There was nothing like a Friday to inspire Claire to drink. In all honesty, anything that ended in "day" was a good time for alcohol in Claire McByrne's eyes. Tonight she had plans with Layla, a wacky girl she'd met while shopping for ugly clothes. Claire had been ambushed by a blood purist and Lala had chimed in on the scene. They ditched the shopping and drank a ton of tequila. It was a perfect (albeit dangerous) match and it was time for the dynamic duo to reunite.

Claire wore an outfit that may have said to some that she was blind but still insisted on picking out her clothes on her own. That may have been partially true, as Claire was too lazy to turn on the lights when she rolled out of bed to get dressed and go out. She'd been napping and had crawled off her mattress and into some clothes she found on the floor. She also grabbed her defense-lace, a whiskey-filled flask with a built-in shot glass, some slip gloss in case she needed to make things interesting, and a pizza ring in case she got hungry. Once she was in a more lit-up area, Claire wondered if she'd found these clothes so easily because they were so bright.

Layla had claimed that Muggle London was the place to be (or at least that's where her apartment was). They'd binged on tequila at a bar in Muggle London and Claire had to admit that they'd done a swell job on getting her plastered in the muggle world. So it was time to challenge Layla's theory again. Claire was meeting up with Lala at another muggle bar that she'd suggested. Maybe with enough convincing she'd move out of her rip-off of a flat in Hogsmeade. Her current landlord would probably be thrilled.

Lala had had a very full tiring day. She was swamped in deadlines and she'd just landed a huge contract as lead artist on the concept art of a new mmorpg made by a rather terrifying - and by terrifying she meant awesome - Korean company, but it was hard. So, so hard. And she'd barely had time to even see anyone these days, especially a certain someone she was in need of stat. But when the kid of her neighbor had come demanding tea time, well...

So that's why she was currently running out of the bus and into the pub, breath cut-off and one hand on her head to stop her cat-eared bowler from taking off and be gone with the wind. "Hi, hey, hullo—I'm so, so, sorry" she exhaled shaking her head, one hand going to Claire's shoulder to keep herself standing. "It was imperative that I attended a tea party. And I dunno about you, and dun care how cool you are, but when a five year old girl walks up to you with a tiny toy cup with tea, you fake-drink that shit like nobody's business" she declared, snorting hard, fondness in her eyes as she finally regained her balance and plopped herself in the seat opposite Claire.

"So—" she grinned, taking her backpack off her shoulder and placing it at the foot of the table. "What's up? What are we drinking? I need a beer like I need air, but I'm also hungry—maybe we can grab a few here and then go eat somewhere? I want pizza! But I also want self-esteem... Ugh, decisions. And why can't someone look at me the way I look at pizza" she started, talking miles per hour, mind popping up fifty different thoughts, starting out happy and casual and ending on a groan, head falling on the table rather loudly and letting out a long sigh.

Layla showed up in a blur of black fabric and curses, making Claire anxious to get started for the night. Although that day in the clothing shop had been a peculiar one, she was glad it had resulted in something positive - that was, her new friendship. You could never have too many drinking buddies, and that was Claire's most sacred belief.

Laughing at Lala's mention of a tea party, Claire also nodded in understanding. She had cousins, nieces, and nephews that had all done the same thing with her. In fact, Claire often spent family events not sitting with the adults but playing with the kids. Their parents had been wholly unimpressed by the pranks and jokes that Claire had taught them, but Claire found that sometimes children were easier to get along with. They weren't so judgmental. The major down side was that they couldn't go out drinking with her. Luckily, there were people like Layla who existed, saving Claire from being trapped in a world filled with scary, serious grown-ups.

"Beer and pizza. I can't come up with a more flawless combination," Claire agreed. Pizza and beer were Claire's bread and butter. The two things went together so naturally, it felt unsettling to have one without the other. She felt moderately overdressed in her skirt, but that's because she was Claire and she hardly ever wore skirts, especially not pink ones. "And - let's face it, if it came between pizza and a boyfriend, you'd pick pizza every time." That was true for Claire, at least. Who needed men when you could have delicious food?

"That's because there obviously isn't another one" she deadpanned, but soft amusement in her voice. Pizza and beer went together like Oreos and milk—indispensable to each other. Finally giving Claire a more analyzing look Lala came to face her gaze with a bright grin and an approving nod. "That crop tee is adorbs and I demand you tell me where you got those earrings"  she said faux-seriously, crossing her arms over her chest, and jutting her chin upwards defiantly. But it wasn't long before she bit playfully into her lip and gave a cheeky wink.

She nodded fervently at the Claire's next words and grinned manically, because truer words had never been spoken. "Exactly. I mean... orgasms are great and all, but pizza has them KO-ed" she declared grandiosely gesturing with her entire body. "Difference is: one usually brings after-glow, while the other brings after-shame"  she mused, a finger on her chin as she thought of it. "Actually, I'm pretty sure they're interchangeable"  she quickly added, as soon as memories of one of those nights reared their ugly little heads. She cringed but waved it off with a whole-body shrug.

"Dude"  she eventually called to the bartender, half raising out of her seat and arm extended upwards. The guy snapped up to glare at her like she was a particularly nasty cockroach in his breakfast and Lala sat back down slowly, gulping once and smiling nervously. "May we please have two beers"  she then tried, voice meek and small smile. What was it with people and not liking being called dude? She gave Claire a sideways look, shrugging subtly and lips moving around a 'what the hell?'

Laughing as Layla praised her outfit, Claire couldn't help but feel excited that for once someone was appreciating her unique sense of style. Normally people gawked at her clothes. Her sister Nora had shrieked at the sight of this very shirt. It was weird, because Nora wanted to know where it came from too, but she had phrased it a little differently, asking where Claire had gotten 'that disgusting waste of fabric that's the most sorry excuse for clothing I've ever seen. Even for you, Clarissa.' Nora had attempted many spells that night to erase the image of the bloody eyeballs, but Claire thought they were cool. "Thanks, it's by Iva Noclue" Claire said with a sarcastic curtsey.

Claire was relieved to learn that Layla was on the same page as her about the Holy Pizza and Beer. She would never understand people who preferred froufy, tiny foods in lieu of good old reliable ones. Yes, perhaps there were some foods that were 'healther,' but pizza had tomatoes in the sauce, and those were a vegetable. Or a fruit. Maybe they counted as both! So logically, pizza made the most sense. And beer.... Claire thought the need for that was too obvious to require further explanation.

When it came to comparing pizza to sex, though, Claire faltered a minute. It had been quite a while since she'd been with someone, but it would be nice to feel a lady's touch again. But like Layla said, pizza would be just fine in the meantime. She nodded along with Layla's assessment. "I wouldn't call myself an actively sexual person... but I eat pizza at every opportunity. What do you think that says about me?" She was joking, of course. It obviously meant that she led a very fulfilling life.

Finally, they were at the bar, right where a brassy Irish gal like Claire belonged. She always felt at home in bars, but when the guy snapped at Layla's 'dude,' Claire was immediately affronted. As he insipidly fetched their drinks, Claire turned to Lala with her brows raised. A devilish smile appeared on her face, meaning that she was probably going to be trouble. Classic Claire. As the grumpy bartender brought them their drinks, Claire looked him straight in the eye and said "Thanks dude," and he glared at her as well, but Claire didn't flinch. "Can we have pizza as well?" He scoffed and meandered back to the kitchen. Claire pfft-ed and turned to her friend.

"If it comes down to it I put a charm on this bag," Claire held up her small, colorful clutch. "In it I have a bunch of Byrnes... We can just keep that in mind, for our friend Dude, should he not live up to the awesomeness of the moniker." Claire never left home without a collection of gags and tricks somewhere on her person. She placed the clutch dramatically on the table and pet a pretend kitty on her lap and laughed maniacally, imitating an evil mastermind. (Was she really imitating? Many wondered this throughout Claire's life.)

"Ooooh! Half my shit comes from there too" she snorted at the pun Claire made, tho it wasn't necessarily true, since most of her clothes were made by herself or charmed or transfigured to suit her needs. She offered a very dramatic lady-like nod of her head in return to her curtsy and patted her shoulder jokingly.

"It says you have your priorities straight" she replied with a bright grin, tho Lala very much enjoyed both pizza and sex. preferably not quite together tho... Food porn was food porn and porn was just porn. Whoever praised whipped cream and chocolate sauce and honey or whatever the hell else people used to spice up their dull sex lives obviously had issues. Some sort of sticky was fine, this simply wasn't. Ugh.

At Claire continuation of her jabs Lala simply smirked and threw the dude a giddy and cheeky grin as he merely glared at Claire. Fearsome duo these two could make... She turned to Claire with a confused stare and titled her head. " Byrnes?" she blinked a few times, actually worried this was a reference she was not getting. Whut.

The beers were placed violently in front of them with yet another glare from The Dude and Lala, because she was a little shit, grinned brightly and batted her eyelashes at him. " Thank you very much... Dude."

Claire forgot sometimes that people didn't just telepathically know her silly terms and epithets she used for things.  When Layla gave her a mystified look, Claire then realized that it was possible Layla didn't know what she did for a living. "Oh - I work at Zonko's. I invent all things prank-related. The real question is," Claire said while opening her bag and peeking into the bag that was bigger on the inside. "Which one do we use on the Dude tonight?" She passed the bag to Layla, implying that she should choose* whatever looked most interesting to her.

As she waited for Layla to dig through her bag the guy served them their pizza. She tried to analyze the guy but she couldn't get a good grip on him yet. Most of what was in her bag was the Aminals collection. One of the best things about inventing your own stuff was getting to name it. Claire had a penchant for puns and alliteration and did her best to incorporate that into the names. Giving things her own names was how she remembered them best. There were even some people that got Claire-given names (like the Dude).

She took a bite of her pizza and worried that there was spit on it, or worse. She was among the low-wage working class, she knew how things went down. Regardless, Claire kept eating. She lived life under the belief that germs didn't help anybody. If anything, they helped you fight disease. This wasn't the best pizza she'd ever had, but at least there would be some sort of tomfoolery to accompany it. "What do you think?" Claire asked, mid-bite.

Lala's eyes grew comically as she heard the word Zonko's and only continued to grow as Claire kept going, because—omg, this was fate. Simply fate. Bug-eyed and smirking impishly, she practically shoved her head through the bag opening and started rummaging like a five year old in a candy store. While she touched each and every item, with awe in her eyes, she kept making excited sounds and absently asking 'what does this do?' or 'this is so cute'. Eventually she came up with both her hands full of items, looking hurt and confused, mouth hanging open in frustration.

"You can't make me choose" she almost whined, mouth curling around a pout. "I can't" she continued, on a dramatic note, eyes begging for the responsibility of choice to be taken off her hands. She wanted all of them and she hadn't the faintest what the bloody hell they actually did. She figured when she did find out their purpose, she'd be hoarding them defensively and monosyllabically threatening 'mine' or call them 'precious'. Probably hiss too. She did that sometimes...

Lala eyed a particularly cute tiny seahorse with awe and stared intently at Claire, awaiting a telepathic answer. Claire had a dream job, she thought. Lala herself was shite with a wand, although she had some -if she did say so herself - brilliant ideas. But her enchantments stopped at imbuing drawings with amazing personalities and generally awesome skills. "All of them. I want all of them" she declared rather seriously, no room for debate or question, forgetting that she was supposed to choose one with a specific purpose.

As Layla excitedly tore through Claire's bag, Claire munched on her pizza and downed the rest of her beer. The next time she looked over at her friend, Lala looked miserable, apparently unable to decide on which invention of Claire's would be best. Unable to resist busting out a huge grin, Claire took the bag back and glanced over the products to decide which one would be best.

Layla had appeared interested in the He/She-horse, which was a device she used many times when she needed to take up a disguise. It would be amusing to switch back and forth to see how the Dude would handle the gender swapping. She'd have to think on that. In the meantime, she took out a small orange owl, otherwise known as a Fowl. It hooted whenever someone who had recently wronged you entered the room, and since the Dude had been so rude about their nickname, he would definitely getting some hoots in his direction.

"I'm not sure if we could convince him to eat anything," Claire said. "There's poopcakes, which taste -- well, like shite," Claire laughed. "And burpies make ye burp a lot." Poop and burps were always hilarious, no matter who you were -- at least that was true in Claire's mind. If you didn't find those things funny, then you simply didn't have a sense of humor. It would be even funnier to see the pretentious Dude burping up a storm. "But the He/She-Horse..." Claire picked out the figurine Layla had been eyeing. "When ye rub it in yer hands like this..." Claire began to demonstrate, and the results required no explanation as Claire turned into a very jolly-looking fellow and a bushy beard popped out of her chin.

Lala smiled so brightly at hearing about poops and burps that it almost looked like her face was about to be split in two. She'd definitely need some of those to have on hand at all times. She could think of some dozen people she'd highly enjoy using them on. She watched with excitement as Claire rubbed the tiny seahorse and then she was grinning again as  she turned into a dude, but only moments after she looked around in a flurry of panic to see if anybody had noticed anything. She was not about to go to jail for breaching the statute.

She let out a relieved breath, seeing as everyone was too engrossed in drinking to have payed them any attention, but then she turned to Claire a look of mischief brewing on her face. "Just---dude" she said apropos to nothing, gesticulating wildly before settling on taking off her vest and her hat, placing both in her backpack and raising on finger to Claire. "Just--sit tight" she said, taking off towards the bathroom like her ass had been on fire or something.

After a few minutes, a blonde bombshell with legs to kill for and assets that made most dudes in the pub turn their heads after her came out of the bathroom wearing a shorter, tighter version of the dress Lala has just been wearing. Sashaying back to her seat and sitting with exaggerated feminine gestures she smiled at He-Claire and batted her eyelashes. "It's me. Lala" she offered with a smirk, placing a finger on her lips and then turning to face the bar. Leaning on the counter as for her plunging neckline to reveal her impressive rack, she raised her arm to catch the attention of the Dude.

He turned to them and was about to say just a mo- before his face scrunched up hilariously in a confused and sort of baffled expression and Lala barely contained a snort. As he walked towards them she subtly threw Claire a shit-eating grin, looking odd on her new face and then cleared her voice once the guy was close enough. "Could we have two more beers, big guy?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes coyly, gaze falling downwards for a bit only to bite softly into her lower lip as the Dude stood there mouth open for what felt like an eternity. He eventually nodded and moved to the fridges.

"Being an awesome metamorphmagus sure does come in handy" she explained with the same shit-eating grin as she leaned closer to He-Claire. As the dude turned around with the beers, she gave He-Claire a pat on the cheek and pouted something silly. "Now honey, how many times have I told you to watch your beard when you have beer" she said in her ninny, high-pitched voice, biting the inside of her cheek as to not explode into laughter.

Layla looked worried when Claire rubbed the he/she-horse, and suddenly Claire remembered why: they were in the muggle world. Whoops. Well, thankfully they'd gotten away with that one. No one was running up in disbelief, so that was a good sign. You couldn't take Claire anywhere.

After a moment Layla bolted for the bathroom and Claire was concerned that she was upset, or worse, that the guy had put some type of laxative in her 'za. That would be an unfortunate experience, Claire believed. You wouldn't be able to look at pizza the same way again after that. Despite this theory, Claire continued to munch on her pizza as a big burly man.

Suddenly next to her was a sexy blonde who she was about to use a pick-up line on -- it was so much easier to flirt with girls when you were a dude. Not that Claire had tried, or anything.... no, of course not, she'd never do such a thing. It turned out to be Lala, though, and it seemed that she had a plan. How had she transformed? The question was quickly answered for her. That was so cool! Claire always wished she was one of those.

The Dude came back over and Layla asked for more beers, which appeared to confuse the bartender greatly. Claire smirked in amusement, glad for another round of beers. The Dude had been so bewildered he seemed to forget that he was a grouchy brute, failing to scowl as he placed their drinks down. He gave them an extra long stare, brows furrowed.

As he stared, Claire began to lap at her beer like a dog. It splashed about and sprayed her face and beard with ale, but she kept a serious face.

"Honey!" Lala exclaimed, seemingly put-out by the beer lapping. She pouted and let out some idiotic whining she thought dumb bimbos would as she crossed her arms and flicked her hair over her shoulder. "We talked about this" she continued, waving her hand over the bar and waving it around. As the bartender made no move, she turned her frowny, pouty face on him. "A napkin! Can't you see my boo needs one" she practically screeched as the Dude finally raised his eyes from her chest. Her laugh was barely contained, as the Dude fumbled about like a fish out of the water, finally presenting her with a paper towel.

She scrunched her nose and took it violently, proceeding to wipe at He-Claire's beard making cooing noses and calling him... her -this was very confusing- all the ridiculous pet names she could muster. "There there, cutie pie, you're all set" she said after a moment, batting long eyelashes at He-Claire. When the Dude was called to the other end of the bar, Lala grinned something demented, gave Claire a look that said watch this and skittered back to the bathroom at full speed.

When she returned she was back in her own skin, and she quickly took her seat, breathing a sigh of relief at seeing the Dude was still preoccupied. Putting her vest and hat back on, she straightened just in time for the Dude to walk back to them. The same completely baffled expression was on his face, as he seemingly pointed between herself and Claire with eyebrows drawn in severe concentration and mouth working open in a really silly manner. "Sup" she said, barely managing to keep her face straight, as she jutted her chin upwards. The Dude's face couldn't possibly get more confused as he turned around mumbling something to himself and when he was a good feet away, Lala simply burst out laughing, holding her stomach and wiping a tear at the corner of her eye.

"The best, the absolute best" she wheezed, slapping her thigh repeatedly. "JFC, I haven't laughed this hard in ages" she said giddily, grinning at Claire, excitement all over her face.

Claire grunted as Layla shrieked on as his pretend girlfriend demanded that the Dude bring her a napkin. He-Claire remained still as Layla dabbed at her face with a napkin. She did her best to contain her laughter -- Layla was really putting on an act, and the Dude's face was hilarious. He was clearly discombobulated, spastically spilling the straws and over-filling other customers' drinks as he watched in awe of the faux couple.

Things got even better as Layla returned as herself. Claire was still all beard-y, and she guzzled down her remaining pizza. Both Layla and Claire acted totally casual, even through the bartender's nonplussed reaction to the constantly changing humans. Sometimes being a wizard was so much fun.... maybe too much fun. No, there was no such thing!

Just as the Dude was out of earshot, Layla guffawed and Claire couldn't help but chuckle herself. Layla was right -- that had been a ton of fun. "I miss doin' that," Claire laughed. The effects of the he-she horse would wear off in about half an hour. "Been a while." It was true -- since graduating Hogwarts, her old pranks didn't seem to have the same satisfaction. Especially since most of the time, she was doing them all by herself. Jokes were better when you had someone to laugh about them with.

"Well... In that case, you should definitely text me or owl me more, 'cause I am actually still five and I do shit like this all the time" she said very seriously and with almost pride in her voice, as if declaring your immaturity was something to be proud of. It was. Old, serious and responsible people had something broken inside of them. Like their hearts.

Tucking the last bit of pizza inside her mouth and washing it down with some beer, which ended up being the entire beer... Because Lala had all the grace of a herd of drunken elephants. Or pirates, pirates worked. She could totally rock a peg leg and an eye patch. Wasn't so sure about the disastrous dental, however.

Claire was fun, she decided. Fun in a more than just a party person to call when going out way. She hadn't really had time to make proper friends lately, but she was glad she met the girl. As atrocious as the first circumstances had been. She wondered if a house had fallen on that creepster with the judgy crap. "Well--I dunno about you, but my ability to dance kind of goes out the window when I have a beer and pizza baby" she said with a little cringe, putting her hands over her stomach. If she'd been wearing jeans, this would've been the perfect time to unbutton that top button.

"So... How do you feel about coming to my place where I can completely ruin you in a round of CoD?" she asked with a dazzling, shit-eating grin and a wag of her eyebrows.

Layla had the tendency to use little words and idioms that Claire just did not understand. She'd grown up mostly in the wizarding world, though her father had been a squib who did a lot of research with muggles. Text? What was that all about? It sounded like homework which made Claire want to cringe. She would stick to owls, thank you very much.

It was pretty ironic that they were hanging out in muggle London and that Claire was actually considering moving there since Lala and Claire had met through n uppity pureblood-enthusiast. Claire finished her pizza and chugged two beers in the time it took Layla to finish up her pizza. "My ability to dance ha' never been there," Claire confessed. "Not for lack of tryin', o'course," she added with a chuckle.

"So... How do you feel about coming to my place where I can completely ruin you in a round of CoD?"

Claire blinked at Layla, wondering what on Mother Nature's good green Earth the girl could possibly be talking about. Was it some type of sex act? Was it a game? Hopefully a drinking game. As long as there was more drinking involved, which she sensed there would be, Claire decided not to question it and go with the flow, as she did in most situations. Usually things ended well with that philosophy. "Let's go," Claire agreed.