A LITTLE LION'S LAST ROAR
By Bastian Desrosies, Slytherin/4th

Today it is my sad duty to announce that one of our number has been lost before his time. Linus Hughes, a precocious Gryffindor second year aged just 10, was murdered by the satanic potions mistress. A tragic loss, torn from us while so terribly young, it may comfort you somewhat to know that Huges loss was not in vain. He died fighting evil, attempting to bring happiness and laughter to our lives once more, a noble crusader on the side of good who died alone because we were too cowardly to aid him.

Yes, readers, he died after successfully pranking Di Luca. A magnificent feat, I am sure you all agree, indicative of a genius beyond his pitiful 9 years, Huges sadly remained at the location of the prank in order to witness its effects, a fatal mistake as Di Luca caught the poor young boy. But who can blame him? A glimpse of Di Luca, who it has been suggested should really be in Azkaban and not at a school, coated in pink, glittering slime (a product of the famous Weasley Wizard Wheezes) would be an irresistible reward for such hard work.

Although it is undoubtedly his final hours which produced his finest work, Hugs was a lifelong pranker and in addition to this final, great work, had orchestrated many other pranks, including dropping a Babbling Bomb during a class of Defence Against the Dark Arts, run by the terrifying Professor Storm. Was he one of the comedic geniuses behind the body swap incident of this year? We cannot confirm it, but it is undoubted that dear Linus was a great loss to the Halls of Hogwarts and would have ensured that there would have been joyous laughter resounding off the walls for many years to come, and wherever he went afterwards (Azkaban, possibly) had he not sadly been torn from us before his time.

Linus is survived by the only one of his pet frogs not brutally slaughtered by the vindictive teacher, his favourite, Francis. Francis was located by a considerate Hufflepuff who found him wandering the grounds, dressed as and nearly indistinguishable from Theo "Evil" Whitman, Di Luca's protege. He is also survived by the wonderful Professor of Transfiguration, Bertie. Bertie is an excellent Professor and we hope to support him through this difficult time.

We are devastated by the loss of such magnificent ears from our hallowed halls. Linus was a dear friend, beloved by all who knew him and weren’t evil, a pure spirit aiming only to make sure that we were able to be happy and sleep well, secure in the knowledge that we could always have a laugh at the expense of the enemy our teachers.