that!

So awkward.

There was a strange tension between them. Johann didn't see any issue in giving his best friend a hug, even if they had once been a couple, but he was not always the brightest at social or emotive situations when he looked at things in a more theoretical light.

"It's...been fairly stressful. I've been smoking a lot more than usual, I really shouldn't...but ah, let's just go sit down. My mum's almost done?"
"Yes, can smell... and I heard your Mum talking to you. Lunch? I think it is, yes." On the surface, Johann didn't give too much of a thought to whether his friends smoked or didn't smoke, but he had been surprised Arcturus would take it up amongst all of them. Then again, healers tended to think they knew what was best for them, even when it wasn't...

"How are you feeling?"

Johann was a little surprised at being asked - since, well - he'd have quite considered that a question he should have been asking Arcturus.

"Er..."
"Better of late, I hope? I heard about how it went down, or some of it...I personally can't imagine having to face that."
"Wh.."
"I hope you're still on your legs, mentally."

At this, Johann looked down at his legs, his expression rather confused. He was stood beside the sofa, where Arc had taken a seat on the other side. The questions had made him stop dead.

"Hang on, those are the questions I'm meant to ask you." He replied at last, frowning at Arc before sinking down onto the sofa beside him, finding it harder to resist the habit of folding his legs up off the floor when he did, now that Arcturus was there.

"I'm always fine." He batted the question away with a hand. "But you don't sound it. How was Alethea?" The question followed without any gap at all from the previous sentence, and Johann's tone was the same as if he'd asked Arc how Flynn was, as if he'd just been to visit his sister and she was very much alive.

"You didn't go last weekend, I realise. I figure you two had a lot to chat about."

In his haste to take the attention off of him, Arc had forgotten to at least specify what he was referring to. Now the attention had swung back to him - and on a topic he didn't even want to expand on right now.

"People were gossiping about things in the hospital the entire week," he said, giving Johann an uncertain look. "About the trial and everything. I don't like to participate in that sort of thing, but one must always keep an ear out for goings-on, and it seems your story got tongues wagging.  It sounds terrible, frankly, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I...didn't have any idea. I know you just glossed over the funeral and everything but--" and here he caught himself, suddenly aware he was talking a bit too much.

After a minute he remembered Johann's question. "I, uh...Alethea, Allie's, she, look can we just not..." He sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood for putting my feelings into words right now even if I feel that you should know them. It's got nothing to do with you, please don't feel bad about it." The healer curled up on the sofa a little, tucking his arms around himself and overall just feeling a little confused, distant and small.

He would have stayed like that if a few minutes later his throat itched and he started coughing. It cleared up a few seconds later. "Excuse me," he said, not looking at Johann, and went back to curling up in the corner of the sofa.

All of a sudden, Johann felt that it was perhaps a bad idea he was here after all. Arc looked more like he had the times Elixa had pursued him rabidly in the early days.

"People were gossiping about things in the hospital the entire week," His best friend eventually elaborated, and Johann frowned, confused at to what they were gossiping about, and why Arcturus would worry himself. The healer was quick to explain what he meant.
"… it seems your story got tongues wagging…"

The news took Johann a moment to process. Although his family's business had been pages one to three in late September, he hadn't realised that they'd still be discussing it at the hospital weeks later. If anything, he wanted to put it behind him, move on, it hung on to his thoughts hard enough without it being gossiped about.

"… It sounds terrible, frankly, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I...didn't have any idea. I know you just glossed over the funeral and everything but--"

Arc's words were barely heard, Johann had become quite still beside him, hands resting together in his lap. He'd not wanted to trouble Arcturus with the news when they had been in different countries, and once he was back it had more been about Malaysia and travels and well - nothing of fantastic consequence. Arc had told him they'd go for a pint and talk it through some point, but the pint hadn't come and now he'd got it third hand, eavesdropping. With all the horrible assumptions and twisted views.

"… look can we just not... I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood for putting my feelings into words right now even if I feel that you should know them. It's got nothing to do with you, please don't feel bad about it."

Arc curled himself up away from Johann at the other end of the sofa. The linguist sat quietly, staring across at the fireplace trying to think of something to say, horrible, terse words sitting on his tongue.

Self-centred git.

One of the voices in his head rang out over the sound of pans rattling next door, of dinner plates clattering.

I don't think he meant it that way…?

The other voice countered.

Shut up the two of you.

"No, let's not." Johann eventually spoke, without his usual upbeat warmth, and the Germanic tinge to his English all the more noticeable as he got up and prowled across the room to the doors that led out towards the garden, but didn't completely overlook it as the kitchen extended beyond the living room.

His hands ended up in his pockets as he stared out, though his reflection was still visible in the glass, peeved.

"I'll hear about it third hand. You know." He added, "Seems to work for you." He glanced back over his shoulder to Arc to check his words had landed before turning back to the window and shaking his head.

Johann's words had landed, and they landed rough. The healer took a moment to realise what he'd meant, and then sat bolt up, accidentally sending a cushion flying at the opposite wall.

"No! No, I didn't mean...look, I can't shut people out while I'm at work, you know that right?" There was an edge of despair in his voice. "Gossip is gossip, frankly it all sounds terrible, but I don't-- I don't even consider myself knowledgeable about what happened. I'd rather just hear it from you! People make things sound worse than they are, they...always do." He rested the palms of his hands on the sofa as he looked away from Johann. "I did, didn't I?"

He didn't wait for Johann to answer. "I...it's got nothing to do with you. I've had a long week. I messed up in some places. I'm not sure if I don't know I messed up in other places because the consequences haven't hit yet. I didn't even--" No, don't tell him you haven't even thought about him because you were too busy distracting yourself from him so you didn't have to feel bad about everything. He'd take it the wrong way. He's got his own emotions too.

Arc took a deep breath to steady himself and continued. "I didn't even feel like I was myself. It's been tiring. I feel guilty for taking up smoking but...is this how you feel? Every time? Relying on something to keep you going because somehow the world seems like it's against you? Even if it hurts you, it still blunts the struggle, doesn't it...?" He planted a hand on his face in exasperation. "Ugh, why is it so difficult to put feelings into words when you don't even know where to start..."

After a minute or so, he took his hand away from his face and sighed. "I want to just be here for a few hours and be myself. Because this is where I've always been accepted for that, even if I'm never sure it's all right to be." He glanced sideways at Johann apprehensively. "And I want you to just be yourself too. You have the right to."

What the bloody hell? Where did that all come from? He was so confused. One entire week had packed so much in and left him struggling like the tide leaving a fish gasping for air. It just wanted out, but he was sure it wouldn't go down well. Probably that was why everything he was saying was coming out utterly mangled by his self-imposed emotional bottleneck.

"This is why I don't like to show emotion when I'm upset..." he half-mumbled to himself.

Arcturus uncurled all of a sudden on the end of the sofa, protesting. From silent a moment ago saying he didn't want to discuss it was like a rip cord had been pulled on Arc's mouth and he went on and on.

Johann turned a little away from the windows to listen. He was angry at himself for getting riled so easily by Arc, and still angry at his best friend for listening to gossip and admitting it before they could talk.

"… is this how you feel? Every time?" As he applied a hand to his face, Johann turned to look at him properly.

"Ugh, why is it so difficult to put feelings into words when you don't even know where to start…"

He exhaled slowly while Arcturus hid behind his had, still sat on the end of the sofa, and slowly made his way back, sinking down heavily onto the sofa, leaning back on the cushions. He didn't want to fight with Arcturus, he didn't want to spoil what would be an enjoyable lunch with people he had grown to love.

"I want to just be here for a few hours and be myself. Because this is where I've always been accepted for that, even if I'm never sure it's alright to be. And I want you to just be yourself too. you have the right to."

Johann's hand nearest Arcturus reached out, taking his best friend's hand, pressing Arc's hand to the healer's own leg with his pale one, as usual, there was a bit of ink on his thumb.
 
"This is why I don't like to show emotion when i'm upset…" Arc admitted.
"You're telling me…" Johann muttered very quietly in return.

"Sorry." He said in a clearer voice. "Let's just try to enjoy lunch. I know it's not about me, we've barely seen each other since you got back. Perhaps I should have stayed a bit longer when I came by." He cleared his throat a little. "I've been preoccupied with sorting myself out, mate. I hadn't realised you were struggling too." He puffed out his cheeks, and cocked his head slightly.
"Anything I can do?"